gabrielegypt Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) hi all. I'm a recent-ish convert (came into the church a couple of years ago) and, as I'm in my mid-thirties, an "older" vocation. I've been actively discerning since last fall, and I've found 2 orders who accept older vocations and are attractive to me. For the sake of keeping things straight, I'll call them the "black order" and the "brown order". (ha, very sly, I know :)) The "black order" is a bit more attractive to me. I just met them in March, and I would like to get to know them better. The sister who serves as their local vocations point-person suggested that I come to Holy Hour with them whenever I can, and I try to do so once a week. She also suggested that I have a phone conversation w their Vocation Director; I did so earlier this month, and our conversation seemed peaceful and positive. The Vocation Director suggested that I consider coming on one of their vocations retreats, but as I missed the spring retreats due to work travel, I'll have to wait for fall 2015 opportunities. In the midst of this, I've also been keeping in touch with the "brown order", which seems to like me and continually asks me to serve with them, share meals at their local home, etc. I've also casually visited other orders, as invited or suggested. Here's the thing...I don't really know what to do in order to personally get to know the "black order". I missed their spring work day due to another commitment, and while I expressed my interest in serving w them in any other capacity that might suit them, they haven't invited me to join them for other events. The first two times I came for HH, they invited me to stay for a meal afterwards, but now it seems to be more of a warm, polite in-and-out affair. I'm not sure if I offended them in some way, if they're just very busy and can't take time right now for other vocation activities or post-HH personal conversations, or if this is normal "nun dating" behavior...I really don't know! I would be grateful for any insight you all might have. Thanks so much. Edited May 12, 2015 by gabrielegypt clarification Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truthfinder Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Welcome! You might just want to clearly tell them you'd like to know them better. They may just want to avoid being pushy and be waiting for you to make the next step. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gabrielegypt Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 Thank you so much, truthfinder! It's funny...I tried that! After my first two HHs/dinners with them, I told the Sr. who is the local vocations contact that I am drawn to their charism and I would like to get to know them better, and I asked her what next steps I should take. She suggested joining them for HHs and workdays, and she also suggested I consider getting in touch w their Vocation Director. I've done all these things...and now, given that they have not explicitly invited me to join them for any events--other than HH, which is healing and beautiful, but doesn't offer an opportunity for getting to know the sisters personally--I'm not sure what to do next. Thanks for your consideration! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marigold Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Gosh, I thought this was going to be about something entirely else... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaatee Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 hi all. I'm a recent-ish convert (came into the church a couple of years ago) and, as I'm in my mid-thirties, an "older" vocation. I've been actively discerning since last fall, and I've found 2 orders who accept older vocations and are attractive to me. For the sake of keeping things straight, I'll call them the "black order" and the "brown order". (ha, very sly, I know :)) The "black order" is a bit more attractive to me. I just met them in March, and I would like to get to know them better. The sister who serves as their local vocations point-person suggested that I come to Holy Hour with them whenever I can, and I try to do so once a week. She also suggested that I have a phone conversation w their Vocation Director; I did so earlier this month, and our conversation seemed peaceful and positive. The Vocation Director suggested that I consider coming on one of their vocations retreats, but as I missed the spring retreats due to work travel, I'll have to wait for fall 2015 opportunities. In the midst of this, I've also been keeping in touch with the "brown order", which seems to like me and continually asks me to serve with them, share meals at their local home, etc. I've also casually visited other orders, as invited or suggested. Here's the thing...I don't really know what to do in order to personally get to know the "black order". I missed their spring work day due to another commitment, and while I expressed my interest in serving w them in any other capacity that might suit them, they haven't invited me to join them for other events. The first two times I came for HH, they invited me to stay for a meal afterwards, but now it seems to be more of a warm, polite in-and-out affair. I'm not sure if I offended them in some way, if they're just very busy and can't take time right now for other vocation activities or post-HH personal conversations, or if this is normal "nun dating" behavior...I really don't know! I would be grateful for any insight you all might have. Thanks so much. Wait and join them for the fall events. In the mean time look for other communities. There are many who would consider applicants in your age range. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I can sympathize with being in that awkward stage of general getting to know a community and seriously discerning with them. My best advice is to keep in touch, send a letter or email, if they have a website check that and see what current events they have going on. That is a great conversation starter, and shows you are genuinely interested in the community. Keep in mind they may have many young women contacting them and others who just want to be friends with the community but not discern. My other suggestion is ask for good books to read. It can give you an idea of the charism and there is nothing like a book to keep a conversation going! I struggle with saying my intentions outright I tend to beat around the bush even though I really want to take the next step. If you casually mentioned that you would like to get to know them better they may have not realized exactly what you were asking/wanting. You may have to be a little more direct by saying "I'm interested in discerning with the community." Keep in mind communities also have different ways of discerning. I've discerned with a couple different communities and each one had their own approach to how they handled discerners. Even between houses in the same community my visits were handled differently. At one house it felt much more formal, there was more of a distance. It did help that there was another visitor there who was not discerning and I noticed I definitely had more freedoms and more interactions with the community than she did. At the other house I was really just allowed to follow the daily schedule. Each day I went with a Sister to a different apostolate but it felt more causal. Don't be discouraged! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) silly internet double posting Edited May 12, 2015 by TheresaThoma double post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
corban711 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 One thing that I think could be easily missed here, and I think maybe could use some pointing out is that you are doing many of the rights already. You have expressed interest, asked their advice, and are actually following it! Being consistent and showing up like that will separate you in their minds (over time) from the more casual discerners because they will see you as a mature candidate who knows them because you've already been around them. Even if you don't actually know them really well...they will recognize you as someone who keeps showing up to pray with their Community which will be positive. Now I understand you also want to try to move things along a little. That's generally a positive sign! like others have mentioned I think that it's important that you do so by clearly expressing your interest with them...I'd just add that you do it in the most positive ways you can think of. For instance, if you talk to the local Sr. vocation point person again, or to the Vocation director, mention how happy and/or grateful you are/have been to be taking part in those times of adoration with them. Let them know that those times of prayer inspire you to want to know more about their community life and would like to find a way to share more fully in that in the near future because you are feeling drawn to it. It also helps them realize you are actually following their advice which you asked for! Haha But keep showing up! Let them see you! They will notice you are there. Maybe even try to get to know some of the other members if they are accessible. Not every talk or conversation needs to be a discernment related conversation. Plus, if you end up discovering that our Lord is calling you there, you will already have relationships with the members of your new community. So enjoy the process! Remember, you don't have to prove to them you might have a vocation, you just have to be clear about your desires and trust The Lord will open the right doors at the right times! He will! Your Father knows you, loves you, is guiding you, and wants you doing His most perfect will even more than you desire it! So He will move whatever He needs to when His time is right for you! "Commit your life to the Lord. Trust in Him and He will act." (Psalm 37) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gabrielegypt Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) Hi everyone. Marigold, sorry to scare you! Yatee, TheresaThoma, and corban711, you so very much for your thoughtful responses, including insights from your own experiences. I'm truly grateful. I'm taking each of them to heart. And thank you too for your patience with my reply. For some reason, I've had trouble accessing my account, and I haven't been able to post a response. I'm not great w online communication, but I'll try to check back and let you all know what happens as things progress. pax gabriel egypt Edited May 14, 2015 by gabrielegypt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary+Immaculate<3 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) I'd agree with the previous posters, sometimes you have to nudge a little to remind sisters, they are human too after all I've had the experience of not getting a reply for a long time and it ended up just being that Sr. X forgot to mark an email as needing to be replied to, so it was nothing personal! A different time the same community and I had an identity mix-up where they thought the "code name" I had on youtube was a different person. We laugh about it now but it just shows that most of the time it's just funny little blunders that cause miscommunication or one-sided communication. So I'd say keep trying, just being gentle and not overly pushy. Also, the same Sr. X told me she didn't want to pressure me too much. I think a lot of communities try to avoid coercion because some family/friends of discerners are skeptical of "brainwashing." Might I also say, that's a very good precaution in general. Edited May 15, 2015 by Mary+Immaculate<3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marigold Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I'm looking forward to hearing more about how it goes, @gabrielegypt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antigonos Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 Spam? Troll? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nunsuch Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 So that is "Ron's" first post on Phatmass? I hope the moderators take note! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatitude Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 47 minutes ago, Nunsuch said: So that is "Ron's" first post on Phatmass? I hope the moderators take note! His first, his last and his only post on Phatmass! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sister Leticia Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 (edited) A pity, as I was going to post a suitable reply (Actually, I was hunting for Sr Mary Lazarus in the casino, when the mobster creeps up on her) This was supposed to be a gif, but it doesn't seem to be gifing... ah well, even stationery, Maggie Smith conveys a pretty strong message... Edited August 4, 2019 by Sister Leticia added something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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