New Board: The Purged

[Perigrina]

Don't forget to write a sad poem and post it on facebook

 

Let me guess.  You've been here so long that you get a free pass on kicking people when they are down.

[Winchester]

There is an ignore feature. If someone bugs you that much, you should employ it. If someone makes a joke you view as cruel and you do anything other than report it (like stepping into the fray), you are apt to draw fire. If that's not your thing, then don't engage. There are a lot of people on this board, and many of them are crusty. This board is no different from life. How you intend a message to be received also isn't how it's going to be received. The same works in reverse. People might seem rough to you, but to the rest of us, it's really not that bad. The world cannot adjust to your life experiences over night. Your personal view of the mission statement appears to me quite narrow. You think the mission statement is your ally, but you merely adopted the mission statement. I was born into it, molded by it. I saw my first ban before I reached 1000 posts.

[AccountDeleted]

You think the mission statement is your ally, but you merely adopted the mission statement. I was born into it, molded by it. I saw my first ban before I reached 1000 posts.

 

 

And you are an inspiration to us all Winchester! :) My heart is warm just thinking about your example to us all.      :winner:

[CrossCuT]

Taking a break is not working.  I keep waking up in the night and I'm not getting enough sleep.  When I think about Phatmass, I start crying.  I don't want to add to the drama here, but I need to get some resolution for this. 

 

One reason the "just pixels" thing does not work for me is that I have chronic health problems which limit how much I interact with people in person.  Other than immediate family, most of my interactions are online.  What happens here is very real to me and I am really hurting.

 

I joined this phorum because I was inspired by the mission statement.  I saw this as a place to serve God and the Church online.  That was my goal with all my posts and I thought I was succeeding.  I was making friends.  Lots of people, including Dust, were propping my posts.  Lots of people supported me for being given a CM tag.  In general I was getting along with people. There was one incident that got some people mad, but I seemed to have the support of the owner and a Minion of Death for my position on that.  I thought that I was a productive and helpful member here and that this is how others saw me too.

 

From my perspective, that "purged" label came out of nowhere.  I still don't know what I was supposed to have done to deserve that.  In the absence of any explanation, it is human nature that many people are going to assume that I must have done something bad and guess about what it was. I wonder how many people now think that I must be someone who sends hateful or harassing pms.  I saw a post in which someone described the purging as only affecting a few "routinely problematic" people.  Is that who I am now - routinely problematic?

 

Then, when I was still trying to get over this, people started saying I had done a horrible thing by following the instructions of the phorum owner.  That somehow I should have known that I should just ignore him.  I am not a horrible or spiteful person.  I am from a culture known for respecting authority and that is also a personal trait of mine.  I don't have any "snitches get stitches" in my code of life.  I have a principle of one must act for the common good.  When the boss asks for help, my basic impulse is to give it.  

 

Dust, I know you are busy, but please give some explanation for what you did to me.  I have got to get some closure for this before it starts affecting my health.

 

I do recall when you were a new member that you mentioned how the mission statement was very inspiring for you. 

 

Unfortunately, the anonymity of the internet has a way of making people feel that their behavior is more ethical than it actually is. This forum is a confusing place with said mission statement as well as the big CM requirement quote that Dust posted. As if somehow that means something? Because at the same time everyone says "its the internet, no one is real, do what you want. Learn to take a joke!" If you want peoples support around here, just be dismissive. 

 

Its just a silly place. I would advise against baring your soul here...no one will care. Send Dust a PM or email if you think it will help. 

 

:console:

Edited August 5, 2014 by CrossCuT

[Perigrina]

There is an ignore feature. If someone bugs you that much, you should employ it. If someone makes a joke you view as cruel and you do anything other than report it (like stepping into the fray), you are apt to draw fire. If that's not your thing, then don't engage. There are a lot of people on this board, and many of them are crusty. This board is no different from life. How you intend a message to be received also isn't how it's going to be received. The same works in reverse. People might seem rough to you, but to the rest of us, it's really not that bad. The world cannot adjust to your life experiences over night. Your personal view of the mission statement appears to me quite narrow. You think the mission statement is your ally, but you merely adopted the mission statement. I was born into it, molded by it. I saw my first ban before I reached 1000 posts.

 

There was one thread in which I stepped into the fray and I dealt with it just fine. I had no problem with how that went.  I want to know if that is what got me listed in Phatmass's Most Wanted.  And if that wasn't the reason for me being purged, then what was?

 

Yes, everyone knows how special you are.  I don't care.  I want to know how a person who is trying her best to be a good member here has something like what happened to me done without any warning.  As far as I knew, most of my posts were friendly, helpful and informative.

 

I did intend to tough it out and not complain about it.  I am only here now because that is not working.  

[Aloysius]

Perigrina, what happened to you was a result of dUSt's decision to do the purge form... he reversed his decision because, among other things, he realized it was a bad idea to let anonymous complaints dictate who was and wasn't a bad member of the phorum.  no one can blame anyone for sending in the form, you're just trying to be helpful... many people hadn't really thought through the consequences and when they became clear we realized it was not a good idea.  you can either accept that, realize that you got anonymously purged at the same time you accidentally helped anonymously purge someone else, realize we all decided it was one big mistake and reversed it all, or you can keep being upset by it... the fact is, people make mistakes.  people are imperfect.  

 

and anyway, I really don't get all this talk about how this is so different online than in real life...

 

What do you do in real life if someone says something that offends you, that might be mean or uncharitable?  Do you ask for it to be censored... do you decide you're never going back to the place they generally go?  That you're never talking to them again?  If that person happens to hold some position of honor in the local parish, do you go to the parish priest and demand that position be taken away because they're not living up to their Catholic faith because they happened to be uncharitable?  Or do you brush it off and pray for them, and if it's really important enough to you (and we all learn how to pick our battles in real life, right?) you actually confront them about it personally, privately.

 

the Phatmass brand has a unique mix of jocularity and orthodoxy.  and that mix actually reaches many people who might not otherwise be reached by the faith, it lets people be comfortable and discuss their faith.  remember this site was started to reach out to people through Catholic hip hop.  we cannot please everyone.  we would be failing to reach a whole lot of people that the phatmass brand has actually reached over the years if we were to suddenly become hyper-sensitive to the general internet humor that we generally have cultivated here because some people get offended... I think it bears repeating the post I made during the purge that dUSt, who is an impressively humble and reasonable admin compared to some of the nightmare admins one finds on the internet with tendencies to dig their heels in, responded to by changing his mind:

 

 

I'll stick around to see if this corrects itself like phatmass hysterias of the past, but if it continues I'll be following Max too, at least for a little while.  If I wanted to be a member of a bland, broadly targeted, massive board where people have to walk on eggshells with a veneer of nicety to avoid offending the sensibilities of the lowest common denominator, I'd be a member of Catholic Answers Forum.  I've enjoyed phatmass's niche brand of jocularity and orthodoxy over the years, it's helped me to feel comfortable with the Catholic Faith because I never felt the need to put on a false face to associate with other faithful Catholics the way I feel one has to do in many religious social circles.  Every once in a while we have these little moral panics where 'something must be done' because someone's offended on the internet and phatmass decides to associate that with us not spreading the faith well when it reality it has to do with the particular niche that we've always reached through phatmass and how some people generally aren't going to "get it"... we'll see if this one blows over or not.  In the mean time, Red, you're not forgotten.

 

also, so long as we're purging people like Red, I think the Winchester Line should be removed from the rules, you know, false advertising and all.

 

 

anyway, my major point here is that asking you to brush things off is not asking you to treat this LESS like real life but to treat it MORE like real life.  real life doesn't have moderators out to micro-manage charity.  real life includes imperfect people.  the difference on the internet is that many times things that offend people are miscommunications based on lack of tone through text or different kinds of humor... but the principle is the same.

 

anyway, one either has to brush off the purge experiment or not... that's your call.  I really don't know who voted you off the island or why they did it, but phatmass came to its senses and decided not to have anonymously driven purges.

[Ash Wednesday]

Aloysius is real smart n' stuff.

[cmaD2006]

Taking a break is not working.  I keep waking up in the night and I'm not getting enough sleep.  When I think about Phatmass, I start crying.  I don't want to add to the drama here, but I need to get some resolution for this. 

 

One reason the "just pixels" thing does not work for me is that I have chronic health problems which limit how much I interact with people in person.  Other than immediate family, most of my interactions are online.  What happens here is very real to me and I am really hurting.

 

I joined this phorum because I was inspired by the mission statement.  I saw this as a place to serve God and the Church online.  That was my goal with all my posts and I thought I was succeeding.  I was making friends.  Lots of people, including Dust, were propping my posts.  Lots of people supported me for being given a CM tag.  In general I was getting along with people. There was one incident that got some people mad, but I seemed to have the support of the owner and a Minion of Death for my position on that.  I thought that I was a productive and helpful member here and that this is how others saw me too.

 

From my perspective, that "purged" label came out of nowhere.  I still don't know what I was supposed to have done to deserve that.  In the absence of any explanation, it is human nature that many people are going to assume that I must have done something bad and guess about what it was. I wonder how many people now think that I must be someone who sends hateful or harassing pms.  I saw a post in which someone described the purging as only affecting a few "routinely problematic" people.  Is that who I am now - routinely problematic?

 

Then, when I was still trying to get over this, people started saying I had done a horrible thing by following the instructions of the phorum owner.  That somehow I should have known that I should just ignore him.  I am not a horrible or spiteful person.  I am from a culture known for respecting authority and that is also a personal trait of mine.  I don't have any "snitches get stitches" in my code of life.  I have a principle of one must act for the common good.  When the boss asks for help, my basic impulse is to give it.  

 

Dust, I know you are busy, but please give some explanation for what you did to me.  I have got to get some closure for this before it starts affecting my health.

 

Peregrina:

 

First off ... I will say I'm sorry about what you are going through.  Others on here may not be empathetic, but knowing what I've felt over the last few weeks I can definitely empathize.

 

Don't take it so personally.  People's persona on the net may not be their real persona ... and as I've said sometimes people *forget* that there's a real person in the back of a username.

 

Heh as far as crying ... I get it.  When I made my decision to leave the modding team I did just that ... not over the decision but over some of the hurt I felt over things that happened.  (And by my admitting it -- I'm expecting to get some flack over it).

 

Here's my thing.  I take it all to God.  And deal with it with Him, as well as with a few trusted real people in the flesh.  And if I realize that I've been acting the way I should have been, then my soul finds peace.  I also let Him comfort me as well in my hurt.

 

Finally ... there is a culture that takes a while to learn on here.  And an important nuance.  What is written and is put on the board may not come across like it would when it is spoken.  Tones are lost.  Irony is harder to pick up.  And well, cultures are an issue too (what may be acceptable in one culture/country may not be in another, and how a "translation" comes across can be an issue too).  You may have said things in a way that you really didn't mean, or that things came across the wrong way, or you may have said things in a way that you *did* mean but didn't realize how many people would take issue with it.

 

I'm lucky ... I've never been banned, or warned.  But then I'm not the type to just go after a person (I don't like bullying at all).  I may disagree with a person, but I'm going to respect you for who you are. 

 

I hope this helps you ... will be praying for your healing.   I sent this publically not to shame/hurt you further, but hoping that this may help someone else in your shoes.  You're probably not the only one (you may be in the minority having been part of the "purged" but take solace in knowing you weren't banned like certain members were).

 

BTW --- I hate the term b____hurt. It's a bad term ... and I think can be used to hurt people that are already hurting. 

[Lilllabettt]

Taking a break is not working.  I keep waking up in the night and I'm not getting enough sleep.  When I think about Phatmass, I start crying.  I don't want to add to the drama here, but I need to get some resolution for this. 

 

One reason the "just pixels" thing does not work for me is that I have chronic health problems which limit how much I interact with people in person.  Other than immediate family, most of my interactions are online.  What happens here is very real to me and I am really hurting.

 

I joined this phorum because I was inspired by the mission statement.  I saw this as a place to serve God and the Church online.  That was my goal with all my posts and I thought I was succeeding.  I was making friends.  Lots of people, including Dust, were propping my posts.  Lots of people supported me for being given a CM tag.  In general I was getting along with people. There was one incident that got some people mad, but I seemed to have the support of the owner and a Minion of Death for my position on that.  I thought that I was a productive and helpful member here and that this is how others saw me too.

 

From my perspective, that "purged" label came out of nowhere.  I still don't know what I was supposed to have done to deserve that.  In the absence of any explanation, it is human nature that many people are going to assume that I must have done something bad and guess about what it was. I wonder how many people now think that I must be someone who sends hateful or harassing pms.  I saw a post in which someone described the purging as only affecting a few "routinely problematic" people.  Is that who I am now - routinely problematic?

 

Then, when I was still trying to get over this, people started saying I had done a horrible thing by following the instructions of the phorum owner.  That somehow I should have known that I should just ignore him.  I am not a horrible or spiteful person.  I am from a culture known for respecting authority and that is also a personal trait of mine.  I don't have any "snitches get stitches" in my code of life.  I have a principle of one must act for the common good.  When the boss asks for help, my basic impulse is to give it.  

 

Dust, I know you are busy, but please give some explanation for what you did to me.  I have got to get some closure for this before it starts affecting my health.

 

 

You feel bewildered and upset that you got nominated as a troublemaker. You don't know who did it or why. Guess what? You were doing that to whoever you typed in the purge form.

 

Phatmass culture is weird and takes awhile to learn. But I don't see this as a cultural thing, more a humany-wumany thing. There's no honor or justice in doing an anonymous take down of another person. I mean unless you are in fear of them or something. I  get the authority thing, too, I do. I like doing what authority tells me to, it makes me feel nice. My rule is I never have to ask myself whether authority is right, I only have to ask whether authority is wrong. 

 

I do not think you or Lil Red should have been purged. Never. If you guys were I should have been, hands down. Probably it was because someone got punch drunk on using the purge form. But unless they come forward you will never know why. And that's awful isn't it? They get off free and you have to carry the baggage. It's unfair. Lets never do it to each other again. 

[AccountDeleted]

 

I do not think you or Lil Red should have been purged. Never. If you guys were I should have been, hands down. Probably it was because someone got punch drunk on using the purge form. But unless they come forward you will never know why. And that's awful isn't it? They get off free and you have to carry the baggage. It's unfair. Lets never do it to each other again. 

 

 

Perhaps dUSt should just purge everyone for a day - then release us all from purgatory again. After that, there will be no distinctions between those who were purged and those who weren't and we can all be 'equals' again (as if we weren't already). 

 

No?

 

But I agree, it was a horrible thing to ask people to do, and that's why I couldn't submit anyone's names. I would have worried the whole time that I only submitted them because I didn't like something they posted or was irritated at the time, or maybe just having a cranky day. 

 

But dUSt in all humility, thought and prayed about it, read opinions about it and then wisely reversed his decision, so maybe we can try to move on and leave the Spanish Inquisition behind us - after all, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition. :)

[Credo in Deum]

Did  the form even give us the option to state a reason for why we nominated someone? 

[AccountDeleted]

Did  the form even give us the option to state a reason for why we nominated someone? 

 

 

Did you sleep through the Spanish Inquisition? :)

 

I don't seem to recall anything but a blank box to type in someone's name and then a submit button, but someone else might remember more. Or someone who actually used it might know what happened once you clicked on submit??

[Credo in Deum]

Did you sleep through the Spanish Inquisition? :)

 

I don't seem to recall anything but a blank box to type in someone's name and then a submit button, but someone else might remember more. Or someone who actually used it might know what happened once you clicked on submit??

 

I wish I had slept through it. 

 

No, I just remember seeing the box as you described.  I never saw a place to put in a reason for why someone should being nominated for the inquisition. 

[PhuturePriest]

Did you sleep through the Spanish Inquisition? :)

 

I don't seem to recall anything but a blank box to type in someone's name and then a submit button, but someone else might remember more. Or someone who actually used it might know what happened once you clicked on submit??

 

You really need to stop mentioning the Spanish Inquisition. I'm one mention away from going into a 9 paragraph explanation on why the Spanish Inquisition wasn't actually bad if you look at the real history of it. :P

[The Bus Station]

Stop calling me fat

 

a/s/l