Character Defects

[HisChildForever]

A lot of us know what our flaws are--but sometimes we have flaws others see...and we don't. That's what happened today. My co-workers and I were joking around and wondering what our future kids will be like. At the same time, one co-worker said "polite" and another said "bossy" for mine. (Both have been with us 3 months or less.) I was taken aback by the latter and asked if I really was bossy. She said "sometimes." But with everyone laughing and poking fun at each other the moment just wasn't appropriate for me to ask her for examples. I'm not closed to the possibility that I could have a couple traits of a bossy person, but I'm sincerely trying to figure this out. Because I'm not the type of person to take charge in situations, although I do believe I have leadership skills, and I'm perfectly happy working under supervisors. I'm actually not all that interested in being a supervisor. I definitely see myself as assertive. And I love helping out my newer co-workers whenever they ask me questions.

 

Basically, "bossy" to me means pushing your ideas on others and ordering people around. I try my best to be aware of others' needs and I especially hate to be an inconvenience. I'm the last person on the planet to want to order people around. I have zero interest in drama, especially at the workplace. Other co-workers in times past, and my supervisor, have described me as confident with my decision making, organized, and open to learn/receptive to direction. So my problem is, I don't know if what this one co-worker said is accurate, and I just can't see it, or if she was off-base, or if she really meant assertive? I don't want to upset anyone, or overstep my bounds. I plan to heighten my awareness of this moving forward. I might even ask my supervisor when we do my annual review next month (without incriminating my co-worker). 

 

Anyone else been in this type of situation and had a genuinely hard time seeing where the other person was coming from? Maybe I'm just over analyzing this. (I do that a lot.)

[Lilllabettt]

when I was in the convent I was corrected for being 1. being a slow worker and 2. stubborn

both of which were shockers to me.

Because I always saw myself as a good worker. And I think of "stubborn" as someone who is always wanting their way and insisting and being argumentative.

 

on reflection I came to see that both of those things are definitely true about me.

 

I am slow - to me it always felt like I was just being a perfectionist, but that does in fact make me slower ... and I am stubborn. I don't insist on what restaurant to eat at or what movie to watch ... but in sneaky ways ... for example,  I refuse to let people apologize (e.g., I say "oh that's nothing don't be sorry for that) and I don't really allow myself to be convinced by other people (I keep my opinion to myself most of the time but I do keep my opinion.)

[truthfinder]

I think sometimes being "bossy" is a word for a multitude of different behaviours people don't quite know how to label - and sometimes they aren't faults, just different working styles.  But take it from me, someone who was told by a manager to stop being "so helpful".

[Gabriela]

A couple of friends once told me I'm pedantic. I was shocked. Then I became a teacher, so I guess I made that work for me.

[PhuturePriest]

We haven't spoken on a consistent basis, but from what I know of you from interacting with you, I don't think you're very bossy. Just take that for what it's worth.

 

Now, an even more important question: When is your wedding? I'm merely asking to be nosy. :P

[HisChildForever]

And I think of "stubborn" as someone who is always wanting their way and insisting and being argumentative.

 

 

I think sometimes being "bossy" is a word for a multitude of different behaviours people don't quite know how to label - and sometimes they aren't faults, just different working styles. 

 

I suppose we could have different definitions of "bossy." It seems pretty common for us (generally speaking) to have different things in mind for the same word.

[Batman]

Maybe I'm just over analyzing this. (I do that a lot.)

This. It's was one coworker.

[CatherineM]

I think it's one of those things where if you were a guy, you'd be seen as authoritive or a natural leader. As a female, we're seen as overbearing or bossy or worse.

[Batman]

I think it's one of those things where if you were a guy, you'd be seen as authoritive or a natural leader. As a female, we're seen as overbearing or bossy or worse.

I usually see this thrown around when it's a man calling a woman bossy but never when it's a woman doing the name calling. Edited November 13, 2014 by Batman

[Cherie]

I'd consider it being true, bring it to prayer, and ask God for self-knowledge. Our peers do us a lot of good when they bring our faults to our knowledge, when we are open to hearing it! You may be over analyzing; I don't think you should spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on it or being upset about it. But just keep in the back of your mind, "Hey, I might be a little bossy," and see if you catch yourself being bossy throughout the week. And if so, then try to work on correcting it. And if not, well, maybe the problem isn't so much with you as with the coworker.

[MIKolbe]

perhaps what you see as assertive, others see as bossy; and the truth is somewhere in the middle?

[Anomaly]

I think it's one of those things where if you were a guy, you'd be seen as authoritive or a natural leader. As a female, we're seen as overbearing or bossy or worse.

I say that's stereotypical victimization BS.
Assertive women can be called bossy or bi***y, assertive men can be called overbearing or a mean d***.
There is always someone who whines about more assertive, effective, or confident people. If you are suitably self aware about how you try to come across, I don't think you should be overly concerned that some negative comments are an indication of a character flaw.
Now if the group fell awkwardly silent, or all chimed in to call you bossy, that may be something to think about. My guess is you're an effective employee with leadership traits. Edited November 13, 2014 by Anomaly

[CatherineM]

I don't think there's victimization involved. I was a successful attorney. Guys who won their cases were called sharp or similar. I was called the barracuda by men and women. I didn't really care what they called me. It didn't stop me.

[HisChildForever]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read and respond to this thread!

 

I'd consider it being true, bring it to prayer, and ask God for self-knowledge. Our peers do us a lot of good when they bring our faults to our knowledge, when we are open to hearing it! You may be over analyzing; I don't think you should spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on it or being upset about it. But just keep in the back of your mind, "Hey, I might be a little bossy," and see if you catch yourself being bossy throughout the week. And if so, then try to work on correcting it. And if not, well, maybe the problem isn't so much with you as with the coworker.

 

This is basically what I'm going with.  :like: