Can an only child discern?

[ErinMarie]

Hi, I'm Erin Marie; I'm new here.  I have been discerning religious life on and off for the past year and even contacted some communities.  I really want to be a sister and I have felt like I have a vocation.  But I am worried about my family; my parents are healthy right now but that is not to say that the situation will stay that way.  There are other family members who would be available for support but I am not sure that they would be willing to do as I think they would see that as my responsibility.  (I have a brother, but he is not in the picture right now, so I am functionally an only child)  And I was reading in Scripture where Jesus condemns those who would take away what their parents needed for support no matter what the reason.  If it would be wrong even to give money to God when your parents need it, it seems that it would be wrong for me to even try to enter religious life when my parents would need me for support later in life.  Has anyone else dealt with this?

[TheresaThoma]

Being an only child doesn't mean that you can't be a Sister. Even having siblings doesn't guarantee care for parents. I know a priest who only has one other brother and both of them ended up being called to the priesthood. He is actually in a completely different country from his parents. Jesus also promised that whoever gives up mother and father for his sake will receive a hundred fold. 

I know there are one or two mothers of Sisters on here maybe they will be able to add their perspective. There are also some Sisters who might be able to add in how being a Sister impacts their family life.

Personally I have an older sister but I also struggled with my responsibility towards my parents. However I know that it is good to respect and take care of your parents you can't build your life around them. One day they will be gone and if your life was centered around them you will be wondering what exactly you did with your life. This should factor into your discernment a bit such as if you may need to take care of legal matters for your parents regarding care and such a strictly cloistered community on the other side of the world may not be the best option of a community to discern with. I know many communities however will allow a Sister to go home for a period of time if a parent or sibling is extremely ill or dying. If this is a major concern for you talk to the communities you are interested in and see how they handle such things.

[marigold]

Welcome, ErinMarie! I think I agree with TT, although I can't pretend I never think about it myself.

[Nunsuch]

Welcome. There are also many communities, including some contemplative ones, who not only permit but encourage sisters to take care of their parents who need eim, and see this as a real ministry. You may want to consider this in your discernment process. Regardless, think of the Gospel passage about those who leave mother and father.... The important thing is to realize that this is not an impediment.  

[MarysLittleFlower]

Hi, I'm Erin Marie; I'm new here.  I have been discerning religious life on and off for the past year and even contacted some communities.  I really want to be a sister and I have felt like I have a vocation.  But I am worried about my family; my parents are healthy right now but that is not to say that the situation will stay that way.  There are other family members who would be available for support but I am not sure that they would be willing to do as I think they would see that as my responsibility.  (I have a brother, but he is not in the picture right now, so I am functionally an only child)  And I was reading in Scripture where Jesus condemns those who would take away what their parents needed for support no matter what the reason.  If it would be wrong even to give money to God when your parents need it, it seems that it would be wrong for me to even try to enter religious life when my parents would need me for support later in life.  Has anyone else dealt with this?

Hi Erin Marie! Welcome I'm an only child too and to be honest this has been my biggest fear and this fear is what has stopped me from actively discerning for a while... Not just being an only child but my parents potential reaction. I met with my SD about this and spoke to a Mother Superior and I was told that God can call someone in this situation and we need to put Him first and do His Will. Ultimately doing His Will is what would give graces to your family and we need to trust Him.  Also I was told that its not like we are abandoning the parents... We can still make sure they are taken care of, we can talk to the community about that, there have been different options... Also there are times in some communities that Sisters can visit if its necessary. Its something to discuss with the community. There are Sisters Brothers and priests who are only children. Blessed Dina Belanger was a nun and an only child. People tried to scare St Margaret Mary away from religious life by saying her mom would die and St Margaret Mary would be responsible and would not be saved for this. Sr Josefa Menendez, the mystic, I think struggled with this topic of parents and discernment too though she wasn't an only child. I would recommend speaking to communities about this, such as the Mother Superior and see what they say God bless you!

Edited June 11, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[HopefulHeart]

Yes, an only child can discern! I am an only child, currently discerning with an active community. My parents continue to maintain good health, so as of now, their situation presents no impediment. Also, because the community is active, rather than contemplative, the sisters have more freedom to visit and contact their parents. Still, this matter remains somewhat concerning for me. I recommend discussing the situation with the community, with your parents (if feasible), and with Jesus in prayer. Remember, He also was an only child!

[MarysLittleFlower]

Is it ever possible for an only child to enter a more contemplative community? How would the parents be taken care of in that case? Can only Sisters from more active orders visit in case of an emergency? How are these situations dealt with in more contemplative communities?

Edited June 11, 2015 by MarysLittleFlower

[ImageTrinity]

No matter what your vocation, there is no guarantee you'll be able to take care of your parents. My husband and I live thousands of miles away from our families. As much as we wish we were closer, God led us on this path and we have to trust that He will provide for our parents, too.

[vee]

Hello and welcome!  You may find this article helpful as it has some excellent points to consider and processes for making a decision for vocations in general.  click here

 

[Nunsuch]

A recent post shared the blog of Sr. Hildegard Pleva, who is a contemplative Redemptoristine who entered when she was in her 50s. In recent years, she has spent a LOT of time caretaking both her mother and father. You may want to check her blog and see what she has to say. The point is that her community was VERY understanding of her situation (she is also a widowed mother and grandmother). And this is a contemplative community.

Her blog is: http://monasticmusingsossr.blogspot.com/

 

[marigold]

Hi Erin Marie! Welcome I'm an only child too and to be honest this has been my biggest fear and this fear is what has stopped me from actively discerning for a while... Not just being an only child but my parents potential reaction. I met with my SD about this and spoke to a Mother Superior and I was told that God can call someone in this situation and we need to put Him first and do His Will. Ultimately doing His Will is what would give graces to your family and we need to trust Him.  Also I was told that its not like we are abandoning the parents... We can still make sure they are taken care of, we can talk to the community about that, there have been different options... Also there are times in some communities that Sisters can visit if its necessary. Its something to discuss with the community. There are Sisters Brothers and priests who are only children. Blessed Dina Belanger was a nun and an only child. People tried to scare St Margaret Mary away from religious life by saying her mom would die and St Margaret Mary would be responsible and would not be saved for this. Sr Josefa Menendez, the mystic, I think struggled with this topic of parents and discernment too though she wasn't an only child. I would recommend speaking to communities about this, such as the Mother Superior and see what they say God bless you!

​

[ErinMarie]

Thank you everyone for your advice and I see your point; I could definitely continue discerning.  However, when I went home to visit recently, I saw some things that disturbed me about my family's situation and even my spiritual director seemed to be trying to find a way to say 'you need to REALLY think about whether religious life is God's will for you, because if it isn't, your family could be in trouble.'  I think it's possible that God only gave me the idea of being a sister to draw me closer to Him and deepen my prayer life--and it certainly has.  Discernment doesn't feel like the right thing to do anymore and so I think I will take a break and focus on how best I can serve God in my local church and in my family.  I hope that discernment goes well and is fruitful for everyone here!

[Archaeology cat]

Isn't Mother Angelica an only child?

[vee]

Isn't Mother Angelica an only child?

​yes

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thank you everyone for your advice and I see your point; I could definitely continue discerning.  However, when I went home to visit recently, I saw some things that disturbed me about my family's situation and even my spiritual director seemed to be trying to find a way to say 'you need to REALLY think about whether religious life is God's will for you, because if it isn't, your family could be in trouble.'  I think it's possible that God only gave me the idea of being a sister to draw me closer to Him and deepen my prayer life--and it certainly has.  Discernment doesn't feel like the right thing to do anymore and so I think I will take a break and focus on how best I can serve God in my local church and in my family.  I hope that discernment goes well and is fruitful for everyone here!

I guess it all depends on what God's Will is... I mean if discernment has brought you closer to God, the question could be - is that meant just for now, or is it a sign that seeing God in this way helps you to love Him? The second option may indicate a vocation perhaps? I mean I'm still discerning but I noticed when I distanced myself from discernment out of fear, my relationship with Jesus became colder (on my part obviously) and like He didnt mean as much to me. A religious vocation or consecrated single life does involve making God to be everything to you and if you give your heart to Him, its very painful to then move away from it. Maybe it depends on the persons discernment its just how its been with me...

I don't know your family situation but are there situations in a family that can become an obstacle to religious life? Except present health concerns... Future health concerns are discussed with the community so there's a plan. In terms of the family being really upset, that is a cross I guess. My family are non Catholic, I don't have siblings who could care for my parents, and we have no other family on this continent. I had fears about how they would be taken care of but I'm trying to trust God that He would help to find a good way and the community would give ideas. I had fears about pushing them away from God, making them too upset, etc, which is very painful (I understand anyone who struggles with this) but this is just something to surrender to God. We still have to do God's Will no matter how painful. I wish it was easier for my family, and I would gladly suffer instead of them and I love my parents and want them to be happy. But if Jesus is calling me how could I say no to Him? Not only would this risk my salvation (especially if I'm really aware of a call) but it would hurt Him. I have to remember He loves my family more than I do and its so important to trust Him. I have wondered am I just imagining everything? Am I really called? I'll know in time but I have seen how my discernment has deepened this year. Just sharing some thoughts I would still at least pray about this especially after Communion, at Adoration or mental prayer... Our choice of vocation is free, not based on fear it can involve reason but also trust. Our human reasoning can be flawed as we don't know everything.