What's Your Love Language?

[PhuturePriest]

Stop and think for a bit.  It sounds like you have done your part in trying to make these friendships happen, however, despite your efforts nothing has happened.  Maybe God is trying to invite you to offer this to Him, as a means of detachment?  Maybe God is asking you to work through your emotional barriers and to search for your peace in Him, not in human relationships?   Also you feel called to the priesthood and I'm sure this issue is one many priests deal with.  Maybe God is preparing you for this?

 

Oh, I've been doing this. I use my almost constant state of being alone to pray to God and the Saints. I also offer up my suffering, and have learned how to cope with being alone for long periods of time. But sometimes after a long time it gets harder, and I'm just going through a few bad days. I'm sure I'll be over it again soon. I'm just really extraverted, so it's very difficult for me to be alone this much, but I always remember that suffering is a gift we can offer up to God, and that I won't always live such a lonely lifestyle.

[PhuturePriest]

I hate that. Everyone hates that when it happens to them. Why does it still happen. 

 

Because life is a fickle female yapping dog.

[Lil Red]

It's summer break and they literally have nothing going on. They're just hanging out with each other every day.

 

Do you know another person's story, fully? Ever? It's not about you. Every time I feel like someone is "doing something to me", I stop and try to think about them from their own perspective. And what it usually boils down to is: It's not about me.

 

One of my sisters hasn't called me in awhile? No, she isn't mad at me, because it's not about me.

That lady at church seemed to have given me the stink eye? No, she probably just has something in her eye because it's not about me. 

That driver just cut me off, he must be a real jerk! No, he probably just didn't see my car, because it's not about me.

 

at some point, you have to stop looking through the world with self-centered eyes. It's part of growing up, and it's painful sometimes, and it usually sucks all the time. Go, enjoy your summer, do something else besides sit around and think of your friends. 

 

(sorry if this comes across as harsh, you know I'm just trying to look out for you, FP.)

 

[Lil Red]

Oh, I've been doing this. I use my almost constant state of being alone to pray to God and the Saints. I also offer up my suffering, and have learned how to cope with being alone for long periods of time. But sometimes after a long time it gets harder, and I'm just going through a few bad days. I'm sure I'll be over it again soon. I'm just really extraverted, so it's very difficult for me to be alone this much, but I always remember that suffering is a gift we can offer up to God, and that I won't always live such a lonely lifestyle.

 

it sucks to feel so lonely. I'm sorry this summer has been tough.  :sleep:

[PhuturePriest]

Do you know another person's story, fully? Ever? It's not about you. Every time I feel like someone is "doing something to me", I stop and try to think about them from their own perspective. And what it usually boils down to is: It's not about me.

 

One of my sisters hasn't called me in awhile? No, she isn't mad at me, because it's not about me.

That lady at church seemed to have given me the stink eye? No, she probably just has something in her eye because it's not about me. 

That driver just cut me off, he must be a real jerk! No, he probably just didn't see my car, because it's not about me.

 

at some point, you have to stop looking through the world with self-centered eyes. It's part of growing up, and it's painful sometimes, and it usually sucks all the time. Go, enjoy your summer, do something else besides sit around and think of your friends. 

 

(sorry if this comes across as harsh, you know I'm just trying to look out for you, FP.)

 

Thank you. I get what you mean, it just baffles me that they forget to check on me and call me so often when I've told them personally how lonely it is out here. One of them has even been here and she knows how isolated my location is, but I'm trying to be more understanding. Her thoughts these days are clouded by the curse of twitterpation.

[Lil Red]

Thank you. I get what you mean, it just baffles me that they forget to check on me and call me so often when I've told them personally how lonely it is out here. One of them has even been here and she knows how isolated my location is, but I'm trying to be more understanding. Her thoughts these days are clouded by the curse of twitterpation.

 

 

Love, or "love", makes us do stupid stuff. Like forget our friends. 
 

[PhuturePriest]

 

Love, or "love", makes us do stupid stuff. Like forget our friends. 
 

 

Yes, well, her current "love" is making her do incredibly stupid things, like planning to get married as soon as she's out of high school next year, but that's a topic for a different day.

 

In the meantime, this is the quiz which all of you should be taking: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

 

These were my results:

 

12 Physical Touch

9 Quality Time

3 Acts of Service

3 Receiving Gifts

3 Words of Affirmation

Edited August 15, 2014 by Fickle Yapping Fetus

[Nihil Obstat]

The most interesting thing, IMO, is that the introvert's and the extravert's experiences and struggles are not symmetrical. They may represent two opposing extremes, but the actual lived experience is not particularly analogous.

For me, being an introvert, the most equivalent experience to Miles' current situation would be "Too many people want to hang out with me!" And that can certainly be a legit thing. I occasionally have to turn down engagements, even ones that sound really fun, just because I have hung out with too many people that week already and I cannot handle going out again. But look at the solution. How simple is that: just stay home and recharge.

For the extravert who cannot get the interaction he feels that he needs, there s not an equivalent to "just stay home". I mean, I guess you could just go out to a bar or club and mingle, but there is not much in the way of meaningful interaction there. Imperfect solution at best. You can force your friends to not hang out for a day or two by just not making plans. But you cannot force them to hang out with you, because that just is not how it works.

 

So in conclusion, introverts are more emotionally healthy because they can enforce their preferences on others when necessary, whereas extraverts do not have that luxury. :|

[CrossCuT]

Friend struggles stink. 

 

A very close friend of mine that I have had for 10 years decided she didnt want to be my friend anymore because I adopted new political views. Talk about childish...and she is 26 years old. Some people are just poo heads. And yeah, it really really sucks when they dont hold up their end of the friendship rope, boat, or whatever you wanna call it. 

 

but that just means you drop your end and find someone else. Not saying its easy...but it will be better for you emotionally in the long run. 

 

 

Also, I have never heard of love languages.  :unsure:

 

[PhuturePriest]

The most interesting thing, IMO, is that the introvert's and the extravert's experiences and struggles are not symmetrical. They may represent two opposing extremes, but the actual lived experience is not particularly analogous.

For me, being an introvert, the most equivalent experience to Miles' current situation would be "Too many people want to hang out with me!" And that can certainly be a legit thing. I occasionally have to turn down engagements, even ones that sound really fun, just because I have hung out with too many people that week already and I cannot handle going out again. But look at the solution. How simple is that: just stay home and recharge.

For the extravert who cannot get the interaction he feels that he needs, there s not an equivalent to "just stay home". I mean, I guess you could just go out to a bar or club and mingle, but there is not much in the way of meaningful interaction there. Imperfect solution at best. You can force your friends to not hang out for a day or two by just not making plans. But you cannot force them to hang out with you, because that just is not how it works.

 

So in conclusion, introverts are more emotionally healthy because they can enforce their preferences on others when necessary, whereas extraverts do not have that luxury. :|

 

The only significant thing you've uncovered here is that extraverts struggle more than introverts, and people should pity us. :| Also, we have more ways to suffer for Christ, so we gain more merit in heaven and will therefore be exalted more. Suck it.

[fides' Jack]

I started to take the stupid test just to find out what the heck it's all about.  It seems like all 5 of those things can be very selfish (any time the focus is on self and feeling loved, it's probably wrong).

 

But this was my result after 1 question: 

Error establishing a database connection

Which is pretty funny, given how I feel about it overall.   :)

Edited August 15, 2014 by fides' Jack

[PhuturePriest]

I started to take the stupid test just to find out what the heck it's all about.  It seems like all 5 of those things can be very selfish (any time the focus is on self and feeling loved, it's probably wrong).

 

But this was my result after 1 question: 

Error establishing a database connection

Which is pretty funny, given how I feel about it overall.   :)

 

It's not just about how you receive love, but how you send it to others. There's nothing inherently selfish about quality time, physical affection, verbal affirmation, or any of the others. Can you make them selfish? Certainly. But there are few things that we can't taint. Humans are creative when it comes to tainting God's gifts.

[maximillion]

 

 

Also, you could always just live in Second Life.

 

 

Love it!

 

 

I pretty much live my life on line..

 

I have one good friend, she is not Catholic, she has four kids, two jobs a home and a husband. We usually see each other for coffee once a week, and chat through the web ( no skype).

 

My other really good friend is my foster son. He lost his job and moved away recently, but even when he lived only 10 miles away I didn't get to spend a whole bunch of time with him, that's why it was really precious when we did.

 

I have a couple of friends on line, and a same sex couple who I used to be close too until we had THE discussion. It took them about four years to get over that, now we have a coffee on the odd occasion I bump into them in town.

I don't work, I don't go to social events or attend courses etc. I have tried all of that....sometimes the Aspies gets in the way, sometimes it's just me. I tend to be very direct and blunt and folks don't like that. I also have a non-ordinary sense of humour.

 

The majority of the time I am on my own. I do feel isolated and sometimes I feel incredibly lonely. I can go days without actually speaking aloud to anyone other than the shop assistant or the bank teller.

I fight the notion that I am turning into a lonely sad old woman, so yeah, FP, I get where you are coming from in all of this.

 

 

 

to search for your peace in Him, not in human relationships?   

 

 

I think this is very relevant here. I do have an intense relationship with Him. Customs I got into in the convent are still active with me..........the habit of recollection is prime.

 

In the priesthood you will be surrounded by people who have relationships, who want to dump their relationship, who don't know how to get a relationship and, occasionally, someone who makes you wish you had the kind of relationships they have. You will also meet some very lonely people. Perhaps this is preparation for all of that as you get to consider relationships and what they mean, how to conduct them and what makes them work (or not).

[OnlySunshine]

Thank you. I get what you mean, it just baffles me that they forget to check on me and call me so often when I've told them personally how lonely it is out here. One of them has even been here and she knows how isolated my location is, but I'm trying to be more understanding. Her thoughts these days are clouded by the curse of twitterpation.

 

Unfortunately, sometimes loneliness comes off as being clingy.  I know, having been one of those people.  <_<

[fides' Jack]

It's not just about how you receive love, but how you send it to others. There's nothing inherently selfish about quality time, physical affection, verbal affirmation, or any of the others. Can you make them selfish? Certainly. But there are few things that we can't taint. Humans are creative when it comes to tainting God's gifts.

 

Well, I'm not judging it yet - I haven't heard anything about it yet.  Just voicing some concerns over what might be construed.  If it's more about how you give or express love than how you receive it, it's likely OK.