IgnatiusofLoyola Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I don't mean to be the party-pooper but, you should always be weary of online relationships. Havent you watched catfish? Seriously though you never know how you will interact with a person until you meet them face to face and actually interact with them. Buses are a cheap form of travel, especially if you get tickets some time in advance. I'd try to do both, a come and see and save up to meet the person if both are important to you. Also a lot of prayer is needed to see where God is pulling you towards. Ultimately it should be His decision. Maybe I've forgotten something from earlier posts. I'm not sure how the subject of online relationships applies here. Although you make some very good points, I'm not clear how they apply to superblue's latest posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superblue Posted June 4, 2015 Author Share Posted June 4, 2015 I don't mean to be the party-pooper but, you should always be weary of online relationships. Havent you watched catfish? Seriously though you never know how you will interact with a person until you meet them face to face and actually interact with them. Buses are a cheap form of travel, especially if you get tickets some time in advance. I'd try to do both, a come and see and save up to meet the person if both are important to you. Also a lot of prayer is needed to see where God is pulling you towards. Ultimately it should be His decision. Hi FLS; I appreciate the thought, but the topic you are referencing in this thread here, was from months ago. An i can say i have been catfished, before catfish was even a thought, had i known i could have made money off of my own stupidity, i would be in my postulancy at the moment wondering what is going on with all this pretend money. any how, no harm no foul. peace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureLilSister Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Maybe I've forgotten something from earlier posts. I'm not sure how the subject of online relationships applies here. Although you make some very good points, I'm not clear how they apply to superblue's latest posts. I was responding to the original post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superblue Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 okay so a venting up date / reflection for myself, and perhaps looking for a new way to pray on a problem i have with myself in regards to a vocation guest that is staying the month.... Notice i said a problem i have with myself, because the guest is not going out of his way to harass me, nor has any an iota of ill will towards me or anyone, he is really a great guy, with a big heart and more over he is not from the USA. So, my problem is patience, i know it right off the bat and i can only imagine the frustration and remember a few times others have given me a dirty look for asking a question because it wasn't the proper time to ask. I have had to learn to adjust to the guest in our choir stalls when i sit next to him, ( i can not always move to another stall ) and we don't have that much room, but one should be aware of limited space ( at least in my mind ) and not to go swinging ones elbows willy nilly, So that is problem uno, i get elbowed non stop by him it seems at choir an i am thinking you got to be kidding do you not feel yourself elbowing me, and how do you some how manage to not elbow the other guy !,,, now this is the hilarious part i found,i scooted as far possible to one side away from as possible, at least a good 4 inches , and i kid you not, it seems as if he went out of his way to some how elbow me , like he literally had to cross into my air space and wham elbow, same thing happens for kneeling, BUT i figured that one out, i pause just enough for him to kneel first and then i kneel as to avoid being hit. and the thing is i am still learning around here, and he throws me off when asking me a question because his accent is hard to understand so much more so when he whispers. I personally do not find it appropriate to go out of my way and address any of this with him, i know i have enough problems as it is getting use to things, i do not need to add anything upon him as he is discerning his path here. there is more but why bother it is pointless to gripe , though i really need my anxiety meds i hope they come in today but i am betting tomorrow is when i will actually get them.... my jaws clinch so bad and i can barely do much to ease it other than ice and trying to breath.... Through out all this i am more aggravated with myself with not being more patient and not letting myself get annoyed, i do pray for more patience in general, cause the last thing i want to do is give a look of frustration at the guest, and have him feel bad, like i know i did when others did it to me. peace out amigos Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luigi Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Super - It sounds like you're already learning in the 'school of charity.' Figuring out "is the problem with me or is it with him." Figuring out how to adapt (pause until he kneels first). Figuring out that you need to pray for patience. If religious life is similar to math, you've been doing a lot of figgerin! One tiny little possibility that occurred to me as I was reading your rant (which really isn't very "ranty") is that personal space is different in different cultures. American tend to want a lot of space between us and the other person - we want our own bedrooms, it's one person to each side of the table when four people go to a restaurant, we have individual desks throughout school rather than sitting crowded onto benches, and that kind of thing. Depending on this discerner's culture, he may not even notice that kind of accidental/incidental contact with another person - it could be that in his culture that kind of stuff happens all the time and nobody cares. Just a thought. But keep up the good growth in the school of charity in the meantime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vee Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 give him a good shoulder check right into the boards, thatll teach those canadians... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I know this doesn't help much as far as dealing with the whole situation but a little bit of perspective. I know when I go to visit a community I find myself more at ease with the newer members of the community and will ask them basic questions. He may just feel more comfortable asking you about the community. As far as the questions go if he is only with you for a couple more days I would answer as best you can and move on. If this is more of a long term type visit it might be worth it to let him know that you are still figuring things out yourself. Approach it more from an angle of not wanting to give him a wrong answer versus being unfriendly. It definitely sounds like you are progressing quite nicely in the school of charity and patience. I'm not sure how much contact you have with your SD but if you have regular contact with him bring this up, it may seem like only a little thing and not that important but dealing with these types of things will always be present. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luigi Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Super - Continuing the theme of the school of charity... Here's a link to a homily by one of the student brothers in the Dominican Central Province Studentate. I warn you, it's long - about 12 minutes. But it deals with exactly the kind of thing you're talking about. And, at the end, he provides a practical method of working on it. Note: He mentions something about people who don't like all things Spanish. He was born in Spain. He's preaching to the other brothers in the house, so they all know one of his faults is resenting people who don't like all things Spanish. It's a joke on himself. http://preachingfriars.org/vespers-preaching/school-charity-0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superblue Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 Luigi, ty for the video on School Of Charity, The Homily was not really that long, well it didn't feel like 12 minutes, once i got into it, and this student/ Brother/ hit everything on the head. An to love others as Christ loves, is a never ending challenge for me be it with this current guest, or the future, or my family. An when i fall, i at least have the chance to try again, after this reminder of how Christ loves us. It was a very moving homily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaatee Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Well, if his behavior persists, I would talk to him about it. He deserves this. If he is foreign and discerning in a US house, he should learn that 'elbowing', or whatever it is, is simply not on. He may do it to someone else, along with other cultural stuff, and end up not being admitted somewhere because of this. I am concerned that there may be something else going on, which is another reason to talk to him. You don't need that extra aggravation right now. ...re getting lost, could the house lend you a tablet or a smartphone? They are invaluable for this sort of thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatitude Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Well, if his behavior persists, I would talk to him about it. He deserves this. If he is foreign and discerning in a US house, he should learn that 'elbowing', or whatever it is, is simply not on. He may do it to someone else, along with other cultural stuff, and end up not being admitted somewhere because of this. I am concerned that there may be something else going on, which is another reason to talk to him. You don't need that extra aggravation right now. I doubt it's the place of a postulant to talk to a guest about a relatively minor aspect of his behaviour, especially when it's probably just a harmless accident. I have terrible spatial awareness and will sometimes trespass on people's space or bump into them without realising, and when I'm very absorbed in something (like prayer) it's more likely to happen. Monastic life is full of these little irritations - a Carmelite prioress once told me, "The way someone holds a soup spoon in here can drive you mad!" - and the key is to be patient with others as you would like them to be patient with you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaatee Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I doubt it's the place of a postulant to talk to a guest about a relatively minor aspect of his behaviour, especially when it's probably just a harmless accident. I have terrible spatial awareness and will sometimes trespass on people's space or bump into them without realising, and when I'm very absorbed in something (like prayer) it's more likely to happen. Monastic life is full of these little irritations - a Carmelite prioress once told me, "The way someone holds a soup spoon in here can drive you mad!" - and the key is to be patient with others as you would like them to be patient with you... In general I agree, but if I engaged in behavior which really annoyed someone else, I would like to be told about it. It may be that it's annoying other people, too. It may be that it can be easily corrected. Both my daughters recently passed on to me some behavior which DH and I engage in, which annoys both of them. I discussed this with DH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superblue Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 almost a month.... i do miss my mom, and cooking for the both of us... and my thoughts go back and forth, but over all i know I am in good hands, and doing the best i can with what i know to follow Christ, and the weird part is people here like me and want me here... who knew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaatee Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 almost a month.... i do miss my mom, and cooking for the both of us... and my thoughts go back and forth, but over all i know I am in good hands, and doing the best i can with what i know to follow Christ, and the weird part is people here like me and want me here... who knew. I am very glad to hear it, super. I believe that you are in a Benedictine monastery, and I have great respect for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luigi Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 almost a month.... i do miss my mom, and cooking for the both of us... and my thoughts go back and forth, but over all i know I am in good hands, and doing the best i can with what i know to follow Christ, and the weird part is people here like me and want me here... who knew. Of course you miss your mom; you wouldn't be much of a son if you didn't miss her. But you seem to like it there. And they like you (who knew?!). Notice how short your post is. No rant; no concerns; no feeling unsure what to do. I bet your mom's happy for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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