Order Jokes

[voiciblanche]

Excerpt from the liturgy program at St. Basil Church in Ohio on Confirmation day:

Abbot: Do you reject Stan and all his works and empty promises?
Candidates: I do!


Hehe. The thing about this is that it took me about ten minutes to find the typo. Lol.

[crusader1234]

there are a lot of sex jokes about priests... i'm not sure if they are appropriate so i'm leaving them out

[BLAZEr]

One day the Head of the Vatican Archeology office comes to the Pope and says "Your Holiness, it's indisputable, we have found the bones of Jesus. What should we do? What does it mean for the Resurrection?"

The Pope, worried, decides to consult the Superior Generals of the three largest religious orders for advice. First the Pope goes to the Abbot General of the Benedictines who responds "Say nothing, bring his bones to my monastery, no one must know about this, it would destroy the Church."

The Franciscan Servent General responds "You must tell everyone, you must show the world, this will not destroy the Church."

Finally the Pope calls the Master General of the Jesuits who responds, "You mean to tell me that Jesus guy really existed?"

[voiciblanche]

Hehe. Good one, Blazer.

Little Kids on Good Christian Love


WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??

"Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8)

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" (Tom, 5)


WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)


ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)


CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television." (Anita, 6)

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)

[OwNeD_byGoD]

dude!!! these are histerical...more...

[crusader1234]

[quote]I can proove Jesus was an Irishman:

1. He was 30 years old before he left home.
2. He had no visible source of income.
3. He had 12 drinking buddies.
4. His mother thought he was God. [/quote]

I always heard it this way...

[quote]Robin Williams: For the Last Supper, would they not have gone out for Chinese? I think so.

Robin Williams: Who would want to be Jerry, the brother of Christ? That's a tough gig... he ends up in a bar at the age of 30 going "Yeah, I'm Jerry Christ. Whoop-dee-doo." And people tell me Jesus wasn't Jewish... of course he was Jewish. 30 years old, single, living at home with his parents, come on. Working in his father's business, his mother thought he was God's gift, give it up.
[/quote]

[crusader1234]

[quote]Robin Williams: I have a plan, it's an interesting plan. It's called a timeshare, like Miami, let's try that. Jews will get Hannukah and Passover, Christians will get Christmas and Easter, and Muslims will get Rammadan and that other holiday, Kaboom.[/quote]

[voiciblanche]

Kaboom? LOL!

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='crusader1234' date='Jun 15 2004, 12:20 AM'] Got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes... [/quote]

[RandomProddy]

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

And the minister says, "Just water."

The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"

[OwNeD_byGoD]

HAHAHAHA!!!!!!

[crusader1234]

A Police officer sees a car going about 59 kilometers an hour on a 100 km/h highway. He pulls it over and says "Is there a reason you are going so slow?" and then he looks inside and sees a Jesuit with three nuns shaking in the back seat. The Priest replies "Right there it says 59 is the speed limit!" and the Officer tells him "No, thats the Route number, the speed limit signs are further up, the Speed limit here is 100."Then he turns to the nuns in the back and says "Why are you shivering, is everything alright?!?" They reply, "We just got off Highway 209!!!!"

[picchick]

o.k. i got one it isn't an order one though

There is this guy I know named Frank. Frank claims that he knows everyone. So I said, "Ok, Frank, you say you know everyone but I bet you don't know President Bush!" He said, "Fine, just watch the news tomorrow night and you'll see." Sure enough, there was Frank shaking Bush's hand and striking up a conversation. Later that week, I said, "O.k. O.k. so you know the president. But, I bet you don't know the Pope!" "Oh yeah?" He said, "Pack your bags! We're going to Rome."
Once in Rome, we got tickets to the Wednesday audience. Frank brought me to the first row. "O.k. just stay here. I gotta go to see the Pope." "HA!" I laughed. However, in a few minutes the Pope emerged from his balcony with Frank by his side. The next thing I remember was me lying on the floor and Frank by my side. "Hey!! What happened he asked. I looked at him and then recalled what happened. "Well, when you walked out with the pope, the couple next to me said, 'Hey! There's Frank, but who is that guy next to him?"

[Pio Nono]

JMJ
6/16 - Eleventh Wednesday

So this guy decides that he [i]really[/i] wants a Lexus, but can't afford it. He decides, therefore, that he will pray a novena, asking God to give him the money to buy the car. His best friend, though, said that he should seek the advice of a priest, since he didn't know if it was just to pray for such an unnecessarily nice car.

So the guy goes to the local Benedictine abbey and pulls aside Father Prior. He said, "Prior, is it just for me to pray a novena for a Lexus?" Father Prior, looking at him quizically, simply said, "My son, what is a 'Lexus'?"

Seeing he was getting nowhere with the local Prior, he decided to drive downtown to the local Franciscan friary. He pulls aside a friar and says, "Father, is it just for me to pray a novena for a Lexus?" The friar looks around and sheepishly whispers, "What is a 'Lexus'?"

Frustrated, the man decides he will ask one more priest. Driving over to the local Jesuit college, he pulls aside a priest and says, "Father, is it just for me to pray a novena for a Lexus?" The Jesuit simply responded, "My son, what is a 'novena'?"

[i](It might be in poor taste, but it's perenially funny. )[/i]

[Mickey's_Girl]

[quote name='picchick' date='Jun 16 2004, 09:15 PM'] "Well, when you walked out with the pope, the couple next to me said, 'Hey! There's Frank, but who is that guy next to him?" [/quote]
:rotfl:

HA HA HA!!!

That was awesome. So is your avatar (GO IRISH!).

Pio Nono: love the Lexus/Novena joke. Hee hee.

MG