Costs Of Discernment

[totustuus20]

I was reading one of the other threads, and some mentioned the importance of having a job because of costs that are associated with discernment. I had no idea. What are some of these costs? Are there organizations that can help with the costs?

[veritasluxmea]

Well, discernment is different than entering. For discernment, you have to be able to travel, maybe quite a bit... and plane tickets can be $500 upwards. Maybe $250 if you're lucky. And that just for traveling in the United States. Nope, there aren't any organizations that help with that.

 

For entering, you may want/need a dowry in case you leave the order, that could be $1000-2000. You also have to buy a ton of clothes, shoes, underwear, and the like. I've never entered but I've heard that can be a couple hundred, and there aren't any organizations that help with those costs, although your friends and family will probably help. If you have to pay off debt, that's also expensive. There are organizations that help with that, however. 

[beatitude]

Remember that flying about here there and everywhere to visit communities is a very new phenomenon. Before that people often used to look for communities closer to them and they would discern just with those communities. I think this is a good approach; when I was considering religious life I looked first to my own diocese and the neighbouring diocese. Obviously this is not helpful in every case but as a general rule I think it's sensible to start close to home.

[marigold]

I agree with beatitude.

 

I spent around $1500 in travel and I really only visited the community I entered. That was flying UK-US mind you, and my parish took up a collection to help me. It doesn't *have* to be expensive, but travel is expensive and you'll probably travel.   :idontknow:

[SilentJoy]

As far as discerning close to home...when I first began to discern, I didn't know how one does that kind of thing so I asked my priest. He wanted to know if I was interested in a specific community. I'd wanted to be in religious life since a was a 15 year old Calvinist but as far as knowing about actual communities, the only *interesting* ones I'd heard about were the DSMMEs in Ann Arbor (about 2 hours from me). My priest said, "NOOO, that's too far! We have Dominicans right here in our diocese!" So I did visit within my own diocese first (it was awful. Dominicans are not the same wherever you go - in that case, not even similar :rotfl2:).

 

I did try to visit within my home state first. The communities that I looked at initially (besides my own diocese) were just 2 hours away. Then I started looking farther, especially when I realized that I wasn't drawn to an active apostolate. For some reason, although there were contemplatives I kinda liked closer to home, I seem to magnetize to the ones roughly 9-10 hours away (even then, that's not SO very far).

 

Costs: To make a round trip to a community 4 hours away in an '89 Dodge Ram with a radio but no air is a little over $100. This is just an initial half hour parlor visit. Multiply by however many parlor visits it takes and/or a week's live-in. Figure insurance (whatever that is), wear and tear on vehicle (it's already shot anyway), costs of spiritual direction for several months ($40 an hour, and that's on the cheap end) because they need that letter of reference to schedule a live-in and think its beneficial that I be in spiritual direction, snacks for driving (because otherwise I'll get dehydrated and sick), etc. That's several hundred dollars just in visiting, and in this scenario I haven't even decided to apply.

 

If I apply, my insurance only covers part of all the medical requirements I have to submit. Among my out-of-pocket expenses that insurance doesn't touch, I need new glasses (+eye exam) and a tooth cavity filled (+plus dental exam) - it's not really fair to include in cost of discernment since I might seek those things anyway, but with me, I wouldn't seek them - at least not so soon - unless I was applying. That's another several hundred dollars. I probably still have a deductible to pay for my insurance since I never, never use it, so even though having insurance will force the medical people to charge less, I still might have to pay most of it.

 

I've already sought psychological advice to be sure that religious life is something I can reasonably be expected to handle (the community has their own psychological test, so this wasn't necessary on my part, but I wanted to be sure BEFORE I went through all the discernment, not after). $100 a visit (again, that's on the cheap end) and I visited several times.

 

There is a likely a dowry; it varies by community - one wants $500, plus the applicant purchases their own insurance for 6 months, another covers insurance but asks a $1000 dowry plus an additional $1000 to cover the costs of the first year.

 

Then the requirements of what to bring. The only time I've actually received a list of what I *can* bring (recommended but not required - I think other communities require more), I spent $250 just in clothing and underwear, and that was after it was decided that the shoes, watch, coats etc. that I already owned were good enough to reuse for a while.

[SilentJoy]

Oh, and books...I don't have to buy books this time, but if you need to bring the LOTH, that could be $200 there, unless you found copies that were used or on sale.

[SilentJoy]

Not to mention ALL the DVD's and books that everyone tells you that you SIMPLY MUST watch or read, you SIMPLY MUST, and all the other little doo-dads surrounding discernment that don't involve visiting communities. These costs usually aren't prohibitive, though. :smile4:

 

For example, a life-like replica of a human skull for my bedroom, on clearance because of a slightly defect that I couldn't even find, was $14.99 (because all the "cool" cells have a skull somewhere). My 3 year old niece loves it. I make it talk to her, she insists that it bite her finger and look in the mirror to scare itself; they get along great.

[Nunsuch]

While I agree that all of this can be expensive, so are all kinds of discernment: college, career, etc.  I think some of this is the natural "cost" of life experience, assuming one wants some sort of agency concerning what to do with one's life.... 

 

At least some of the choices in discernment are now actually easier with the internet. Many congregations (similar to many colleges) have very informative websites that allow for deciding how potentially "right" a choice might be--and, equally important, how "wrong."  Cell phones make conversations less expensive than old-fashioned "long distance" might have been (assuming communities would have been open to such conversations in the past).  

 

All I'm saying is that, while there are costs, there are costs to so many things.

[truthfinder]

It's not that people in the past never entered distant communities. There was no such thing as live-ins. You would take the train across the country when you entered.  If there was a particular active order, you might join their pre-postulancy program (can't think of the word at the time) where you'd go to school with them while also taking on part of the prayer life. 

There's just so many choices, and this makes it difficult. (I've heard it in regard to dating as well, people not wanting to actually 'date' one person because they can't decide on just one.) There was never the problem of orthodoxy in the past either.  Every girl knew that the Masses, confessions, and other sacraments would be valid, almost always licit, and generally well done (Father may not have been the best homilist but he never spoke about Mother-God.)

[PhuturePriest]

For entering, you may want/need a dowry in case you leave the order, that could be $1000-2000. You also have to buy a ton of clothes, shoes, underwear, and the like. I've never entered but I've heard that can be a couple hundred, and there aren't any organizations that help with those costs, although your friends and family will probably help. If you have to pay off debt, that's also expensive. There are organizations that help with that, however. 

 

This is not true in all cases. The community I discerned with provides you with all the clothes you'll need, and yes, they also have sisters whom supply everything for their postulants as well.

[PhuturePriest]

Not to mention ALL the DVD's and books that everyone tells you that you SIMPLY MUST watch or read, you SIMPLY MUST, and all the other little doo-dads surrounding discernment that don't involve visiting communities. These costs usually aren't prohibitive, though. :smile4:

 

For example, a life-like replica of a human skull for my bedroom, on clearance because of a slightly defect that I couldn't even find, was $14.99 (because all the "cool" cells have a skull somewhere). My 3 year old niece loves it. I make it talk to her, she insists that it bite her finger and look in the mirror to scare itself; they get along great.

 

I want to buy a skull for my bedroom as well. I want to buy it because all the early Saints used to have skulls on their desks to remind them of their mortality and that they need to have full fidelity to Christ and the Church.

 

Where do you buy one? I can't find one anywhere.

Edited October 22, 2014 by FuturePacker

[beatitude]

I must be getting old. The only reminder I need of my own mortality are the pains in my back.  :unsure:

[SilentJoy]

I want to buy a skull for my bedroom as well. I want to buy it because all the early Saints used to have skulls on their desks to remind them of their mortality and that they need to have full fidelity to Christ and the Church.

 

Where do you buy one? I can't find one anywhere.

 

Amazon.com. My computer doesn't let me cut and paste to Phatmass, but look up "Human skull replica low cost economy 2nd tier good quality." Seller is "Nose Desserts." According to my niece, this thing is mortally hilarious(and it's on SALE for Halloween!!). I reeeeeally wanted to put chocolate eyeballs in the sockets for Halloween and now I don't get to do so. :cry3:

[SilentJoy]

While I agree that all of this can be expensive, so are all kinds of discernment: college, career, etc.  I think some of this is the natural "cost" of life experience...

 

Exactly. One must get sooooo nervous and hung-up on the fact that Life costs money, that they just stay home and don't bother trying to do anything about their future; after all, money IS the most important thing, and it mustn't be frivolously wasted on stuff like this. :smile4:
 

[/sarcasm]

[totustuus20]

Thank you all for your responses!!! While it is certainly overwhelming to think about, the costs seem to be worth the plethora of graces that await once you figure out your true vocation. I am just trying to plan finances into the future, and for me that is probably going to mean either a plane ticket or a train ticket to Michigan!