Personal

[superblue]

 I have no one to turn to when conflict arises between me n my mom, no one to calm me down, to help me think things through, and an arguement ensues or i lose my cool with my mom an start huffing and blowing steam like i did tonight, and then i have to pull it all back together, and give up any rational plan i had to try an fix my life because change is so terribly hard for my mother, she would rather sweat and die in this home than go to family who had AC and safety if there was an option, and some how she is always right and i am always wrong, even when i know i need to make my own decisions and can. It would be better to just suffer silently, than to rock the boat. Sometimes i can't suffer silently though and times like now pops up.... makeing it impossible to sleep. Even more so i have to go the 11 am mass tomorrow for a catechist blessing and i'd rather be left alone, to top things off i am supposed to go to my sisters tomorrow for dinner, and i really dont want to now, it takes me a full 24 hrs to recoop from things like this.

 

and all i can do is force myself to be a good solider and carry on suffering silently the best i can, with no help or end in sight and i am hard headed enough to continue on in faith knowing i will get through the worse to come which is waiting.