Sleep And Spouses (Or Roomies Or Whatever)

[Maggyie]

I have generalized anxiety. In my youth I could sleep like a pro. But starting in 2010 my anxiety kicked in and it periodically resurfaces as sleep anxiety.

All of this makes me very particular about my sleep. I'm pretty regimented and my sister and husband joke/lament my inability to stay up past a certain hour. Reason being I start to panic because based on prior history, if I'm up too late I will miss the golden period where I can actually fall asleep.

If that happens and I'm up all night it can trigger a whole episode of sleep problems (like 6 weeks worth).

Recently both my husband and I got colds which as you can imagine impacts sleep. It's also caused my husband to start snoring a bit as his nose is stuffy.

It's also caused a bit of friction between us... Because it's sparked a round of sleep issues.

Does anyone else get sleep anxiety (where you get anxious about not sleeping and that in turn causes sleep problems? How do you manage? If you have a sleep partner whether same bed or same room or same house how do you keep things even keeled?

I have to go in a different room when I can't sleep as one of my anxiety management strategies. So "in the same house" counts too since I've turned our living room into my second bed of pain...

[BarbTherese]

No spouses or roomies.  I live alone.

I suffer Bipolar Disorder and if I am under stress, anxiety clicks in especially at bedtime.  How I have been able to overcome sleeplessness is by counting mentally continually from 1 to 7 only.  In more recent years what has worked for me too is the Jesus Prayer.  To repeat the name of Jesus in rhythm with my breathing continually and most often nowadays this is how I drift off to sleep even if not under stress.

Both do ask that one focuses.  In the counting that one only counts from 1 - 7 and in the Jesus Prayer that one focuses on keeping the Name of Jesus in rhythm with breathing.  I have found that this focus does push out distracting thoughts...........but if the thoughts interfere anyway, I simply begin the process again gently without stressing over it.  Works for me and has become habitual. I sleep like a rock.

 

Prayers for you Maggie that you will find something that will work for you. :)

 

 

PS I used to be an insomniac.  Not unusual for me to walk the floorboards all night wide awake and I don't think that anything else makes time pass so very slowly.

Edited January 29, 2015 by BarbaraTherese

[dUSt]

My lack of sleep is because of small humans. My small human offspring have not been properly trained to sleep in their own habitat, so it comes down to real estate. There is simply not enough room in our bed to fit me, my wife, and so many other people. Therefore, my wife usually sleeps in what use to be the phatmass studio, and I sleep by myself with multiple pairs of feet in my face and back.

[CrossCuT]

oh my goodness (don't blasphemy) yes. I got it soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad for about 3 months straight last year with a hefty round of SAD. It was the worst experience of my life. I am also extremely particular about sleep.

 

I know how it feels. And I will pray for you because that ish is not fun. :(

 

I tried everything to kick the problems:

Establish a sleep routine

Take hot bath

Drink warm milk before bed

Read a book before bed

Drink soothing teas

Put on soothing scents

Monitor room light and temperature

Valerian Root

Melatonin

 

One ultimatley helped me was some anti-depressants to treat me SAD. Took a common SSRI for a month and I slowly got better. But yes, the anxiety is killer. As soon as the sun starts to go down, panic and dread set in. Will I be able to sleep? How late can I stay up tossing and turning while still getting enough sleep? 

 

Racing minds need to shut up.

Edited January 29, 2015 by CrossCuT

[CatherineM]

I used to be scared to go to sleep because of ptsd night terrors.  My psychiatrist prescribed me a beta blocker a few months ago, and it's made a huge, life changing, difference.  It's an off label use for ptsd and anxiety.  Apparently it has been used for decades by singers, orchestras and precision athletes (shooters and archers).  Wish I'd known about it back when I was a singer.  I used to have to get so drunk to go on stage that I ended up cattywampus in an orchestra pit once.  I interferes with the feedback loop somehow internally that anxiety ramps up.  All I know is that I'm having a small fraction as many flashbacks, and the ones I have are less intrusive.  It's almost eliminated nightmares.  I'm able to handle situations now that left me cowering for years.

[ChristianGirlForever]

I'm so sorry, Maggie! I have had insomnia since I was nine (due to an infection that was untreated for years). I finally couldn't stand it anymore and asked my doctor to prescribe a sleeping pill. I am so grateful for it. I now get eight solid hours of sleep at normal sleeping times. I know it's not for everyone, but if your doctor recommends it, I would try. One of them didn't work for me, but the other one does, thank God.

I hope this helps! You are in my prayers, Maggie.

[ChristianGirlForever]

My lack of sleep is because of small humans. My small human offspring have not been properly trained to sleep in their own habitat, so it comes down to real estate. There is simply not enough room in our bed to fit me, my wife, and so many other people. Therefore, my wife usually sleeps in what use to be the phatmass studio, and I sleep by myself with multiple pairs of feet in my face and back.

You made me laugh out loud, Dust. I know it probably doesn't feel that way for you, but your story is adorable. Thank you for sharing!

[Anomaly]

It's also caused a bit of friction between us... Because it's sparked a round of sleep issues.

Does anyone else get sleep anxiety (where you get anxious about not sleeping and that in turn causes sleep problems? How do you manage? If you have a sleep partner whether same bed or same room or same house how do you keep things even keeled?

I have to go in a different room when I can't sleep as one of my anxiety management strategies. So "in the same house" counts too since I've turned our living room into my second bed of pain...

I've been married for more than thirty years. There have been various sleep issues Insomnia, snoring, different schedules, health, and currently anxieties. We've shared experiences with friends and family. A sense of humor is important.

Sleep is a fundamental requirement. Both people need sleep. Whatever works to allow the person with the most sleep needs should be allowed. It's selfish to demand otherwise. We've taken turns sleeping in other rooms or times. We both try to be accommodation to each other. Ultimately, the goal is to have the best quality waking time together. Everything eventually works out as long as it is regularly discussed so odd arrangements are as needed, not unhappy habits.

[Era Might]

Two beds like they did in the 50s. Probably be a lot less divorces. I know we're married, but do we have to spend every sleeping moment with our feet in each other's faces.

Edited January 29, 2015 by Era Might

[PhuturePriest]

I think it should be established in both local and Canon law that men are not under any circumstances to refer to their roommates as "roomies".

[Era Might]

I think it should be established in both local and Canon law that men are not under any circumstances to refer to their roommates as "roomies".

 

Broski?

[Nihil Obstat]

Two beds like they did in the 50s. Probably be a lot less divorces. I know we're married, but do we have to spend every sleeping moment with our feet in each other's faces.

I think you have been doing it wrong.

[Lilllabettt]

Here's the thing about chronic illness/pain.

Initially there's panic when confronted with the idea you may have to deal with it for the rest of your life.

Then there's depression.

Then there's acceptance.

And that makes it less unbearable.  cuz not freaking out over the thing takes away a layer of discomfort re: the thing.

I have long streaks, three or four weeks at a time, where I can't fall asleep or stay asleep.  There's no heat in my room, so when it gets too cold - like most nights recently - I climb into bed with my roomie (no homo.) She snores, which can snowball into one of these streaks.   There's still dread when I feel one of these coming on but I have to remind myself I don't exactly "care" anymore.

 

If I can't fall asleep I will spend the time doing something else I enjoy ... daydreaming about my life or the lives of historical or fictional characters, or writing stories in my head, or trying to go over something I'm trying to learn by heart (a foreign language, physics, chemistry, a poem I've been trying to memorize), praying occasionally ... and I will be a zombie the next day, and it will suck, but it will not kill me. I'm miserable when my goals are frustrated ... so I give up trying to fall asleep as a goal. my goal is to lie quietly in the dark for awhile resting my body. If my mind rests, fine. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Anomaly]

Two beds like they did in the 50s. Probably be a lot less divorces. I know we're married, but do we have to spend every sleeping moment with our feet in each other's faces.

Feet to face! Solves having to brush your teeth before bed time.

[CatherineM]

Feet to face! Solves having to brush your teeth before bed time.

They had a Seinfeld episode about this where they pointed out that the naughty bits still line up.