Delaying/waiting To Enter Religious...but Not That Soon...

[kg94]

Brothers and Sisters in Christ, 

 

I thought I would start a new topic to provide some support to those of you who have to wait to enter Religious Life (RL). For many different reasons, people are often told to wait before furthering their discernment, either generally or with a particular community/congregation. 

 

Here are some of the common reasons:

 

Recent conversion to the faith (less than 2 years - the recommendation is 2 years in the Church before discernment of Religious Life, but this depends on the congregation. As far as I know, there aren't any canonical restrictions to entry for pre-noviciate formation stages for recent converts). 

 

Debt - normally, you would be expected to pay off any debts before entering RL. However, in the case of student loans, for some countries, this is not a debt where you would have to pay back the full amount if you don't earn over a certain amount, and in some cases, the debt is wiped after a certain period of time. Nevertheless, you would try your best to pay off any debt you had anyway, wouldn't you?

 

Sexual activity - the Church asks those who have engaged in sexual activity to wait 2 years before entering Religious Life (whether you were married and are now widowed, or your marriage was annulled or you engaged in sexual activity outside of marriage, which unfortunately is somewhat common nowadays). Note that the term "sexual activity" also includes if you have not had full sexual intercourse with someone. It also includes other types of sexual activity. 

 

Pressure - any pressure from family and friends that becomes to the extent where you can no longer discern freely could mean waiting a while until things cool down, especially if you are on the younger side of the age spectrum!

 

Age - if you are under 17, by Canon Law, you cannot enter into the Noviciate, and even though you still have to go through the pre-noviciate stages, there is a high likelyhood that the congregation you are discerning with may tell you to wait a while. Yes, I know, it can be frustrating...

 

So, for those reasons (and more), some people have to wait. I know, it can be frustrating, and thoughts of giving up can cross your mind. However, I want to give you some encouragement. What God has given, man cannot take away. If it is God's will, then provided you follow His lead, you will find your way to where you are meant to be in God's time (NOT your time). Take the time to grow, and to increase your faith. Draw closer to God, and allow your vocation to grow stronger, whichever way it takes you. Allow God to work through you in your current life and be faithful to your duties at current. Live your life to the fullest possible extent, and keep praying, asking God to show you what your true vocation is. 

 

If you want to email me, please feel free:

franciscan.klt@gmail.com

 

 

Know you have my prayers, and Happy Lent!

 

Love and prayer,

Kim-Therese x

[Swami Mommy]

I would add to the above that one could investigate the possibility of becoming an oblate at a monastery if one is nearby while outstanding issues need to be addressed before one can be admitted to a postulancy, or by practicing being a monastic in the world by following monastic practices as best as one is able. This would include daily prayer, lectio divina, some sort of selfless service, simplifying one's lifestyle, refraining from too much social media or TV especially if it is used to distract oneself from one's inner silence, doing daily tasks with mindful awareness and offering, monitoring one's speech, etc. Dedicating one's life to God does not require a formal entrance into a monastery, cloister or convent, though it's always lovely if that is a possibility and a deep desire. Someone once told me that God does not always give us what we want, but He will always give us what we need to further our upliftment.

Edited February 22, 2015 by Swami Mommy

[Cecilia]

My uncle has been a Benedictine monk -- for 27 years. He was instructed to wait -- for several years -- due to some personal difficulties and family sufferings. During his time of waiting -- he lived at our home -- during a summer and then for a year later on. A mong his family members -- we have 5 vocations -- to the clergy, religious, consecrated virgin, secular oblate. Sometimes the delay will be a blessing -- even if it is tiresome for the person waiting. My uncle took us to mass -- often and also a camping retreat.

[theotokos321]

I discerned actively for 6 Years with the community that I have now moved to and am Lord willing very close to becoming a member of the sisterhood.

When I started discerning it was summer of 08. My car broke beginning of lent 2009 and left me stranded at the monastery overnight for the first time. I really struggled if God wanted me to finish school or quit and join. I had a long talk with the Abbess in the summer of 09. She told me to finish School and work for a few years. I was a junior in nursing school. I graduated May 2010 and interviewed in the fall for nursing jobs. I had prayed to remain close to the monastery or get my dream job in pediatrics. I had 12 interviews. I got too offers within 24 hrs, both of which I had prayed for. God answered both prayers. After much discernment I could not move almost 4 hrs away from the community that I was 45 mins away from. So I took the less favorable job in a area of nursing I didnt like in nursing school.

I stayed almost a weekend every month for 5 years.
I worked for alittle over 4 years in nursing, seeing the community once a month for a few day stays, vacation time here and there, I would drop in here and there and help. So in a way maybe I was an Oblate. In the orthodox church we dont have oblates I dont think. It was truly beautiful.

I had quite a few mountains to climb in discernment.
1. almost 25 thousand dollars in school loans I paid off
2. House mortgage to transfer out of my name. Was shot down by a bank and I prayed to the Mother of God and knew she would take care of it. The four events with the loan going thru had to do with her feast days. She answered my prayers.
3. My dads health became very fragile 3 years ago and we had to put him in a nursing home
4. My own health problems ( dental issues/enlarged lymph nodes, T MJ, headaches)
5. I was caring for an elderly man that was very religious and he died the week after Easter last year.
6. I was suspended for something dumb at work ( 3 working shifts) and I became "homeless" last summer bc I lived with the elderly man and had to move out when he died. I actually moved to the monastery for the summer last year before moving to my moms in the fall.

Gods hand was truely in all of this. He guided me here.

The founder of the monastery died at the hospital I worked at 24 years ago. My last day of work was on the memorial day of her repose.

working my last and final shift, I took part in a Team stroke and a last final trauma. I met a respiratory therapist who asked me where I was going. We struck up a conversation. I told her about this Monastery on a Hill founded by a Nun. (Some details omitted for privacy of community)

I took care of her in room 4426. I remember we had a picture of her in the break room, I printed stuff up about her life, there were always nuns around her, I have been here for 28 years, I suctioned her, listened to breath sounds, i have often thought about her, you get patients you meet that make a impression, she was one of them, I never knew what monastery she was from, we just knew she was a nun"

So you see. Everything came round circle. Its as if she was smiling down on me as I began my "leave taking" I stayed to help until 4am, this respiratory Therapist works midnight and I have never met her before. What started as a small conversation ended up with me giving her a journal and info about the monastery.

I had a tough wonderful last day. I left smiling. This feels so right. Its as if the foundress was winking at me with this last encounter. I have never met another staff member that took care of her, actually took care of her. GOD arranged me to meet her. God bless her.

My friend is the one who said "you should go in this last trauma " So I did. I wasnt going to but I obeyed. It was in the last hour that I met the respiratory Therapist. I talked with her, it was 0340 am. Not only was it last hour, it was in the final minutes.

The one that knew and took care of her. My eyes lit up. And I told other co workers on nights that this is why I stayed over to help. My words to them in the break room were "God arranges everything" and I told them "she took care of the nun I was telling you about! "

I'm soooo happy. Meeting her made my night..... what are the odds. The foundress definitely arranged our meeting. If I never went in the trauma I wouldn't have met her. Because she was not even assigned to the ER. She came down from intensive for the trauma.

I share all of this as encouragement to those of you discerning. I found my home and my community. Sometimes you have to wait things out. But God will give you the Grace. He will show you where you ought to Be. I have been here almost a month now. Blessed Lent to everyone.

[theotokos321]

Thru all the ups and downs of my decernment, my desire for monastic life remained very strong. God led me. He is leading me.

Just keep praying and leave your life in His hands. He will show you.

[theotokos321]

One last thing. Even when I thought i was ready to enter, I had a talk with the Abbess who told me 18 months. January 15' was when I could start to live here. She wanted me to work longer and have more nursing. As soon as I moved here it was called upon because one of the sisters was very sick. God works. I trusted her judgment as my spiritual mother to know when I should enter.

[vee]

 

 If it is God's will, then provided you follow His lead, you will find your way to where you are meant to be in God's time (NOT your time). Take the time to grow, and to increase your faith. Draw closer to God, and allow your vocation to grow stronger, whichever way it takes you. Allow God to work through you in your current life and be faithful to your duties at current. Live your life to the fullest possible extent, and keep praying, asking God to show you what your true vocation is. 

 

 

^^^ this  As hard as it may be, this. 

[Spem in alium]

I have now been accepted and am living in community as a candidate, but I did have a couple of hurdles.

 

First was my student loan, which we discovered I technically didn't have to pay off. I am paying it off now, which is a good feeling.

Second was several issues with my medical history, and with doctors, who took a long time getting paperwork back to the Sisters. I remember worrying about this, worrying that they wouldn't accept me because of my past issues, but as a friend said to me: if God wants you there, you'll get there. And here I am!

 

And now, there's a third obstacle: study. I am doing my doctorate, and of course, I can't be studying externally when entering the novitiate. This will likely mean I'll have an extra-long postulancy. 

 

Ultimately, we need to trust God, and to believe that He will lead us towards the truth. 

[superblue]

Okay , for the part I underlined,

 

Exactly, why would that be an issue ? Isn't that what the Church prefers ? If we are supposed to wait till marriage to engage in intercourse, why would one be judged either way on not having sexual intercourse ? that seems like an oxymoron, don't do this but if you don't do it, we are going to ask why.

 

Sexual activity - the Church asks those who have engaged in sexual activity to wait 2 years before entering Religious Life (whether you were married and are now widowed, or your marriage was annulled or you engaged in sexual activity outside of marriage, which unfortunately is somewhat common nowadays). Note that the term "sexual activity" also includes if you have not had full sexual intercourse with someone. It also includes other types of sexual activity. 

 

[puellapaschalis]

I think it refers to sexual contact that didn't include actual intercourse. It's about chastity as a non-married person, rather than a legalistic 'Did you cross that line' approach.

[Chiquitunga]

I've never heard of the Church specifically requiring what is quoted above from the original poster. It makes sense, although I have no clue. But I don't think there is anywhere where the Church specifically asks that. Here it says for entering the seminary to wait one to two years after the death of a spouse, http://behind.ndandp.com/home/learn/qualifications-for-becoming-a-priest.aspx Later it says a "suitable period of probation" for someone who had made mistakes.

 

It's probably up to the individual diocese/vocation director/order/superior, etc. 

[truthfinder]

Chiqui, there were some new guidelines put out for seminaries by the Vatican about 3-5 years ago - might some of these rules be in there? 

[kg94]

Okay , for the part I underlined,

 

Exactly, why would that be an issue ? Isn't that what the Church prefers ? If we are supposed to wait till marriage to engage in intercourse, why would one be judged either way on not having sexual intercourse ? that seems like an oxymoron, don't do this but if you don't do it, we are going to ask why.

 

The matter of this issue was not referring to those who have not had intercourse and have been chaste. Chastity is more than not having intercourse. It is a lifestyle and a mindset as well. For example, there are people who have watched porn or engaged in masturbation or done other unchaste things, but have not necessarily engages in full sexual intercourse with another person. Therefore, that would be a reason to believe that perhaps the person isn't quite ready to give themselves wholly to God in the Religious Life, in celibate chastity (bearing in mind that chastity is one of the evangelical counsels (vows) taken at profession for RL). I hope that clarifies the matter.

 

Love and prayer, 

Kim-Therese x

[marigold]

Just going to side-step all of the above discussion... :hehe2:  Waiting is pretty much what I am doing for the time being. Last year, I moved to be closer to a new foundation, and we all just kind of assumed that I would enter there eventually. If a young woman wants to be a nun, and is helping out with the foundation of a women's monastery... But it was a lot of pressure with little support or communication between the people involved, since they were kind of scattered geographically and doing a lot of travelling to raise funds. Around Christmas-new year, it felt like the right time to take a break from that and re-evaluate. I started a new job, as well as an application for a degree program, and talked to my confessor about visiting other communities and giving them some serious consideration.

 

So, I'm in contact with a couple of communities in different countries - I'm planning to spend the 2nd week after Easter with one of them. They look like a really good community but I am not really letting myself get overexcited about it. And I just talked more about the degree program with my confessor, and he advised me not to enrol in the program. I've chosen to obey him in that, both because it's a blessing to do so, and because he's not been wrong yet about any big life choice - but I was due to go to a testing day today, so I am feeling a bit blue about it.

 

All of this feels incredibly disjointed and unsatisfying to write, but it's truly a work in progress, and I guess that's what the thread's about! For me there aren't impediments (barring our lease which ends this summer) except that I don't know where I'm going yet... :)

[kg94]

Just going to side-step all of the above discussion... :hehe2:  Waiting is pretty much what I am doing for the time being. Last year, I moved to be closer to a new foundation, and we all just kind of assumed that I would enter there eventually. If a young woman wants to be a nun, and is helping out with the foundation of a women's monastery... But it was a lot of pressure with little support or communication between the people involved, since they were kind of scattered geographically and doing a lot of travelling to raise funds. Around Christmas-new year, it felt like the right time to take a break from that and re-evaluate. I started a new job, as well as an application for a degree program, and talked to my confessor about visiting other communities and giving them some serious consideration.

 

So, I'm in contact with a couple of communities in different countries - I'm planning to spend the 2nd week after Easter with one of them. They look like a really good community but I am not really letting myself get overexcited about it. And I just talked more about the degree program with my confessor, and he advised me not to enrol in the program. I've chosen to obey him in that, both because it's a blessing to do so, and because he's not been wrong yet about any big life choice - but I was due to go to a testing day today, so I am feeling a bit blue about it.

 

All of this feels incredibly disjointed and unsatisfying to write, but it's truly a work in progress, and I guess that's what the thread's about! For me there aren't impediments (barring our lease which ends this summer) except that I don't know where I'm going yet... :)

 

Hi Marigold, 

 

Sometimes waiting and not really knowing can be a daunting experience. As for not applying for your degree programme, I think it was a wise thing for your confessor to ask you not to. From the sounds of it, you seem to be at a bit of a transition stage, and it's never a good idea to try and jump into things too fast. Degrees can cause debt, and they also take commitment of say, 3-4 years (or for some, 2 years, if it's a fast track course). Pray about the decisions you are thinking about and take it slowly. All will be done in God's time. 

Be attentive to the Holy Spirit and be open to wherever God might be leading you. You know, something we like to say is this: If you want to make God laugh, tell Him all your plans! Trust me, by following God's lead, I have ended up all over the place, and sometimes in places I don't necessarily want to be in, but it has always been a great blessing to me, and it has always helped me to grow. Trust in God, and don't lose hope. God sees the bigger picture and knows where you are heading, even if you don't! 

 

Be assured of my prayers and Happy Lent!

 

God bless,

Kim-Therese x