How many orders at a time?

[GratefullyCatholic]

I have felt attraction to the religious life for the past 8 years now. Shortly after it began, I discerned (just as an aspirant) with an order for 2-3 years during college, and felt the order wasn't for me. Then I just kind put the whole thing aside for a while, but of course the "call" has always lingered. I'm ready to get back into active discernment.

There are about 6 orders that I feel seriously interested in, 2 within my home state, another 3 out of state, and 1 in a neighboring country. Among these, some are apostolic/evangelical and the others are contemplative/cloistered/semi-cloistered.

I have made formal e-mail contact with one of the orders so far...the order that is nearest to me geographically, for practical reasons. But I'm also eager to get in contact with the other orders. However, I don't want to end up over-doing it and have more e-mails and phone calls going on than I can handle. So how should I start? (I'm still waiting to get in touch with my diocese vocations director.)

Thank you in advance for your time and attention!  God bless

[vee]

Ive never felt comfortable contacting more than two communities at a time. 

[Luigi]

Wow. Six seems like a lit to discern with at a time.

I can see investigating/researching six at a time, as a prep step to more serious discernment. Sign up for their newsletters, follow them on Facebook, comment on some of their posts, go to some of their events, meet some of their sisters, read up on their histories - I see all of that as investigation/research. Naturally, you'll be sort-of-discerning while you do all that - Do I like these women? Can I see myself fitting in with them? Can I see myself doing what they do? That kind of thing.

That kind of research might help you sort through the active/contemplative question, or the in-state/out-of-state question. And when you start to discern more seriously with one or two or three, you'll know more about them & be able to ask more pertinent questions, or present yourself to them as already rather familiar with them.

Maybe it's a bad analogy, but it's kind of like a multiple choice question: I was taught that, given five possible answers, you can discard two or three right away, and then you have to choose between only the two remaining possible answers.

 

(And in this case, you know right off the bat that you can discard "All of the above"!)

[sr.christinaosf]

Have you actually visited?  Contacting an researching is a lot different than actually visiting for a couple of days. 

Have a good day - Happy Trinity Sunday!

~Sr. Christina

https://ourfranciscanfiat.wordpress.com

•  

Edited May 31, 2015 by sr.christinaosf

[Sister Leticia]

I was lucky, in that when I was considering religious life I lived in a large city with a lot of religious communities in and around it. I contacted about 6 or 7, and they sent me vocations literature (this was in the Dark Ages, before websites!) and I followed most of them up with a visit, usually for a meal and prayer with the community and a talk with the VD. Of course, distance wasn't a problem - I think the furthest I had to travel was maybe an hour and a half each way.

Of course, if I had lived somewhere more remote I would probably have had to arrange a weekend visit, which is more of a commitment for a "preliminary" visit, or waited for the next Come & See.

Nowadays, with websites, FB pages, newsletters and so on, you don't need to write and ask for literature, which automatically means making contact - you can find out a lot about a congregation before contacting it. So if you visit somewhere it won't be a shot in the dark: you'll already have learnt things about them, their spirituality, mission, community life, formation, and so on, and presumably you'll have liked what you've seen, and want to take the step of meeting them in the flesh and learning more.

You also said you didn't want to overdo it and have more emails and phone calls than you can handle. That made me smile, because several times I've read threads where people are getting anxious because they HAVEN'T had responses to their emails and voicemails! A good VD won't forget you exist, but she won't swamp you either. (And if she does forget you exist, then maybe that's God's way of saying he's not calling you to that particular order...)

[marigold]

I was lucky, in that when I was considering religious life I lived in a large city with a lot of religious communities in and around it. I contacted about 6 or 7, and they sent me vocations literature (this was in the Dark Ages, before websites!) and I followed most of them up with a visit, usually for a meal and prayer with the community and a talk with the VD. Of course, distance wasn't a problem - I think the furthest I had to travel was maybe an hour and a half each way.

Of course, if I had lived somewhere more remote I would probably have had to arrange a weekend visit, which is more of a commitment for a "preliminary" visit, or waited for the next Come & See.

Nowadays, with websites, FB pages, newsletters and so on, you don't need to write and ask for literature, which automatically means making contact - you can find out a lot about a congregation before contacting it. So if you visit somewhere it won't be a shot in the dark: you'll already have learnt things about them, their spirituality, mission, community life, formation, and so on, and presumably you'll have liked what you've seen, and want to take the step of meeting them in the flesh and learning more.

You also said you didn't want to overdo it and have more emails and phone calls than you can handle. That made me smile, because several times I've read threads where people are getting anxious because they HAVEN'T had responses to their emails and voicemails! A good VD won't forget you exist, but she won't swamp you either. (And if she does forget you exist, then maybe that's God's way of saying he's not calling you to that particular order...)

​Hmm, that's an interesting point!

[be_thou_my_vision]

I discerned by emailing or writing to all the communities I was interested in. I read and prayed about the material when it arrived, and if it didn't resonate with me, I would "discard" it (that sounds like a strong word, but you know what I mean)... I was able to narrow down to 2-3 communities to actually visit. But I don't think gathering information from several communities is a bad thing, and it didn't impede my discernment whatsoever. It was just the first step for me. 

I ended up entering the first community I met, contacted, and visited! So if it's meant to be, God will make the community stand out for you!

[John Paul]

I research a lot of communities!I check their websites for info,ask priests if they know anything about this order,and of course I ask around on Phatmass!

I would not Discern with more than three communities at a time or you might feel disorganized and stressed.

 

(From my experience).

Heres a link:Here

There is an article about what you are asking.But I linked all of them because they are helpful for any discerment with any religious order.Not just the Franciscans.

BUT DO NOT TAKE MY ADVICE TO SERIOUSLY SCINCE  I AM ONLY ELEVEN

[John Paul]

Welcome to Phatmass!

[Benedictus]

I have felt attraction to the religious life for the past 8 years now. Shortly after it began, I discerned (just as an aspirant) with an order for 2-3 years during college, and felt the order wasn't for me. Then I just kind put the whole thing aside for a while, but of course the "call" has always lingered. I'm ready to get back into active discernment.

There are about 6 orders that I feel seriously interested in, 2 within my home state, another 3 out of state, and 1 in a neighboring country. Among these, some are apostolic/evangelical and the others are contemplative/cloistered/semi-cloistered.

I have made formal e-mail contact with one of the orders so far...the order that is nearest to me geographically, for practical reasons. But I'm also eager to get in contact with the other orders. However, I don't want to end up over-doing it and have more e-mails and phone calls going on than I can handle. So how should I start? (I'm still waiting to get in touch with my diocese vocations director.)

Thank you in advance for your time and attention!  God bless

​I'd say it's fine to do research on lots of orders to look at their charism, way of life, reputation and stuff like that. It's good to do this and I think the aim is finding a good balance. You don't want to rush and not do enough. However, It's easy to spend lots of time just spectating and not actually moving anywhere with a vocation. The research part shouldn't be so long that you don't actually start moving towards the next stages with those you seem more interested in. I'd say three or four at one time is probably more than enough to take to the next stage as visits and discernment take time out, money, energy etc. You will want to be fair and sincere in your intensions with Vocation Directors as well.

I looked at loads of orders and found I knew I wasn't drawn to many of them fairly quickly. I found it was easier to know what I didn't want rather than what God did It's good to have a spiritual director, priest or someone who can assist you and be interested in your discernment. They can keep you grounded, nudge things along and ask the questions you might not think about.

I struggled over whether I was called to a contemplative, active or mixed order for a while. It can feel like you have to choose between them but it is possible to have a contemplative aspect within an active order, as an example. It very much depends on you and whether the order is willing to match your instincts to a particular ministry, house and so on.

How does the order tie into your interests, your professional skills, school etc and where God has been with you so far? How will that maybe look as a religious, if at all?

I ended up applying to a fairly active order, and this wasn't really what I'd have expected at the start. I was interested in this order but it wasn't a 'safe' option for me.  I think I could have applied to one that would have been 'OK and comfortable' for me personally but God seemes to have had other ideas

Praying for your discernment

Edited June 6, 2015 by Benedictus

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

I research a lot of communities!I check their websites for info,ask priests if they know anything about this order,and of course I ask around on Phatmass!

I would not Discern with more than three communities at a time or you might feel disorganized and stressed.

 

(From my experience).

Heres a link:Here

There is an article about what you are asking.But I linked all of them because they are helpful for any discerment with any religious order.Not just the Franciscans.

BUT DO NOT TAKE MY ADVICE TO SERIOUSLY SCINCE  I AM ONLY ELEVEN

​I'm giving you this feedback lovingly JP. It appears that you may genuinely have a vocation. However, rather than being defiant about being eleven, why not try being humble, as you will need to learn to be if you are indeed called to religious life?

The hard truth is that at age 11 you haven't yet had a chance to have the life experience of someone who is older. That's not a criticism of your age, but the basic fact that "life experience" takes actual time. You can't "jumpstart" life experience.

You could have made a post very similar to the same post you made above, and been open and humble about your age, rather than defiant. For example, with your first piece of advice about how many communities to discern with, you could have said something like, "I have had limited personal experience because I am only eleven, but here is a link to an article that addresses your question. It seems as if it would be helpful for discernment with any religious Order, not just the Franciscans."

For example, the post you made awhile back about your retreat WAS useful because you described your actual personal experience.

Also, for any post you can reply by thanking the poster, and saying you learned a lot (assuming you did). And, prayers and words of support for other discerners are always appreciated.

I am much older than you, but I always feel humble about my lack of real experience in living the religious life, as well as the prayer life that can only be attained by decades of religious life. I live across the street from a convent of retired teaching Sisters. They love it when I ask them for prayers and I am always appreciative. My best "buddy" in the convent celebrated her 65th Jubilee last year. There is NO WAY that I can have the same depth of prayer life and relationship with Jesus and Mary as a Sister who has been in religious life for 65 years. Humility does NOT make you seem weaker to others--in fact, normally people respect a humble person even MORE. The people I have met whom I respect the most have also been the most humble. 

Edited June 6, 2015 by IgnatiusofLoyola

[veritasluxmea]

 

BUT DO NOT TAKE MY ADVICE TO SERIOUSLY SCINCE  I AM ONLY ELEVEN

​where is anyone dissing you because you are eleven? 

[tnavarro61]

Knowing many congregations is very helpful. Like going through a catalog. Sorry i cannot give better comparison haha

But when it comes to a more serious discernment, just stick one at a time. Its very difficult to be torn between two lol. It gives you stress and acne.. (was that vain?)

[Gabriela]

I would say go ahead and contact as many as you can keep track of. Just tell them that you're in the beginning stages of discerning so they don't think that your contact means imminent visit.

I say this because, personally, I found that exchanging a few emails/phone calls with houses sometimes helped me to rule them out. There were a few places I contacted and did not receive a "warm" reception. Many of the sisters I interviewed for my thesis reported doing the same thing. So I think it's a legitimate way to discern.

[GratefullyCatholic]

Just wanted to say a very heartfelt "thank you" to all the wonderful replies on here so far.  It was above and beyond what I expected, and has been extremely helpful! 

May God bless you all!