Canon Law - Private Vows

[BarbTherese]

:)

 

One thing I must make very clear, it occurred to me while locking up, and from something said in another forum quite some time ago, with which I agree. No one can give anyone permission to make a private vow or vows.  The individual makes their own decision - wisely and prudently I think after seeking advice and certainly ensuring they are know what they are doing and the implications..........and one can to a certain point which means they do know what they are doing and the implications..........a more full understanding might unfold further on in the journey.  Ideally, it will since the vocational commitment is a journey on a few levels and to my mind will continue for the length of that private vow and commitment.

 

  His Grace DID NOT give me permission to make private vows to the evangelical counsels, nor anything else connected to my way of life.  That was all long years "fait accompli" and my decision alone, except for the Receiving of the private vows.  He gave me permission to have a Home Mass with the purpose of receiving and renewing my private vows to EC.  It was my previous director (religious sister) that seemed to think it was important that I have the vows received and why I raised the subject with Father John...........from that it all unfolded as it has to today.

 

Bon soir!  Medication taken and in probably around an hour I will be fast asleep until the alarm tomorrow...............and Mass and with a prayer that this thread just fizzles out if nothing to contribute to the opening post.  Alleluia! Amen................but then The Holy Spirit leads as HE May and sometimes one thinks things are going all awry and off the track but sometimes only if one embraces it and follows it in the darkness as to where on earth things are going (and important to this human often).  Surprise! Surprise! Our God of Surprises.

[AccountDeleted]

You always put things in such a beautiful way.

 

Yes, private vows can be made without asking permission from anyone else (although I know that often a spiritual director can help someone to determine whether this is something they want to do).

 

I made my private vows in 2007 following a Mass at the Cathedral in Singapore (I made them privately - not in public - but under spiritual direction) but it wasn't until 2011 that I actually had any kind of external expression of these vows. I was between convents, living as a hermit in the bush, when it came time to renew my vows (which I do annually, privately). At that time, because of the events that had recently happened, I thought that I was never actually going to become a nun, and although I had spoken briefly with the Bishop about becoming a Diocesan hermit and I was living a hermit life, I was still undecided about pursuing that particular vocation.

 

The only thing I knew for sure was that the private vows I had made were for life, and that private vows would probably have to 'be enough' for me, despite my longing for religious life. But I wanted to express my commitment in some external way at that time, so I went out and bought a wedding ring and had it engraved on the inside with 'Sponsa Christi' and with the date I had first made my private vows. Then I went to a Mass and afterwards met with the priest and explained the whole thing, about my vows and the ring I had just purchased. He was completely supportive and blessed my ring as a sacramental, and then gave me his blessing on my private vows. Even though none of this had any validity in canon law, it still made me feel accepted and loved by God and even helped me to stay on track during a time of grief and loss over my dreams for religious life. I wear the wedding ring to this day and I know that even when I do  make profession as a nun (God be willing please), in my heart, I will always consider the date of my private vows as the anniversary of my 'real first profession'.

 

You have been incredibly blessed by the circumstances that have led to this wonderful event in your life - the celebration of the renewal of your private vows in public, at a Mass, with others helping you to share your joy! It sounds as if everything has unfolded in a wondrous and beautiful way. I hope it makes you feel as loved as a simple wedding ring and blessing did for me when I needed it most. :)

[BarbTherese]

Thank you very much, nunsense - that was really beautiful and much appreciated.

 

I am very much aware that there are probably very many who have made private vows and may keep them secret.  What I am doing might be an option for some.  Certainly, as always, spiritual direction is advised to my way of thought, while private vows do not demand (as it were) spiritual direction.  I never would have considered I don;'t think having the vows received if my previous spiritual director had not raised the subject and with some concern that I had never had them received.  Frankly, I never thought I would be as well as I am- still a sufferer of Bipolar as there is no known cure, but I seem to be more in control of it than it of me.

 

My silver ring and cross will be blessed at the Home Mass - I will have the ring engraved after, though no idea just yet what it will state besides the date of the Home Mass.  When I first raised the subject of receiving my private vows - I had no idea then what was going to follow.  I was even surprised that Father was happy to discuss the subject with me in the first place.  Where on earth a Home Mass came from, I can no longer t recall. It was suffering a mental illness severely for many years that taught me to just live for today, yesterday is past so forget it - and tomorrow is not yet and anything could occur.  I just learnt to live like that for so long it is conditioned into me - and you would know all about conditioning through your experience on staff in mental health.

 

I do know after many years indeed of not having the vows received and cruising on on my own without telling others about the private vows, I was not as conscious of my behaviour as I am now that the Home Mass draws closer - and this is a good thing I think.  I am given to fine Aussie expletives once I get to know a person, or caught off guard in some sudden situation like spilling milk.  Even if I am all 'alone' now, I find myself apologising for the cuss word (though not the worst of them thankfully).  I swear and then say "Scuse me Lord".  Now I am wary that something will happen at work suddenly and I will drop a swear word and say "Scuse me Lord"................and I haven't told them I suffer Bipolar.  Oh goodness, what excuse shall I give.............oh well, can always fess up about Bipolar.

 

I really feel that Our Lady is very much in the picture and I have always had Our Lady on the highest pedestal imaginable as the absolute essence of holiness, womanhood and motherhood - and oh so very high above me somewhere in the clouds as it were.  I used to say to her "I am sorry dear mother, but I think I identify more with your outspoken Son".  Now I feel them both very close to me and I am trying very hard to watch my p's and q's. :)  Trying, incidentally, is not an indication whatsoever of success. 

 

In my previous suburb, I really focused on 'infiltrating' since I sure couldn't beat 'em - and using their colourful language (tho never to extremes) were my first steps in the 'infiltration process'.  I recall one day reading a Gospel in which Jesus said "brood of vipers" and itclicked to me that probably Jesus swore - in His culture.  I felt I could now quite happily and feeling justified keep working on the 'infiltration first steps'.  My psychiatrist visited me in the early days of my shifting to that suburbs - she commented "You are suffering from culture shock".  I used to be somewhere back I can hardly recall, such a refined type of person, although always outspoken if I felt the need.

 

Father John picked the Assumption as the date (I wanted just an ordinary Saturday and dedicated to Our Lady always).  And he has made our final appointment on the feast of Our Lady of Mt Carmel - and I'm visiting Carmel here on the 17th and the day after.

 

I used to wear a cross on aleather thong.  But Father commented one day "You look just like a nun" - once home the cross and leather thong was put in storage.  I now wear a silver cross on a chain and where the cross came from I have no idea either..........some yesterday somewhere.  I was able to buy two silver chains on EBay for $5 each - my very first EBay purchase.  All went as it should.

 

As always, I am just taking things one day at a time forgetting yesterday and tomorrow is a mystery.  It will all unfold as it may.  I must admit that it all seems far to grand for me.  But I am very grateful that my family and friends will be present and already are sharing in my Joy - and I am overboard about it all even tho it is really far too grand for me.  Most of all I am grateful that family and friends now know about my private vows and something about my way of life (I am leaving the rule out on a table at the Mass if they would like to have a look).  They will be the one's to keep me behaving myself!!!  ......................I hope!  My only real reservation about it all is that I am hoping I wont cry.  Father John says "That won't matter at all".  Not to him and probably no-one else, but I think perhaps it will to me.  But that is for 'tomorrow' and anything can happen before or on the morrow .

 

Above written very quickly indeed.  Time presses

 

Catcha on the rounds............Barb

 

 

[BarbTherese]

You have been singularly blessed too, I think, nunsense.  Though I am sure it has been a very difficult road for you rather often and perhaps often too a walk in spiritual darkness in every way.  Insofar as you have written about it here or on your blog that was, I have followed you.

For me, I am conditioned to problems in life and what I am finding very hard to shake is that conditioning.  Having some experience with conditioning I know (and you would too) it takes a while before one is conditioned and it will take equally a while perhaps a long while before one can shake it off completely - and providing all goes along as one hopes. These days I do leave it very much up to The Lord which does not mean that the human part of me is very human indeed - very.  Hard to explain but I am sure you will know what I mean.

 

What have I done to deserve anything................nothing whatsoever!  I never planned to walk the road that I have either in a positive or negative course.  It just happened.

[CatherineM]

My husband and I are pretty much full time advocates for the mentally ill. Having a reason to get up in the morning, and a reason to stay on your meds, is critical to your overall health and happiness. Giving speeches and trying to educate the public to fight stigma, is that reason for my husband.

[AccountDeleted]

You have been singularly blessed too, I think, nunsense.  Though I am sure it has been a very difficult road for you rather often and perhaps often too a walk in spiritual darkness in every way.  Insofar as you have written about it here or on your blog that was, I have followed you.

For me, I am conditioned to problems in life and what I am finding very hard to shake is that conditioning.  Having some experience with conditioning I know (and you would too) it takes a while before one is conditioned and it will take equally a while perhaps a long while before one can shake it off completely - and providing all goes along as one hopes. These days I do leave it very much up to The Lord which does not mean that the human part of me is very human indeed - very.  Hard to explain but I am sure you will know what I mean.

 

What have I done to deserve anything................nothing whatsoever!  I never planned to walk the road that I have either in a positive or negative course.  It just happened.

 

 

I never doubt my own blessings from God -- when I can see them :P  And who among us ever deserves anything? If God only gave us what we deserved, it would be a pretty grim world indeed.

 

But I don't always recognize my blessings because blessings don't always appear to us clothed in light and joy. I think that might be one of the things that being a Christian is all about - trying to trust that even things that threaten to destroy us can become sources of renewal and life. When Jesus died, His disciples didn't leap for joy, even though they had heard Him promise that He would rise again in three days. They grieved because they couldn't see how this was possible until He actually appeared before them again, and even at that time, they didn't immediately recognize or understand the blessing that His death had been for the whole world. He spent some time with them, trying to help them understand what had happened and why. Then He left them again, probably another painful experience for the disciples, but He explained that it was necessary that He leave so that He could send them the Holy Spirit. Another blessing in disguise.

 

Our own lives can be full of pain and suffering, but they are also full of grace and blessings - sometimes it's just a little difficult to understand how they can work together for renewal and rebirth in our soul - how what appears to be suffering, can actually be a doorway to blessings. A few years ago, I seemed to have endless trust in God - no matter how wrong things went, or how bad they seemed, I was sure that He knew me personally and that all was for my own good. I don't know how real or strong that trust was though because as bad things continued to happen, I started to doubt that He loved or even cared about me - and I went through some seriously dark places. I'm glad that I was able to get angry at Him for His apparent lack of concern though, because even being angry with Him kept me focused on Him and close to Him. He 'broke' me but as Leonard Cohen wrote, "There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." So maybe I needed to be broken to make some cracks?

 

And comfort can be found in the strangest places, even anger. I think conditioning just means something stuck in memory. It takes time and effort to incorporate new memories into the old ones and to 'recondition' ourselves. But sometimes, like with St Rita, God lifts us up above where we are and puts us someplace else and we can actually take a step beyond our our conditioning. This is when we start seeing that the everyday events in our lives are miracles and blessings that have always been there - but we have been too far down in the hole to see them. Why He does this is as mysterious as why He allows suffering to happen - only He can see the whole plan.

 

You have faced enormous challenges in your life. So has CatherineM (read her book if you haven't already - it is very inspiring) and once we start looking around, we can see so many examples of people who have faced incredible obstacles, challenges and suffering, and persevered. I am a big fan of perseverance, persistence and patience. Catherine's book really inspired me when she was facing a serous weight issue - she wrote about starting to walk just a short distance every day until she was actually walk long distances. Every single step made a difference. Talk about perseverance, persistence and patience in action!

 

Barb, you and I are both experiencing visible blessings in our lives right now (as opposed to the 'hidden' ones that often challenge us). Jesus said that while the Bridegroom was with them, His disciples should rejoice. Maybe now is our time to rejoice and not worry about how we got here. Heaven knows there will be challenges aplenty waiting for us down the road again when the blessings are a little harder to see. 

 

So please try to enjoy the experience of your Home Mass and renewal of vows. Given your Bipolar, you might find yourself stressing out over everything, or obsessing about it. But it should be a time of happiness for you - rejoice and let what happens happen. I am one of those people who is incredibly organized and can achieve great things in short amounts of times (great with paperwork, bureaucracy and red tape too, even though I detest it). But one of the reasons for this skill is that I hate the idea of being 'out of control'. I want to know that everything has been thought out, organized, set up, and will occur as planned. But we all know that no one can plan for the unforeseen and that 'control' is really just an illusion. We do the best we can, and then we have to take a step back and 'let go, let God' and trust that whatever happens, we did all that we could.

 

I hope this event doesn't become a stress for you. I hope you can relax and enjoy it. I always try to remind myself that whatever it is that is going to happen, there will be a time when it is all over. I use this when I have to go to the dentist. If I have an appointment on a Thursday, I tell myself, well Friday will come and it will all be over. I could be totally wrong about this and you aren't under any stress about the event - I hope so. I really want you to enjoy the fruits of your labors.

 

Many prayers. 

[BarbTherese]

Thank you both for the posts.  I will be respond in about 24hrs.  (tomorrow night here in Adelaide)...............Barb :)

[BarbTherese]

 

 

Hi CatherineM J

 

I am not going to respond tonight to your really excellent post! And I will reply to nunsense tomorrow night too.  May The Lord ever travel with you and your hubby as I am sure that He is and may The Holy Spirit be both your guides and sensitivity, intelligence – your energy and motivation.  And with nunsense too, as I am sure that He does. Amen.

 

I just might be saying all you knew anyway and forgive if this is so!

 

 

 The one thing that sufferers of mental illness really DO NEED and towards integrating into the general community, is a theology to make sense of all that they are going through. And unimaginable suffering to a ‘sound and normal’ mind. As you are probably aware, most all sufferers have a religious Faith and while the Faith remains, the theology around it can be all distorted and even quite weird and way out sometimes - and a problem of an ill mind alone.  Just as a man with a bad leg limps - and one expects nothing more of a man with a bad leg. 

 

I don’t think psychiatry knows which comes first, the cart or the horse.  Are people religious prior to any mental illness, or does it come after – nor does it really matter one little bit, save of course it is a problem perhaps still, I don’t know, for psychiatry as a science.

 

The biggest hurdle sufferers of mental illness are going to have to face and surmount is first, isolation – due to the stigma prevailing in society.  The second is that stigma itself.

 

Another very important place in sufferers establishing a place in the general community is SUPPORT – VITALLY IMPORTANT! and support in the community prepared to support them - and most important of all is to discern who exactly is important to them.  Once that is discerned to get hold of those important people and striving to get them to understand mental illness.  The truth of it.  And with the sufferer present if possible.  Sometimes the sufferer can be too ill.  I have some other scholarly articles from ETheology I think it is called and on mental illness - Australian students of theology.  I'll hunt them out in my files and post when I can.

 

If the sufferer has a religious Faith profession, then it is important to get the key member in that community i.e. priest etc. and they sit in on the above gathering.  And get them there whether they like it or not by stressing the importance of it.  I have heard priests and Catholic priests saying some terrible things about sufferers of mental illness, at times not realizing that I was a sufferer.  Don’t take it for granted that because The Universal Church has great things to say about sufferers of mental illness and it is all very true – but it is not always filtering down to the parish level as a practice they are prepared to implement. This really does grieve me and I’ve seen firsthand on psyche wards the damage it can do.  The sense of complete abandonment even by God because their Faith community and leadership have abandoned them - if not literally, if you know what I mean.  The façade remains.

 

 

Catcha again tomorrow night, until then God’s richest blessings on you and your hubby and yours………and the vitally important work to which you have committed yourselves……and again, forgive me if you knew it all already and I am 'preaching to the coverted'……….Barb :)

 

 

 

I thought you might like to read http://www.zenit.org/en/articles/the-mentally-ill-patient-a-faithful-image-of-god

 

I don’t know if this is the Cardinal’s full speech as the links I have on file to the full speech have been taken down from the net and it is now fairly old.  I have tried but to date have not found his full address but will keep on the hunt...........and put it into Word this time and send you links - probably in a post since then it is open to all and you just never know who might read and take something on board that is new to them.  A planted seed.

 

The Mentally Ill Patient: A Faithful Image of God

 

Cardinal Lozano Barragán\'s Address at World Day of the Sick

 

ADELAIDE, Australia, FEB. 18, 2006 (Zenit.org).- Here is an excerpt of an address Cardinal Javier Lozano Barragán, president of the Pontifical Council for Health Care Workers, prepared for World Day of the Sick. The main events of the World Day were held Feb. 9-11 in Adelaide.

 

 

 

[BarbTherese]

My husband and I are pretty much full time advocates for the mentally ill. Having a reason to get up in the morning, and a reason to stay on your meds, is critical to your overall health and happiness. Giving speeches and trying to educate the public to fight stigma, is that reason for my husband.

 

Highly valued and very important work, CM.  Those who suffer mental illness and mental health workers stay in my intentions daily.

Definitely - having a reason to get up in the morning and a resolution to stay on medication is vitally important for those who suffer mental illness.  Problem can be that finding a reason to get up can be problematic for those who do suffer MI because there is an unwillingness to employ them paid or voluntary - if that is the avenue they seek and the way in which they would like to travel. It is a massive problem.

I went through a long passage of a horrible feeling of absolute isolation, even though I had people around me and perhaps it came largely about because I could not really discuss openly with those who were around me how I was feeling and experiencing life.  It is amazing how lonely one can feel in a crowd.

 

The struggle against stigma and educating generally about the dreadful damage it can do and long term - even worsen a sufferer's condition..........and educating on the truth of mental illness..........is vitally important.  What the general community may not realise is that it is very much often up to them how well a person becomes - or how ill they stay.

[BarbTherese]

I never doubt my own blessings from God -- when I can see them :P  And who among us ever deserves anything? If God only gave us what we deserved, it would be a pretty grim world indeed.

 

We are forever blest, huh ........... sometimes life's blessings come to us in the most weird and strangest of garments.

 

But I don't always recognize my blessings because blessings don't always appear to us clothed in light and joy. I think that might be one of the things that being a Christian is all about - trying to trust that even things that threaten to destroy us can become sources of renewal and life. When Jesus died, His disciples didn't leap for joy, even though they had heard Him promise that He would rise again in three days. They grieved because they couldn't see how this was possible until He actually appeared before them again, and even at that time, they didn't immediately recognize or understand the blessing that His death had been for the whole world. He spent some time with them, trying to help them understand what had happened and why. Then He left them again, probably another painful experience for the disciples, but He explained that it was necessary that He leave so that He could send them the Holy Spirit. Another blessing in disguise.
 

 

I think perhaps it is a culture problem and how we can be affected by it without realizing it.  Definitely, The Church teaches the great value of suffering born as best one is able united to The Cross - it's overwhelming value.........seen in the lives of the saints.  But I am affected by the culture in which I live, the secular culture, where suffering of any kind is to be avoided and no way is experienced as a blessing.  This is where I needed to begin the journey of changing my perspectives and attitudes.  To be Catholic Christian, one definitely is counter our secular culture.

After all the crowing Glory of the Life of Jesus was His chocking death on a cross as a common criminal.  United to His, our sufferings can be an offering of Glory to God.

 

My heart really does go out to those who do suffer and some far far more than I could even imagine - especially if they do not have the treasure of the Gift of Faith.  So very many suffering appallingly in our world and not for a day or two, some for a lifetime.

 

 

Our own lives can be full of pain and suffering, but they are also full of grace and blessings - sometimes it's just a little difficult to understand how they can work together for renewal and rebirth in our soul - how what appears to be suffering, can actually be a doorway to blessings. A few years ago, I seemed to have endless trust in God - no matter how wrong things went, or how bad they seemed, I was sure that He knew me personally and that all was for my own good. I don't know how real or strong that trust was though because as bad things continued to happen, I started to doubt that He loved or even cared about me - and I went through some seriously dark places. I'm glad that I was able to get angry at Him for His apparent lack of concern though, because even being angry with Him kept me focused on Him and close to Him. He 'broke' me but as Leonard Cohen wrote, "There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." So maybe I needed to be broken to make some cracks?
 

 

Amen

 

 

And comfort can be found in the strangest places, even anger. I think conditioning just means something stuck in memory. It takes time and effort to incorporate new memories into the old ones and to 'recondition' ourselves. But sometimes, like with St Rita, God lifts us up above where we are and puts us someplace else and we can actually take a step beyond our our conditioning. This is when we start seeing that the everyday events in our lives are miracles and blessings that have always been there - but we have been too far down in the hole to see them. Why He does this is as mysterious as why He allows suffering to happen - only He can see the whole plan.
 

 

I have underlined and made bold the key word to m "mysterious". And mystery is just that - one cannot understand or find reasons etc.

 

 

 

 

You have faced enormous challenges in your life. So has CatherineM (read her book if you haven't already - it is very inspiring) and once we start looking around, we can see so many examples of people who have faced incredible obstacles, challenges and suffering, and persevered. I am a big fan of perseverance, persistence and patience. Catherine's book really inspired me when she was facing a serous weight issue - she wrote about starting to walk just a short distance every day until she was actually walk long distances. Every single step made a difference. Talk about perseverance, persistence and patience in action!
 

 

We are never given too much to bear.  We only THINK we have too much to bear.  Grace is with us but God is not pushy and does not inflict Himself on us.  Grace is there, we need to accept it and respond.  This is why I feel so much for people - Grace is in their lives to cope - but they do not know it and thus cannot respond as our Catholic spiritual theology teaches us.  The world so desperately needs The Gospel and The Church and her theology.

Working voluntary where I do, we have some appallingly tragic cases come in for help.

 

Barb, you and I are both experiencing visible blessings in our lives right now (as opposed to the 'hidden' ones that often challenge us). Jesus said that while the Bridegroom was with them, His disciples should rejoice. Maybe now is our time to rejoice and not worry about how we got here. Heaven knows there will be challenges aplenty waiting for us down the road again when the blessings are a little harder to see. 

 

LOL, I have no idea whatsoever how I got here - none.  Coming home tonight from vol. work I knew that it is all mystery and I just need to continue living day by day and leave all the why's etc. etc. aside.  It is a mystery.

 

 

So please try to enjoy the experience of your Home Mass and renewal of vows. Given your Bipolar, you might find yourself stressing out over everything, or obsessing about it. But it should be a time of happiness for you - rejoice and let what happens happen. I am one of those people who is incredibly organized and can achieve great things in short amounts of times (great with paperwork, bureaucracy and red tape too, even though I detest it). But one of the reasons for this skill is that I hate the idea of being 'out of control'. I want to know that everything has been thought out, organized, set up, and will occur as planned. But we all know that no one can plan for the unforeseen and that 'control' is really just an illusion. We do the best we can, and then we have to take a step back and 'let go, let God' and trust that whatever happens, we did all that we could.

 

Not stressing one little bit, nunsense.  And total Peace descended on the bus tonight when I realized I had to leave it all there. Mystery!  My psychiatrist has tabs on things and her vote of confidence is that she doesn't want to see me again until mid Novermber - unless of course things should go wrong.  I have her pager number if she cannot be contacted in the normal way.  Once I page her, if I do, she is on the phone to me ASAP.  She has a very responsible position indeed in a public hospital here that is her primary occupation.  She only consults private once week.  She knows that I will contact her immediately if I become suspicious and also that I don't abuse the privilege or her pager.  When I shifted suburbs five years ago, she was so worried about me she had me phone her every second day.  With the Home Mass, and she will be coming along if her diary permits, she is not in the least bit concerned.

 

I hope this event doesn't become a stress for you. I hope you can relax and enjoy it. I always try to remind myself that whatever it is that is going to happen, there will be a time when it is all over. I use this when I have to go to the dentist. If I have an appointment on a Thursday, I tell myself, well Friday will come and it will all be over. I could be totally wrong about this and you aren't under any stress about the event - I hope so. I really want you to enjoy the fruits of your labors.

 

Many prayers. 

 

Nope, not stressing especially now I had my 'flash' coming home tonight on the bus.  All is very highly organized with willing and happy helpers and what happens will happen.  A bridge too far for me at this point.  Deal with whatever on the actual day.  I've even done Thank You cards for those who do attend.  I've just let go of all concerns or whatever - it is all mystery and the Home Mass is ahead and is in the pipeline; meanwhile, the days unfold as they may and " today's concerns are enough for today - tomorrow will take care of itself."  And then after 15th August it will be in the past and a memory.......well if all goes well that is.  No way I can know the future.  Meanwhile, I have a journey of the days as they unfold.

 

While it is all a mystery to me, I'm in excellent hands in Father John and also there is Diocesan approval plus my parish priest.  Joking now..........don't take me seriously one little bit because I am laughing............all I need now is The Pope!!!

 

Thanks heaps for the prayers and mine are with you and all................Barb

 

 

 

[BarbTherese]

Not only did my psychiatrist, due to her concern, have me phone her every second day when I shifted here five years ago, but she did the same with the surgery I had last year.  Both times, I sailed through the 'crisis' without a blink.  My next apt with the gynaecologist who was my surgeon is in three months with a blood test prior.  After that if I am still all clear in his books, the appointments with him will gradually cease.  I am still in the clear at this point.

 

I wont go into the following whole story, because it will take too much time.  Background is that every time my psychiatrist goes away, or almost every time, the patients in which she has most confidence seem to get ill and wind up in hospital.  I've told her that the solution is not to tell us when she is going away :)

She has been away - and I had so much of a  mix-up and problems with a prescription and my pharmacist that it dragged on for nearly four weeks with me out of medication that I really needed - and my doc away and unavailable for contact.  It has all resolved now, but oh man oh man was I scared!..........of bipolar episode yer kno!

 

And oh boy - did I do some blinking !!!...........scared of a bipolar episode yer kno!!!  I am far more scared of bipolar and its power than I am of cancer and its power !!!  LOL

 

All ok now, I have the medication.  Deo Gratius! Alleliua! Amen.

 

I am and will be eternally grateful for those who have kept me in prayer - it is your prayers that are keeping The Lord cool-headed and on my side! Scuse me, Lord!

 

Countdown: 38 days, 4 hours.