Redeeming Love Languages With A Vocation

[Mary+Immaculate<3]

I'm aware that open mic threads have been posted on this, but I am curious about how the VS people view this topic in particular. So, for those of you into the 5 Love Languages test, I'm wondering what your language is and how your redeem it with a religious vocation. I know that Christ fulfills all five, in different ways (e.g. Words of Affirmation: Scripture and mystics/church-approved apparitions). But in your personal experience, have any of you struggled with your vocation in terms of how you show affection?

 

For example, my primary ways I like to express and receive love are physical touch and quality time. In a contemplative community, quality time is for sure taken care of. However, sometimes I struggle with the thought of never having a husband or children (a normal struggle I know). It would just be such a beautiful privilege to hold and care for a child and have a loving earthly husband. Obviously, one still sacrifices much in marriage, it's surely not a vocation for the cowardly.

 

Anyway, thoughts?

 

P.S. My apologies if something like this has already been posted, I gave it a quick google but am not sure if that covered it.

[Spem in alium]

What a great question. Thank you for asking it. :)

 

I just re-did the Love Languages test, as I couldn't remember what I'd got previously. I scored highest in Acts of Service, followed closely by Quality Time. 

 

This is very true for me. Doing things for other people, and helping them, is the strongest way in which I express my love for them, and spending quality time with people is very important to me. I have not been long in religious life, but my time with the Sisters has given me several opportunities to express my love. I get a joy from helping the Sisters in their tasks, in doing jobs, and in simply sitting with them - I feel loved when doing these things, and I strive to give love.

 

However, I can relate to what you say, too - even though I scored lower in physical touch, it can be hard, and it is hard, to come to terms with the thought of never expressing physical intimacy with a husband, and never having children. The fact that, as a religious, I would never experience such intimacy is what people around me find it hardest to come to terms with - to some, it is the only language of love! What has been important for me is realising that within myself I have the capacity for deep love as a religious, possibly even more than I would have as a wife and a mother. Perhaps, having less opportunity for physical touch makes it even more special when it does come about.

 

Ultimately, Jesus, and your relationship with Him, is the truest language of love. He has taught me much about myself, and much about how to love and how to let myself be loved. Let Him speak to your heart and guide you to the truth. You'll be in my prayers. 

[TheresaThoma]

I have taken the love languages test and my two languages are acts of service and quality time. Personally I show my love best by acts of service. I receive love best by quality time. (Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I have a very difficult time letting people do things for me). Obviously those two are pretty easily expressed in religious life. I guess my biggest struggle is letting others do things for me (or just do things in general). I was living in a communal setting and that was one of my greatest struggles was not trying to do everything, rather taking time for myself and letting others do it. The quality time would probably be ok. The community I am discerning with is an international community and even though you can get sent anywhere in the world  they do try to have you stay in one place for a few years so that you can develop relationships with the local community. It was wonderful to see friends of the Sisters dropping by to chat with one of the Sisters, or one of the Sisters setting up some meeting time to visit someone in the community. For me being able to develop those kinds of relationships is crucial.

I guess the biggest thing is to see how your love languages could be expressed in religious life rather than focusing on how it wouldn't be. Married life isn't going to meet your love languages all of the time (ie needing quality time but having a spouse that travels a lot).

[PhuturePriest]

I share your struggle. I score the highest possible score you can on physical touch on every Love Languages test I take, seconded by quality time, if I'm not mistaken. This is hard to reconcile considering that I'm planning to enter seminary; however, I do have one trick that is truly the next best thing to hugging and holding a spouse, and for us touchy people, it really puts your spiritual life on a whole new level.

 

I got the idea in adoration once. Basically, I was kneeling there, thinking how I could possibly grow closer to Christ and Mary. I had at that time grown accustomed to always beginning my prayers to them with "Mary/Jesus, I love you.", which definitely made the relationship grow, but words of affirmation is one of my lower love languages, so it had grown stale after a while. Then it hit me: Envision myself hugging Christ or Mary. I did, and my spiritual life has never been the same since.

[Mary+Immaculate<3]

What a great question. Thank you for asking it. :)

 

I just re-did the Love Languages test, as I couldn't remember what I'd got previously. I scored highest in Acts of Service, followed closely by Quality Time. 

 

This is very true for me. Doing things for other people, and helping them, is the strongest way in which I express my love for them, and spending quality time with people is very important to me. I have not been long in religious life, but my time with the Sisters has given me several opportunities to express my love. I get a joy from helping the Sisters in their tasks, in doing jobs, and in simply sitting with them - I feel loved when doing these things, and I strive to give love.

 

However, I can relate to what you say, too - even though I scored lower in physical touch, it can be hard, and it is hard, to come to terms with the thought of never expressing physical intimacy with a husband, and never having children. The fact that, as a religious, I would never experience such intimacy is what people around me find it hardest to come to terms with - to some, it is the only language of love! What has been important for me is realising that within myself I have the capacity for deep love as a religious, possibly even more than I would have as a wife and a mother. Perhaps, having less opportunity for physical touch makes it even more special when it does come about.

 

Ultimately, Jesus, and your relationship with Him, is the truest language of love. He has taught me much about myself, and much about how to love and how to let myself be loved. Let Him speak to your heart and guide you to the truth. You'll be in my prayers. 

What a wonderful response, thank you for sharing! The culture is saturated in a "physical only" mindset of how love works, when really there is so much more there.

 

I have taken the love languages test and my two languages are acts of service and quality time. Personally I show my love best by acts of service. I receive love best by quality time. (Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I have a very difficult time letting people do things for me). Obviously those two are pretty easily expressed in religious life. I guess my biggest struggle is letting others do things for me (or just do things in general). I was living in a communal setting and that was one of my greatest struggles was not trying to do everything, rather taking time for myself and letting others do it. The quality time would probably be ok. The community I am discerning with is an international community and even though you can get sent anywhere in the world  they do try to have you stay in one place for a few years so that you can develop relationships with the local community. It was wonderful to see friends of the Sisters dropping by to chat with one of the Sisters, or one of the Sisters setting up some meeting time to visit someone in the community. For me being able to develop those kinds of relationships is crucial.

I guess the biggest thing is to see how your love languages could be expressed in religious life rather than focusing on how it wouldn't be. Married life isn't going to meet your love languages all of the time (ie needing quality time but having a spouse that travels a lot).

I understand what you mean, sometimes it's easier to just say "I'll manage" than letting others help, but that's what community life is about. Wow, I think that would be hard for me to be in a global order, I'd rather be settled in one place, or at least move minimally!

 

I share your struggle. I score the highest possible score you can on physical touch on every Love Languages test I take, seconded by quality time, if I'm not mistaken. This is hard to reconcile considering that I'm planning to enter seminary; however, I do have one trick that is truly the next best thing to hugging and holding a spouse, and for us touchy people, it really puts your spiritual life on a whole new level.

 

I got the idea in adoration once. Basically, I was kneeling there, thinking how I could possibly grow closer to Christ and Mary. I had at that time grown accustomed to always beginning my prayers to them with "Mary/Jesus, I love you.", which definitely made the relationship grow, but words of affirmation is one of my lower love languages, so it had grown stale after a while. Then it hit me: Envision myself hugging Christ or Mary. I did, and my spiritual life has never been the same since.

Yes, I like to do that as well :) I'm definitely a huggy person! It really is comforting to do, especially at Mass making my thanksgiving.

 

I like hearing about all your different love language! :love:  

[Spem in alium]

I share your struggle. I score the highest possible score you can on physical touch on every Love Languages test I take, seconded by quality time, if I'm not mistaken. This is hard to reconcile considering that I'm planning to enter seminary; however, I do have one trick that is truly the next best thing to hugging and holding a spouse, and for us touchy people, it really puts your spiritual life on a whole new level.

 

I got the idea in adoration once. Basically, I was kneeling there, thinking how I could possibly grow closer to Christ and Mary. I had at that time grown accustomed to always beginning my prayers to them with "Mary/Jesus, I love you.", which definitely made the relationship grow, but words of affirmation is one of my lower love languages, so it had grown stale after a while. Then it hit me: Envision myself hugging Christ or Mary. I did, and my spiritual life has never been the same since.

 

That's awesome. Visualisation and imaginative prayer have really allowed my relationship with the Lord, and my spiritual life, to develop. I feel a great sense of being deeply loved when I picture Him making me something as a carpenter, helping me or being with me as I complete a task, or just sitting with me, sometimes talking and sometimes not. I did the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius last year, and the contemplative exercises during Holy Week really deepened my awareness of His love for me, and allowed me to express in a way my love for Him. I didn't score as high on physical touch, but imagining myself being hugged by Him is also incredibly powerful, and communicates a strong feeling of affection, companionship and peace.

 

 

What a wonderful response, thank you for sharing! The culture is saturated in a "physical only" mindset of how love works, when really there is so much more there.

 

 

Thank you - you're welcome! I agree, physical intimacy seems to take pride of place these days. But there really is so much more there, if we're willing to find it.

[Mary+Immaculate<3]

That's amesome. Visualisation and imaginative prayer have really allowed my relationship with the Lord, and my spiritual life, to develop. I feel a great sense of being deeply loved when I picture Him making me something as a carpenter, helping me or being with me as I complete a task, or just sitting with me, sometimes talking and sometimes not. I did the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius last year, and the contemplative exercises during Holy Week really deepened my awareness of His love for me, and allowed me to express in a way my love for Him. I didn't score as high on physical touch, but imagining myself being hugged by Him is also incredibly powerful, and communicates a strong feeling of affection, companionship and peace.

 

 

 

Thank you - you're welcome! I agree, physical intimacy seems to take pride of place these days. But there really is so much more there, if we're willing to find it.

 

Wow, I hadn't thought about making something b/c he's a carpenter, that's so neat! I've done spiritual exercises type retreats (not silent), and they help me because I am an imaginative and visual person (much stronger is conceptual thinking/writing/fine arts than black & white/science/math). One of my friends told me she's had amazing experiences at a holy week silent retreat, but I feel like I'd be away form my family who I don't often get to see. Maybe some years down the road :)

 

Yes, I've been thinking about it more, and you're very right. Because even if I were to enter a community, if it was an apostolic or non-cloistered one, I'd still be able to be up close and personal with people I'd be ministering to. And hold babies :love: and give big, long hugs :buddies:

[beatitude]

This was my first time taking the test. I got my highest score on Acts of Service (11 out of 12) followed by Quality Time (8 out of 12). This meshes with my spirituality quite well - Br. Charles de Foucauld wanted to live a hidden life of prayer and service that resembled Jesus' hidden life at Nazareth, being there for all neighbours but also just spending time with the Lord. :) These are the distinguishing characteristics of all the communities that sprang up in his footsteps.

[Spem in alium]

Wow, I hadn't thought about making something b/c he's a carpenter, that's so neat! I've done spiritual exercises type retreats (not silent), and they help me because I am an imaginative and visual person (much stronger is conceptual thinking/writing/fine arts than black & white/science/math). One of my friends told me she's had amazing experiences at a holy week silent retreat, but I feel like I'd be away form my family who I don't often get to see. Maybe some years down the road :)

 

Yes, I've been thinking about it more, and you're very right. Because even if I were to enter a community, if it was an apostolic or non-cloistered one, I'd still be able to be up close and personal with people I'd be ministering to. And hold babies :love: and give big, long hugs :buddies:

 

Yes, it's quite powerful. :) Actually, one of the deepest contemplative experiences I've had featured Jesus making me a chair. The mysteries of imaginative prayer and contemplation are quite profound. I try to practice contemplation every day, usually through imaginative prayer, spiritual reading, or through journalling. In a way, they are like little retreats I make for myself, because they bring me to Him.

That's very true. The Sisters within my own congregation love to hug - actually, physical contact with them is one of the most meaningful expressions of love I've ever experienced. And yes, you may be able to be close to those whom you serve. So there are ways to continue being physical. :)