The Right Thing

[truthfinder]

Yeah, I think even if they were initially upset, they'd come around to realize you probably saved them from a situation that could have some unwanted long term effects.

[LittleWaySoul]

He'll get hurt worse if he ends up on video with this guy. Tell him.

This.

[Amppax]

By my username you should be able to tell that I'm not the world's best speller.  What's your issue with me?

 Nothing, just joking. 

[Slappo]

By my username you should be able to tell that I'm not the world's best speller.  What's your issue with me?

That was just a classic phatmassism.

 

The same thing would happen to winchester. The same thing x10 would happen to dUST.

 

 

 

As for OP: Don't beat around the bush, but don't be blunt and hit him like a baseball bat with it either. Be compassionate, yet forthright.

[Socrates]

I'll ditto the advice of those who say to speak the truth about this matter with charity.

 

All in all a classic gay drama. I know what the Church teaches about being gay, or homosexual acts. That is NOT the point of my question.

 

 

It may not be the point of your question, but it is very relevant if you believe and care what the Church teaches.  While you are right to not want your friend in a dishonest or abusive relationship, as a Catholic, you should not be happy about him being in an objectively sinful and perverted "relationship."

You should be praying that he be given the grace to abandon the homosexual "lifestyle" altogether, rather than hoping he "find a good guy" as if he were one of your girlfriends seeking a husband.

 

You should definitely not be encouraging or condoning his behavior in any way, and it would probably be good that (if possible) you help him find more friends with good morals not involved with the gay lifestyle.

True charity is helping others get to heaven.

[beatitude]

It wasn't your business to be Googling this guy in the first place, but now you know what you know, I think your friend would appreciate being told. I would if I were in his position. Tell him, but definitely don't do it anonymously. I would be even more bewildered and upset if I got such news about my boyfriend with no name attached. You've been a bit nosy when you shouldn't have been, but you can compensate for that by being straightforward now.

 

Edited to add: Just in case my post sounds a bit blunt, I wanted to add that I did the same thing in the past and I uncovered info about a friend that it's not my business to know, so now I try to take a 'custody of the eyes' approach when I'm online.

Edited October 2, 2014 by beatitude

[Credo in Deum]

Also if you're going to release this news to your friend then you should do so in a way which does not damage the other persons reputation and name.  If you know your friend is prone to blasting people that wrong them over social media or other forms of communication, then you need to really think about how you deliver this news (or if you should deliver the news at all).  As for the rest, I second what Socrates said.

 

   

 

 

[blazeingstar]

It wasn't your business to be Googling this guy in the first place, but now you know what you know, I think your friend would appreciate being told. I would if I were in his position. Tell him, but definitely don't do it anonymously. I would be even more bewildered and upset if I got such news about my boyfriend with no name attached. You've been a bit nosy when you shouldn't have been, but you can compensate for that by being straightforward now.

 

Edited to add: Just in case my post sounds a bit blunt, I wanted to add that I did the same thing in the past and I uncovered info about a friend that it's not my business to know, so now I try to take a 'custody of the eyes' approach when I'm online.

 

Seriously?  Googling people's names is fun.  It's not like he was going all out PI on the guy.  It was a very rudementary search.

 

Sorry, but it's 2014.  Custody of the eyes has nothing to do with looking up what jobs, awards and even crimes someone may have committed.  In years gone by we'd of had a community to tell us this information.  It's not "idle gossip" beucase we should be able to look up and be curious.  That'd be the same as asking, "hey Mabel, I've recently met Joe Smo and was wondering if he's a good guy to hang out with".  Certinally, Mabel could be wrong, and saying he ate a crayon in 3rd grade is idle gossip, but knowing information is part of ensuring that we don't find ourselves in sketchy situations, with important things like DWI's and or drug convictions.

Edited October 2, 2014 by blazeingstar

[beatitude]

Seriously?  Googling people's names is fun.  It's not like he was going all out PI on the guy.  It was a very rudementary search.

 

Sorry, but it's 2014.  Custody of the eyes has nothing to do with looking up what jobs, awards and even crimes someone may have committed.  In years gone by we'd of had a community to tell us this information.  It's not "idle gossip" beucase we should be able to look up and be curious.  That'd be the same as asking, "hey Mabel, I've recently met Joe Smo and was wondering if he's a good guy to hang out with".  Certinally, Mabel could be wrong, and saying he ate a crayon in 3rd grade is idle gossip, but knowing information is part of ensuring that we don't find ourselves in sketchy situations, with important things like DWI's and or drug convictions.

 

I don't think the OP was planning to employ this guy or had any other practical reason to be Googling his name.

 

I don't Google people I hang out with to see if I should be hanging out with them. I work that out for myself. If I want to know what jobs or awards they've got, I ask directly. The only time I would ask someone else for info or do an online search is if something in their behaviour was worrying me for some legitimate reason and I doubted I would get a truthful answer just by asking, and in my experience when people turn to Google they're also looking for info that their friends aren't sharing.

 

Nosiness is nosiness. Yes, it can be fun, but that doesn't make it right. It's not the worst thing ever, far from it, but it's still not something I feel great about doing.

Edited October 2, 2014 by beatitude

[blazeingstar]

I don't think the OP was planning to employ this guy or had any other practical reason to be Googling his name.

 

I don't Google people I hang out with to see if I should be hanging out with them. I work that out for myself. If I want to know what jobs or awards they've got, I ask directly. The only time I would ask someone else for info or do an online search is if something in their behaviour was worrying me for some legitimate reason and I doubted I would get a truthful answer just by asking, and in my experience when people turn to Google they're also looking for info that their friends aren't sharing.

 

Nosiness is nosiness. Yes, it can be fun, but that doesn't make it right. It's not the worst thing ever, far from it, but it's still not something I feel great about doing.

 

To each his own.

 

I'm not talking about googiling someone to pry into the personal detalis.  I'm talking about hey "X has a cool website, oh what else have they put up"  Oh, they like to smoke pot, well perhaps I'll make sure I take my own car.

 

I prefer to be informed.  Perhaps you've been lucky in your life and haven't encountered many sketchy people. 

 

I tend to get information first on my own, and ask questions later.  That's how I am. 

[Norseman82]

It may not be the point of your question, but it is very relevant if you believe and care what the Church teaches.  While you are right to not want your friend in a dishonest or abusive relationship, as a Catholic, you should not be happy about him being in an objectively sinful and perverted "relationship."

You should be praying that he be given the grace to abandon the homosexual "lifestyle" altogether, rather than hoping he "find a good guy" as if he were one of your girlfriends seeking a husband.

 

You should definitely not be encouraging or condoning his behavior in any way, and it would probably be good that (if possible) you help him find more friends with good morals not involved with the gay lifestyle.

True charity is helping others get to heaven.

 

Beat me to it....

[LaPetiteSoeur]

Tell your friend. It'll hurt him, yes. What his bf is doing will hurt him, yes. BUT if he ends up being filmed without his knowledge, that will hurt him even more. Maybe your friend already knows and is ok with it. Who knows. But I'd tell him just to be sure. 

 

 

[Odilia]

I told my friend a couple of days ago and he confronted his boyfriend with it. It wasn't easy but I'm glad I told him.

It wasn't your business to be Googling this guy in the first place,

 

I agree. I won't do it again.

As for this:

I'll ditto the advice of those who say to speak the truth about this matter with charity.
 

 
It may not be the point of your question, but it is very relevant if you believe and care what the Church teaches.  While you are right to not want your friend in a dishonest or abusive relationship, as a Catholic, you should not be happy about him being in an objectively sinful and perverted "relationship."
You should be praying that he be given the grace to abandon the homosexual "lifestyle" altogether, rather than hoping he "find a good guy" as if he were one of your girlfriends seeking a husband.
 
You should definitely not be encouraging or condoning his behavior in any way, and it would probably be good that (if possible) you help him find more friends with good morals not involved with the gay lifestyle.
True charity is helping others get to heaven.

Whatever.