voiciblanche Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 I like how you guys say "rocks my socks." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandomProddy Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 (edited) After getting all of Pope John Paul's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, "would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today." "I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. "There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph straight out of Rome. "Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the carabinieri ([i]italian militia[/i]) approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five. "So bust him," said the Chief. "I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the officer. The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!" "No, I mean really important," he says. The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?" Officer: "Bigger." Chief: "Berlusconi?" Officer: "Bigger." "Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?" Officer: "I think it's God!" Chief: "What makes you think it's God?" Officer: "He's got the Pope for a limo driver!" Edited June 13, 2004 by RandomProddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philippe Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 honestly... i didnt laugh at all :\ but o well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
voiciblanche Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Lol. I've heard that one before, but without the last two lines. It's funnier with those two lines, too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandomProddy Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 (edited) Jesus was walking along one day, when he came upon a group of people surrounding a lady of ill repute. It was obvious that the crowd was preparing to stone the her, so Jesus made his now-famous statement, "Let the person who has no sin cast the first stone." The crowd was shamed and one by one began to turn away. All of a sudden, a little old woman made her way through the crowd. Finally getting to the front, she tossed a pebble towards the woman. Jesus looks over and says, "I really hate it when you do that, Mom." And when He was a little toddler.. One day, Jesus was playing out side in the mud. Mary was inside cooking. Jesus wanted to come inside, so he ran in, leaving a mud trail behind him and the door wide open. "Jesus!!" Mary cried. "Shut that door! You wern't born in a ...." Edited June 13, 2004 by RandomProddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandomProddy Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 And the last one before I'm off.. Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test which will take two hours and I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made webpages. They did every known job. But, ten minutes before the time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known to man. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted computers. Satan started searching frantically screaming, "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past 2 hours. Satan observed this and became even more irate. "Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?" God shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crusader_4 Posted June 13, 2004 Author Share Posted June 13, 2004 Those two are great!!! lol cracked me up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
voiciblanche Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 I agree. Good ones, RP. You'll have to tell us some more tomorrow... or I guess, today, since it's one in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OwNeD_byGoD Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 HAHAHAH i had a good crack up, eventhough idn get some of them kus i dont understand Jesuits but ok, deng you guys crack me up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mickey's_Girl Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Random Proddy-- You stole my "cast the first stone" joke! :angry: (see the first page of this thread) Oh, but I LOVED the other two! Born in a barn! Jesus Saves!! HA HA! :rotfl: And your pope joke...I laughed right out loud. And long!!! RP, you are awesome. MG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thy Geekdom Come Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 [quote]Here is yet another ( i am just on a roll tonight)... a Jesuit and a Fransican are driving in the same city and coincidentally the Jesuit drives straight into the Fransican. Thankfully both of them realize they are men of God and can come to some sort of conclusion about each others Car.[/quote] Haha...my brother crashed into a woman and it turned out that she was a nun...what's more, the leading authority of St. Francis of Assisi...in the whole world! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 I almost got in an accident with the nun that does RCIA at our parish last night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aloysius Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 [b]bump[/b] because my friend wanted to see these. hi leah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
voiciblanche Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 A freshmore in college started his first day of classes. His professor was clearly an atheist, and started the day by saying the following: "Students, is there anyone here who can see God? If so, raise your hand. If there is anyone who can hear God, raise your hand. If there is anyone who can smell God, raise your hand." After a short pause, with out any response from the students, he concluded, "Since nobody can see, smell, or hear God, there isn't any God." A student then raised his hand and asked if he could address the class. The student approached the class and asked, "Students, can anyone here see the professor's brain..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crusader1234 Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 The Jewish Pope Debate About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave. The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Moishe to represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay." An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?" Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. "What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here." "Yes, yes, and then?" asked the crowd. "I don't know," said Moishe, "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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