Vocation From The Parents' Perspective

[Perigrina]

I have a 13 year old son whom I suspect may have a vocation to the priesthood.  Obviously, this is something that has to be worked out between him and God, but can people give me ideas on how I can foster it?  Or is praying the only thing I should do?

[Spem in alium]

Has your son been open with you about his vocation? Has he expressed the same thought to you, or is it coming from your own suspicions? 

 

I'm coming at this from a discerner's perspective. I have been discerning for two years, sense that I am being called to religious life, and have begun applying to a particular order. Since I first spoke with my parents about my discernment, they (particularly my father) have been supportive of and interested in my vocation. What has helped me most is my father's assurance that neither he nor my mother will push me to choose religious life or not - essentially, leaving me free to discern without worrying about feeling pressured or making them unhappy. They are very interested in learning more about religious life and in meeting the Sisters, and that has really meant a lot to me.

 

As mentioned, I'm not coming from the same perspective as you, but to me prayer and openness are both very important in nurturing another person's vocation. Knowing that others are praying for my vocation to be known to me has helped enormously. I wouldn't be afraid to discuss the future with him (though if he's not spoken about a possible call to the priesthood with you before, I would broach that subject tentatively) - my parents' interest in what I'm planning has really helped me know myself better. Also, foster courage within yourself. From what I have seen, it can be very difficult for a person to come to terms with the fact that someone they love or are close to is considering the priesthood or religious life. If he ends up discerning a call to the priesthood, you may personally be happy with his decision, but I bet there will be someone in his life who won't and who will need reassurance. I've seen that a little within my own family and close friends.

I'll be praying for you, your son and your family. :)

[Perigrina]

Thanks for the prayers, Spem.  I appreciated your perspective on this.  My son has been talking about the possibility of being a priest ever since I can remember.  He says that he is waiting to see if God will call him.  So now I would describe it as an unusual openness and interest, rather than an actual vocation.  Is there such a thing as a pre-vocation?

 

 

 

 

[Spem in alium]

Thanks for the prayers, Spem.  I appreciated your perspective on this.  My son has been talking about the possibility of being a priest ever since I can remember.  He says that he is waiting to see if God will call him.  So now I would describe it as an unusual openness and interest, rather than an actual vocation.  Is there such a thing as a pre-vocation?

Anytime. :) I'm glad I could be of help. Wow, he sounds quite open, which is wonderful. Maybe "pre-discernment"? From what you describe, it sounds like he's not officially discerning yet, but is expressing a significant level of interest. 
Have you openly discussed the priesthood with him, or does he express his interest in other ways? Also, does he do anything to try and learn his vocation (things like regular Mass attendance and reception of the Sacraments, retreats, spiritual reading, etc.)? Given his age it may be difficult to spend significant time on those things, but from experience they have been very helpful for me. You may want to recommend some things you feel would be manageable.

[Perigrina]

double post

Edited May 24, 2014 by Perigrina

[Perigrina]

He attends Mass regularly and is an altar boy for the Extraordinary Form (which is more complicated than OF since it involves memorizing a lot of Latin prayers).  He listens to the homilies and has opinions on them.  He is fascinated by the Bible and apologetics.

 

We homeschool and base his education on Church documents pertaining to the education of priests.  For example, he is learning Latin Greek and Hebrew. He has a strong sense that he is preparing himself to be a priest if God calls him. 

[Luigi]

The Central Province Dominicans provide some stuff for the parents of their novices and students. I haven't read through all of it, but it might pertain. 

 

For reasons I cannot explain, this post won't accept a hyperlink. Google:

Dominican Friars Vocations 

 

There's a lot of stuff there, include a link for parents.

 

It's for parents of their guys in formation, not specifically how to form a guy for a vocation. But it STILL might pertain. 

Edited May 24, 2014 by Luigi

[Perigrina]

The Central Province Dominicans provide some stuff for the parents of their novices and students. I haven't read through all of it, but it might pertain. 

 

For reasons I cannot explain, this post won't accept a hyperlink. Google:

Dominican Friars Vocations 

 

There's a lot of stuff there, include a link for parents.

 

It's for parents of their guys in formation, not specifically how to form a guy for a vocation. But it STILL might pertain. 

 

This sounds quite helpful.  And my husband is a Lay Dominican so he will be pleased to see a Dominican source.

 

(I'm a Secular Francisican, so my husband and I have a running joke based on a mock competition between the two Orders.)

[TheresaThoma]

Pray for him and for yourselves. Having a solid prayer and faith life will be invaluable for is discernment as well.

Also keep an eye out for vocation events, some dioceses offer retreats or events for high schoolers considering the priesthood.

(Example: http://www.priest4christ.com/retreats/rad-retreats/)

[krissylou]

I have a 13 year old son whom I suspect may have a vocation to the priesthood.  Obviously, this is something that has to be worked out between him and God, but can people give me ideas on how I can foster it?  Or is praying the only thing I should do?

 

Not being a discerner nor a parent, I am of course expert to answer this question!

 

:hehe2:

 

Okay.  That having been said, from my expert position I would say:

 

(1) Mostly pray.

 

(2) Be super clear that you will support him in his vocation whatever that is.  Give him freedom to explore without fear of disappointing you.

 

(A friend of mine in college was starting to consider religious life but didn't want to tell her family "because I don't want to get my mother's hopes up."  She is now a perpetually professed Benedictine, and I'm guessing that was at least a little bit tongue in cheek.  Mom was thrilled at her religious vocation but would have been joyously dancing at her wedding too, if that's what ended up happening.  But from what I hear of parenting if your young adult children are saying "there's this big part of my life I'm wrestling with and I can't tell my parents" -- that isn't an ideal situation.)

 

(3) As your son IS expressing interest, seek out ways to introduce him to possibilities, in a low-key way.  Don't drag him along but he sounds intrigued.  Are there come and sees for high schoolers?  For the diocese and/or religious orders?  (IMHO a good high school come and see is "exploring various possibilities and if you're interested we can talk seriously when you're older." )  On family vacations can you swing by a monastery?  Can you as a family volunteer at the local Franciscan soup kitchen and he can chat with the friars (obviously I just made those specifics up but you get the idea).

[Perigrina]

Thanks for these ideas, Krissylou..

[Mr Cameron]

Remember that St Therese, the Little Flower; her parents had all their surviving children enter the convent to serve Our Lord. Having a son that desires to become a priest is just a testament to your good parentage and the grace that God wishes to pour into your life, just as you let God's grace pour into that of your son's life. Of course if he decides to pursue another vocation, that's just as well God's will, but as of now you'll have to pray and pray and praaaayyy!

[Sister Marie]

It sounds like your son already has a great foundation from you on which to grow in his vocation.  If you want to encourage him and help him prepare for whatever his vocation is - help him develop into a mature and well-rounded young man.  It will serve him well in whatever vocation he is called to.  Encourage him to have healthy hobbies and extracurricular activities; sports, music, whatever he has an interest in, and healthy relationships with members of the same sex and opposite sex.  Another way you could encourage and prepare him is by participating in service activities.  Maybe you already do something as a family but in addition to that you could also encourage him to participate in youth group service activities or by contacting any nearby religious communities who might need help in their ministries or who have youth based volunteer programs.

[petitpèlerin]

It sounds like your son is all set: he has all the tools he needs (great job, mom!) and he's self-directed. As long as he's seeking the will of God and not being overly ambitious (and it sounds like he's not) then it sounds like he's doing great.

I met a young man about your son's age last fall who belongs to a group of young men that serves their local bishop: I forget what it's called, it's a neat thing, they have very impressive boys, I don't know what schools they go to - public, private, or home - but this program itself is like a formation. This boy was talking about it with glowing enthusiasm and said he wanted to be a priest when he grew up. His laid-back mother was standing beside him, quiet, just nodding, and said this was totally his thing, he asked to do it, she said okay and thought it would be short-lived but he's completely into it.

I think the most important thing is that parents encourage their children's vocational freedom.  My parents have been great (and I'm in my 30s, I could take it even if they weren't). My dad might have implied the other day at dinner that he thinks I should be a sister. I told him not to get his heart set on it. He said "the only thing my heart is set on is you being happy whatever you do." God bless good parents. It sounds like you and your husband have given him every good thing he could possibly need to nurture this desire he has.

Edited June 1, 2014 by petitpèlerin

[Perigrina]

I want to thank everyone for all the suggestions and encouragement you have given me in this thread.  Thank you all very much.