OnlySunshine Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Tardis, this is not one of my strong areas so I don't have much else to say except I don't think it's wise to be forming such a close relationship with someone. In saying that you are "seeing" only each other, that somehow points to something like a dating relationship. I hope you will find good advice from a local Courage chapter (there's 3 in Wisconsin) and make any changes necessary. Like I said before, I will pray for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatitude Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 (edited) Tardis, this is not one of my strong areas so I don't have much else to say except I don't think it's wise to be forming such a close relationship with someone. In saying that you are "seeing" only each other, that somehow points to something like a dating relationship. I hope you will find good advice from a local Courage chapter (there's 3 in Wisconsin) and make any changes necessary. Like I said before, I will pray for you. This is a thorny pastoral question. We can see examples of very intimate friendships in the Bible - Saul and Jonathan, for example, and Ruth and Naomi. I am not gay myself, but as someone called to celibate life, I'm,very aware of the importance of friendship. It seems a bit much to try and place constraints on it, especially when a person knows they can't marry - take away even chaste friendship and what is there left? We shouldn't be afraid of close same-sex friendship. I would argue that it is actually a symptom of the hyper-sexualisation of society that we have got so wary of it. That said, Tardis, I really don't think it's advisable for you to be calling another man your boyfriend. Whatever you might mean by the term, that word denotes romantic and/or sexual involvement. I also think that you should make sure to give plenty of attention to your other friends too - never invest absolutely everything in any one person, no matter how chaste you are. This is something that we as singles have to learn. If we don't learn it, then there is the risk that we get clingy and this stunts our growth in prayer and love. I think for any person committed to leading a single life, a good mix of male and female friends is key. Edited July 23, 2014 by beatitude Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 This is a thorny pastoral question. We can see examples of very intimate friendships in the Bible - Saul and Jonathan, for example, and Ruth and Naomi. I am not gay myself, but as someone called to celibate life, I'm,very aware of the importance of friendship. It seems a bit much to try and place constraints on it, especially when a person knows they can't marry - take away even chaste friendship and what is there left? We shouldn't be afraid of close same-sex friendship. I would argue that it is actually a symptom of the hyper-sexualisation of society that we have got so wary of it. That said, Tardis, I really don't think it's advisable for you to be calling another man your boyfriend. Whatever you might mean by the term, that word denotes romantic and/or sexual involvement. I also think that you should make sure to give plenty of attention to your other friends too - never invest absolutely everything in any one person, no matter how chaste you are. This is something that we as singles have to learn. If we don't learn it, then there is the risk that we get clingy and this stunts our growth in prayer and love. I think for any person committed to leading a single life, a good mix of male and female friends is key. You said it better than I could. I try to be diplomatic and charitable in conversations like this because I know it's a delicate topic. That said, I understand friendships are very important. My mom has a deep friendship with someone from our Church but they're both married and it's never been anything more than a friendship. What I think is dangerous is the idea of being sexually attracted to someone you're friends with while at the same time trying to remain chaste. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I'd suggest reading about John Newman. He had a close lifelong friendship with another man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fidei Defensor Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 I didn't expect approval and again, I really do appreciate everything that has been said. I simply wanted to share with my phamily something that is part of my life, something that I have prayed about, something that allows me to share my love with someone else without destroying my soul. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amppax Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 (edited) Tardis, I don't know if you know of the website spiritualfriendship.org, they explore the possibility of the sort of thing you are talking about. There's a couple other websites too, but that one tends to be the best, in my opinion. I have a friend who I am pretty sure is in a similar sort of relationship, and I've given some thought to this idea, in terms of his situation and in general. My own two cents (which are rather meaningless, considering I'm not involved) is that this sort of thing could very much become a near occasion of sin, but that isn't to say it's a sin itself. However, all the great saints of the spiritual life (I'm thinking especially of St. Teresa of Avila) talk of the importance of eliminating these near occasions for spiritual perfection. Regardless, I wish you nothing but the best; know that you are in my prayers. I can't really imagine the sort of loneliness that you and others have faced, knowing myself I'm probably not strong enough to carry that cross, and I have tremendous respect for you and others who do. Edit: Ha! This is what I get for not reading before I post. Oh well. This won't be the last redundant post I make on phatmass. Edited July 23, 2014 by Amppax Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cappie Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Tardis, I don't know if you know of the website spiritualfriendship.org, they explore the possibility of the sort of thing you are talking about. There's a couple other websites too, but that one tends to be the best, in my opinion. I have a friend who I am pretty sure is in a similar sort of relationship, and I've given some thought to this idea, in terms of his situation and in general. My own two cents (which are rather meaningless, considering I'm not involved) is that this sort of thing could very much become a near occasion of sin, but that isn't to say it's a sin itself. However, all the great saints of the spiritual life (I'm thinking especially of St. Teresa of Avila) talk of the importance of eliminating these near occasions for spiritual perfection. Regardless, I wish you nothing but the best; know that you are in my prayers. I can't really imagine the sort of loneliness that you and others have faced, knowing myself I'm probably not strong enough to carry that cross, and I have tremendous respect for you and others who do. Edit: Ha! This is what I get for not reading before I post. Oh well. This won't be the last redundant post I make on phatmass. Not redundant but a good post :blowkiss: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amppax Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Not redundant but a good post :blowkiss: Haha, thanks Father! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4588686 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I appreciate all of the responses. I am quite aware of the occasion for sin. Believe me, it wasn't something I just jumped into for no good reason. The loneliness, though, is what prompted me to look into the possibility. I was not created to be alone. And while I am aware that God made man and woman for each other, I was not created for that particular purpose. I can find love, however. Non-erotic love. With another man. Hence the chastity. We are both chaste. I understand the apprehension. But its a very gray area. Just keep in mind that I am not sexually active, and we both look to God for our strength to be close friends without falling to the temptations of the flesh. I appreciate the prayers and know I am praying for all of you as well. Just date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Just date. this is me inviting you to elaborate on what you mean by your advice to "just date" so that the publicly identified catholic priest who propped your post can be crystal clear about what he is cheering on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4588686 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 this is me inviting you to elaborate on what you mean by your advice to "just date" so that the publicly identified catholic priest who propped your post can be crystal clear about what he is cheering on. Embark on a romantic relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norseman82 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I don't think merely being sexually attracted to someone is reason to "break ties" with them. So turkey sandwiches are OK now? http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/133903-the-third-way-homosexuality-and-the-catholic-church/?p=2669963 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 this is me inviting you to elaborate on what you mean by your advice to "just date" so that the publicly identified catholic priest who propped your post can be crystal clear about what he is cheering on. Ah, I am not the only one who was a bit taken aback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norseman82 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Ah, I am not the only one who was a bit taken aback. Same here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mortify ii Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Something's just not kosher about this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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