Regarding Ageing Communities...

[bmb144]

I would say relax and enjoy the ride.  The sisters I am speaking with are between 20-30 years older than I and they are an utter hoot!  I cannot wait till July to see them.  What I have learned from older sisters, in other orders, on this journey has been invaluable.

[nikita92]

I work with a 86 (going on 87) yr old woman in the Cruise ship/security field! While she can be hard around the edges and curt and "tell it like it is".. She has more solid work ethics etc, than most of the 20-30 "Young" ones I have no choice in working with.
Age- been there done that, is rich in many many things!

Has anyone on here ever brought up "SISTERS" verses "GIRLFRIENDS" and visa versa when it comes to living within a community of only women?
Kinda like a "Band of Brothers" in the military....

[Lucia]

Dear BlueRose,

 

I think I might have felt similarly when I was first discerning religious life ten years ago.  The word "I" was often found on my lips when describing the type of community I wanted to join.  It would have made a lot of practical sense for "me" to look around for the community most likely to live into the future.  Fortunately, God started to replace what "I" wanted with what "God" wanted as I continued to discern.  

 

Now though, as a very young member of a community with a median age in the 70s I cannot thank God enough for bringing me to this community.  i don't know if it can be completely explained how God has truly provided me with the means for my salvation through these amazing women I call sister.  My life has been blessed beyond measure and their wisdom, courage, and perseverance have provided me with a lifetime of hopes and dreams for the continuation of our congregation.  

 

You didn't offend with your post but I would advise you not to count these 70 (gasp!) year old women out...  They still have a lot to say and do and their deaths will also speak to something greater than we can imagine.  After all, death is the gateway we will all have to pass through to get to eternal life which is our goal anyway.  Watching sisters whom I love die has been one of the greatest gifts to my vocation because I would like at the end of my life to peacefully go to God as they have knowing that I have imperfectly given my whole self to God in this congregation.  It gives me strength and their examples give me hope.  After all, our lives are not long and it is good to be reminded of what we are doing all this for.    

 

Besides that, I live with a sister who is 85 who is still in full-time ministry and a joy to live with.  I am surrounded by grace-filled and adventurous women religious. Sharing my life with them is a gift I cannot repay God for.  Yes, they will die in your (and my) lifetime (provided you live as long as they do) and it will be painful but you will have inherited the spiritual treasures they have stored up throughout their lives in community.  I find myself often just wishing to breathe in the experience, wisdom, and grit that these women around me have amassed in their religious lives before I don't have a chance to do so anymore.  

 

One day an older sister and I were talking about the future of the community and she asked me if I ever worried about it.  Truthfully, I don't because it is in God's loving hands, but I told her that I don't worry about ministry or about having a place to live the only thing I think of is how much I will miss the women with whom I live and work now.  I want them to be there to see the future with me but they won't be.  That is not a reality that crushes me though - its a reality that inspires me to learn from them, to give myself completely to community, and to allow God to give me the gift of these women for as long as God wills it.  And then after their time is over, I give them back to Him, knowing they were not mine to keep, and thanking Him that I was able to know and love them here.  That older sister, a product of the bands of 100, told me, laughingly, that she was almost jealous that she would not be able to see what happens after this time where we will depend so much on the providence of God for our future.  What a gift!  

 

No one is asking you to join this congregation but I hope that maybe you reread some of your posts and see all the "I"s in there and rethink your approach to include some more "we"s.  It's about you AND God.  You won't be wasting anyone's time whether you enter or not because you can still learn from those sisters even if they are not meant to be your sisters.  They will be happy to share part of their life with you.

 

God bless you.    

What a beautiful response Sister Marie.  Like Blue Rose I am hesitant about entering a community where I would be the only young sister.  At the same time, in my experience  older sisters are such a joy to be with.  Often times they have the best stories to tell!

[Spem in alium]

Definitely make plans to talk to them, even if you know that you don't want to join them. For the last year or so, I've been making monthly visits to a convent where the average age of sisters is probably around 55-60. I don't feel called to their order, but just spending time and talking with them has taught me so much. I always find it an amazing thing to be in the company of someone who has spent many years living out their vocation. You have nothing to lose, and I'm sure you can learn a lot from them. 

[Blue.Rose]

I've contacted an order yesterday via email and am looking into others.
Do orders still want vocations even if they don't advertise a vocations section on their website?
I've noticed some have a vocations section with contact details and describes the process of entering their order while others don't even mention a thing about anyone joining.
It's confusing because I don't know who to contact when they don't have details listed.

[Dominican Nuns Menlo Park]

Thank you, Sr. Marie for an eloquent explanation! And for all of you for your insights!

 

I'm a new vocation directress for our monastery and I can assure you that it is a joy to talk to young women who are so in love with God that they are willing to give up all to follow the Lamb wherever he goes!  It is a priviledge to walk with these women on their discernment journey to help them find a place where they can best serve God and be happy! 

 

Each person has a special charisms that God gave us at baptism and usually a person entered the congregation where her charisms are similiar to those of the founder (so that what I've learned recently.)  So it is the joy of the vocation directress and of any community to help the candidate to find the place where she is most happy in using her gifts for the Kingdom of God.  They are not there to push anyone through the door.  If they did that, the convents and monasteries would be filled...but with unhappy people!  And "There is no holiness in sadness," as our Holy Father Pope Francis said.

 

When I came to visit our monastery the first time, I was the the youngest and there were a few older sisters who were in their late 80s.  It was the witness of their faith, perseverance, humor and love for God that help me to finally surrender to God and to grow in my love for God more and more each day.  And their wisdom is beyond words.

 

A story that I'll never forget and made me very humbled...I am very respectful of the older sisters and love them dearly, but I was in a meeting last year and slipped out a comment about how I would out-live the rest of the group (I was the youngest,) one sister stood up and told me that I could die of cancer at any moment before any of them.  Yes, she said, it has been proven that even young people died before their own parents.  How's that for a reflection!  It's true, I could even die tonight if God wants to take me home :).

 

God bless you.  Will pray for your continued discernment. 

 

[juchu]

I've contacted an order yesterday via email and am looking into others.
Do orders still want vocations even if they don't advertise a vocations section on their website?
I've noticed some have a vocations section with contact details and describes the process of entering their order while others don't even mention a thing about anyone joining.
It's confusing because I don't know who to contact when they don't have details listed.

 

It could also simply be not their "style" to "advertise". My community for example does not have a vocation section on their homepage. It is rather that we believe when somebody has their place here, they will find their way ;)

 

And also we do not have mentioned everybody that enteres in the newsletter, also to give us in the novitiate time to discern. For example the year before last year when we were four who entered during one year it was simply stated that "the community welcomed several young woman".

 

For not knowing whom to contact - just write an e-mail to the general adress with the heading "Question about vocation" / "For the responsible of formation" ...

[domenica_therese]

I have known for a long time -- and it was pretty early in my discernment process -- where I wanted to enter. It was actually the first place I ever visited, and the first religious sisters I ever really had genuine contact with, and I have visited 6 convents and talked to sisters from probably at least a half-dozen other orders since then. From nearly every conversation and visit I have gleaned something that has been valuable for me in my process of discernment, either something I needed to hear at the time or something that was recalled to mind later down the road. Older sisters in particular have tremendous insight about discernment, religious life, community life, etc. and -- having found their vocation -- really, truly desire you to have the happiness they possess, wherever it is. I also love hearing their stories on how things were before Vatican II. It's important not to lose sight of our roots and our traditions, and to know the reasons for continuity or change. So talk! :)

 

 

And I will bet that the presence and perseverance of Sister Blogger made it much easier for the generation that came after her.  But she was called to persevere not knowing whether there would be a generation after her.

 

Now that's her vocation.  Of course that doesn't mean it's yours.  But maybe ....

 

A very similar situation happened at a Cistercian monastery near my alma mater. One young man joined a dying monastery, and now it is quite vibrant with many young priests and several novices. But it has been a slow process of revitalization over a decade in the making. Being the speck that starts the snowball rolling is a very particular call, and not an easy one, but a necessary one nonetheless. The Cistercians are doing AMAZING things for my university, and I can't imagine how different things would be if that one man hadn't had the courage to say yes.

BUT your vocation will bring you joy, and if that is your call it will be a joyful one that will fulfill you in the present. God doesn't slaughter his beloved as sacrificial lambs for future generations. Ultimately, any entrance to religious life (even the "attractive" orders) is like martyrdom, not just entering a "dying" community. Like martyrdom, you can't just do it from ascetic willpower: it has to be a grace.

Edited May 22, 2014 by domenica_therese

[krissylou]

One more thing.  When I was visiting communities (looking around for lay associate things) I went to the motherhouse of two different congregations.

 

Community 1: EVERYBODY AND I DO MEAN EVERYBODY IS REALLY OLD.  Wonderful women full of wisdom I am sure, but ummm geez this community won't exist in twenty years.

 

Community 2: A much wider range of ages.  This is a community with a future.

 

Well, not quite.  It turns out that a good chunk of what I was seeing was that these communities use their motherhouse differently.  In Community 1, aside from a handful of sisters in congregational government, the sisters who live in the motherhouse are retired.  They don't need skilled nursing care yet, but they're retired (or since they're nuns and nuns always have a job of some sort they were probably "assigned to a ministry of prayer") and we all know nuns stay in active ministry as long as they possibly can.  There are younger sisters too -- not that they have a ton of 20somethings hiding off somewhere but they do have middle-aged sisters -- but they don't live at the motherhouse so I won't see them there.

 

Community 2 runs a lot of their ministry out of the motherhouse (and they were founded more recently so while they do have some very elderly sisters they never had the huge entering classes in the 1930s-1950s that some other congregations did).  So they have a much wider range of ages there, because they use the motherhouse differently.  Ohhhh.

 

Now don't get me wrong, there is still a significant demographic disparity between the two, but it's not *as* huge as I first thought.

 

Not that I'm trying to talk you into these communities.  I don't know who they are and I don't know you and I'm just some random person on the internet.

 

And anyway, your SD is just asking you to talk.  :)

[Spem in alium]

I've contacted an order yesterday via email and am looking into others.
Do orders still want vocations even if they don't advertise a vocations section on their website?
I've noticed some have a vocations section with contact details and describes the process of entering their order while others don't even mention a thing about anyone joining.
It's confusing because I don't know who to contact when they don't have details listed.

First off - well done! It can be kind of nerve-wracking to make the first contact, so it's great you took that step. As others have mentioned, I wouldn't worry a great deal about the website. Advertising and providing information about vocations is the choice of the order: some have a big section on their website, others make it more difficult to find. :) The website gives a small, potentially skewed view of what the order is like; you'll get to know them best if you make contact and speak with or visit them. 

[marigold]

Yes, I'd say communities definitely have a range of approaches. That's how it is with us too. I couldn't work it out at first either, so I decided to be super-confident and just write/visit. I thought, at the very least I know they have to receive me in Christian love! And that open approach has worked very well for me.