A "secret" Vocation?

[PartesVulpiumErunt]

 

 

Circumstances sometimes prevent one who is called to religious life from immediately following his vocation. In such a case he ought to be exceedingly careful to guard so precious a jewel. This he can do best by secrecy, prayer and recollection. As a rule it is prudent to keep one's vocation secret from everybody except one's spiritual Father. Others would be apt to say that he could serve God in the world as well if not better than in religious life. Without doubt, one who is not called to religious life may serve God in every place; but one who is called, and prefers to remain in the world, will as I have said above find it extremely difficult to serve God and lead a good life.

-- St. Alphonsus Ligouri, Vocation to the Religious State (ed. Cornelius Warren, C. Ss. R.)

 

So . . . is this good advice, or no? Thoughts?

[nikita92]

I then ask this question...what is a "Good" life? One that is with the teachings of the bible?? I feel it differs from person to person...

[Luigi]

My immediate guess is that this refers to situation such as living in a non-Christian country, or in a country that oppresses Catholicism/Christianity. I'm thinking of China and places like that.

 

I suppose it could also cover situations such as someone who discerns a call to religious life while they're in a time-committed situation - for instance, you've just signed up for a three-year stint in the military when you figure out that the religious life is what you're really called to do.

 

[Apollinaris]

I know one very good priest who has always advised this. 

 

You have to regard your vocation, just like St. Alphonsus says, as a precious jewel. Remember we have as enemies the world, the flesh, and the devil - all of these will work against a vocation. It's surprising sometimes just how much family especially can be opposed and try to prevent you. 

 

There's nothing wrong with keeping a vocation private. Think of it as keeping it safe, and keeping it just between you and God.

[truthfinder]

I think we had this topic literally a couple months ago - it might be worthwhile trying to dig it up - I remember the responses being good.  I know a good number of them agreed with this advice, or wished they had followed it.  I would also add my opinion saying it is good advice: it something between you and God and your spiritual director/confessor/community.  If things become more concrete, ie you've made a live-in with a community you hope to apply with, then yeah, you might want to start telling people.  Sometimes discerns seem get flutter with every little thing that interests them and if this becomes public knowledge it can colour the perception of the discerner and possibly even to the loss of the vocation.

 

I'm not saying that you should never ever say anything about discerning, just be prudent and modest in what information you choose to share, acknowledging there may be instances when you need to share more details.

[Catherine Therese]

I guess the question is... whom are you seeking to serve by sharing the information? 

[inperpetuity]

 I  would say,  yes.  St. Alphonsus Ligouri is a doctor of the Church and founder of the Redemptorist order which certainly qualifies him to give good prudent advice.  This has been my experience although I have not chosen to ignore my vocation and stay in the world.  I've have also witnessed this in the lives of  a couple of other people I know.  I am not under the delusion though that my personal experience adds one iota to the fact that this is just good prudent advice.

[4LoveofJMJ]

I can understand why one might want to keep their vocation secret. If the person is young, then it might be easy for an adult or other peers to change his or her mind. I wish I kept my vocational discernment a secret from my parents until l I was older. Since there was nothing I could actively do about it, it made things difficult at home.

[Hemma]

However there are situations where St. Alphonsus' advice doesn't work. My former SD was very keen that I did so. Of course I haven't talked about it at work. But I was a postulant before and all my friends and family know that I'm still looking for the right place. There's no use of not telling them I'd visit this monastery or that.

[Gabriela]

I had the greatest cover story ever: "It's just research."

 

If you can devise a cover story for live-ins, I highly recommend it. "I'm just going on a silent retreat" or something is the usual one. It's not really a lie, so... ;)

[4LoveofJMJ]

 

I had the greatest cover story ever: "It's just research."

 

If you can devise a cover story for live-ins, I highly recommend it. "I'm just going on a silent retreat" or something is the usual one. It's not really a lie, so... ;)

 

That's an idea! :think: Might need to use that some time! Lol! When I went on a retreat with the DSMME, I told my parents that the friends I was going with were going anyway so I might as well tag along. They didn't know that the original idea was mine and that I was really encouraging them to join me. I still don't think they know! Lol!

[Hemma]

Yeah, "visiting friends" is the version I always used at work, when colleagues asked me about my holidays.

[krissylou]

I'd say, like everything else, it depends.

 

Should you be talking about "how you're going to be a nun someday" with every casual acquaintance?  Probably not.

 

But if this is serious, it would seem to me to be very hurtful for people you are legitimately close to to realize that you had been planning this out for a significant period of time and never told them.

 

Also, keeping secrets is hard work.  Keeping a big one takes effort, and that's the sort of thing that puts a strain on every other aspect of a relationship.  For your family or closest friends, to keep a secret like that for a significant length of time would likely end up making the rest of your relationship pretty hollow.

 

(For example, several years ago my cousin was having a baby.  This was going to be the first new baby of the next generation, so this is big news!  Rejoice!  My grandmother knew about the wee one on the way, but it was my cousin's news to tell, not hers.  When my mother called as she does regularly, Grandma didn't say anything about the baby -- but she didn't say much else either.  There was nothing else to say!  Mom thought this was kinda strange, but it all made sense when she heard from my cousin about the baby.  Of course Grandma didn't have much else to say because what else IS there to talk about when there's a baby coming?  Okay, that was fine because we were talking about one phone call and by the next week my cousin had made the announcement and no more need for secrecy!  But if that secret had been kept for months to years, that would have been a whole different story.)

 

That having been said, families are different and if telling people would mean you'd constantly have to fight about it for the five years (or whatever) until you're able to enter, well that's no good either.

 

As with anything else, it takes discernment.  But I think we should be aware that keeping a secret that big for an extended period of time from people you're close to, that will exact a heavy cost.  Maybe it's a cost you have to pay, depending on your situation, but it would be no small thing.

Edited January 3, 2015 by krissylou

[Mary+Immaculate<3]

In my experience, it really depends on the person, their personality and situation. A priest once told me that it is better to keep it on the down low because of what Ligouri said, discouragement. However, I've told some of my best friends, and it's really helped me. One of my friend is also discerning, and the value of having a fellow-discerner to talk to is incalculable. And even with my friends who feel called to marriage, it it so much easier to talk to them about the future, because I don't have to "lie" or tell half-truths. However, I don't think everyone necessarily needs to either tell their friends if they don't wish to or not tell them. I mean in reality, everyone discerning is going to receive temptation and question their vocation, it's part of the process. Especially if someone doesn't have a consistent spiritual director, it's very difficult to live in a world where no one knows what you truly want in your future.