Take hair. Pull out.

[puellapaschalis]

Apropos of absolutely nothing, and placed here only because I think VS will sympathise (if not completely understand)...

...praying with other people is so incredibly infuriating.

(It's not that they ought to do it my way; it's that they ought to do it the right way! Argh!)

I imagine the process of getting your corners rubbed off you must be even worse/better in religious life.

Which order was it where a nov has to choose between a crown of roses and of thorns? PROTIP: THE ROSES ARE REALLY THORNS TOO. DO NOT BE DECEIVED.

This was a public service announcement brought to you by my stubborn and malicious pride which had better get dealt with now because dealing with it in there hereafter would probably be worse!

[Gabriela]

Solution: Ear plugs.

(You have my fullest empathy.)

[AccountDeleted]

I find it helps to focus less on what others are doing and more on my own relationship with God. The deeper that gets, the less others have the power to disturb one's peace. I think that is why they say that religious life smooths out the rough edges. In the beginning the focus can't help but be on others but over time one learns that that way lies insanity . and the only cure is to keep bringing one's focus back time and time again to the source of love. What starts out as simple loving attentiveness leads into a deep and meaningful relationship that demands so much of one's focus and attention that small distractions seem irrelevant.  

 

[vee]

[orapronobis]

I know exactly how you feel. Some woman started reciting the rosary really loudly during adoration (literally,  shouting it. ) however,  I thought,  if you can't beat them, join tthem. So I started silently going along with her so that I could at least have some prayer time before the blessed sacrament- even if I hadn't been planning to say the rosary!

[puellapaschalis]

Oh you are all so holy. I get annoyed by the way some people breathe! 

[marigold]

Believe me, PP, you're not the only one. Quelling irritation is like 60% of my day. And I wouldn't bring out the piety big guns except that this is something I've been thinking about a lot recently, with Lent and whatnot - more time in church minus nice comfy things that dull the sting. I've taken to playing a little game with myself in which I find one balancing good thing for every bad thing I've judged. It's kind of silly but it works for me.

For example, I usually go to a large family parish which is quite noisy and has people coming and going all throughout the services, children flapping around at the front, grannies having a full-on conversation in the back, the choir having social time in between responses, etc. etc. (Stay focused, stay focused!) And I try to go with the flow but sometimes it grates. So I make an effort to see something good too.

That granny who just spent the entire litany swapping gossip with her friend, see how she always goes and venerates her favourite icon of the Mother of God, even though it's at the other end of the church and she has a lot of pain walking.

The choir members who act like this is the only time in the week to re-convene the old boys' club - see how feelingly they sing the long difficult hymns, how they make sure that everyone gets a look-in, and patiently coach the young ones and let their mistakes pass.

Even the kids, who SEEM to be all over the place, can show me how relaxed they are in the house of God, and seeing their little faces the moment after Holy Communion - that's nothing short of edifying.

It probably says more about me than about them that I have to play tit-for-tat games in order to not go off in a huff, so maybe this will convince you that in comparison you're actually fine

[AccountDeleted]

Time will help. I'm older, so maybe a lot of the things that used to irritate me just don't seem quite so important anymore. No need to shovel the small stuff. The older I get, the more all those old cliches seem to be true, like knowing which battles are worth fighting and which aren't. And how even the dark cloud has a silver lining etc...

Even if we don't live in a religious community, just interacting with other human beings has the same effect over time - rubbing away, rubbing away, until the edges are smooth enough not to cause as much distress when we touch them. Caroline Glynn wrote a book called 'Don't Knock the Corners Off' at age 15 (in 1963) about a young schoolgirl from ages 9-15 who is sent to boarding school. She describes trying very hard not to get her 'corners knocked off' and becoming like everyone else. I read it when I was young and it had an impact on me, probably making me feel that I had to be very individualistic, to be 'myself' (as if I could be anyone else). I think life just does that (knocks our corners off) over time - not that it takes away our individualism, but it teaches us that we aren't the center of the universe - that we can be ourselves while still understanding that we share this planet with millions of others, all trying to be themselves as well.

When someone or something irritates me now, I remind myself that I am not the only person in the world and that it's not all about my comfort, my needs, my wants or my desires. There are a lot of other people out there who inhabit a lot of the same spaces I do, and they have just as much right to feel comfortable too.

So a lady in the Adoration Chapel squirms too much or turns the pages of a paper or her book too noisily, or rattles her beads, or prays too loudly. It's her space too, not just mine. Even if we don't have any annoying habits ourselves (and I bet we do), that doesn't mean that we should get everything our way. It's all about understanding that this is a shared life. It would be mighty lonely if it weren't. God gave us to each other. So maybe we need to try to imagine that the whole world has been destroyed and we are the last person left alive on earth except for with this other irritating person. Isn't it good not to be the only one left? How much more would we appreciate that person if we had no one else for company. 

So it can help if we just give it time. We can keep our individualism but still let some of the corners get knocked off - that way things won't seem quite so irritating. Not holiness, just a lot of birthdays!  

[puellapaschalis]

Solution: Ear plugs.

(You have my fullest empathy.)

​Thankee! I fear, though, that I'd get weird looks if I had those in during prayers

It's been a rough few weeks. I know everyone's just very good at putting up with my grouchiness, which is a good thing as I am a Master Grouch™* at the moment. But things are looking up, March is a feast-day-heavy month and God is merciful. Dus.

*There is no female equivalent; puellæ are Masters Grouch. We have a mediæval gild in the City of London and help elect the Lord Mayor and everything.

 

 

[Gabriela]

I'm extremely sensitive to distraction of all sorts. I put in ear plugs before and after Mass, and during Adoration or any other kind of prayer in public.

I almost went completely berserk on a woman who was shouting for 15 minutes at the back of the parish last week. Thank God for keeping me under control! It totally ruined my day, and I didn't feel better till I slept it off. But I recognize it's my failing—and her inconsiderateness, but ultimately, my failing!

If it helps at all, I TRY to remember that my relationship with God is "unmediated", i.e., I relate to God directly, through intense prayer and meditation. I find it extremely difficult to encounter God in other people (which sounds horrible, but it's just my constitution). That being said, I have to recognize that most other people encounter God in a "mediated" way, i.e., THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE. And so when they go to Mass or prayer, their experience of God is in socializing with His people. That's okay. We need those people, too. They're the (active) missionaries of the Church, the ones down at the food pantry and the homeless shelter, doing God's work with other human beings. I—and it sounds like you—are the contemplatives of the Church. We want God "straight on", undistracted! I just try to keep in mind that these are "types", both of which are needed (and totally annoying to each other! ;-). 

As for people who pray (or breathe) VERY loudly: Some people are just "vocalizers". Like those dogs who "talk". It's weird, but it's just the way they are!

[Gabriela]

Believe me, PP, you're not the only one. Quelling irritation is like 60% of my day. And I wouldn't bring out the piety big guns except that this is something I've been thinking about a lot recently, with Lent and whatnot - more time in church minus nice comfy things that dull the sting. I've taken to playing a little game with myself in which I find one balancing good thing for every bad thing I've judged. It's kind of silly but it works for me.

For example, I usually go to a large family parish which is quite noisy and has people coming and going all throughout the services, children flapping around at the front, grannies having a full-on conversation in the back, the choir having social time in between responses, etc. etc. (Stay focused, stay focused!) And I try to go with the flow but sometimes it grates. So I make an effort to see something good too.

That granny who just spent the entire litany swapping gossip with her friend, see how she always goes and venerates her favourite icon of the Mother of God, even though it's at the other end of the church and she has a lot of pain walking.

The choir members who act like this is the only time in the week to re-convene the old boys' club - see how feelingly they sing the long difficult hymns, how they make sure that everyone gets a look-in, and patiently coach the young ones and let their mistakes pass.

Even the kids, who SEEM to be all over the place, can show me how relaxed they are in the house of God, and seeing their little faces the moment after Holy Communion - that's nothing short of edifying.

It probably says more about me than about them that I have to play tit-for-tat games in order to not go off in a huff, so maybe this will convince you that in comparison you're actually fine

​Good strategy! I think it was on Phatmass that I once read about a monk who always tried to see the positive in his brothers. So, if he walked into a brother's cell and it was really messy, instead of thinking, "Wow, this brother's a pig", he'd think, "My goodness, my brother is so focused on the things of heaven that he doesn't even have time to clean his cell!"

I think it was beatitude who posted that. If so, could you post it again, beatitude?

[AccountDeleted]

​Good strategy! I think it was on Phatmass that I once read about a monk who always tried to see the positive in his brothers. So, if he walked into a brother's cell and it was really messy, instead of thinking, "Wow, this brother's a pig", he'd think, "My goodness, my brother is so focused on the things of heaven that he doesn't even have time to clean his cell!"

I think it was beatitude who posted that. If so, could you post it again, beatitude?

​Good!

[BarbTherese]

[beatitude]

It was St Dorotheos of Gaza. "I heard of one person that when he came to one of his friends and found the room in disarray and even dirty, he would say to himself: 'Blessed is this person, because having deferred his concerns for earthly cares, he has concentrated his mind that much toward Heaven, that he doesn’t even have time to tidy up his room.' But when he came to another friend’s place and found his room tidy and neat, he would say to himself; 'The soul of this person is as clean as his room, and the condition of the room speaks of his soul.' And he never judged another that he was negligent or proud, but through his kind disposition, saw good in everyone and received benefits from everyone. May the good Lord grant us the same kind disposition, so that we too may receive benefits from everyone and so that we never notice the failings of others."

[marigold]

I'm extremely sensitive to distraction of all sorts. I put in ear plugs before and after Mass, and during Adoration or any other kind of prayer in public.

I almost went completely berserk on a woman who was shouting for 15 minutes at the back of the parish last week. Thank God for keeping me under control! It totally ruined my day, and I didn't feel better till I slept it off. But I recognize it's my failing—and her inconsiderateness, but ultimately, my failing!

If it helps at all, I TRY to remember that my relationship with God is "unmediated", i.e., I relate to God directly, through intense prayer and meditation. I find it extremely difficult to encounter God in other people (which sounds horrible, but it's just my constitution). That being said, I have to recognize that most other people encounter God in a "mediated" way, i.e., THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE. And so when they go to Mass or prayer, their experience of God is in socializing with His people. That's okay. We need those people, too. They're the (active) missionaries of the Church, the ones down at the food pantry and the homeless shelter, doing God's work with other human beings. I—and it sounds like you—are the contemplatives of the Church. We want God "straight on", undistracted! I just try to keep in mind that these are "types", both of which are needed (and totally annoying to each other! ;-). 

As for people who pray (or breathe) VERY loudly: Some people are just "vocalizers". Like those dogs who "talk". It's weird, but it's just the way they are!

​Vocalizers, haha that's excellent!