How To Move On?

[Cantantibus]

So, Ive been discerning for about 3 years now. I really felt like God was calling me to be a sister and I went on a vocation retreat, which reaffirmed this belief. I was also close to asking for papers to enter this fall, but after talking to my parents, that's never going to happen and it (at this point) seems unlikely that I will ever enter. To say the least, I'm crushed and despite my efforts, I've been unable to get out of this funk. 

 

How do you move on from this? Thanks :)

 

(if it helps, I'm in college)

[4LoveofJMJ]

How do you know for sure that you are never going to enter? Nothing is impossible to God. What is preventing you from doing this?

[MarysLittleFlower]

I'm wondering the same thing, why do you say it can't happen?

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

So, Ive been discerning for about 3 years now. I really felt like God was calling me to be a sister and I went on a vocation retreat, which reaffirmed this belief. I was also close to asking for papers to enter this fall, but after talking to my parents, that's never going to happen and it (at this point) seems unlikely that I will ever enter. To say the least, I'm crushed and despite my efforts, I've been unable to get out of this funk. 

 

How do you move on from this? Thanks :)

 

(if it helps, I'm in college)

 

I'm so sad that this is happening to you. I feel helpless (other than prayer) because I am not a Religious or someone who has been through discernment. However, Vocation Station has a number of members who can be of help and support to you, but they are not logged in right now, and some of our members don't/can't log in every day. So, please be patient. We really do care. And, in the meantime, I will pray for you.

 

Just to help me, and others who read this thread--it sounds as if it was your parents' response that makes it seem unlikely that you'll ever enter. Is that correct? I'm clarifying because some members of Vocation Station have learned they cannot enter religious life due to a health condition or other circumstance that precludes religious life. Do you feel comfortable telling us a little more specifically about what happened?

 

Also, have you contacted the Community to which you were hoping to apply to talk about this? If so, what advice did the Sisters give?

 

Try to hang in there. I'm sure there will be helpful responses to your post when other Vocation Station members log in.

 

In the meantime, I'll pray for you.

Edited January 20, 2015 by IgnatiusofLoyola

[Spem in alium]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Do be assured of my prayers for you and for your parents.

 

I am on the same page as Iggy. To me, it sounded like your parents' responses made you feel you'd never be able to enter. Is this correct?

 

I would recommend you speak to the community you were preparing to enter with, if you haven't already - to let them know how you are feeling, and to ask for advice if you feel comfortable. Also, do you have a spiritual director? If so, I would also suggest speaking to them, or to your priest. 

 

And ultimately, remember you are not alone. The Lord is always with you, loving you and guiding you. Go to Him. :)

 

You are in my prayers. 

 

 

[marigold]

I will pray for you Cantantibus! :)

[veritasluxmea]

I'm not sure if this is the issue, but in case it's the community... I've had experience with moving on from discernment with a community. The community was not where God was calling me. Although at one point I had been close to asking for papers, once I realized that I ended all contact with the community, politely but firmly. I didn't want to lead them on in any way. I would also advice praying to Our Lady Undoer of Knots, perhaps every day, asking her to "untangle" your heart from the situation and bring you peace. However, just because that one community wasn't the right fit didn't mean my discernment was over :) I was able to move on and visit a wide range of orders, and am now discerning with a different community. 

 

 

Novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots 

Mother of fair love, I look to you. Take into your hands the ribbon of my life and see the snarl of knots that keeps me bound to sin, anxiety, and hopelessness. I beg you mother, by your powerful intercession and long fingers of love and grace, undo the knots in my heart and in my life. Free me to love as Christ loves. 

 

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

I'm not sure if this is the issue, but in case it's the community... I've had experience with moving on from discernment with a community. The community was not where God was calling me. Although at one point I had been close to asking for papers, once I realized that I ended all contact with the community, politely but firmly. I didn't want to lead them on in any way. I would also advice praying to Our Lady Undoer of Knots, perhaps every day, asking her to "untangle" your heart from the situation and bring you peace. However, just because that one community wasn't the right fit didn't mean my discernment was over :) I was able to move on and visit a wide range of orders, and am now discerning with a different community. 

 

Even if the Community itself isn't the issue, this novena will help. Mary is good at undoing all kinds of "knots."

 

If your parents are one of the "knots," you will find that there are women here at Vocation Station who have faced (and overcome) that obstacle.

 

Hope to hear more from you soon, Contantibus!

[Cantantibus]

Thanks everybody for your prayers and advice :)

 

Sorry for being so vague in the first post. 

 

Basically, my parents are completely against the whole idea. They said I'm not an adult (which legally, I am) and have been coerced into this, so I am unable to make this decision. They said I'm not allowed to enter nor will they support it. In addition, they did a major guilt trip on me. (I don't really want to go in to too much detail about the ordeal, but it was truly horrible) I know this is all so trivial, but am I not supposed to be obedient to my parents? Also, it's really hard for me to go against/disappoint them. My parents are wonderful (despite this incident, which is extremely out of character for them) and I know they just want what is best. The reason why I don't feel like I can enter anytime soon or even ever (which is probably an exaggeration) is because I don't know if I could live with the guilt. So maybe I should be asking for more courage...that's a whole lot easier said then done.

 

 

[Mary+Immaculate<3]

Thanks everybody for your prayers and advice :)

Sorry for being so vague in the first post.

Basically, my parents are completely against the whole idea. They said I'm not an adult (which legally, I am) and have been coerced into this, so I am unable to make this decision. They said I'm not allowed to enter nor will they support it. In addition, they did a major guilt trip on me. (I don't really want to go in to too much detail about the ordeal, but it was truly horrible) I know this is all so trivial, but am I not supposed to be obedient to my parents? Also, it's really hard for me to go against/disappoint them. My parents are wonderful (despite this incident, which is extremely out of character for them) and I know they just want what is best. The reason why I don't feel like I can enter anytime soon or even ever (which is probably an exaggeration) is because I don't know if I could live with the guilt. So maybe I should be asking for more courage...that's a whole lot easier said then done.

If you consider yourself an adult in every sense, I don't see why you could not pursue a religious vocation. Many saints have actually done so, left behind family for the sake of their Christianity, vocation, or conscience. Christ talks aout leaving one's house without any lingering ti follow him.

Obeying your parents is something you're obliged to until they aren't financially/developmentally responsible for you anymore. Respecting them is a lifetime practice, meaning you're not going to leave your home, never come back. Basically you've got to give your parents the respect due to them for raising, educating, and supporting you.

If you're in college, I suppose it depends on if they're paying for your education. In that case, though you're technically an adult, you really are dependent until you graduate, live on your own, and have a job. Also, you're likely on their medical insurance until you're 26, but does not seem like such an ethical obstacle.

Ultimately, the answer doesnt lie between you and the people at Phatmass, you and a priest, you and a congregation (at least at first), or even you and your parents. The decision belongs in God's hands and his alone. God's path is a path of peace, if you enter a religious order he will give you peace if it is His will that you do so.

[TheresaThoma]

Cantibus, I've been in a very very very similar position to where you are now. My parents used very similar arguments on me. In the middle of it  everything seems like it is over. BUT you can't live your life for your parents, they won't always be around. I know this sounds really harsh in some respects but if you center your life choices around what your parents want there will come a time when they won't be there any more and you will be left with a life that was based around how someone else thought your life should be. 

After one of the major fights we had I thought about what it would be like if I were to follow a "normal" path ie get married and have kids. How would my parents handle that especially if one or more of them had a religious vocation. I realized that not following my vocation was not the answer to this problem. While I was living with them I didn't discern actively but once I was out on my own I have continued to discern. One of the best (albeit very scary) decisions was to move out and live on my own. It has only been in these last few months that I have really been able to firmly establish my own identity separate from my parents.

I don't know if you have PM abilities yet but if you want to talk let me know. I've been where you are and to be able to move on it took lots of support.

 

 

[Hemma]

Well, I had the same situation when I received the idea of becoming a catholic. My father was a protestant pastor - if you can imagine what that means for his 16 year old daughter, thinking of becoming a catholic. It's simply impossible to convert. In fact when I was of full age I did and some years later he did. NOTHING is impossible.

Later on we had the same game with regard to vocational issues.

 

During that time I learned some very important teaching of the church: that children are not bound to obey their parents if they try to prevent them from following God's call, from visiting Holy Mass or entering a convent. God is still more important than the parents, as you can see when Our twelve year old Lord stayed in the temple instead of travelling with his parents home. However you should talk about the situation with  your SD.

Edited January 21, 2015 by Senensis

[beatitude]

Never say never. Respecting your parents doesn't mean doing every single thing they tell you. Suppose they told you to marry a particular guy whom you felt nothing for, would you do it? All parents need to accept that their children grow up and may perhaps lead different lives from the ones they imagined.

 

This doesn't mean you should go out of your way to hurt your parents. Pray for them (in your shoes I'd be saying a rosary every day for them to gain acceptance and understanding of your vocation). Talk to the sisters and get them praying too. You can bet there will be some sisters in there who have had the same problem. :) And wait. Your path will be made clear.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I can relate to you so much... I have a similar issue with parents who love me very much but want me to marry. And i dont have siblings who could marry. We are indeed supposed to respect our parents but I read from St Alphonsus Liguori that we are not bound to obey them in vocations and many Saints had to make this choice.. St Francis, St Clair, St Faustina etc... I think it could help you to speak to a good priest or vocations director about your concerns with your parents. I would encourage you to keep discerning because they might change their view later on even if after entrance to a convent.. They might be more open later and this was maybe an initial shock, pray very much for them. I know its really scary and there's a lot of guilt but I would recommend keeping your heart open to God... I closed up to my possible vocation at some point because of fear and I regretted it later because of the pain it eventually caused in my spiritual life. I suggest bringing these feelings of guilt to Jesus in prayer and speaking to a priest to figure it out... But we make a decision like this out of love, not fear! St Margaret Mary was even told if she entered, her mother would die from grief and St Margaret would be responsible and she was threatened with hell, from other people. Isn't it good that she didn't listen to them in the end? And it didn't turn out that way. Listen to Our Lord, not to fear.. I can't comment much on the guilt and the reason for it since I don't know the situation but I'd recommend praying about this with an open heart and speaking to a priest... I know its really scary but its even more painful to close your heart to Jesus because of fear. Your vocation is where you can love Him the most. Choosing another one results in much pain and your vocation is where you can become a Saint. I don't know your vocation of course.. But regardless of the difficulties, you would be happy eternally for choosing God's Will, and there is no happiness in choosing something else. If your vocation is religious life and you marry to please your parents, they might be glad but would they receive as many graces? Would it be truly best for them? Again I can't say if you should marry or not but I'd just encourage you to maybe go to Adoration and really open yourself to Our Lord with trust that His Will is best. Give Him your will and say Fiat like Our Lady, this will help :) Our Lord said to a soul, I'm sorry I forget the source but it might be the book He and I or Words of Love - "close your eyes to this fear that paralyzes you and throw yourself into My arms".

I'm in a very similar situation and I know it really hurts but Jesus really does want to lead us with His peace, which comes not from circumstances but from His Heart. You might want to read about St Philomena. Her parents begged her to marry and she must have gone through much suffering because she was asked to marry the Emperor and if she said no she would be martyred. You can imagine her parents in that situation yet she had made a vow of virginity. Also the reason they went to Rome was to stop a war so her not marrying the Emperor could have been a further incentive for him to make war with her country. Yet she stayed with her vocation. Our Lord takes care of us! He shows such tenderness to a soul that gives itself to Him. He didn't say it would be easy, He said that we should carry our cross, but He gives the grace to carry it and doesn't leave us alone.

Please feel free to message me if you wish. :) God bless you!

[MarysLittleFlower]

I would recommend speaking on your particular situation with a good priest to help you discern your vocation... But don't assume something is impossible because God's will is not impossible, whatever it is for you - religious life, marriage or consecrated single life. Try to stay open to Him with trust :)