veritasluxmea Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Let's talk about money. I'm starting spiritual direction with a diocesan priest. I will very likely be doing this for about a year, maybe once a month or so. A little over a year ago I had a different spiritual director (for about a year as well until I moved, we met once every two to three months) and never really paid him. I did tithe with the parish and so did my parents. I know they made certain donations to the parish as well. My last director and I usually met for about 20 minutes, I'm not sure how long this one and I will met. Anyways, my parent won't financially be covering this and this guy is taking time out of his schedule to meet with me and everything. (He hasn't said that to me, I just know it. Priests are busy guys.) I have four questions: Should I pay him, how much, how, and how often? He is both a school chaplain and assistant to a parish. Of course he's not charging and never mentioned it- but it feels right to make a donation anyways. I feel awkward just handing it to him in an envelope like I do with my music teacher because it's a donation for something that's not (usually) charged for, not charged services like music lessons. The priest's not running a spiritual direction business, so if I offered it to him or try to talk about a price I'm pretty sure he would refuse, I have to make it like a donation. Do you get what I'm saying? Setting up visa payment would be weird. Leaving it on my chair when I get up would be weird. Should I just hand it to the parish secretary? I don't know. I usually make payments for these things in cash, if that's helpful. Any ideas for advice from experience would be great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vee Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 He needs prayers more than anything. For the amount of time you spend in direction with him go spend that amount of time, or more in adoration praying for him. At the end give him one of those little cards that you can fill out saying I spend ___ amount of time in adoration for you. Heck make it a spiritual bouquet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luigi Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 SHOULD? The priest would say "no." But I agree with you. He's busy. He's providing a service to you. He's specially trained (one way and another). So, yes, you should pay him. But keep in mind that he may not be able to keep it. I know in a lot of dioceses, stole fees and Mass stipends are given to the parish, not the priest. This may not be technically the same thing, but the diocese may have a rule in place. HOW MUCH? No clue. I made an appointment for confession once, with a priest I hardly knew. Busy guy. He was very willing. It took a while - this was not your 4-o'clock-on-Saturday-afternoon confession. I had determined that I would give him a donation, and it was pretty healthy. He made some comment about that not being necessary, and I asked him, "How much is forgiveness worth? Whatever I give you, it won't be enough." Same deal here, if you get spiritual direction that benefits you, your soul, your future, etc. HOW? I'd put it in an envelope and hand it to him at the end of a meeting. When I handed it to him, I'd say something like, "I appreciate your time, advice, direction, expertise, patience (pick as many as fit; customize if necessary). HOW OFTEN? I guess it depends on how often you meet. You might decide this answer after you've worked out a schedule. If it's only four times in a year, I'd wait until the end. If it's monthly, I might make a donation each meeting. If the priest refuses your donation, be prepared with a back-up plan. You could say, "Well I very much appreciate your guidance, and I feel like I have to make some kind of return. Do you have a mission you support, or a particular ministry? I'd like to make a donation to them in your name." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Initially, I was donating to my director and confessor $AU30 for a one hour appointment. What I would do is just put an envelope on the coffee table marked "Donation". After a few visits, Father asked me not to do this any more and that he did not want any sort of payment - the way he worded it, however, was really nice and not like any sort of refusal at all. He belongs to a missionary religious order and so I donate regularly to this cause via online donation and have put this into my fortnightly budgeting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) Let's talk about money. I'm starting spiritual direction with a diocesan priest. I will very likely be doing this for about a year, maybe once a month or so. A little over a year ago I had a different spiritual director (for about a year as well until I moved, we met once every two to three months) and never really paid him. I did tithe with the parish and so did my parents. I know they made certain donations to the parish as well. My last director and I usually met for about 20 minutes, I'm not sure how long this one and I will met. Anyways, my parent won't financially be covering this and this guy is taking time out of his schedule to meet with me and everything. (He hasn't said that to me, I just know it. Priests are busy guys.) I have four questions: Should I pay him, how much, how, and how often? He is both a school chaplain and assistant to a parish. Of course he's not charging and never mentioned it- but it feels right to make a donation anyways. I feel awkward just handing it to him in an envelope like I do with my music teacher because it's a donation for something that's not (usually) charged for, not charged services like music lessons. The priest's not running a spiritual direction business, so if I offered it to him or try to talk about a price I'm pretty sure he would refuse, I have to make it like a donation. Do you get what I'm saying? Setting up visa payment would be weird. Leaving it on my chair when I get up would be weird. Should I just hand it to the parish secretary? I don't know. I usually make payments for these things in cash, if that's helpful. Any ideas for advice from experience would be great! Hmm... Personally I never did this. It seems many people do? However something about it feels awkward to me, I think the priest would just say, its not necessary. I also don't know if these particular priests are allowed to get donations for direction. I feel like maybe prayers are more appropriate? For Christmas a friend of mine bought our priest a special book and a number of friends contributed, and we made him a Spiritual Bouquet. It seems like Father was glad to get a spiritual bouquet. I try to remember to pray for him as well now. Maybe its a nice idea to get a card and write a thank you note and a spiritual bouquet ? God bless! Edited June 21, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sr.christinaosf Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Can you give him a gift for his birthday or Christmas? Like a gift certificate to a local business you know he frequents? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sr.christinaosf Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 He needs prayers more than anything. For the amount of time you spend in direction with him go spend that amount of time, or more in adoration praying for him. At the end give him one of those little cards that you can fill out saying I spend ___ amount of time in adoration for you. Heck make it a spiritual bouquet. Great idea! I like that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feankie Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I know I have said this before in other threads, but..... I am a certified SD and NEVER ask my directees for payment. I keep a basket by the door where they can leave canned goods or a check for our local food pantry. And if they don't, that's ok. I make it clear at our first session what the expectations (or lack thereof) are so there is never a misunderstanding. I realize it varies from SD to SD, but all you need do is ASK! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sponsa-Christi Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I think a priest-SD would probably feel uncomfortable accepting payment for spiritual direction. Very often, spiritual direction can overlap with confession, so I would think that a priest would want to avoid even the appearance of simony (the buying or selling of sacraments). Echoing what had been said before, I think prayer is the best "payment" for a priest-SD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veritasluxmea Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 Thank you everyone, these responses are all very helpful. I will definitely do the prayers/spiritual bouquet thing for him- I think I'll do time in adoration for time we spent in direction. I can see how he would feel uncomfortable accepting payment from me, so on our first session I'll bring it up and maybe work out a donation in his name or donate straight to the parish where he's at if that's what he wants. I will definitely get him a gift card or something for Christmas, his birthday, his ordination anniversary, I hadn't thought of that but good idea! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 A nice donation to the parish is a great idea. Especially if the priest is not at your home parish. Something else I know priests appreciate is cooking a meal for them. If you know someone else whom he helps you can maybe set something up as a group or even just planning on dropping off a meal during a busy time of the year is nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 A nice donation to the parish is a great idea. Especially if the priest is not at your home parish. Something else I know priests appreciate is cooking a meal for them. If you know someone else whom he helps you can maybe set something up as a group or even just planning on dropping off a meal during a busy time of the year is nice. Our parish does a program called Feed the Fathers, where people cook for the priests. Even with that our priest is very busy.. Its a good idea to support them and help them have more time for their prayers and ministry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krissylou Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 What a lovely thread! I would agree: Ask him. And if he refuses (which he may very well -- someone who is a full-time spiritual director is in a different situation because groceries cost money) then a donation to the parish seems to be a wonderful solution for all concerned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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