AveMariaPurissima Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Hi everyone! I need some advice... :bounce: I am a very shy, socially awkward person. :paperbag: (Well, I'm better than I used to be, but I still have a looooong way to go.) However, I really want to work on improving in this area. I don't expect to go from being an introvert to being an extrovert, or to become the most bubbly, gregarious person ever, but I definitely want and need to get better, especially so I can reach out to more people and bring Christ to them. So, following my unofficial-SD's advice, I want to work on this. Even just making small talk with random people in the grocery store or whatever. But I don't know how to start. Not only am I shy, I just don't really know what to say. I've been told that using humor helps to break the ice, but I can't think of exactly how to take that approach either... So the point of this rambling post...if anyone has any advice/suggestions/thoughts/resources/empathy/prayers/etc. they could offer, I would be most appreciative!!! :saint2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mortify ii Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Start with Hi, that goes a long way! And the rest, I wouldn't worry so much about what to say but about being comfortable with yourself. We're all different and you have to be comfortable in your own skin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Where are you in life at the moment? Working, school, somewhere in between? No need to make major changes; start with what you have and do little things differently along the way. If you are in school, just make a bit of small talk before class. Can be tough, I know that as well as anyone, but it is not as bad as one might thing, especially in smaller classes. If you are working, just try to get to know your coworkers a bit better. That is particularly easy because you can strike up a work-related conversation and go slowly from there. Most parishes have after-Mass socials or picnics or something. Go to those and meet a couple people that way. You probably already know at least a few people, so get them to introduce you to something they know and you have not met yet. All of these are things I have done in the last couple years, and I think that they have demonstrably made my life better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Same issue here. My SD made me talk to salesmen and shop clerks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maximillion Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Ask open ended questions. These are things like 'have I seen you here before?/can you recommend a good organic grocery store?/ those cookies look good don't they - what's your favourite?' Basically an open ended question is one that encourages people to elaborate....so not things that require a one word yes or no. You can look up more examples on the internet........ Smile. Make eye contact but also glance away, looking over someone's rt shoulder slightly has you looking like you are paying attention without being threatening (you are not the only shy one!) Have a few ready responses up your sleeve. Typically people tend to talk/ask about family/location/school/college/work....you can do the same. See if there is something about the person, their clothing style, hair or some such that you like ( you don't have to love it) and talk about that. Mirror their movements a little, if they touch their face touch your own casually. If they smooth their hair, do something with your own. Angle your body towards someone you are interested in, without invading their space. If they lean forward on their arms you can follow suit. And pray! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amppax Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I'd like to echo what Nihil said, with one addition from my own experience. As I've made pretty clear on here in the past, I'm pretty devoted to St. Josemaria Escriva, the founder of Opus Dei. One of my favorite teachings of his is the "apostolate of friendship and confidence." The idea is the primary means of evangelization for lay people is in their everyday, ordinary encounters. The best way to evangelize others is through being a good and trustworthy friend, and preaching with the example of our life. This does not mean that we don't talk about our relationship with Christ, but that when we do mention it, it naturally flows out of a deep friendship. Here's a couple of quotes from St. Josemaria which talk about this apostolate: "Those well-timed words, whispered into the ear of your wavering friend; the helpful conversation that you managed to start at the right moment; the ready professional advice that improves his university work; the discreet indiscretion by which you open up unexpected horizons for his zeal. This all forms part of the 'apostolate of friendship.'"- The Way 973. "The christian apostolate — and I'm talking about an ordinary Christian living as just one more man or woman among equals — is a great work of teaching. Through real, personal, loyal friendship, you create in others a hunger for God and you help them to discover new horizons — naturally, simply. With the example of your faith lived to the full, with a loving word which is full of the force of divine truth." Christ is passing by 149 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andibc Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 (edited) Put yourself in the other person's shoes and imagine what you would be open to hearing if you were them. Someone in front of you in line with a package of strawberries in their cart, "Those strawberries look delicious." Every third person will tell you something about the strawberries (great sale, they couldn't upick this year, etc.). Baby in cart? "aww, what a beautiful little girl." Waiting in the doctor's office next to someone staring off into space? "Thank God their air conditioning is working today" or "Is the wait usually this long?" Just ask a general question or open ended comment and if you don't get a response, don't take it personally. Sound friendly and smile a little. I'm 53 and remember working on this when I was younger. It will become second nature and before you know it people will be telling you that they wish they were outgoing like you are. It does get easier the more you do it. Edited July 23, 2014 by andibc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 When I know I'm going to have to talk I like to psych myself up. I find I get scared talking to people cuz I perceive a power imbalance. So I tell myself I am the one with the power. Anxiety dissipates. I had an interview with the White House last week and this is what I doodled on my notebook: "I am a boss. Look at all the cares I give. No cares found. Zero cares given. I could utterly destroy this person if I need/want to. My power is veiled but it is awesome." Maybe I am a psychopath. But it saves the freakouts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Maybe I am a psychopath. But it saves the freakouts. Yeah, I have thought that to be a possibility. :| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brandelynmarie Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 (edited) And never take a rebuff/weird look/silence the wrong way. It's about them, not you. :) The person may be having a bad day or has a head cold or something heavy on their mind. The point is to keep trying. Sometimes I pleasantly startle store clerks or waiters when, after they greet me, I ask them, "And how is your day going?" Usually I get an answer & a smile. :) Edited July 23, 2014 by brandelynmarie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Credo in Deum Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I've always found the question "are you going to eat that?" to be a conversation starter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I've always found the question "are you going to eat that?" to be a conversation starter. That is a very good one. In my extensive testing, in 90-95% of attempts the follow-up response will be the same. This allows you to prepare for the conversation accordingly. My findings indicate that in the vast majority of cases, the other person will answer "who are you and what are you doing in my house?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash Wednesday Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 (edited) Just a kind smile is a good start. If they smile back that can help give you an idea of whether or not they might be easy to talk to. Catherine's suggestion is a good one -- chatting with someone in sales if you're at a clothing store, or a clerk at the checkout line -- it's often part of their job to interact with customers and idle chit chat isn't unusual. Edited July 23, 2014 by Ash Wednesday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
God the Father Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 I've always found the question "are you going to eat that?" to be a conversation starter. laughed til it hurt holy lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Yeah, I have thought that to be a possibility. :| perhaps nursing psychic aggression is not a pro interview/communication tip. they have not actually called me back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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