Not Sure If This Belongs Here...

[Anna Margarita]

So I've never posted on this phorum... In fact I just found it about 15 minutes ago. I've been doing a little research and saw girls who posted similar things and I'm desperate. I do have a legitimate question but backstory:

I met my very dearest friend, we'll call him Matt, sometime last year around Christmas. At the time I was dating a guy I'm not with anymore. It's a long story but basically it was a good relationship, just not what God wanted. Anyways, we were at a FOCUS meeting and decided we both needed to be doing more intercessory prayer. Boom accountability partners. We started praying together three times a week. Prior to actually meeting this guy I knew he was a holy dude and was discerning to be a Capuchin. So when we started praying together I thought "great! A very holy friend I can chill with." So after I broke up with my boyfriend I was pretty messed up and this guy Matt was like my rock. He really helped me heal and turn to God and honestly, he really showed me what true friendship was. Time goes on and we hung out a lot but I never thought anything of it... Aka I wasn't attracted to him, I knew he wasn't going to date me, I knew we were just friends, I knew I was called to something else, yadda yadda yadda. We stayed in touch over the summer and everything was great until a few months into this fall semester. It was like somebody flipped a switch in my brain because all of a sudden he just made perfect sense. I feel so called and drawn to him... He's like the missing piece. Im just... Really confused. I love this guy there's no denying. I know this is something I should keep to myself for the sake of his discernment and I've taken it to prayer a hundred times being open to Christ's will and just listening. I'm taking it to Mary too seeing as she's the queen of "pondering all these things in her heart". I just feel really overwhelmed. Sometimes we talk about his discernment and I think he feels the same way about me: confused. Usually I just let him think out loud and don't offer my opinion. I try to objectively challenge and affirm him without taking a side. It's like a knife though everytime we talk but I still thank God for our friendship because i know Matt cares for me and brings me closer to Him.

I guess I'm just wondering if its something I should ever open up to him about. My two best friends are split: one says no keep it in your heart and give it to God and the other says that at some point Matt needs to know. I guess I'm just hoping for a little anonymous advice, encouragement, chastisement, similar situations, camaraderie, whatever. I've just been so upset sometimes about it. I want to do God's will.

If anyone thinks this is not the appropriate location or content for this phorum please please please let me know and I'll take it down. The last thing I want to do is use this cite improperly.

[Catherine Therese]

I think we're all hesitant to offer advice because we don't know you! 

 

I very sincerely hope my words help rather than hurt; I trust that as an adult you can take or leave advice from what is offered, that you'll pray about what is said rather than blindly following, and that you always take responsibility for the use of your precious free will. 

 

--

If Matt is discerning with the Capuchins and you truly want him to live whatever life it is that God asks of him, then you need to give him space and time alone with God to figure that out. You can be his friend while giving him this space... but you can't be MORE than friends without taking away the space that he needs. 

 

If the Lord is actually calling him to the married life, and more specifically to married life with you, then he will - given enough space and time - realise firstly that he is not called to the Capuchins and he will at some point stop discerning with them. It is at THAT point where it would not be inappropriate to give him some sort of gentle indication of how you feel... although you should always leave room for him to act in authentic freedom and decide whether or not he feels that way too without any pressure. Personally I would do so very subtly, and allow him to do the asking out, if there is asking out to be done. 

 

If how you feel is an authentic love of equal but different parties, and not simply the kind of love that is borne out of being carried through a time of vulnerability, then your patience and respect for his freedom will set a very strong foundation for a strong, trusting and Godly relationship. 

 

--

 

The virtues that will help you conduct yourself well as you move forward: patience, respect for the freedom of the other, prudence, gentleness, authentic charity. If you steer clear of any manipulation, selfishness, impatience, frustration, seeking to control... if you steer well clear of them, and seek only to do God's will, then no matter what the outcome, you will have peace about it. 

 

I pray that the Lord blesses you as you seek to do His will!

[Gabriela]

I don't think it's possible to say anything more or better than what Catherine Therese has already said. Wisdom hath spoken.

[littlesister]

Good answer, Catherine. We couldn't do better.

Anna, you will be in my prayers. It is not an easy situation. We've seen similar, and it can turn
out both ways. Time and freedom are the key.