Where Are You In Your Discernment? Version 3.0

[TheresaThoma]

I'm back from my visit with one of the local communities, but I am not sure where to go from here. I'd like to visit the motherhouse at some point, but what else can I be doing? 

I would say that is a good question to ask the Sisters! One of the questions I always ask is "what next"? The sisters always have good ideas, such as things to read (I just got a list of books and documents to read) or ways to help your prayer life.

One idea is to try to follow some of the major practices of the community. For example the community I am discerning with places an emphasis on silent prayer and the liturgy. So Sister really encouraged me to spend more time in silent prayer, pray the Liturgy of the Hours and go to Daily Mass. This doesn't mean following their schedule exactly but incorporating what I can into my own schedule. 

So if the community places emphasis on the rosary, start praying it every day. Or if Eucharistic Adoration is a major element trying going as close to daily as you possibly can. It is a good way to "try on" their spirituality and see if it is a fit for you. And if it is a good fit a way to "ease into" the life of the community.

[chrysostom]

Feeling very attracted to an amazing person in my life.  Don't know what to do with this.  It'll be OK, I'm meeting with my SD soon...  But until then (at least)...I...must...resist...the...urge...to...flirt.  Or spend more time with her than a friend would.  Because these things can happen so fast and before you know it your heart can be so closely intertwined with another's that your perspective completely changes and you're suddenly in an entirely different place than you used to be.  How DO you decide you're going to discern marriage?  Is it better to discern religious life first?  Again, I'll bring all this up with my SD.  I'm just venting here a little.

[marigold]

I don't think there are any black and white answers, chrysostom. Maybe wait to speak to your SD, and enjoy the attraction in the meantime, but don't do anything with lasting consequences for either of you.

 

Best wishes :)

[chrysostom]

Thanks marigold.  (: 

 

So I see my SD on Tuesday, yay!

 

Even in the brief time I have been thinking about this, I have had to evaluate myself once again - to be completely honest with myself about what my desires are, what my weaknesses are, what I have felt God call me to, etc.  Even that has been rather beneficial.

 

More than that, though, I've realized, to a degree, what I must make out of my life no matter what I pursue.

 

I desire Christ in the Eucharist most of all - to live in awareness of His presence all the day, to contemplate Him in the hidden recesses of my heart, to love Him fiercely and above all.  What else?  I desire to give my heart away.  I've kept it to myself for so long and it's become stale.  Now I'm working on doing that with Jesus through Mary, first and foremost.  It's taking a while.  Whether, during the rest of my life, this is accomplished through religious vows or the Sacrament of Matrimony, the end result must be the same: I cannot live for myself, my life must be poured out as an offering, and Jesus must be enthroned in my heart.

 

I guess that's where I am right now.  I think I feel rather peaceful either way.  There are great attractions either way.  And there is freedom to choose.  We'll see!

[Spem in alium]

Wow. Chrysostom, what beautiful desires you've expressed. Each morning, I spend some time with the Lord in Adoration before the sun has risen. I will pray for you there, and for all here who are discerning their own call to love.

[Hemma]

Hi all. I'm back from my living in with the Benedictine nuns. It was such a great time, full of grace... but somehow... I'm not ready. I can't imagine (not yet?) to go into strict enclosure now.
When I realized that I started to pray intensely about the issue. Maybe the time has not yet come? Maybe I am not called into strict enclosure?

I even think about whether the core problem is something completely different: In my heart I love the forma extraordinaria and I accept regular Masses merely out of obedience towards the teaching of the church (which has, however, become some unconscious habit to me). Perhaps I shall find peace in a monastery with old liturgy and nowhere else!? There are some semicontemplative nuns not too far away to consider them. I never dared to give this point that much importance - but maybe I have to -  because it is a issue of conscience for me. Well if you don't understand what I'm talking about just ignore it:)

[Spem in alium]

Hi all. I'm back from my living in with the Benedictine nuns. It was such a great time, full of grace... but somehow... I'm not ready. I can't imagine (not yet?) to go into strict enclosure now.
When I realized that I started to pray intensely about the issue. Maybe the time has not yet come? Maybe I am not called into strict enclosure?

I even think about whether the core problem is something completely different: In my heart I love the forma extraordinaria and I accept regular Masses merely out of obedience towards the teaching of the church (which has, however, become some unconscious habit to me). Perhaps I shall find peace in a monastery with old liturgy and nowhere else!? There are some semicontemplative nuns not too far away to consider them. I never dared to give this point that much importance - but maybe I have to -  because it is a issue of conscience for me. Well if you don't understand what I'm talking about just ignore it:)

​I'm glad you had a time of peace with the Sisters, and it's great that you are picking up on your feelings - particularly of not being ready. Prayer is a good way to work through your feelings. Talk to God, but also let Him speak to you. He'll guide you.
Also, I would suggest you don't think about this as a problem, or as something bad. You are merely moving through genuine discernment, where a person discovers to what they are called...and to what they are not. As a teenager, I wanted to get married and have children, but now, several years later, I am living in religious life. It was very hard for me to detach myself from my initial desires and say to God, "Okay, lead me and I'll follow". Now, I know you're not tossing up between religious life and married life, but my point is that it is hard sometimes to discover that God is not calling us to something, especially if it is something we truly want. God knows it is hard for us. That is why listening to Him is of the greatest importance. 
So pray, and give it time. You really can't rush discernment, because as they say, you're working on God's time, not your own. Perhaps visit the Sisters again in the future, as that may give you a better idea of where you're at. And always trust in Him.  
You'll be in my prayers.

[Carson]

I know this thread has been going for a while, and I'm praying for all of you!

As far as my discernment, I'm discerning between religious life and single life. I know that I definitely want religious life, but I want to be sure that's what God wants too. I cant get an SD at the moment, and I'm too young to visit any communities (though from what I've seen online I love the Fransiscan Sisters of the Renewal and the Fransiscan Sisters TOR of the Penance of the Sorrowful Mother!) but I'm really excited for what the future holds! Any prayers are infinitely appreciated!

[beatitude]

Several months ago I posted about wanting to visit a religious community again (same spirituality as my secular institute) just to be sure that I really am called to consecrated single life. I was concerned that I might be walking away from that community because of an unfounded fear that my disability would make it impossible. I had a wonderful visit, but it confirmed that the religious life is not for me. The VD agreed. She said she couldn't see me coping with their day-to-day life (this isn't prejudice on their part - they are prepared to make every adaptation possible for disabled sisters, but adaptions would be hard to make in my case without compromising how they live). The VD also said that she had prayed a lot about me and felt very strongly that I was in the right place with the secular institute. I felt the same. So I have come away very much at peace with my life and my decision.

[Carson]

Several months ago I posted about wanting to visit a religious community again (same spirituality as my secular institute) just to be sure that I really am called to consecrated single life. I was concerned that I might be walking away from that community because of an unfounded fear that my disability would make it impossible. I had a wonderful visit, but it confirmed that the religious life is not for me. The VD agreed. She said she couldn't see me coping with their day-to-day life (this isn't prejudice on their part - they are prepared to make every adaptation possible for disabled sisters, but adaptions would be hard to make in my case without compromising how they live). The VD also said that she had prayed a lot about me and felt very strongly that I was in the right place with the secular institute. I felt the same. So I have come away very much at peace with my life and my decision.

That's amesome! I'm so happy that you're where God wants you to be :D

[santera]

Hi all. I'm back from my living in with the Benedictine nuns. It was such a great time, full of grace... but somehow... I'm not ready. I can't imagine (not yet?) to go into strict enclosure now.
When I realized that I started to pray intensely about the issue. Maybe the time has not yet come? Maybe I am not called into strict enclosure?

I even think about whether the core problem is something completely different: In my heart I love the forma extraordinaria and I accept regular Masses merely out of obedience towards the teaching of the church (which has, however, become some unconscious habit to me). Perhaps I shall find peace in a monastery with old liturgy and nowhere else!? There are some semicontemplative nuns not too far away to consider them. I never dared to give this point that much importance - but maybe I have to -  because it is a issue of conscience for me. Well if you don't understand what I'm talking about just ignore it:)

​I am a little surprised that you visited OSB nuns under strict (papal?) enclosure. There are a number of OSB monasteries in the US and, as I understand it, their notion of enclosure is not strict. For example, visitors are encouraged.  They often give retreats on site, including guided retreats.  Nuns can go to school, if deemed necessary for the benefit of the monastery. Many can attend conferences, including federation meetings, and travel, again doing something in relation to their charisms.  All of this applies to St. Walburga (CO), Regina Laudis (CT), Petersham (MA),  and probably OL of the Rock (WA), an offshoot of Regina Laudis.  Not sure about Westfield (VT).

[beatitude]

​I am a little surprised that you visited OSB nuns under strict (papal?) enclosure. There are a number of OSB monasteries in the US and, as I understand it, their notion of enclosure is not strict.

​The US isn't the only country in the world, you know.  Senensis is in Germany.

[santera]

​The US isn't the only country in the world, you know.  Senensis is in Germany.

​Good point!  Thanks, Bea!

However, the rule of St. Benedict emphasizes hospitality, very important in the 6th century, which means having outsiders in the monastery, putting them up, probably feeding them and maybe teaching them.  There is also an emphasis in the Benedictine charism of learning and study, similar to other charisms, such as the Dominican.   And this can mean, at least for the Benedictines, the ability to travel for important things such as courses, conferences, and federation meetings.

But I don't know any details about the Benedictines in Germany.  Maybe for them it's different.

[AccountDeleted]

​Good point!  Thanks, Bea!

However, the rule of St. Benedict emphasizes hospitality, very important in the 6th century, which means having outsiders in the monastery, putting them up, probably feeding them and maybe teaching them.  There is also an emphasis in the Benedictine charism of learning and study, similar to other charisms, such as the Dominican.   And this can mean, at least for the Benedictines, the ability to travel for important things such as courses, conferences, and federation meetings.

But I don't know any details about the Benedictines in Germany.  Maybe for them it's different.

​Benedictine hospitality does not include allowing guests into the enclosure. I have been in two Benedictine monasteries, one in the US and one in the UK and both times I was allowed to stay in the guest quarters but not allowed access into the enclosure except when another woman and I were taking Gregorian chant lessons from one of the elderly nuns in the music room or when we were picking up or delivering food to the kitchen. We were not allowed just to wander around inside the enclosure and had to be accompanied by a nun..

It is more usual for Benedictine nuns to come outside the enclosure than Carmelites but for both Orders, permission is required.

[corban711]

I leave early tomorrow morning (the Feast of St. Joseph--yes, that was intentional!) for a 9 day Come and See with a religious community that for now shall remain nameless.    I am so excited that it is finally here!   I have been in contact with this community for several months now and so far everything has been going very, very well.  

I am asking our Dear Lord to make His desires for me very clear during this time of retreat.  I fully trust that He will.  No matter what His will for me is, I long to love Him and make Him deeply loved.  My only question for Him will be "Is this where You want me to love You?"   Now for them, I have plenty of questions.  But for Him, only one!   Haha!

Whether or not this is the community for me, please pray that I give Our Lord total access to my heart and that I will be open to receiving all the Love of His Heart and any of the desires that He wishes to share with me.  Thank you all!   

 

ps. Of course, I will be keeping you all in prayer too while I am there.  Hopefully I will be able to update you in a few weeks!