For Me

[superblue]

 ,Thankfully, the stress in my jaws has relaxed, an I am not as bad off as I was starting college, my new hurdle, I found out I picked two classes not associated with me degree, and I can't get a refund for the classes either, so I said poop to that an dropped em..... it was very disheartening to get zero help from my college in this matter. So I guess I am asking for prayers to persevere in my degree, to not give up. Which as of yet I have not. I am just one more step behind in graduating .

 

And my religious ed class starts today ( the time jumped fast on me, I lose track of days so easily but was grateful for the phone call reminder ) I always say a short prayer before class to the Holy Spirit for guidance and that I don't muck anything up, so far I haven't and I am glad, an I just ask for the continuance to keep remembering to pray before I enter the class room.  I am realizing how real the Holy Spirit is in my life that I am not misguiding these children and am always glad to be with them....

 

Lastly, my depression I would like to address; I went to a healing mass in regards to this a while back, it was a very moving, heartfelt mass, and very very weird too which is for another thread or email to explain anyhow. I go up for the healing blessing by the priest, he touched me square on my upper chest I could of sworn he punched me it felt so hard, but either it was the Lord who struck me or it was the priest using a fancy martial arts move to achieve a reaction.... I did almost fall, but caught myself before gravity helped me down.  anyhow I really thought I was feeling better even after all the chaos of getting into the church, losing my original seat to a family who had no qualms about taking it after the usher moved them next to me yet didn't offer me a new place to sit.... all the nuances that were driving me batty I pushed through, focused on the mass, what was taking place, and waited my turn.....

but after I left I did nothing.. I just went on with life and for a few days things were okay almost even getting a lot better.... an then depression some how slipped back in, what I think happened reminded me of the scripture where Christ healed the blind man but had him do some work, he had to go to the water to wash the mud off his eyes...... I feel like now, I missed an opportunity, I was supposed to do something afterwards but I didn't know what or didn't understand what to do...... and thus I wasn't fully healed.

 

My point is , even though I push through life, college, religious ed, my doubts, pondering still hard on a religious life... that my depression is still there, eating at me almost daily to some degree an at times it hurts tremendously bad, there is no relief at the moment...just distractions.

 

I know where I felt happy for awhile, least I thought I was truly happy, and after college I hope to return to discerning with religious orders or a bishop towards the seminary so I can feel that joy again, an start realizing where I fit in this world.