A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Monastery

[brandelynmarie]

A Day in the Life of a Little Carmelite Postulant as experienced and written by Michele Morris

 

Lessons and Mishaps

 

OR

 

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Monastery

 

OR

 

A Day in the Life of a Little Carmelite Postulant

 

as experienced & written by:

God’s Little Goofball

aka: Michele Morris

 

            A Carmelite priest told me my first week in the Monastery: “To be a Carmelite, one must have three bones—the Wishbone, the Backbone, and the Funnybone.”  I can certainly attest that this is so very true.  I can also attest that any pre-conceived notions we have about living the cloistered life need to be stripped away.  What we think it is (or how we think it should be) and the reality of how it actually plays out is often quite different.  And, that, my friends, is the true transitional challenge.  The best advice I can give to those discerning the religious life: Let go of expectations!  Easier said than done, I know, I know.  And not just letting go of how monastic life “should” be, but more importantly, letting go of how you yourself, should be.  The Lord God wants, desires the real you—the you He made you to be.  The Lord God wants, desires, your whole, vulnerable, feeble, weak, little self.  There is no hiding from Him or the sisters (despite the fact that we are living a “hidden” life). Yes, it is hard—in very unexpected ways.  Yes, there are struggles.  However, the road to self-discovery and union with God is actually…well…quite funny!  Of the three bones the Carmelite priest mentioned, I would have to say that the Funnybone is the most important.  The gift of laughter and the ability to laugh at yourself is truly the strength behind wishes in the Wishbone and perseverance in the Backbone.

 

PLEASE NOTE:      Every community is different.  The experiences I share and my thoughts about them are strictly from one particular little postulant in one particular little community.

 

DISCLAIMER:        No nuns were injured during these “Lessons and Mishaps,” though one little postulant’s pride has been significantly diminished.

 

 

ACT I

 

scene i:            I did climb a tree (okay, 2).  Gathering all of you in my heart, I sang (quietly): “How do you solve a problem like Michele.”  That was my first prayer offering to God for all of your intentions. J

 

scene ii:           My dress does not have a tear (yet).   I did, though, get tree sap all over it.  Paint thinner gets out tree sap. 

 

scene iii:          I got tipsy.

                        I set off the fire alarm.

                        The 2 incidents are unrelated.

 

scene iv:          Twice I discovered ashes on my veil.  Both times happened right after my personal prayers.  Before jumping to the conclusion I was having some sort of bizarre mystical experience, I asked the sisters: “How did I get ashes on my veil?” Ah.  Apparently, I was standing too close to the incinerator* upon lighting it.  Real—non-mystical—ashes alighted my head.

*Garbage is either composted, recycled, trashed, or burned in the incinerator.  Either I burned something I thought was burnable but wasn’t or I didn’t check the ventilation or both.  Intense smoke filled the basement and first floor setting off the fire alarm.  No fire.  Building still standing.  Nuns okay.

 

scene v:           I taught the sisters the chicken dance.

 

scene vi:          The sisters have worms for compost.  They are fed veggies and fruit (no citrus).  Their favorite food is bananas (the worms’ not the sisters’).  I got to play with them and feed them (the worms.  Though I do play with the sisters, too.  I haven’t fed them, yet.)  I also rescued a salamander.  Actually I rescued a sister from the salamander. The gardens have a variety of frogs and on multiple occasions I’ve tried catching them—to no avail.  The little kid in me is quite chuffed!

                        Chuffed: Scottish term meaning “pleased.”

 

scene vii          I crashed into a Crucifix nearly knocking myself out.

 

INTERMISSION

 

LADIES and gentlemen!!! BOYS and girls!!  Children of AAAAAALLL Ages!!!!

 

WELCOME to Modern Technology of the 1980s

 

This letter is being typed on the one…the only…

 

 BROTHER EM-411!!!

 

            “The outstanding features of the EM-411 will take away all the chores of typing that seem to come with other typewriters, thus making your life at work that much happier!” –instruction manual

 

            Yes, folks.  I am typing this on an electric typewriter purchased in 1986.  Typing on this treasured artifact is not half as funny as reading the instruction manual.  OH MY GOODNESS!!!  I am in stitches reading through this booklet!  I so wish I could type up the many hysterical comments and instructions, but then this letter would turn into a novel.  If you can find it online (if it exists) oh take the time to read through it!  Just TOO FUNNY!

 

So, I humbly beg you to forgive any typing/formatting mistakes. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had to retype this letter.  This has to be my final “printing” if I want to get this out in time for Christmas!  I must say, however, that after a few days of refusing to either pull my hair out or throwing this thing into the sea, Brother EM-411 and I have become fast friends.

 

Stubbornness prevails!  Perseverance wins!

 

(Think of this letter as one huge text)

 

ACT II

 

scene i

or

Lessons in Teresian Spirituality:

 

            There is a Crucifix hanging on the wall of each stairwell.  Whenever we pass by one, we’re to kiss the feet of Jesus.  Now, this was the end of my first week and I had not yet mastered the art of taking my time.  Not wanting to be late for Choir (Office of Hours), I flew down the stairs.  As I reached the bottom step, I gasped: “OH NO!!! I forgot to kiss Jesus’ feet!”  So I rushed back up the stairs, gaining so much momentum I couldn’t stop—

 

CRASH!         BANG!           CLANK!

oomph.

 

            After a moment, my eyes fluttered open and I found myself in the following position: arms and hands spread-eagle against the wall, brow banged up and pressed into Jesus’ knees, nose smooshed between His legs, teeth clanked up against His feet (I think I drooled on Him).  I began giggling.  I couldn’t help it!  I couldn’t move!  I’m plastered up against the wall and Crucifix giggling!  I finally managed to regain some composure and peeled myself away from the wall and Crucifix.  With a sheepish grin, I gave Jesus a slight nod and SLOWLY descended the stairs.  I made it to Choir unscathed.  I was the first one there. 

            Now, yes, indeed God does desire to draw us closer to Him, and St. Teresa of Avila shares marvelous insights on how this might be achieved.  Somehow I don’t think crashing into His crucified Son is what either of them had in mind.

 

scene ii

or

Lessons in Fasting and Feasting and Sacrifice—Oh My!!:

 

Carmelites know how to fast.  They also know how to feast!  Between Sundays, Feasts and Solemnities (days on which fasting is broken) I am struggling a bit with knowing when exactly we are fasting.  In addition to scrumptious food and delectable dessert options, we are served wine and beer (at dinner on Sundays, Feasts and Solemnities).  And that, my friends, is how I got tipsy my first Sunday here.  I only had 1/2 a bottle of beer.  sigh.

Anyhoo…within a couple weeks, I began worrying about the “table of plenty” I’ve been blessed with.  Not just with all the glorious food, but the beauty and grandness of Carmel.  I’m a little pauper living in a palace.  God is showering me with all sorts of goodies and it’s just like me to muck it up with thoughts of how undeserving I am, but also how to fast more.  Or rather, what sacrifices should I be…well…sacrificing.  My mind took off racing.  What could I do?”  What can a little pauper do for Him? ...

AH-HA!!  I know!!  I would deny myself Oreo cookies!  I had been delighting in them all week.  I decided I wouldn’t have any at dinner (our midday meal).  But then I thought: “WAIT! If God wants to shower me with Love, Grace, Mercy, and Blessings—am I hurting Him?  He, after all, is the Perfect Gentleman—the Great Romancer—and I am rejecting His courtship!  Well, the thought of hurting Him hurt me so by-gosh-darnit I was NOT going to have just ONE Oreo cookie, I was going to have FIVE!  Yes, five!  An overabundance of gratitude for an overabundance of grace and blessings.  I proceeded to pour my signature drink: milk with ice.  Then, I picked up the Oreo cookie bag…and…woah…empty?  No! Wait!  I looked again.  Ha-ha!  There was ONE Oreo cookie left in the bag.  God, in a single moment, allowed me both to fast and feast!  I looked out the window, smirked at God and enjoyed my 1 Oreo cookie. J

---God cannot be outdone in gift-giving

---God not only loves us, but is in love with us.  He wants to love on us.  He desires to court each and every one of us. 

---The best sacrifice we can give God is our 100% best, especially in our praise and thanksgiving.  And, quite frankly, the best place to give our 100% best in praise and thanksgiving is Mass.  Get thee to a church! J

---As for other sacrifices and penances, well there is only 1 Cross and that belongs to Our Lord Jesus Christ.  So, let Him, He who knows our hearts and our desires, who knows what we need to grow in faith, trust and virtue, who knows what each individual can handle, let HIM dole out our burdens—our individual crosses—we don’t need to make more for ourselves.  AND!!  Whatever He gives us, He’ll provide the means for perseverance and dependence on Him.  He’s resourceful that way.

 

scene iii

or

Lessons in Humility

 

            ---Voice lessons and singing practices.

-          apparently I can hit most of the notes.

-          I’m told I have potential.

            ---Anything related to domesticity lessons.

-          I know how to knit.  Sort of.

-          I know how to thread a needle.

What to do with the threaded needle? …well…

-          I’m getting the hang of ironing.

But then, I’ve only been assigned to napkins. 

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

FINALE

 

            You can take Michele away from the theatre, but you can’t take the theatre away from Michele.  By the time you read this, I’ll have performed my play “Teresita” twice—once for visiting Carmelite nuns and once for the sisters in my community.  I’ve also performed for the sisters some of the stories I wrote and performed at the Science Museum of Virginia.  I also came up with a “Cast List” to help me figure out and understand the roles of each sister.  I chuckled quite a bit when putting this list together and I do continue to chuckle.  J  I do hope this helps you as much as it has helped me.  At least it might for those with some theatre knowledge.  I think I might develop this list for a more in-depth insight. 

 

            I dedicate this “Cast List” to all my theatre family…

 

 

“Here’s prayin’ for you kid”

 

 

ENCORE!!!

 

            ***      Rejoice in hope, patient in trials, persevere in prayer!

Romans 12:12

 

***      Rejecting God or running away from Him because we are wallowing in our past sins and miseries thereby convincing ourselves we can not only do things on our own, but we can do things better.  God’s love, mercy, and forgiveness are bigger and better than we can possible imagine.  God delights in us and is by far the Greatest Playmate ever!  He can’t play with us if our ego keeps getting in the way.

 

***      The Lord Jesus is TRULY and Uniquely present in the Eucharist and isALWAYS hiding in the same place—the Tabernacle.  This makes playing hide-and-seek with Him no fun. 

 

***      The following question came up during recreation:  “What would you do if you were on the boat with Jesus when the storm hit?”

            Me?  I would rush to where He was sleeping, jump in beside Him, wrap His arms around me good and tight and stay snuggled close to Him safe and secure until the storm passed.

            That or tell Him: “We’re going to need a bigger boat.”

 

***      The greatest temptation I’m fighting against:

            poking my head out through the Oratory grille and exclaiming, “BOO!” at the parishioners. 

 

Lights Out

 

CURTAIN

 

CAST OF CHARACTERS

 

Playwright……………………………………………………………………………………God

           

Artistic Producing Director………………………………………………………………….Jesus

 

Dramaturge…………………………………………………………………………….Holy Spirit

 

Director…………………………………………………………………………....Mother Prioress

 

Stage Manager………………………………………………………………………...Sub Prioress

 

Assistant Director…………………………………………………………………Novice Mistress

 

Assistant Stage Manager/s…………………………………………………………...Extern Nun/s

 

Tech Design/Construction…………………………………………………….Lay and Choir Nuns

 

Running Crew……………………………………………………………………………...Novices

 

Auditionees………………………………………………………………………………Postulants

 

Best Supporting, Nurturing, Loving, Encouraging Stage Parents:

Mary and Joseph

 

Extra Assistance and Support:

Angels, Saints and Martyrs

 

 

http://printsofgrace.blogspot.com/2013/12/-a-day-in-life-of-a-little-carmelite-postulant.html

 

:hehe2:

Edited September 19, 2014 by brandelynmarie

[brandelynmarie]

[veritasluxmea]

Best laugh I've had in a long time! Almost makes me want to visit a Carmelite monestary :hehe2:  Thank you for sharing... and I really mean it! 

[SilentJoy]

I love it! Congratulations for not injuring any nuns in the making of this drama; I've done that already, and I haven't even been a postulant...:blush:

[AveMariaPurissima]

This is awesome -- thanks for sharing! :)

[littlesister]

This was a great laugh for the end of the week.  Haven't we all done something similar?  Thanks for the post, and God bless the wit of the postulant who put it together.

[marigold]

LOL! I feel tired just reading it!

[brandelynmarie]

Rotfl

[Lady-Indis]

That's SO FUNNY!!!   :rotfl2:  

[brandelynmarie]

And here is her old blog which led me to do the Scooby-Doo work :detective: Her thoughts that she shares are so beautiful & so human! It's short & sweet. :nun:

 

http://carmelaspirant.blogspot.com/

Edited September 20, 2014 by brandelynmarie

[TheresaThoma]

That is very cute. It made me laugh. 

[SilentJoy]

 

 This cuuuuuuute little face...

 

[vee]

And here is her old blog which led me to do the Scooby-Doo work :detective: Her thoughts that she shares are so beautiful & so human! It's short & sweet. :nun:

 

http://carmelaspirant.blogspot.com/

 

Im not sure thats her blog due to a couple of discrepancies Ive found.  The last post on that blog is from 2009

 

Saturday, 24 January 2009

 

The day has arrived

 

It is finally here, my day of entry into Carmel.

 

 However there is a promotion, to help pay off her debt, of a play by her from 2013

http://www.stpeterdeland.org/bulletins/Jan-27-2013.pdf

 

Thirdly the playwright Michele spells her name with one l while the blogger spells hers with two lls.

 

The playwright seems to have entered Carmel by the Sea but I cant find a pic of their grille after a quick search so dont know if that particular postulant pic is her or not.

 

Prayers for her perseverance anyway.

[brandelynmarie]

Eh, there is a high possibility I'm wrong, but I must admit I found the funny blog post because of the aspirant one :blush:

[vee]

I guess Im no nancy drew :topsy: