Beginning Discernment... Kind Of

[Xanti]

Hello all,

 

I'm new here, so... hi!  I've been a lurker for a little while, and you guys have a pretty amesome community here.

 

Background: I'm a 21 YO guy who grew up in Suburbs of City in the US.

 

Since about sophomore year of high school I've been contemplating and discerning whether or not I'm called to the priesthood/religious life.  That puts it at roughly 6 years of non-serious discernment and thought.  6 years of trying to figure out who I am and who I'm supposed to be. I've convinced myself at one point that I was called to be a priest, at another that I was called to be father (not the priestly kind), and another that I'm supposed to be a monk. Needless to say it's been kind of a confusing ride, but I like to think I've been open to the promptings of the Spirit when they come.

 

Right now, as a senior at a Catholic University in the US, I'm (hopefully) going to graduate in May 2015 with a degree in Computer Science.  I have a job offer from a Catholic software company (not too many of those... I really lucked out!).  But despite that particular opportunity and its implications of living as a laity, I've decided to delve a little more seriously into discerning my vocation, whether or not it ends up being as a lay person.  

 

This coming week I'm going on a 4-day directed retreat at a Jesuit retreat house in a nice, quiet area.  I feel like it signifies a turning point in my life.  Instead of me trying to figure it out, I've decided to let God do that, and I'll ask him continually to show me.  Not my will but His.

 

I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting here, I just felt compelled to do so, and was hoping maybe to get some encouragement/advice from those here.  So if you have some encouragement or advice, please leave a comment or send a PM!  Thanks for reading, if you made it this far :joecool:

 

Pax,

Xanti

Edited October 15, 2014 by Xanti

[Not A Mallard]

My advice: follow your feelings.  If you feel compelled to the priesthood, make decisions that will get you there.  If you feel called to marriage, make decisions that will get there.

[Benedictus]

I would say to simply 'be open to anything'. Try not to push yourself a specific way but pray lots, find silence, reflect where God has been in your life and where he is now. What is he trying to say to you? How do you feel he wants you to use your degree and, at least possibly, that media job? Have you heard of the Society of St Paul, or other orders, that use media or computers as part of their charism? Jesuits do this type of work as well. Your diocese may also be able to offer you an internship on web and social media. This could be great if you apply to them later to enter the priesthood.

In terms of vocation generally, at least for me, I had to firstly understand all vocations are a response to Gods love and desire for us. So God spent some time trying to get me to recognise that I was loved and that I could chill out abit. Then, little by little, I've found more at peace about discerning a specific way (and feeling ready for more formal discernment).

I'm discerning with the Jesuits at the moment. I'm involevd in work with them and I have just visited a seminary and community in another part of Europe. Jesuit retreats are usually great, especially if they are based on the spiritual exercises. They also, in some provinces, offer vocation guided or shorter retreats. I'd suggest joining a faith sharing or vocation group if one is near you also as these can be really useful. :like3:

Edited October 16, 2014 by Benedictus

[Charbel]

JMJ

 

 

This coming week I'm going on a 4-day directed retreat at a Jesuit retreat house in a nice, quiet area.  I feel like it signifies a turning point in my life.  Instead of me trying to figure it out, I've decided to let God do that, and I'll ask him continually to show me.  Not my will but His.

 

By reading this, I can assure you that you are definitely on the right track. I like to remember that God will never ask anything of us that we are not capable of, especially when discernment gets hard, or life in general. It can take a while, but a nun told me once that when you find where God is calling you that you will know through the Holy Spirit (isn't that beautiful?). For her, when she walked into the chapel of her future monastery, she instantly wanted to fall on her knees in praise. It happens different for all of God's children, whether you are called to religious life or marriage. All we have to do is be guided by His will. Please know you will be in my prayers.

[Luigi]

I'm of the opinion that it's ultimately your decision how to give your life to God. It's not like God has designed a particular vocation for you, and you'll be blissfully happy for the rest of your life if you can only figure out what that (hidden) design is or that, alternatively, you'll be somewhere between less-than-blissfully-happy and completely-miserable if you guess the vocation behind Door 2 instead of behind Door 1. 

 

I've known guys who broke off close relationships, entered the seminary, got ordained, and have been happy serving God as a priest ever since. I also know guys who got ordained, then left & got laicized, married & had a half dozen kids, and have been happy serving God as a father and pillar of the Catholic community ever since. 

 

The sisters, priests, and brothers I've known who were unhappy serving God in the convent or holy orders were the ones who entered because they didn't really make the decision themselves, or because they made an uninformed decision. They didn't really make the decision themselves meaning they entered because their parents wanted a priest in the family, or they were essentially "pleasers" and they liked all the respect & admiration they garnered by choosing priesthood/religious life, or they felt pressured one way or another. Or they made an uninformed decision meaning they didn't really know what the life was going to entail, or they didn't know themselves very well so they couldn't foresee that they wouldn't fit well with the life, or they hadn't seriously considered other options. 

 

And anything said in the previous paragraph about priesthood/religious life applies equally to people who get married when they don't really make the decision themselves or they make an uninformed decision.

 

Clearly you've already considered other options - good! Clearly you're approaching this thoughtfully - good! So go on the retreat, figure out some more stuff about who you are and who they (the Jesuits, the monks, the diocesan priests, your girlfriend in particular or women in general) are, and then make your own decision.

 

BTW, no one is ever blissfully happy for the rest of their lives, no matter what they decide to do with their lives, even if done completely freely and completely well-informed. Everybody thinks, at some point in their vocation, "What was I THINKING when I decided to do this?" The priest sometimes wishes he had to take of only six children, and the dad sometimes wishes he didn't have to deal with his kids at all. Those aren't signs that you've chosen the wrong vocation - they're just rough patches. You get through them and are pretty happy most of the time serving God the way you chose for yourself.

 

Best of luck with it. I've got you on the refrigerator (prayer list).  

[anglefire]

I was very strucked by your post. I have great admiration for the jesuits. They are truly thinkers very bright. Do you have a spiritual director if not find one. From what you have posted I think you are headed in the right direction. Also if you can go to an adoration chapel talk to Jesus. And then listen he speaks softly to your heart. I will keep you in my prayers as I am an older woman discerning monastic life.

[brandelynmarie]

:welcome: Xanti. We are all kinda crazy here, but amidst the insanity you will find wonderful support & sound advice. :)

[Carla]

My advice for sure is to be patient with your discernment.You will have good and bad moments for sure i have it all the time.It is very normal.

Just open you heart try for your possible vocation and try to found spiritual director, it will help you a lot.

Be open to share here all your doubts and feelings we are all having similar experiences.

 

God bless you,You will be in my prayers

[marigold]

Welcome!

[Xanti]

Wow.  I'm floored by everyone's compassion and care.  Thank you; it means more than you know!

 

I would say to simply 'be open to anything'. 

 I'd suggest joining a faith sharing or vocation group if one is near you also as these can be really useful. :like3:

 

I am open to anything!  At least I like to think so.  I will spend a lot of time in prayer and silence to try and figure it all out.

 

While I'm still at college, there are a couple places where I can probably find a faith sharing group--I'll look into it.  If not my weekly-ish meetings with my spiritual director will have to suffice.  Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it!

 

It can take a while, but a nun told me once that when you find where God is calling you that you will know through the Holy Spirit (isn't that beautiful?). For her, when she walked into the chapel of her future monastery, she instantly wanted to fall on her knees in praise.

 

That is pretty beautiful, thanks for sharing.  I could only hope that something as cathartic as what happened to her will happen to me.  Thanks for the prayers, I can't tell you what it means to me.

 

I'm of the opinion that it's ultimately your decision how to give your life to God. 

 

The sisters, priests, and brothers I've known who were unhappy serving God in the convent or holy orders were the ones who entered because they didn't really make the decision themselves, or because they made an uninformed decision. 

 

BTW, no one is ever blissfully happy for the rest of their lives, no matter what they decide to do with their lives, even if done completely freely and completely well-informed.

 

Best of luck with it. I've got you on the refrigerator (prayer list).  

 

A lot of useful information/thoughts here; thanks!  I really am grateful for the thoughtful reply.  

 

I'm doing my best to keep myself informed and open.  It's weird because I feel like although it's a decision that's mine to make, I'd be much more comfortable letting someone else make it for me.  I'd much prefer to just let God make the decision and conform to His will from there.

 

The weird paradox about love is that it's fated, but the ultimate expression of freedom is giving into it.

 

:welcome: Xanti. We are all kinda crazy here, but amidst the insanity you will find wonderful support & sound advice. :)

 

Noted.  But if you're crazy why on earth should I take your advice?!  :think:

 

I was very strucked by your post. I have great admiration for the jesuits. They are truly thinkers very bright. Do you have a spiritual director if not find one. From what you have posted I think you are headed in the right direction. Also if you can go to an adoration chapel talk to Jesus. And then listen he speaks softly to your heart. I will keep you in my prayers as I am an older woman discerning monastic life.

 

Thank you -- I will try my best to remember you in my prayers as well.  It means a lot.

 

My advice for sure is to be patient with your discernment.You will have good and bad moments for sure i have it all the time.It is very normal.

Just open you heart try for your possible vocation and try to found spiritual director, it will help you a lot.

Be open to share here all your doubts and feelings we are all having similar experiences.

 

God bless you,You will be in my prayers

 

I do have a spiritual director!  He's the bomb.com.  I'll keep posting as I try and figure this whole mess out.

 

 

You guys are AWESOME.  I've never felt more welcomed or at home.  May the peace and love of Christ be with all of you!

...now I have to go take an exam and write a paper and a half today... so that'll be fun 

[Filumena]

I'm praying for you. I went to a Jesuit university and loved the Jesuits. All the ones that I met seemed happy and fulfilled...really a great group of men.

[Gabriela]

Hi Xanti,

 

Welcome to PM (sort of).

 

Remember these words:

 

God is never late, but He's never early, either.

 

And:

 

If there's something God wants you to know, He has the power to make sure you know it—right when you need to.

 

If you really internalize those two ideas, your discernment should stay calm and peaceful. :)

 

Whatever happens, don't stress out or agonize over the decision. It's a big one, but God's got ya'. ;)

[Mary+Immaculate<3]

God is never late, but He's never early, either.

Soooooooo, God is Gandalf?


Sorry, I couldn't resist :p

[4LoveofJMJ]

 

Since about sophomore year of high school I've been contemplating and discerning whether or not I'm called to the priesthood/religious life.  That puts it at roughly 6 years of non-serious discernment and thought.  6 years of trying to figure out who I am and who I'm supposed to be. I've convinced myself at one point that I was called to be a priest, at another that I was called to be father (not the priestly kind), and another that I'm supposed to be a monk. Needless to say it's been kind of a confusing ride, but I like to think I've been open to the promptings of the Spirit when they come.

 

I have been in the same boat that you have been in for roughly the same amount of time. The part where you said that you have convinced yourself of all different vocations has also been something that I am struggling with too. There have been times where I swear that I am entering the convent but then others I feel called to be a wife and mother. Back and forth. Needless to say I was and still am a bit confused. Wondering if I was actually called to the religious life or if it was just part of the back and forth habit that I had made. When I told this to a seminarian friend of mine, he told me that when he was discerning, he learned that it was, in fact, possible to influence his perception of either vocation and take it as a sign from God. Eventually though, things will become clear when God wants them to. Maybe you should ask yourself, in all honesty, where do you think God is calling you to when you really consider it in your gut/heart? What is your deepest intuition about the entire thing? Things may not become clear all at once, but perhaps in time, they will.

 

Know that my prayers are with you and that if you ever want to talk, just pm me!

[LaPetiteSoeur]

Jesuit discernment retreats (Southern Province), from what participants have told me, are wonderful because they don't push. It's a very open experience and it's very much ~discerner-driven.~ There's a great book by James Martin about his own discernment that talks about this called In Good Company. Since you already have such an open attitude, this might just help you organize yourself a bit more.