Spiritual Direction

[Lady-Indis]

Hi! Lady-Indis here.

 

Who else has a spiritual director? I've found that mine makes a TON of difference in my discerning journey. I highly recommend them to everyone! If you don't have one yet, your parish priest is a great one to talk to first!

 

God bless you all,

 

Lady-Indis

[nikita92]

I feel kind of intimadated by them! I feel like they always give one so many reading assigments..a book on this saint or that...I just dont have alot of free time to sit down and read! Is it always a requirment (so to speak) to read about every saint there is etc??
I know it is important to have vast knowledge on the founder/ess on the communities one has interest in..and of course knowledge of at least the "major players" (saints) Benedict, Francis etc..but if one is not interested in the Carmelites for example..does one need to read all there is about St.Therese for example?? Do they provide reading material or is one expected to go buy what they suggest?
Will the spiritual director view that as disobedient?? Do they determine in some way (in the end) if one truely has a vocation or not?? Is there a format that they follow?? Like "one size fits all" so to speak...My parish priest is so busy..I hate to ask this of him! Believe it or not...The Archdiocese in my area is Seminary driven and women religious is minimized comoared to it! Then again my state on the West coast is not a religious orientated one to begin with. This is a statistical fact I have actually read about.Can one have receive adequate S direction over long distance..using Skype..telephonically..e-mail..etc..is there a fee incorporated?
I know it is a very spiritual personal relationship that takes time,effort,and energy and trust on both sides.I could probably find this all out on the internet..but I am curious as to hear what others have to add! BTW-any knowledge I have on my own..I discovered by myself. Thanks

[CatherineM]

Mine is very cranky.

[krissylou]

I feel kind of intimadated by them! I feel like they always give one so many reading assigments..a book on this saint or that...I just dont have alot of free time to sit down and read! Is it always a requirment (so to speak) to read about every saint there is etc??
I know it is important to have vast knowledge on the founder/ess on the communities one has interest in..and of course knowledge of at least the "major players" (saints) Benedict, Francis etc..but if one is not interested in the Carmelites for example..does one need to read all there is about St.Therese for example?? Do they provide reading material or is one expected to go buy what they suggest?
Will the spiritual director view that as disobedient?? Do they determine in some way (in the end) if one truely has a vocation or not?? Is there a format that they follow?? Like "one size fits all" so to speak...My parish priest is so busy..I hate to ask this of him! Believe it or not...The Archdiocese in my area is Seminary driven and women religious is minimized comoared to it! Then again my state on the West coast is not a religious orientated one to begin with. This is a statistical fact I have actually read about.Can one have receive adequate S direction over long distance..using Skype..telephonically..e-mail..etc..is there a fee incorporated?
I know it is a very spiritual personal relationship that takes time,effort,and energy and trust on both sides.I could probably find this all out on the internet..but I am curious as to hear what others have to add! BTW-any knowledge I have on my own..I discovered by myself. Thanks

 

Different people are really different!  Some spiritual directors are more "directive" and others see their role as more of a companion.

 

Mine is more of a companion, so when she very rarely takes more of a directive role "you aren't allowed to do this anymore" etc., I really listen!  Because she doesn't pull that out often!

 

Nobody should be piling up up with an insane reading load just because that's what you're supposed to do and if you don't read every saint's biography under the sun, well clearly you don't have a vocation.  It is definitely not supposed to be one-size fits all.  Definitely not.  If it were one size fits all, spiritual direction would be easy!  But it isn't, it's hard, because everyone is different.

 

The question about payment is one that comes up a lot here.  Basically, spiritual direction is a labor-intensive enterprise.  A teaching sister can serve a whole classroom of children at once.  Spiritual direction doesn't work that way.  There can be group things, and those can be valuable, but basically the nature of the beast is that it's a one-on-one sort of relationship.  By definition.

 

And if we as a church want spiritual direction to be an available resource (and how many people here have complained about how difficult it is to find a qualified spiritual director?) then we need to support people in that ministry.  Which, to put it crassly, means dollars and cents.  Not that anyone is getting rich off this, but they generally have extensive training in spiritual direction (and if they don't, that's a red flag, maybe not a disqualifier but a red flag) and had to pay tuition to get that training.  And the building they're meeting you in, they need to keep the lights on so that means paying the electric company.  And groceries?  They cost money.  That money has to come from somewhere.

 

Generally I think the people who routinely offer spiritual direction free of charge have a "day job" that is something else.  (Pastor of a parish, teaching at the seminary, etc.) and can do a little direction on the side, for a few people.  That's great and should be applauded.  But those people can only do a little.  There are also people who are doing this regularly as a major portion of their ministry and they will generally need to charge/strongly request donations, not because they're mercenary but because they need to make a living and groceries cost money.  And if we as a church want this spiritual direction resource to be available, we need to support them somehow so that it's feasible for people who are gifted and trained in this area to be able to offer this service.

 

To the extent they can, a lot of spiritual directors will see some people who have particularly limited resources or are discerning religious life/struggling to pay down debts, etc. for a reduced fee or no fee.  But sometimes it isn't possible.  And that stinks but it's also reality.  They're not being money-grubbing, but they do need to keep the lights on.

[Lady-Indis]

I feel kind of intimadated by them! I feel like they always give one so many reading assigments..a book on this saint or that...I just dont have alot of free time to sit down and read! Is it always a requirment (so to speak) to read about every saint there is etc??
I know it is important to have vast knowledge on the founder/ess on the communities one has interest in..and of course knowledge of at least the "major players" (saints) Benedict, Francis etc..but if one is not interested in the Carmelites for example..does one need to read all there is about St.Therese for example?? Do they provide reading material or is one expected to go buy what they suggest?
Will the spiritual director view that as disobedient?? Do they determine in some way (in the end) if one truely has a vocation or not?? Is there a format that they follow?? Like "one size fits all" so to speak...My parish priest is so busy..I hate to ask this of him! Believe it or not...The Archdiocese in my area is Seminary driven and women religious is minimized comoared to it! Then again my state on the West coast is not a religious orientated one to begin with. This is a statistical fact I have actually read about.Can one have receive adequate S direction over long distance..using Skype..telephonically..e-mail..etc..is there a fee incorporated?
I know it is a very spiritual personal relationship that takes time,effort,and energy and trust on both sides.I could probably find this all out on the internet..but I am curious as to hear what others have to add! BTW-any knowledge I have on my own..I discovered by myself. Thanks

 

I've NEVER got intense reading assignments from my spiritual director...just two easy to read books on mental prayer. He's told me that it's good to read up on the founding saints of the orders I'm interested in, but he's never commanded me to do that. In fact, he only commanded me once, and that was about a particular order. (i.e, DON'T join it!)

 

I don't think you need "vast knowledge" on the saints of a particular order. I would suggest at least a basic overview to start with, but if you do join, the order will teach you about the saints they want you to know about.

 

I should hope there isn't a "one size fits all"! My friend's SD, my mom's and mine have all had varying answers to the same problem!

 

I've never heard of paying for spiritual direction beyond the usual donations you would give to a parish. I've also not really heard about receiving spiritual direction from anyone but a priest. However, I've always had only one SD, and he's a Franciscan Friar.

 

My spiritual director and I have our meetings over the phone. I think it's perfectly doable, so long as no-one's eavesdropping.

 

I hope this helps.

 

God bless you all,

 

Lady-Indis

Edited September 2, 2014 by Lady-Indis

[nikita92]

Thank you all for you're insight and sharing!;)

[Feankie]

As a trained SD myself, I can assure you I never give my directees large reading assignments. In fact, the most often reading I recommend are specific books/passages from the Scriptures. As for payment....I've said this before in other threads....I don't require a fee, but I do have a basket my my door if someone wishes to donate canned goods or a check for the local food pantry. And that is always voluntary.
I don't consider myself a grouch ! :) And I always see my directees face to face as there is subtle body language to pick up on. The only time I do it via phone is if there are extenuating circumstances where the directee just can't make it. And then Skype is preferable.

[veritasluxmea]

In the two years I had spiritual direction, he only gave me one book to read, and it was really helpful anyways. I still use information I learned from it to this day. He never really gave me commands, more like advice or suggestions or "I wouldn't do that, that's not a good idea" sort of advice, which I did follow. There was one order I was discerning with which he didn't like, but he didn't command me not to do it, just said he didn't think it was a good idea and why. It was kind of informal spiritual direction. 

[marigold]

My confessor is also my spiritual father and the two roles overlap somewhat but are distinct. I'd say the spiritual father role is much more like a actual dad relationship - sometimes we go for a while without talking, sometimes I need to call him straight away and tell him my troubles etc. - and his knowledge of me informs what we do in confession. Practically speaking, I should ask him for a blessing when undertaking any major life change - it's not that it's forbidden to do anything, more like shooting myself in the foot, since I have asked him to be there to keep me on the right track. So for example, I asked a blessing to move closer to the new monastery foundation.

The idea of paying for spiritual direction is totally alien to our way of thinking, as is training in spiritual direction. Paying a trained person to advise you - that's counselling. If someone happens to also be a psychologist or something, that's different, but you can't train for something which is a charisma - a gift from God.

[Lady-Indis]

The idea of paying for spiritual direction is totally alien to our way of thinking, as is training in spiritual direction. Paying a trained person to advise you - that's counselling. If someone happens to also be a psychologist or something, that's different, but you can't train for something which is a charisma - a gift from God.

I agree.

 

God bless you all!

 

[Filumena]

Until you find someone, I have found the website www.rcspiritualdirection.com to be really good. One could join their online community and get responses to questions.


Phatmassers have given me great spiritual direction and they don't even know it!

Edited September 3, 2014 by Filumena

[petitpèlerin]

My spiritual director is so mean. He won't let me get a tattoo of a Tau cross. Not even a little one. What kind of Franciscan is he?!

 

Sometimes he throws a book at me excitedly and tells me I have to read it, because he just read it himself and he's excited about it. Usually I just steal books off his bookshelf, though. Like the one I'm about to log off and go read. I'll put it back on the shelf when I'm finished.

 

I think maybe we have an unusual relationship. ;)

[marigold]

My spiritual director is so mean. He won't let me get a tattoo of a Tau cross. Not even a little one. What kind of Franciscan is he?!

 

Sometimes he throws a book at me excitedly and tells me I have to read it, because he just read it himself and he's excited about it. Usually I just steal books off his bookshelf, though. Like the one I'm about to log off and go read. I'll put it back on the shelf when I'm finished.

 

I think maybe we have an unusual relationship. ;)

Maybe.

[PhuturePriest]

We should honestly just pin an explanation on spiritual directors and how to get them, seeing as how we get a new thread about it every two weeks.

[PhuturePriest]

My spiritual director is so mean. He won't let me get a tattoo of a Tau cross. Not even a little one. What kind of Franciscan is he?!

 

Sometimes he throws a book at me excitedly and tells me I have to read it, because he just read it himself and he's excited about it. Usually I just steal books off his bookshelf, though. Like the one I'm about to log off and go read. I'll put it back on the shelf when I'm finished.

 

I think maybe we have an unusual relationship. ;)

Mine wouldn't let me get a pentegram. The nerve of some people.