AveMariaPurissima Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 How do I distinguish whether the reason I feel an attraction for a particular order is because I may perhaps have a vocation there, or if it is due to an undue attachment to the members of the community themselves? I hope that makes sense... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theotokos321 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Does it feel like home ? The members of a community Change over time. It is natural to be attracted to a particular community you may have a vocation too. And really the only way to know is to go try it out. Get to know the Superior and pray to discern the Lords will. When you end up in the right place a light bulb will go off. You will feel it in the depths of your soul. But remember a place can not save you. The monastic life is about working out our salvation. God will give you the discernment you need to know where you are called. He doesnt make mistakes. May God bless you. Have a blessed lent. And go back and visit that community. Spend lots of time there. The one I am in now (postulency ) I have known them since I was 13. But have been seriously interested for 6 years. Now I finally quit my nursing job to go and try it out. Yes its home. Yes I love all the sisters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikita92 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Personally I would weigh my attraction to the sisters/nuns as part of my discernment of being called/attraction to a particular community! After all.. I plan on spending the rest of my life in their company.. And visa versa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luigi Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I'm no expert, but it seems to me... An attraction to the people in the order can be part of the attraction to the order in general. Because the people who join must have the personality characteristics that fit with the order's charism - their personalities, attitudes, habits of mind, etc., enable them and support them in living out the life of the order. If you have the same type of personality, attitude, habits of mind, etc., it would be natural to feel attracted to them, to feel like you fit in with them. Birds of a feather flock together. But that's different from joining an order because of a particular person or a few particular people. As Theotokos321 said, the members of a community change over time. They may die, they may leave - if you joined so you could be near them, you'll be left twisting in the wind when they're gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathedral monk Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 The community is usually a reflection of the order. Franciscans reflect st Francis. Having said that, a calling vs. Attraction....a calling implies something spiritually deep whereas attraction implies to something superficial. you will have to search your 'self' to discern which is what to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vee Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 How do I distinguish whether the reason I feel an attraction for a particular order is because I may perhaps have a vocation there, or if it is due to an undue attachment to the members of the community themselves? I hope that makes sense... The following is from John of the Cross' counsels to a religious on how to reach perfection. I only think of it because how you see the community now and how they are to actually live with for years and years could be a bit different. John says 3. To practice the second counsel, which concerns mortification, and profit by it, you should engrave this truth on your heart. And it is that you have not come to the monastery for any other reason than to be worked and tried in virtue; you are like the stone that must be chiseled and fashioned before being set in the building. Thus you should understand that those who are in the monastery are craftsmen placed there by God to mortify you by working and chiseling at you. Some will chisel with words, telling you what you would rather not hear; others by deed, doing against you what you would rather not endure; others by their temperament, being in their person and in their actions a bother and annoyance to you; and others by their thoughts, neither esteeming nor feeling love for you. You ought to suffer these mortifications and annoyances with inner patience, being silent for love of God and understanding that you did not enter the religious life for any other reason than for others to work you in this way, and so you become worthy of heaven. If this was not your reason for entering the religious state, you should not have done so, but should have remained in the world to seek your comfort, honor, reputation, and ease. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marigold Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 That. ^^^^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbTherese Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Perhaps those who aspire to religious life for example are "not there yet" re detachment or, indeed, other qualities necessary for religious life. It seems to me to be up to those in leadership in a community (vocations director?) to discern if there is a desire in the applicant to learn and to grow spiritually - or a disposition to do so......a certain docility without demanding absolute docility. After all, postulancy and noviciate especially are times of discernment by both applicant and the community and in the environment of living religious life and as formation is actually in process in the cloister. It is a very big step and very often quite the culture shock to move from life in the world to religious life per se and in many it would take a period of adjustment that would vary with applicant. And this would be only the first adjustment required. Adjustment is not (short of a miracle of Grace) an overnight event, it is a journey and a hit and miss type of journey most often. This is what striving to live the spiritual life in any vocation actually is most often........hit and miss! Sometimes one can intellectually understand what is necessary, while effecting it is another matter and with religious life and all other vocations, effecting can be a hit and miss type of journey. Seems to me that leaders, vocation directors and those in charge of formation within the cloister need to be a 'special breed' of religious and probably are in fact. The question being "Could God be calling this person into our community?". And the proof can only be within the community itself. Posted by a non religious nor a discerner :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMariaPurissima Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Thank you, everyone, for your wise words. Sorry for not replying sooner, it's just that I was busy and didn't have time to formulate my thoughts well, and then the phorum was out of commission, and then...well, here I am now. I will tell a little more of my situation, although purposely keeping the details vague for privacy purposes. Last summer I met a priest from a religious order, and since then he and I have remained in contact. He is amesome and to say that he has been an immense help to me spiritually is definitely an understatement. Anyways, he recommended to me that I go on a private retreat with a nearby community of nuns (of the same order as him). All through the time he was helping me prepare for the retreat, Fr. was very insistent that this not be a discernment retreat, because he knew that at that time in my life it was more important and necessary for me to focus on healing rather than on vocational discernment. So I went on retreat at the monastery, and suffice to say it was an amazing, amesome experience and I received huge graces there. In addition, the Sisters themselves were wonderful; I could tell they are holy and very sweet, and I just felt so loved while I was there. And I must admit, the possibility of a vocation there did cross my mind. Ever since I was there last September, I've wanted to go back. Not only do I miss the Sisters and want to see them again, I also want to get to know them better and to see whether my first impressions are confirmed. Over the past several months my heart has been captivated by this Order in general, and there are a lot of aspects of the Order's spirituality/charism that I think might fit me well. But I'm also concerned and second-guessing myself about how much of my fascination with the Order comes merely from my love and admiration for the Sisters, Fr., and a couple of the other friars that I know. In connection with all of this, I humbly ask your prayers for two related intentions: --Fr. is going to be in town in a couple weeks, please pray that while he's here he and I will have an opportunity to discuss this (as well as some other things.) I know he's going to be extremely busy while he's here (he's coming to give a parish mission), but I hope we can work something out! --Please pray that I'll be able to go visit the Sisters again soon! I'm really really hoping to make another retreat w them in a few weeks, although I have yet to call them to find out if the dates I have in mind work for them. It's hard because my parents don't seem terribly enthusiastic about the idea. (I'm not a minor, but I still live at home and I don't have my own transportation yet.) God bless!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spem in alium Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 From what you have described, it sounds like you experienced much peace on that retreat. You yourself used the word "graces" - which certainly indicates to me you saw God working during that time. Your feelings of wanting to go back there and wanting to learn more about the Sisters seem to me to be positive signs - you don't just want to go back to hang out with them and have fun together, but to experience more of their way of life and their call to witness. I would agree that members of a community usually reflect the Order's charism. It's certainly good to like and want to spend time with people you will be living with I have learnt about the charism of my Congregation - and am learning how to live it - by observing how my Sisters live and interact with one another and the wider world. They are beautiful, holy women, and I can't help liking them - and loving them. But what distinguishes genuine affection and sisterly/brotherly love from unhealthy attachment is detachment - being able to separate ourselves from over-reliance or dependence on anything except God. People fall away, people move away, but God never changes. To be honest, I think you should go back. I think your questions will only really be answered by spending time with the community. But do so with an open mind and heart. Be open to the Spirit, and ask the Lord to guide you. God never inspires us with desires that are unreachable. I'll be praying for you. Discernment can be a difficult process, but journeying with Christ brings such profound grace. Place Him at the centre of your life, and everything else will fall into place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kg94 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Normally there are certain "indicators" that could point you to believe that you could POSSIBLY have a vocation to the Religious Life. Here are some, though this is by no means an exhaustive list: A strong attraction to a deeper life of prayer, to be apart from the world and be in the presence of God and spend time with Jesus, getting to know Him more intimately. Perhaps the attraction you have to things in the spiritual life could be stronger than to things of the world - material things. Religious are a gift to the Church. Therefore, you may experience a draw to serve others and to give yourself as a gift to God and to His people. You may find yourself increasingly more aware of the needs of those around you, and how you desire to do something about it. Being drawn to community life - to live and serve with your brothers or sisters in Christ who share the same spirit and vocation, who are also called by God to share in living a particular way of life, in prayer and service. You also need to realise that a Religious Life is not your idea, but God's idea. It is God who calls. Take some time to pray about where it is you can best use the gifts that God has given you to serve His people. Take one day at a time and see where He leads you. Focus on healing first and take one step at a time. If you have not healed from whatever hurt you have, and not let God fix the cracks in the road, then you will not be able to bear the extra load of discerning. Discerning is tough, because it is different for everyone, and in reality, we can never be 100% sure, but we can be sure enough and trust in faith when we reach a certain stage in our discernment whether God is really calling us to something or not. Just a caution: A lot of people are more concerned with the IDEA of Religious life NOT the REALITY of it. You may not fall into this category, but it may be something just to think and pray about. How much do you know about Religious Life? What are your experiences with Religious? I can tell you from personal experience that looking in from the outside is much different from looking in from the inside! I remember as I progressed from one stage to the next and deepened the discernment with a particular community that I really had my eyes opened as I discovered life was kind of different as I looked more and more from the inside rather than from the outside. You may find that as you get to know the Religious in the community, you will either feel more at home and the peace will deepen, or you may be put off. Some people are so sure, until they reach a stage where, when they discover more, they realise it isn't their vocation. Just see where God leads you, and be patient. Patience is indeed a difficult virtue, but essential for the spiritual life! Also, you may find that if you are drawn to the congregation, you tend to find you "gel" with the people in the congregation too! It's kind of part of sharing the same community life and charism (if you are called to it). Just try to figure out what it is you are drawn to about the people and the congregation, and WHY. In all that you do, you really need to know WHY you are doing it, or else, you lose focus of what you are doing and how you are doing it. If you want to talk further, please feel free to pm me or email me: franciscan.klt@gmail.com Love and prayer, Kim-Therese xCo-Foundress, The Vocation Operation Bloghttp://vocationoperation.blogspot.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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