Formation

[Katiebobatie94]

 I'm not entirely sure how to start this email,or how to even explain what is going on, but I left formation yesterday. 

 

When we (the aspirants) went for our psychological evaluations, the feedback I received was that I should go for counseling. Basically because I had to grow up a little faster than most my age, I missed certain developmental milestones. A lot of then have to do with relationships & why I sometimes feel left out for no reason. The problem is that if they aren't resolved they can come back to bite me later on. But I don't feel like I missed anything growing up. I wouldn't change how I grew up. I was involved in so many different things and my mom & dad usually always had some part in them. Its just when my mom was sick, or after she passed away, I would usually choose to stay home and help out rather than be with kids my age.

 

After exploring all of the different options and ways to make it work while in formation, Sr. Karen suggested that I take some time off to go for counseling, get a job, and maybe go back to school. 

 

Although this wasn't my choice, I understand why it was done. I am really sad. I loved Mary Help, and I love the Salesians. I want to be an FMA more than anything.....that's probably not saying a  whole lot though because of my age. It hurts because I want to be there more than anything,but I know to make that happen that I need to be here for now. I still feel very much called to religious life though. 

 

God willing I will be back at Mary Help by August 2015. For now, I just need to trust God's plan for me, and thank Him for the beautiful gift He gave me iver the past 10 months. 

 

I was wondering if you had any advice for what comes next? How to handle the coming days and weeks?

 

Thanks! Please keep me in your prayers, you are in mine.

[faithcecelia]

Hello Katie, I am so sorry and can sympathise with you more than you can probably imagine. I understand how you must be feeling at the moment and also how hard it is to be told 'we want you, just not yet' as that is what happened with my first community.

 

As you may know, I have in the past few weekshad to leave my 2nd community due to serious health problems, and Im not feeling good at all today, but I will write to you privately in the next day or so, or feel free to PM me if you have specific questions and I will answer as best I can. Util then, I hold you in prayer. Lots of love, Faithcecelia x

[maximillion]

Prayers for you Katie.....

[marigold]

I'm so sorry to hear this, Katie. I'll be praying for you!

[cmaD2006]

Katie ... I am sorry that you are going through this.

 

My suggestions (and they are precisely that, just suggestions):

 

a) seek counseling and spiritual direction.  Both in combination will probably help a lot.  A spiritual director will help you readjust, and will also help keep the ultimate goal in your sights -- sanctity and holiness in whatever state of life you find yourself in right now.

b) I know it is hard to see it in this light, but it *is* a blessing to be able to deal with whatever the issues are at your age.  It is only in the last few years that I have come face to face with my own history and how that affect who I am and how I interact, and it becomes harder to resolve over time.  To be able to work on those issues now at your age is God's way of preparing you for whatever is next in your life.  That is good :).

c) from what you have said, it isn't a "door closing" but a "not yet."  THAT is an amesome place to be, in that the community isn't saying "we think you are not called here" but more like "give yourself a year and let's rediscern then."  There is still a lot of hope that you can return, and a lot of hope that given time and some personal work you *will* eventually find where your home is (either with the community or elsewhere, only time will tell).

 

Anyway rest assured that you will be in my prayers.  Transitioning from religious life to life in "the outside world" is always a bit difficult, but God is with you every step of the way.

 

 

[OnlySunshine]

Katie, I'm so sorry to hear that things didn't work out but I'm glad to hear that you'll be given a second chance when you've completed everything.

 

If I could offer some advice, I think counseling is a great idea.  I would suggest Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy as I benefited a great deal from it and matured.  I missed so many developmental milestones in my teenage years between ages 15-17 because of my battle with depression.  As a result, my maturity was stunted and I blossomed at a later age.  Now, as a 30 year old, I'm finally mature which is great but it's hard realizing that people who I graduated high school with have their own families and/or a successful career and I'm still working on my first Bachelor's degree.  I stayed at home quite a bit and didn't socialize at all because I felt like an outsider.  I didn't have friends my own age.  CBT helped me realize some of the things I needed to work on and my therapist gave me homework to work on before we met again.  The counseling is supposed to last 1 year for CBT but I went over 2 years longer because I had a lot of anxiety issues to work on.  I finally graduated from CBT successfully and I'm doing well.  I'd recommend it to anyone with similar problems like mine.  Here's some more information:

 

http://psychcentral.com/lib/in-depth-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/000907

 

If you're lucky to find a Catholic therapist like I was, it will make all the difference.  I've had non-Catholic ones before when I received therapy at a state clinic but they were always telling me that something that was clearly against my Catholic beliefs and morals was OK (one of them told me that premarital sex was OK and when I told him I didn't believe that because of my religious beliefs, he looked at me like I was an idiot).  There are websites that you can research for Catholic therapists like this one:

 

http://www.catholictherapists.com/find-a-therapist.html

 

If you don't have health insurance, you could also look for a Catholic Charities organization in your area because they provide therapy on a sliding scale fee.

 

I think it would be a great idea to take a few college courses, especially the general education requirements like English or Math.  If I remember, the Salesian Sisters are a teaching order, so you'll probably have to get your degree in Education.  General education requirements are usually transferable to any college because they are the same requirements across the board (unless you attend a private college or something).  College has helped me mature a great deal, especially when I transferred to the 4-year university level (more work involved).  You'll be with students your own age and it will give you a chance to interact with them.

 

Above all, know that you will be in my prayers as you are in this time of transition.  God bless.

 

 

[Lilllabettt]

As fractured as modern life is, I sometimes wonder if the majority of young people today would not be considered psychologically "whole" enough to "make it" in the convent. 

katie --- this is white knuckle time. It's miserable but it is temporary. Believe me when I say that the day is coming when it will be over. 

 

 

[brandelynmarie]

Many prayers, Ms. Katie...peace be with you. :amen:

[OnlySunshine]

As fractured as modern life is, I sometimes wonder if the majority of young people today would not be considered psychologically "whole" enough to "make it" in the convent. 

katie --- this is white knuckle time. It's miserable but it is temporary. Believe me when I say that the day is coming when it will be over. 

 

I agree, especially with the economic crisis and high unemployment rates.  There's also news programs sensationalizing stories and contributing to anxiety (I rarely watch the news anymore because of this).  If you look at the saints before psychological testing occurred - like St. Therese who appeared to suffer a nervous breakdown - it makes you wonder if they'd be accepted nowadays.

 

But I don't want to derail this thread further.  Maybe we should make a separate thread for this topic as it's interesting to discuss.

[TheresaThoma]

Katie- I'm sorry to hear this but ultimately God knows what He is doing. 

I haven't entered religious life (yet) but I'm currently living in a community. I have learned community life will bring out all those little (and not so little) things you thought you had tucked away and locked up. It is not a fun process. It is great that the community is giving you time to work through this and then return.

 

Pray for and be open to healing. Take this time and make it productive. Get some college credits under your belt, learn some new skills, I will be praying for you!

[veritasluxmea]

Prayers for you during this time...  :nun3:

Edited June 5, 2014 by veritasluxmea

[MargaretTeresa]

Many many hugs and prayers, K. 

[AveMariaPurissima]

Katie, you will definitely be in my prayers!

I too, with my community, came to the decision to leave postulancy in order to mature more psychologically/emotionally by going to school, getting a job, etc.  So I can relate with how hard it is!  If you want someone to talk to, feel free to PM me!

[maximillion]

So agree with other posters Katie, this can be a wonderful opportunity, and it is true that community life is an incredible adjustment to make coming from the society we live in, even when we try to live good Catholic lives, the effects of the individualistic society surround us all and get almost into our bones, so that going into a more selfless mode, having all your little foibles under scrutiny, being open to correction, all this is a big ask.

 

Take your time......God will work on you and through you in this current situation just as He would have if you were still in community. It's just that your particular formation needs this time for some other things to happen. He is so good at letting us come to things as we need them and in His perfect plan.

 

That does not mean that I or I think others on here don't realise that this is also a hard and painful time......

 

Prayers and very best wishes for your continued formation out in the world, temporarily!

[superblue]

Hi Katie, just wanted to say I know what that rejection is like, I had stepped forward towards going into the seminary, I thought I had my life finally figured out, only to face rejection, and to be told that I also need to find work go back to school get counseling the same story as you basically. And it sucks to hear, I deff wish I had done things different now before going into this like greased lightening, and the only thing I can think of as a real positive is, the Church, the priest hood  for me, and any religious order for men or women, they are not going any where any time soon. We may get the door shut again if time flys by and we are past the age limit for entrance but there are other places out there with in the church that don't have an age limit so there is another thing I have to consider as well....  I think I can comfortably say, after nearly a year an a half since I started this religious discernment process, and going through a really tough interview which I could read every facial expression that made me want to run for the hills before it was even over.. I can say that initial pain is lessening....  I don't think I will ever forget any of it though..... and I understand why people made the decisions they did, I may not 100% agree but I understand that is the way the process and decision making is...  An for some reason the process works for some and not others, I guess it is up to us to decide it is God moving us in the direction he wants or if we just need to try harder and keep persevering toward a vocation we are interested in.

 

I will be praying for you as well that these wounds heal soon, don't give up !