Consecrated virgins/hermits and the selfish single life

[God's Beloved]

As a trained, certified, credentialed, bona fide spiritual director, I would caution youi if you are not.  I've had directees in the same situation and things can disintegrate into the deep weeds if one is not careful and knows what one is doing,  Not to say you are doing/suggesting anything "iffy", but many individuals are extremely fragile/vulnerable and are grasping at straws a bit to "fit in." So, that being said, please tread carefully and gently, and don't be afraid to say "Uncle" if things get too strained/stressed.  Better to have stepped away than to have guided one on the wrong path.

​I think the question being raised by Oremus1 is different from what the experienced members on this Phorum are responding to (just trying to read in between the lines).  Both parties have a valid point to make in their own contexts.

From a vocational point of view, the manner in which CV and CH are being used as fallback vocations is affecting the quality of life of their members in the area of faithfulness to the charism.  Being ancient vocations revived by the Second Vatican Council, they are struggling a lot in today's world.  At least about CV I can say from experience that it is very painful when fellow-Catholics misunderstand us.  There is utter chaos which is not a sign of the Holy Spirit's presence.  The very relevance of these vocations is being questioned. 

Secular Institutes also went through this phase till Canon law specified the details.

Questions like the one raised by Oremus1 are like an SOS call to draw attention.  It's like asking," Is there anyone who can do something?!"

What Francis Clare mentions is also very important in SD.  After-all this involves human persons who have already perhaps suffered much  and look for meaning in their lives. 

Synthesizing the two views i would be doubly cautious in recommending or encouraging such persons (who are looking for a sense of belonging, purpose, acceptance, recognition in their lives) because CV as far as I know will create more pain.  Imagine a CV being unable to identify with the ' Priests, Religious & Lay faithful'  exclusive categories in the language of the Church.  It is a state of feeling like an Out-caste or left-over.  Only strong women can take it.  Even average women will suffer immensely.  If fragile/ vulnerable women become CV as a last resort to find belonging, they will break down completely.

It is important for VD and SD to be aware of this.

[puellapaschalis]

I think that in someone in the OP's position has to realise that there is only so much he can do. Any vocational discernment has to be a mature decision (given the circumstances of the individual, at least), and that implies a degree of independence. This must be all the more so when someone is older than, say, 35-40. Choices made in one's youth have consequences that are often unavoidable, and in some cases no amount of playing with definitions can circumvent that.

Those who are perhaps in a fragile spiritual or emotional state need stability in their surroundings (both external and internal) before anything else. If someone nevertheless persists with discernment whilst what he actually needs is some kind of medical help, he can do himself even more harm; but barring the most extreme cases, it's his decision (Bishop &c. notwithstanding) and the consequences will similarly be his.

[Sponsa-Christi]

Just a few thoughts here...

1. Based on her past posts here, I think Oremus1 is either a candidate or else seriously discerning consecrated virginity. Because CVs are so few and far between, many CVs/aspirants are often sort of pushed into the position of having to educate people on this vocation or give advice to other women discerning. So even if Oremus1 isn't a trained SD, I think it's very reasonable for her to have questions about how to speak with people on certain aspects of this vocation.

2. In my experience, women discerning consecrated virginity for the wrong reasons is indeed a serious problem. If a woman was discerning religious life for the wrong reasons, there are plenty of checks and balances to ensure that she doesn't actually make a life commitment within a community out of the wrong motives. But, most aspiring CVs don't have these same kind of safeguards in place.

Also, because consecrated virginity is still such a "new" vocation, things that really should be common sense (e.g., like not becoming a CV because you feel emotionally broken and unable to relate to men, etc.) sometimes aren't. Or at least, sometimes you do actually need to say these things to discerners. Advice which might seem obvious upon hearing it said aloud might simply not have occurred to someone before they heard it clearly stated. 

When a woman is discerning consecrated virginity for very obviously wrong reasons, I think it can be a real spiritual work of mercy to gently tell her so.

3. I agree wholeheartedly with Oremus1 that vocations in general, and consecrated virginity in particular, need to be motivated out of a sincere desire to give of oneself. No woman should ever become a CV as a "last resort," for many reasons.

Whether or not "the single life" is a vocation in the sense in which we normally use the term "vocation," sometimes it is God's de facto will that a woman remain single. I've noticed that a lot of women who discern consecrated virginity for less-than-optimal reasons tend to feel almost "obligated" to think about becoming a CV because they feel pressured to settle down, find a niche within the Church, and "have a vocation." But God doesn't demand that we all force ourselves into neat canonical boxes by age thirty-five; rather, He only asks that we sincerely seek to do His will.  In my mind, it's much better to live a holy single life than to try to become a CV for the wrong reasons, or to be consecrated even when you're not drawn to the specific charism of the Order of Virgins.

[marigold]

So glad you chimed in, Sponsa!

[oremus1]

So glad you chimed in, Sponsa!

​Me too. Sponsa expresses things really well.

[Cecilia]

Problems arise when the vocation to be consecrated as a virgin -- is not comprehended in a proper manner. I advocate for age limits -- this is not to exclude good hearted seekers but to stress needed maturity -- for a woman who desires the consecration. I see many examples -- of holy yet inexperienced women -- that seek consecration but are not settled and mature. This leads to unhappiness. Certainly age limitations do not guarantee maturity -- I also advocate that a bishop must refuse consecration -- when women are immature. Childishness is rooted -- in our culture. The whims oremusl mentions and style of life that seeks entertainment -- more than prayer or spirituality. Various younger women might be consecrated despite age limits -- if the bishop approves -- yet it is most fruitful when a woman becomes the spouse of Christ -- once she has proven that she is steadfast after numerous years. To be consecrated is not a right -- yet some I have encountered -- want to think it should be given when requested - if the woman loves the Church. This is an attitude that hurts the vocation -- it populates the vocation with women who do not comprehend self sacrifice and patience.

[God's Beloved]

Nice to see you back after a long time.

Maturity involves several dimensions of life.  Some women may be spiritually mature at a young age but not professionally, in the sense that they are not well-settled in a community whether at the work place in the world or in the parish/ diocese that will encourage and support them for the rest of their lives.  This can come about only with time as relationships take time to mature.  Hence it would be good for young candidates to give time for community to happen.  In several countries young CV are fulfilling this need by forming associations that allow them to live together without the structures of religious life.  I personally would like to see this happen in more places.

The OCV itself as a vocation is maturing in today's world.  The understanding of the official Church/ Bishops too  is gradually developing.  In the meantime the crisis of identity and frustration can be healed only through a support system between CV.

[Cecilia]

It is nice to see you as well. I ask you to offer some prayers -- for my patient. I was with him all night -- yet his mother and aunt will arrive soon -- then I will get some sleep. He has end stage renal disease. He is not Catholic -- yet has permitted me to bless him with holy water.

The comments you make -- about types of maturity -- are good and needed.

[God's Beloved]

Yes, I'm praying for your patient. 

Consecrated life in general (in its various forms) seems  have a problem of immaturity.  Conferences of religious/ consecrated life express this concern.  Several religious women I know have shared with me how (in developing countries), the Institutes are seen as a safe haven for young women without prior educational or work experience.  When they join in their teenage or in their twenties, they are trained to obey their formator/ superior in every little thing, till the time of their final profession.  I've seen some will not even give a glass of water to a thirsty person without permission.  And after their final profession they are suddenly given leadership positions and responsibilities where they need to take decisions not only for themselves but also in collaboration with other leaders and people whom they serve.  They share with me how disoriented and helpless they feel because they have not learnt how to discern and take decisions for Years in their formation.

Candidates to consecrated virginity, if very young and without work experience, are disoriented like most other youth in today's fast-changing world.  They look with enthusiasm for authenticity and challenge in their faith life; and desire to have a clear identity and points of reference in life.  In this stage if they are consecrated hurriedly, they are bound to experience deep frustration that can break them.  Older candidates if ex-religious, also have not seen the 'world' and not able to discern or move out of a structured mind-set and style of functioning.  Some have not been strong enough to take a step toward life-time commitment in their youth, through marriage that demands self-giving, but regret it in later life, wanting to find meaning better late than never. 

I have never met one consecrated woman in my life ( whether monastic or apostolic religious or member of secular institute or lay association or movement or a consecrated virgin-- who gave witness to being a Wholistically mature person, able to respond Spontaneously and freely to demands of life and needs of people (maybe Mother Teresa of Calcutta had that maturity--but I never met her).  Maybe it is a gift of Founders which unfortunately is not found in their followers.   As a Counselor I found that consecrated persons in general have more neuroses than do lay people immersed in the real world out there.

The news about the meeting of formators in Rome last week seems to have laid emphasis on all vocations (including monastic and religious) to live their charisms 'in the world'.  This will break down the fortress mentality of creating walls between the sacred and the secular.

I think that is a great move toward Maturity!

P.S.  I do not intend to offend anyone here.  The above is my personal observation over the years.  It may be different in the West.

 

 

[BarbTherese]

Fascinating post, GB, reflecting some of my own private thoughts.  Thank you for sharing. 

May I ask where you are located (not in the West, I take it) and also if there is a link to a website to enable one to stay in touch with what is happening re Year of Consecrated Life?

​

[God's Beloved]

It's great to hear from you Barbara!

The news gets updated regularly on http://www.news.va/en  especially in the Italian version.  A modified version of the talk to formators in Rome last week is available on http://vaticaninsider.lastampa.it/en/the-vatican/detail/articolo/concilio-vaticano-secondo-the-second-vatican-council-concilio-vaticano-secondo-40301/

Of course I'm in Asia.  Whatever happens in the West is usually repeated in the East after two or three decades.

[BarbTherese]

It's great to hear from you Barbara!

The news gets updated regularly on http://www.news.va/en  especially in the Italian version.  A modified version of the talk to formators in Rome last week is available on http://vaticaninsider.lastampa.it/en/the-vatican/detail/articolo/concilio-vaticano-secondo-the-second-vatican-council-concilio-vaticano-secondo-40301/

Of course I'm in Asia.  Whatever happens in the West is usually repeated in the East after two or three decades.

​I regularly, it seems, come across your posts, GB, and great to be 'speaking' with you again.  I do an awful lot of reading, not much writing/posting at all in comparison lately. 

Thank you very much for the links, much appreciated!

[oremus1]

Problems arise when the vocation to be consecrated as a virgin -- is not comprehended in a proper manner. I advocate for age limits -- this is not to exclude good hearted seekers but to stress needed maturity -- for a woman who desires the consecration. I see many examples -- of holy yet inexperienced women -- that seek consecration but are not settled and mature. This leads to unhappiness. Certainly age limitations do not guarantee maturity -- I also advocate that a bishop must refuse consecration -- when women are immature. Childishness is rooted -- in our culture. The whims oremusl mentions and style of life that seeks entertainment -- more than prayer or spirituality. Various younger women might be consecrated despite age limits -- if the bishop approves -- yet it is most fruitful when a woman becomes the spouse of Christ -- once she has proven that she is steadfast after numerous years. To be consecrated is not a right -- yet some I have encountered -- want to think it should be given when requested - if the woman loves the Church. This is an attitude that hurts the vocation -- it populates the vocation with women who do not comprehend self sacrifice and patience.

​
What do you think of this? : http://sponsa-christi.blogspot.co.uk/2010/01/young-vocations.html

I tend to agree with Sponsa, that actually, candidates should be young but not immature.

By 'settled' do you mean, set in a particular way of life?

[God's Beloved]

I do believe that youth is the best time to answer the call to CV, for the motivations to be authentic and Christ-oriented.  It involves sacrifice.

What I am concerned is young women in their 20s being consecrated with hardly a year or two of preparation which itself is not well-developed for CV in most parts of the world.

Since this is a diocese-based vocation and the charism of virginity calls us 'to keep the Faith Whole and Entire' I've always thought that the best formation for young candidates would be a complete training in theology.  Young vocations to the diocesan priesthood go through several years of formation.  CV is not clerical life but it involves service to the Church as a collaborator of the bishop.  How important it is for CV to receive all-round formation before consecration !

[oremus1]

I do believe that youth is the best time to answer the call to CV, for the motivations to be authentic and Christ-oriented.  It involves sacrifice.

What I am concerned is young women in their 20s being consecrated with hardly a year or two of preparation which itself is not well-developed for CV in most parts of the world.

Since this is a diocese-based vocation and the charism of virginity calls us 'to keep the Faith Whole and Entire' I've always thought that the best formation for young candidates would be a complete training in theology.  Young vocations to the diocesan priesthood go through several years of formation.  CV is not clerical life but it involves service to the Church as a collaborator of the bishop.  How important it is for CV to receive all-round formation before consecration !

​What do you understand by "service to the church"?

For example, if there was a pious lady who felt called to the spousal charism, but was not very intelligent. however she spend most of her free time praying, and arranging flowers in church. could she be a CV?

and at a time when many diocese see CV as burdensome, who would pay for the CV to complete the priesthood type theological training? cant see the diocese paying since there is no obligation for her to work for them, or even any theological occupation. some work as dance teachers, firefighters, accountants, doctors, teachers, all kinds of jobs.

also, if a doctor was working 80 hours a week but wanted to be a CV, how would they study a theology degree while working so many hours, and keeping her prayer schedule?