Chaste Same-sex Relationship

[Amppax]

Stop trying to run my life like Big Brother.

 

Right now I'm imagining a fetal Napoleon Dynamite saying this to me. It is amusing. 

[Norseman82]

Everytime someone uses the word "pastoral," my mind immediately goes to cows grazing in the pasture.  :hehe2:

 

 

 

 

Considering some of the things people advocate under the pretext of being "pastoral", there is something else that cows do in pastures that comes to mind....

Edited July 28, 2014 by Norseman82

[PhuturePriest]

Mine got a Crazy Dope Post too!

 

Mine got Lil Red props, so they're doper. ;)

[Benedictus]

I just want to take this moment to bask in my Crazy Dope Post.

 

That is all.

 

If you keep this up the Vatican will have to admit you as a Knight in the Order of St Gregory the Great. In the meantime this trophy may have to do :saint2:

[Lil Red]

Great post, FP! 

 

I'll be praying for you tardis. :) 

[franciscanheart]

Same here.

yeah, but you'd probably fire jesus. :|
 
 

It bears mentioning - I have been taught specifically that intentionally putting oneself in a near occasion of mortal sin is itself mortally sinful.

this isn't necessarily a near occasion of mortal sin, though the possibility of it becoming such is a good thing to keep in mind. that's as much as i'll give you with that.
 
 

You implied the comparison was deficient because we do not share a particular, irrelevant, similarity.

though it's unfair, i think, to dismiss the incredible difference in circumstances.


tardis, while i do not necessarily disagree with much of what has been said -- and fp did have some legit points -- i do think that this is ultimately yours and only you can know what is best for your mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. i'm gay. it's really tough. a lot of the decisions we have to make every day are very big and complex and require more energy and soul-searching than i think many of our hetero friends will probably ever understand. i know they mean well -- at least most of them -- but at the end of the day, i have to lie down with me. so it's me and god most days when it comes to deciding what to do about things like this and i often don't share the details of it with people.

as a faithful catholic who is also gay, i find our community is quite small. talk to gay people who aren't practicing catholics and they have one thing to say. talk to practicing catholics who aren't also gay, they'll tell you another. the two things may or may not be conflicting. but to me, it always feels inadequate. you know who never does, though? god. between god, my spiritual director, and i, life is pretty stellar lately.


i'm rambling. good luck on your journey. xofh.

[Hemma]

After I've carefully read through the whole thread I feel another question coming up. What exactly did you intend by your initial post, Tardis. Did you hope for some community approval for your situation? Because perhaps you know that it is not as clear as you're stating it to be?

 

I'm not gay, but once I had a chaste relationship with a young priest. I was about twenty at that time and I had no experience with guys. I thought it was a deep fulfilling friendship and somehow it felt as if he was my boyfriend. But you all know how things like this end. Even though we managed not to touch each other the whole thing broke my heart forever. And, he hadn't courted me alone but a handful other girls too. I don't suppose your friend does this, but it reminds us of the fact that we never have the guarantee that somebody belongs solely to us until we're married.

[Credo in Deum]

This thread reminds of a quote from the the movie "Walk the Line" where the actor playing Jerry Lee Lewis' character says: "God gave us a great big apple, see, and He said don't touch it. He didn't say touch it once in a while; He didn't say take a nibble when you're hungry; He said don't touch it! Don't think about touchin'it, don't sing about touchin' it, don't *think* about singin' about touchin' it."  I love this quote because it touches (ha) on something true and that is we can sin by our thoughts, our words, and our deeds.  If we are not chaste in our thoughts, words, and deeds, then we are not practicing chastity.   This does not mean we will not be tempted and that to have temptations is a sin in itself.  No, far from it; however, to entertain thoughts which are contrary to the virtue of chastity, even if we do not act on them, would still constitute a sin against the virtue of chastity. 

 

If you are single and in a relationship that has you entertaining ideas of an alternate life where you are intimate with that person sexually, when you know you shouldn't be, then this is a relationship you should stay away from.   As Christ said: "But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart." --Matthew 5:28.  We must be on our guard. The devil is cunning and likes us to think we are above temptation and above falling into dangerous situations. 

[LouisvilleFan]

I don't mind using the term boyfriend because it describes what the relationship essentially is — emotional support, companionship, helping each other achieve greater holiness through prayer and the sacraments. I realize most of you don't like me using that word, but it's my prerogative. 

 

I should reiterate that he is also a Catholic, he also attends Mass regularly, he is a prayerful person. It's not as if I just chose any old person off the street and said "hey, lets have a gay relationship!"

 

At the same time, I understand what it being said. But I take a different view of life, that I have one worth living and my love is worth sharing with others, including the possibility of a relationship with another man, albeit a very different relationship than how a relationship is traditionally understood.

 

 

I respect what you're doing, and thank you for sharing where you're at. I'm sure you expected a range of reactions, but part of the value in sharing ourselves in a forum like this is what we learn from those who disagree with us. That said, the person most responsibile for your souls is your pastor. I hope you've found a good pastor or are seeking one. Having his prayer, support, and accountability is what matters the most.

 

As long as you and your boyfriend keep seeking what is truly good for the other and understand chastity as integral to your mutual good, it sounds like you are at least on the right path. The world needs holy witnesses to genuine friendship, and I'm sure you can face even greater skeptism from our sexualized culture that cannot imagine anyone making lifelong decisions contrary to their carnal flesh. Perhaps if there's any issue with the term "boyfriend," it implies a certain immaturity which you seem to have grown out of. Not that i know of a better term... perhaps you'll find that along the way.

 

Not having children gives you a lot of freedom to invest your life in other ministries. Have you considered becoming members of a third order community or otherwise serving your parish/community/world in a ways that usually aren't feasible to married people? Also, if you haven't read it already, "Washed and Waiting" is a very good book from an Evangelical perspective that includes a few biographical accounts from gay Catholic men in recent history.

[Amppax]

Tardis, I don't know if you know of the website spiritualfriendship.org, they explore the possibility of the sort of thing you are talking about. There's a couple other websites too, but that one tends to be the best, in my opinion. I have a friend who I am pretty sure is in a similar sort of relationship, and I've given some thought to this idea, in terms of his situation and in general. My own two cents (which are rather meaningless, considering I'm not involved) is that this sort of thing could very much become a near occasion of sin, but that isn't to say it's a sin itself. However, all the great saints of the spiritual life (I'm thinking especially of St. Teresa of Avila) talk of the importance of eliminating these near occasions for spiritual perfection. 

 

Regardless, I wish you nothing but the best; know that you are in my prayers. I can't really imagine the sort of loneliness that you and others have faced, knowing myself I'm probably not strong enough to carry that cross, and I have tremendous respect for you and others who do. 

 

Edit: Ha! This is what I get for not reading before I post. Oh well. This won't be the last redundant post I make on phatmass. 

 

Another blog I've come across that may be of interest to you is called "A qwerty Calling." [edit: damn filter!] Here's a link: http://aqueercalling.com/

 

Again, prayers my friend. 

Edited July 31, 2014 by Amppax

[marigold]

They had me at the cat and icons, but what I've read so far is excellent. See especially The challenge of drawing the line.  Amppax I officially forgive you for having a screen name that sounds like tampons.

[Credo in Deum]

Amppax I officially forgive you for having a screen name that sounds like tampons.

Amppax! For those heavy theological days.

Please also check out "Amppax with Wings"' for those needing a little bit more orthodox support.

[fides' Jack]

If you think happiness is found in romantic relationships, your life is going to be very painful

 

That's some pretty heavy wisdom, there, FP.  But I'd prop this 100 times if I could.

[Amppax]

They had me at the cat and icons, but what I've read so far is excellent. See especially The challenge of drawing the line.  Amppax I officially forgive you for having a screen name that sounds like tampons.

 

You are the first person that has ever pointed that out to me. beaver dam it. It's an combination of my initials and the latin word pax, because I used to be a hippy pacifist in my younger days. Still am for the most part, just less hippy. :like: It's been my go-to screen name for as long as I can remember. Hopefully you're the only one who has made that connection, although now I'm worried. 

Edited July 31, 2014 by Amppax

[fides' Jack]

Tardis, I've written a couple different responses to this now, but ended up deleting them.

 

I've read enough of your posts to know you're a very intellectual and knowledgeable person concerning the Church.  I'm sure there's nothing anyone here can say which you haven't already considered - at least from the perspective of Church teaching.

 

We each have our problems, and I know you're aware of the risks of your decisions.  We all fall, and we all have to keep picking ourselves back up.

 

I'll pray for your situation, and I ask that you also pray for mine.

 

God bless you!