Going To College Vs. Joining A Convent

[veritasluxmea]

I know I haven't formally introduced myself here, but I would like to start a thread anyways :) It's late and it's complicated, but I'll explain myself as best as I can... If you are able to hang in there thank you in advance! 

 

Where I stand now, I am 19 and have a high school diploma and associate's degree. I'm taking one, maybe two or three years off from the school scene while I work. I've been discerning since I was 17 and had solid spiritual direction for one year. I'm not currently in SD (I moved out of the area). 

 

For the past few years I wasn't in a position to join a convent and was OK with that. I didn't know where I wanted to go anyways. I discerned with a few groups (SOLT, DSMME, SMMC, Poor Clares, FR, and others) and was not called to any of them. However, I have been discerning with a certain order. I don't want to go into the details here- but there is a (strong?) possibility I may be joining them. We'll see. 

 

Recently I had a good conversation with my dad. He understood that I am serious about my vocation and gave me his blessing. He and my mother are very supportive and would be happy to see me join a convent as soon as I wanted- within the year, even. We decided to apply to college for fall 2015 and discern seriously with this order. If I found my spiritual family soon, be it with this order or another, I would be able to join. No waiting to get a degree, no trying to finish college, just be able to go through the process and join- IF I found where God was calling me. If not, I will enter college next fall and keep looking. 

 

Wow. I hadn't expected that. I was excited. And a little cautious- I don't want to jump into anything, I don't want to go where God doesn't want me. I am OK with not finding my order and going to college in the meantime. Well, maybe not that OK- I long to finally give myself to him in a convent. (I'm sure serious discerners know the feeling :) ). But I'm not ok with making a bad choice, and I will be careful and wait if necessary. 

 

So the real problem is, I have a mentor whom I love and is almost like a second mother to me. (They're not my SD). I value their opinion very much. I told them what happened with my parents and the possibility of joining soon. They were very happy for me and glad of my parents support, but I sense some hesitancy on their part. How should I put this... We all know that doing college and being newly married can be a struggle. You're trying to balance married life with school demands and it can be a bit much. They have a similar view towards religious life- doing school and being newly religious can be a struggle. Balancing the demands of learning community life, learning to love your spouse (Jesus) and a college workload can be difficult. They worry it would be to much. They didn't directly say this to me, but it's something we've discussed in the past. They think getting a bachelor's, even a masters, and then joining religious life would be better. Now like I said they're supportive and would be happy if I did join- but I know this is on their mind. 

 

That kind of stresses me out. If I join, I really, really, really want my mentor-friend to be 110% behind me. In the order I am considering I would get my bachelor's, possibly even my master's, through them. 

 

What should I do? I want to talk about this with my old SD, but I don't think I can. I'm pretty sure he would be supportive, like my parents, of joining directly and not doing college first. But, I just don't know. What if she's right and it's to much of a load and I drop out? Should I stop looking at orders, just wait a few years, do college, and then pick it up again? Frankly, if I found my home I would hate to do that, but I would also hate to join with that kind of hesitancy from someone I really respect. I just don't know. 

 

(Of course, it's possible I won't find my spiritual family and I'll go to college anyways, or I will find a place that wants me to go to college first, but at this point it not too likely.)

 

So basically: What do you think of joining right out of high school? With work history? an associates degree? what do you think of studying while in religious life? When do you think someone is "ready"? How would you define ready? It is important to push on to the convent to wait passively? What's the balance? 

 

Thank you guys. So far my experience with this forum has been very positive and pretty much everyone is amazing in some way or another. Even if you just lurk. ;)

Edited July 20, 2014 by veritasluxmea

[PhuturePriest]

So we have your parent's view of the matter, and we have your friend's view of the matter. I've so far heard nothing of the community's view of the matter. Joining a community is like a courtship, and you're trying to make all the decisions in the relationship and seeking advice from everyone but the people in the courtship itself. Ask Mother and take it from there.

 

As for what any else on here thinks, it doesn't matter. It's all speculation, especially since we don't personally know you. The people whose opinions matter most in this are the community's and yours.

 

There. I just saved us all 5 pages of meaningless advice and bickering. ;)

 

I hope everything goes well!

Edited July 20, 2014 by FuturePriest387

[veritasluxmea]

So we have your parent's view of the matter, and we have your friend's view of the matter. I've so far heard nothing of the community's view of the matter. Joining a community is like a courtship, and you're trying to make all the decisions in the relationship and seeking advice from everyone but the people in the courtship itself. Ask Mother and take it from there.

 

As for what any else on here thinks, it doesn't matter. It's all speculation, especially since we don't personally know you. The people whose opinions matter most in this are the community's and yours.

 

There. I just saved us all 5 pages of meaningless advice and bickering.  ;)

 

I hope everything goes well!

Wow, you're totally right. Duh, why didn't I think of that? I am still interested in hearing people's opinions on college and religious life just for the sake of general discussion (that's what makes the internet fun!) but that pretty much answers my original question. Thank you- and I hope everything goes well with your vocation too. 

Edited July 20, 2014 by veritasluxmea

[maximillion]

FP is right, it does not matter how important this person is to you, God and His will have to be more important. I second what he says, talk to your community about this.

 

PLENTY of people are doing it, entering and getting their bachelors......the community will support you and make this possible, even more so with the help and encouragement of your noviciate companions.

[Spem in alium]

I agree with previous comments. I'm on the verge of entering an order. At the same time, I'm doing my doctorate, which requires intensive study and overseas travel, and am due to graduate in 2016. Speaking with my community and coming to a reasonable solution is what has enabled me to do both.

 

Personally, having studied before I'm due to enter has been greatly beneficial. I've learnt more about myself, have gained skills in various areas, and have also become more independent and responsible for myself. University has also given me the opportunity to travel, which is something I treasure.

 

Some things you may want to consider would be your desired ministry, the opportunities you would get to study once you enter (and if you have limited opportunities to study, whether this would be difficult for you), and the potential of incurring debt. I'd definitely recommend you speak with your community, and speak to God about it too. 

 

Prayers and blessings to you.

[Credo in Deum]

So we have your parent's view of the matter, and we have your friend's view of the matter. I've so far heard nothing of the community's view of the matter. Joining a community is like a courtship, and you're trying to make all the decisions in the relationship and seeking advice from everyone but the people in the courtship itself. Ask Mother and take it from there.

 

As for what any else on here thinks, it doesn't matter. It's all speculation, especially since we don't personally know you. The people whose opinions matter most in this are the community's and yours.

 

There. I just saved us all 5 pages of meaningless advice and bickering. ;)

 

I hope everything goes well!

[PhuturePriest]

 

 

 

I'm like the grumpy old rude priest of Vocation Station who spends 99% of my time complaining and 1% saying things of actual worth.

[PhuturePriest]

Wow, you're totally right. Duh, why didn't I think of that? I am still interested in hearing people's opinions on college and religious life just for the sake of general discussion (that's what makes the internet fun!) but that pretty much answers my original question. Thank you- and I hope everything goes well with your vocation too. 

 

I take all credit for my blatant plagiarism of all the people who have told me the exact same thing. ;)

 

And things are certainly moving in interesting directions for my vocational discernment. Only a few people like Sister Marie know what's going on, though, because I'm seeing what not making something into a big public spectacle does for me. So far, making events into spectacles doesn't bode well, so now I'm going to be unconventional and see what keeping my mouth shut for once does for me. :P

[TheresaThoma]

Definitely talk to the community about this. If you can go to college without incurring debt and you are still discerning getting a few more college credits under your belt wouldn't be a bad thing.
Also most of the communities I have heard of that require extra education typically wait a year or two to have you start classes. So dealing with adjusting to community life and a college workload would be very uncommon.

[Carla]

I can tell some about this topic because i have been in very similar situation.I have finished high school education in 2006 when i have been 18 years old.

I wanted to enter in the community same summer after my graduation (in this time i have consider only Francine orders).I want this pretty badly in this period because i have

consider that i know what is best from me.But my parents strongly object me in this wish.Even my Vocation director tell he honestly that it is not good time for me.

I have been very angry and disappointment about this.Now i'm thinking it is best decision i have made.First i have been to young and not reedy for Monastic life.

Second sometimes others can see better then yourself.I'm lucky that i have this kind of family who help me in this time.

After i let go anger i have enter collage and starred my student life.I have experience wonderful time there and i got amazing education.This time only bring me closer to my faith and my Vocation.I have become older and i started to consider Religious life much serious and from positions i have not see it before.Now on the edge of starting my Vocation i happy about my decision to hold.

 

Of course i'm not telling that we have same situation and that you need to have same solution.But i will like for you that you talk first with your Community,your Vocation director and

of course with your family.And after that took some time for yourself and Pray.Lord will help you that you found the way,

Either to enter now or after collage or even to found yourself in married life with children and with some other role in your church and your parish.

 

I wish you all the best and you are in my prayers

 

[veritasluxmea]

Thank you for all the love and prayers guys. I'll discuss it with the VD and keep going slow and steady, I have a lot of time. It will work out for the best one way or another. :) 

And things are certainly moving in interesting directions for my vocational discernment. Only a few people like Sister Marie know what's going on, though, because I'm seeing what not making something into a big public spectacle does for me. So far, making events into spectacles doesn't bode well, so now I'm going to be unconventional and see what keeping my mouth shut for once does for me. :P

Argh, you can't say something like that and expect me not to die of curiosity.... Well it sounds like good news, I'll pray for you! 

[daniflg]

I'm a student, an upcoming junior, in college. It's funny because I just had a conversation with my grandfather about this! Well he mentioned that my vocation as of right now is to be a student, especially if I am in the middle of it. He knew that I was very involved with student clubs and wants me to stay focused. I really want to finish college strong because it was the vocation that God has called me to pursue after high school. My goal is to live out my faith prayerfully while studying and getting involved with activities that interest me and help me to grow. While being a student, I think that if I continue to pray faithfully, attend Mass, faith share, and walk with God throughout college, He will nudge me to where He is calling me after graduation. 

 

But of course, as a human, it is so easy for me to step away from the will of God if I disconnect with Him... Which will probably lead me further away from His vocation for my life. 

 

Anyways, I read somewhere that you will know you are ready for your vocation if you have a sense of wholeness. 

If you feel that you have loved fully where you are now, then God might be calling you soon!

 

Someone told me to just live out my faith fully without worrying about any vocation! Until God speaks...

And when He does, you'll know.

[Fr. Antony Maria OSB]

Like a few others have said here, the first thing to do is check with Mother Superior and get her take on the situation: some communities would like you to have finished college first, while for others that is not an issue. It varies from community to community.

 

My own input is this: I thought about entering the monastery right out of high-school, but didn't think I was ready yet. I thought that I needed to go to college, experience that, make those friendships, etc. before I could really commit to religious life, and I think that has proved itself to be true in my case. I went to college, had a wonderful time, got my BA, and entered the monastery a month after I graduated (the same community I was discerning with in high-school). There were times in college when I didn't discern as much, and when I put my discernment of religious life on hold (I dated a bit). But all of that has made me into the man and the monk I am today.

 

This is not to say that entering right out of high-school and getting your associates degree is a bad thing. God works with different people in different ways. As to how to tell when someone is ready to enter religious life, though....I think that's a tricky question. Obviously, the person needs to be committed to trying to live the life, and honestly think that this is where God is calling them to be, at least for the time being. Keep in mind that every religious order has a time of formation for a number of years, so you won't be truly 'ready' until the end of your formation. But even that's not entirely true. One of my classmates asked an older monk here when it was that he really 'got' religious life. He is 83 and has been a monk since he was 18 or so. His response? "Oh, about five years ago." Religious life (and you could probably say this about married life, too) is not something that you get completely ready for before you enter: it's a continuous process that doesn't end until we die. Are you ready to begin religious life? I don't know: that's something to talk about with Mother Superior/the vocation directress/formation staff/spiritual director.

 

A huge factor, though, is how well you know yourself. Do you know who you are? Do you know how you relate to God and how God relates to you? How you interact with others? What makes you happy? What makes you sad? Self-knowledge is crucial in the discernment process. To get back to your original question, it was in college that I came to learn a lot more about myself and grew to the point where I felt comfortable making such a big life decision. Perhaps you have already reached that point, I don't know: that's something for you, God, Mother Superior, and your spiritual director to decide. (I would encourage you to try and get in touch with your old spiritual director and ask him about this, or try and find another spiritual director: this is a major decision to be making without one). Good luck to you, and you will be in my prayers!