Confident Thinking Vs. Having An Open Mind?

[MADS]

Hi All!

As I'm waiting to see if my community will accept me, a profound question has come to mind...is it best to think with confidence that they will accept me, or should I be open minded about the possibility of not being accepted? I have a lot of hope in God's Will, but I don't know what the right mind set is.
Has anyone else felt this way?

[Gabriela]

Yes. My suggestion would be not to think about it. Just keep praying, "God's will be done."

[puellapaschalis]

I think this is where (to quote a friend of mine whilst I was interviewing a couple of weeks ago) 'a healthy dose of abandonment is good.' It's a very important time, but now you have no control over it: I'd suggest praying that His will be done, and trying (!) to distact yourself with living well right here and right now whilst you wait for a decision.

[Batman]

Hi All!

As I'm waiting to see if my community will accept me, a profound question has come to mind...is it best to think with confidence that they will accept me, or should I be open minded about the possibility of not being accepted? I have a lot of hope in God's Will, but I don't know what the right mind set is.
Has anyone else felt this way?

 

Why can't you do both?  

[TheresaThoma]

From a practical/logistics standpoint I would say keep an open mind. Such as don't start making major preparations until you are officially accepted. However keep some of that confident thinking.  It is out of your hands now so don't try to worry too much about it. Stay busy and focused on the now. Not the easiest thing but you will drive yourself crazy otherwise.

[Gabriela]

Why can't you do both?  

 

Because it's torture to go back and forth like that.

[Batman]

Because it's torture to go back and forth like that.

 

Maybe it's just me, but I do not see why it has to be one or the other.  Confidence does not mean being self-absorbed to the point of kidding yourself or excluding all other possibilities.   In fact one of the synonyms for confident is, levelheaded, so it would seem you can be both confident and have an open mind. 

[Gabriela]

Maybe it's just me, but I do not see why it has to be one or the other.  Confidence does not mean being self-absorbed to the point of kidding yourself or excluding all other possibilities.   In fact one of the synonyms for confident is, levelheaded, so it would seem you can be both confident and have an open mind. 

 

It's not about confidence in this case. It's about anxiety over your future. If one thinks one will get in, one will be massively disappointed if one isn't. And if one thinks one will not get in, that could have consequences for the postulancy if one does. The constant wondering and worrying and back and forth of focusing on what will happen will drive a person crazy. The thing to do in a case like this is to live in the now and wait patiently.

[Gabriela]

On second thought, let me tell you a story:

 

I had an instructorship at my last university. I wasn't completely happy in it. I signed a contract to continue for a second year, though, because I had no other offers. Then, literally two days later, a research assistantship opened up in another department. I applied and was interviewed. The professor offered me the job. I told her, "amesome! Let me just double-check with my department head that they can give my instructorship to someone else. It shouldn't be a problem, because we're months from the semester begin." I went and talked to my department head, and he said no problem. Then I got an email from the professor who offered me the research assistantship, freaking out that I hadn't told her I'd already signed another contract and saying that she needed to re-think giving me the job now.

 

Five minutes after I got that email, I had to leave on a 10-hour drive to another state for interview research. All the way, I was going back and forth in my head: What if I get it? What if I don't? In that time, to my amazement, I became okay with either outcome. On the one hand, if I got the research assistantship, it'd be a great opportunity and I'd be out of the instructorship I wasn't happy with. On the other hand, if I didn't get it, then I wouldn't have to deal with this now-obviously crazy overreacting woman, and I could just keep doing what I'd been doing, which would mean less work, less adjustment, etc. After about 15 hours, I decided I'd actually be happier staying in what I was already doing.

 

I then found out that crazy prof called my department and apologized for "poaching me" from them, saying I was such a bad, bad student to do what I did, and she's not going to give me the job, so they don't need to worry about it. My department didn't even know which prof had tried to "poach" me, so by calling, she gave herself away. But actually, what I did was totally normal, and my department thought she was nuts and I was perfectly in the right. Anyway, in the end, I stayed in my old instructorship.

 

And you know what? I appreciated that instructorship a lot more because of the mental anguish I'd been through, which forced me to consider the ways in which the job I was unhappy in was actually good, in some ways. Without that experience, I would have just been miserable for a second year. But with it, I made it through that year ok, and actually stayed pretty positive about my job during that time. :)

 

This has happened to me more than once. Since that experience, it's happened to me a few times in my vocational discernment. And every time, the same thing happens: God throws open two doors, and I start freaking out and panicking and getting major anxiety because I want one WAY more than I want the other. He leaves both open for an agonizingly long time—but just long enough to get me to a point where I'd be happy with either outcome. Then He gives me the one that's best for me—but only once I've internally accepted whatever He sends. And I always appreciate it WAY more after the agony and acceptance—not just after the agony and acceptance, though, but BECAUSE of the agony and acceptance!

 

He's pretty amazing like that. And now that I've seen Him do it so many times, I can usually see when He's doing it again, and chill out way sooner. It's about the only way He's predictable now!  :hehe:

 

All this is NOT to say that you ought to agonize over the possible outcomes of your application. Try not to! Try to live in the present and, whenever the thoughts come, just pray, "God's will be done!" But if you can't do that—if you're weak like me, and the thoughts come anyway—then know that some good may still come out of that!

 

God bless you. I'll be praying for you, as I'm sure all the VSers will! :)

Edited November 16, 2014 by Gabriela

[MADS]

Wow, Gabriela! Thank you for sharing that story. It's helped a lot. So far God has shown me that there is no need to be afraid. All will be well according to His Will. I've entrusted my little soul to Our Lady, who always abandoned herself to Him. I appreciate the prayers and you all will remain in my prayers too. God bless :)