Seeking Spiritual Direction When Discerning Vocation

[oratefratres]

I know it is essential. for references and such, and to prove I am serious about being a priest or brother.

But I feel I don't need one - can't I just read blogs and chat on forums etc? Also I feel weird disclosing all private stuff to an SD who I barely know.

 

I also feel ashamed for using up the priest's time. And the  lay directors....are all kinda new agey and I feel like how can they help me discern a priestly or consecrated brother vocation when they are married and elderly?

Most laypeople with directors are the very self righteous ones "I deserve a spiritual director....that is what the priest is there for". But I am not like that.

Where do I find one? Parish priests are too busy, and I am finding monks are given professional jobs so do not have the time.

The saints talked about choosing a good SD. Whereas the folk I know who have one all just emailed a ton of places and just went with whichever one said yes.

 

[Kateri89]

See this is my problem as well.  I had an SD previously and it was my former parish priest.  He retired in late 2013 and I kind of saw that as my excuse to end my spiritual direction with him.  He was a good priest but I just didn't feel like I could open up to him about my spiritual struggles and growth, plus I'd like a religious sister or even brother for a spiritual director because I would like someone who is more familiar with that lifestyle to help give me guidance.  I found a community whose apostolate includes individual spiritual direction but I've emailed them twice with no reply.  I had been postponing contacting the community I'm interested in because of my lack of a spiritual director but I think at this point I'm probably just going to have to push forward with the community.

[Ash Wednesday]

First of all, I wouldn't worry too much about using up a priest's time if you are in need of spiritual direction and discerning your vocation. That is part of his vocation, after all, and discerning is a pretty important thing. Whatever time he gives in helping you may potentially come back in spades for what he has done if it can help you. And whatever personal matters you share with a SD is probably something that wouldn't come unless you had enough rapport together anyway. And the consensus I usually hear is to find a good, trustworthy priest or member of the clergy (i.e. a superior monk who can offer spiritual direction) as opposed to a layperson.

 

Overall, the internet can only do so much. It's a good starting point but given that vocations generally involve face to face relationships, eventually one's formation has to involve this as well.

 

I am moving this topic to Vocation Station because many there have been through this and may have good advice as well. However a link remains in Open Mic so people can still help.

 

My prayers are with you.

[oratefratres]

@Ash thanks

 

if I just approach a VD will he think I am not serious because I have no SD?

Also - priests and monks have their duties. Theya re busy. When they finish being busy then they are tired. No time for SD.
It is my experience that priests don't care about all that spiritual gumph they might get from directing someone. They just want to do their work then relax with some TV or iPhone. I hope I don't become like that.


 

Edited February 11, 2015 by oratefratres

[bardegaulois]

To begin, I'll admit that a good spiritual director is hard to find. However, simply reading blogs and forums is no more a substitute for spiritual direction than reading WebMD is if you need a doctor. It can help with your more modest concerns, but not with something so serious as discerning your vocation in life. There you need to build rapport with a spiritual father, who will probably not be making more specific suggestions about your devotional life until he is sure that he knows you will enough to do so.

 

I would recommend that the best thing to do would be to speak to your diocese's vocations director. Diocesan VDs are often of incredible service to anyone discerning an ecclesiastical vocation in their diocese, not simply those wanting to become diocesan priests, because they are local to you and thus know the best resources in your area. If you're sincere about pursuing spiritual direction, make that your first stop. And don't worry about not being thought serious; I'm sure that there are very many in the same quandary as you are.

 

As a last note, the type of priest you describe is alas all too well known to me. If you don't think that you can trust such a man to direct your spiritual life, then don't. Follow instead the counsel of the VD, who has likely referred a great many people to a director before.

[tinytherese]

http://www.sdiworld.org/find-a-spiritual-director/seek-and-find-guide#sfg_link

[Pia Jesu]

Bard's suggestion to contact a Diocesan VD is excellent.  Meanwhile, I would mindfully (and lovingly!) look deeper into those feelings about not wanting to impose on others, of not wanting to take up their time--and even the assumptions about priests (in general) or lay SD's.  As Ash Wednesday notes, there are a lot of us who have faced the same problem.  In fact, during my own "search" for a SD, I was reminded of the old adage, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."  Rather than attaching a level of complexity that doesn't really exist, try to look within yourself for that simple, still voice.  Overthinking not only robs us of our peace of mind, but can be paralyzing (leaving us unable to say anything at all!).  Be your incredible, unique self, Orate, and the uncomfortableness of your situation will start to dissipate.

Prayers!

 

PS:  I unexpectedly met a priest (who turned out to be a favorite conferee/confessor!) in a shopping mall parking lot--and another during a retreat!

[MarysLittleFlower]

I have a great SD who is an FSSP priest... I have not found at all that priests don't care about spiritual direction and want to watch TV. They are very busy but they still make time for people when they need help. I also found it very helpful to open up about discernment and personal things with an SD - there is much that I would only tell him in fact... I don't think its the same reading blogs posting on forums etc though this has helped me too. God bless!

[Chiquitunga]

Also - priests and monks have their duties. Theya re busy. When they finish being busy then they are tired. No time for SD.

It is my experience that priests don't care about all that spiritual gumph they might get from directing someone. They just want to do their work then relax with some TV or iPhone. I hope I don't become like that.

I think you are overgeneralizing too much here. As others have said, the good ones are out there. I've been surprised by many priests at how much they are willing to do to help people, especially for those discerning a vocation, with no recompense whatsoever. 

 

It is much easier to find though if you're in a big city, or an area that happens to have good priests/an Abbey/Friary, etc. I'm not sure if I can offer anything other than prayer. Here are a few links/places you might try for a retreat perhaps/& talk to a priest there, where my or a friend's experience has been very good. But yeah, good idea to try the diocesan VD.

 

http://mtstfrancis.com/index.php/retreats-and-activities

http://www.omvusa.org/mission/omv-houses/st-joseph-retreat-house/

http://www.mileschristi.org/

http://www.clearcreekmonks.org/

 

Also, I get what you are saying about a self-righteousness that can seem to go together with having a spiritual director. But actually, especially in discerning a vocation, it's more of a humble thing to have one... to be like, I can't figure this out on my own, I need help, especially from a someone more knowledgeable about this than me, to get their advise/direction other than your own idea and will, to help sort out what God wants. "To believe that one does not need counsel is great pride." - St. Basil  I got that from here, which you might find helpful, http://www.christianperfection.info/tta29.php This is good as well, http://newtheologicalmovement.blogspot.com/2010/12/when-you-cannot-find-spiritual-director.html

 

God bless & prayers!