blazeingstar Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I am in an incredibly liberal town, and on top of that my town plays host to a Jesuit parish. The previous Jesuits were VERY liberal --- like the "God doesn't judge you if you sin/hell is not real, it's a concept/the Pope dosn't really get a say in anything/Woman Priests/etc, etc" The pastor is moderate and the associate pastor is conservative and very faithful to the doctrine. He is madly in love with God, and at every Consecration is so enamored by the Eucharist he can hardly take his eyes of of it. (he's in his late 60's and became a priest about 5 years ago). This has caused alot of friction in the parish over the stupidest things. The music director cannot stand him because he sings loudly and off-key. (but it's a beautiful thing to behold his passion). Parishioners get upset because he makes eye contact when distributing the Eucharist and keeps it there until it's made it into their mouths. At any rate, if you can gather anything from that, while some parishioners are kind to him, he hasn't really been very welcome. I have been very open with him and invited him to several picnics at my house. He LOVES them, and since he had to miss the last 2 due to Jesuit obligations he's begged me over and over to have another. My heart goes out to him...but I can only do so much. EVERYONE wants a piece of me pre-wedding as if I'm going to fall off the face of the earth after. My weekends (when he can come) are booked and I really just want some time just my FI and I. Yet it seems selfish when I know a priest is truly in need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perigrina Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 There will always be more people with needs than you have time and/or energy to help. It is good to base one's actions and one's priorities on the duties of one's state of life. If you have been called to marry someone, that person is one of the highest priorities in your life. Pray for this priest and accept that you may be limited in what else you can do. I will pray for him too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Part of it might be older man syndrome. Turning 70 can be a big psychological turning point in a person's life - for men especially- and its not uncommon for there to be challenges when a man is staring that down. We all have to learn to live with stuff, right. Music director has to learn to live with a guy who sings off key. You have to live with not having enough time in the day. Father has to live with not exactly "gelling" with parishoners. Nobody is in the wrong here. Nobody "has" to change anything. In fact some things it would be unwise and indeed stupid to try to change (e.g., trying to help Father realize his signing voice sucks). And in fact there might not be much you can do. For example, you will never get more than 24 hours in a day. The situation isn't ideal and there's not much that can be done to fix it. The good news is that the situation is temporary. Either father or the music director will "move on" in one way or another (change of parish, change of level of caring about singing voice, or the old stand-by, death.) Your wedding will come and go and you'll have a chance to re-prioritize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Credo in Deum Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) Adding to what Perigrina said, you could also try pre-planning a picnic for a future date and then tell him when the next time will work for your schedule. If you do not feel like doing picnics anymore, then just kindly tell him you have been swamped with other things and that lately you have been using the time you do have, to rest and recoup. He is a priest. He will understand this. Edited June 18, 2014 by Credo in Deum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Well ... you could invite him over with your FI? Just a thought. That would take probably less planning than a full blown picnic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arfink Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Also, it's helpful to reassure people, perhaps explicitly, that you won't be dropping off the face of the earth after you're married. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perigrina Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Marriage is safe enough. It's having children that makes one cease to exist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Marriage is safe enough. It's having children that makes one cease to exist. so i have gathered from facebook. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Credo in Deum Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 What's, facebook? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 You can also make a standing engagement with Father to take him out for lunch every few months. Mr AL and I have done this with a 93 year old priest for the last year and he and we look forward to it immensely! It's good for him... and good for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blazeingstar Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) There will always be more people with needs than you have time and/or energy to help. It is good to base one's actions and one's priorities on the duties of one's state of life. If you have been called to marry someone, that person is one of the highest priorities in your life. Pray for this priest and accept that you may be limited in what else you can do. I will pray for him too. After 2 years at the parish, unfortunatly, I'm not seeing it happen. I've disconnected from the regular people in the parish who are quite "popular" but are rather mean to Fr. I have seen people be mean to him by not inviting him to things etc. Ironically, it's people who could easily have their needs met by others (my mom, his parents, etc) that are the most demanding on us. Part of it might be older man syndrome. Turning 70 can be a big psychological turning point in a person's life - for men especially- and its not uncommon for there to be challenges when a man is staring that down. We all have to learn to live with stuff, right. Music director has to learn to live with a guy who sings off key. You have to live with not having enough time in the day. Father has to live with not exactly "gelling" with parishoners. Nobody is in the wrong here. Nobody "has" to change anything. In fact some things it would be unwise and indeed stupid to try to change (e.g., trying to help Father realize his signing voice smells of elderberries). And in fact there might not be much you can do. For example, you will never get more than 24 hours in a day. The situation isn't ideal and there's not much that can be done to fix it. The good news is that the situation is temporary. Either father or the music director will "move on" in one way or another (change of parish, change of level of caring about singing voice, or the old stand-by, death.) Your wedding will come and go and you'll have a chance to re-prioritize. It's a stalemate between the music director and the priest. As a Jesuit, he is assigned to the parish and cannot ask to move especially as he makes his final vows. Adding to what Perigrina said, you could also try pre-planning a picnic for a future date and then tell him when the next time will work for your schedule. If you do not feel like doing picnics anymore, then just kindly tell him you have been swamped with other things and that lately you have been using the time you do have, to rest and recoup. He is a priest. He will understand this. While he's a priest and "understands" very few people seem to realize he's also human. There's some history to some of the parishoner's distain and it has to do with him being a rather annoying and sulky teen and adult and then finding a (very late) vocation in his 50's. Lots of resentment. Well ... you could invite him over with your FI? Just a thought. That would take probably less planning than a full blown picnic. I may do something like that. Also, it's helpful to reassure people, perhaps explicitly, that you won't be dropping off the face of the earth after you're married. :P Yeah, I have a few friends, one who's my spiritual dad, who seems to think I will fall off the face of the earth. Reassurance does nothing. Marriage is safe enough. It's having children that makes one cease to exist. Actually, it will be a bit easier as I will have a different schedule that I can work around wierd schedules of others. so i have gathered from facebook. :P Or you get more active. My brother is finally using facebook now that I have a niece! What's, facebook? As I explained to my cousin what a photo album was "its like facebook but with permanent photos" Edited June 18, 2014 by blazeingstar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blazeingstar Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 You can also make a standing engagement with Father to take him out for lunch every few months. Mr AL and I have done this with a 93 year old priest for the last year and he and we look forward to it immensely! It's good for him... and good for us. Once I'm married I may do something like this. I have scheduled picnics and events at my house that people come to. He couldn't come to one becuase he had pneumonia, then I cancelled one because I was very ill, then the next one was a holiday in which he's obligated to stay with the Jesuits. But perhaps we should set something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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