Regarding Ageing Communities...

[Blue.Rose]

I've been advised under Spiritual Direction to talk to some Sisters in my local area. I have a problem though, the Sisters from a majority of orders where I live seem to be older ladies (over 65) and I hope I'm not sounding rude or causing offence when I say this but I don't want to join an order full of much older sisters because in 30 years they will be deceased. I'll be 53 in 30 years and don't want to be the only surviving sister in an order.
Thoughts?
My SD advised me to just talk with them but I feel uncomfortable doing so since I don't want to join.

What would you do? Or does anyone face a similar problem?

[Credo in Deum]

God's will works in mysterious ways, so not only could these women out live you, they could very well be the greatest means of sanctification for you since they're already challenging your will. 

Edited May 16, 2014 by Credo in Deum

[Blue.Rose]

As far as I've learned on my discernment journey God does not call us to be unhappy in our vocation, he gives us a sense of joy and peace and that's what brings about the desire to live a particular vocation which is God's will.

I don't believe joining an order of ageing sisters that might not be around to see me take final vows is God's will. That makes me feel uncomfortable and upset.

My question is about the fact I don't know if I should visit them or not.

[AccountDeleted]

I've been advised under Spiritual Direction to talk to some Sisters in my local area. I have a problem though, the Sisters from a majority of orders where I live seem to be older ladies (over 65) and I hope I'm not sounding rude or causing offence when I say this but I don't want to join an order full of much older sisters because in 30 years they will be deceased. I'll be 53 in 30 years and don't want to be the only surviving sister in an order.
Thoughts?
My SD advised me to just talk with them but I feel uncomfortable doing so since I don't want to join.

What would you do? Or does anyone face a similar problem?

 

 

Pardon me if I'm reading this incorrectly, but I bolded the points above that seem to be important here - your SD has simply requested that you TALK with some local sisters. You aren't being asked to apply to them.

 

Even if the sisters are older, and most likely not members of a community you would like to join, is there any reason why that would preclude you from simply discussing the life of a religious with them??

 

Is your fear that they will feel upset that you don't want to join them? You certainly can't have a fear that they would try to compel you to join them, so perhaps it is simply that you fear disappointing them??

 

Anyway, my advice would be to do as your SD requested - which is simply to contact some local sisters and ask them if you can discuss the possibilities of a vocation and the reality of religious life in community. If you are fearful that they will misinterpret your interest, then by all means, let them know that you are doing this under instruction from your SD but personally you have more interest in younger communities (this will not be a surprise to them - they do know already that they are older, after all, and are aware that this can cause concerns).

 

Your SD may just feel that speaking with those who actually live in religious life might be of some benefit to you. And you never know -- you might be pleasantly surprised at just how much you can learn from some of these 'oldies'. 

 

Go on, give it a go.... what's the worst that can happen? They aren't going to kidnap you! :)

[OnlySunshine]

I've been advised under Spiritual Direction to talk to some Sisters in my local area. I have a problem though, the Sisters from a majority of orders where I live seem to be older ladies (over 65) and I hope I'm not sounding rude or causing offence when I say this but I don't want to join an order full of much older sisters because in 30 years they will be deceased. I'll be 53 in 30 years and don't want to be the only surviving sister in an order.
Thoughts?
My SD advised me to just talk with them but I feel uncomfortable doing so since I don't want to join.

What would you do? Or does anyone face a similar problem?

 

I wouldn't close yourself off completely to the possibility.  Some aging orders only need 1 younger person to join before a host of younger vocations floods in.  You never know - you could be the key to the order's rebirth if everything else is in order and the community is not problematic (which I don't think they are if your SD is recommending them).  Others may feel the same way you do and that's why the community has not seen a new vocation in years.  Maybe you should visit with them and see for yourself before making a judgement based solely on age.  They may be exactly what you're looking for.  ;)

 

Also, I doubt that your SD was asking you to join the order.  He/she probably just wants you to get a good experience from Sisters in your area.

Edited May 16, 2014 by MaterMisericordiae

[Credo in Deum]

As far as I've learned on my discernment journey God does not call us to be unhappy in our vocation, he gives us a sense of joy and peace and that's what brings about the desire to live a particular vocation which is God's will.

I don't believe joining an order of ageing sisters that might not be around to see me take final vows is God's will. That makes me feel uncomfortable and upset.

My question is about the fact I don't know if I should visit them or not.

 

As others have put it, you have simply been instructed to speak with them, not join them.  Yes, you're right that God does not want us to be unhappy, however, you forget that only God knows what will truly make us happy.  We do not always know what will make us happy, even if we think we do.  Following the instruction of your Spiritual Director (key word there, DIRECTOR) is the way you find out God's will for you.  Plus you're not going to do good in any religious community if you cannot follow the directions given by your Spiritual Director. 

Edited May 16, 2014 by Credo in Deum

[Blue.Rose]

Thanks Nunsense & Matermisericordiae.

I'm going to have a look into the orders and yes, it's just to talk.

My SD already knows I'm discerning with a particular community but I think he just wants me to see what other orders are out there.

I just hope I'm not wasting their time if I talk with them.

[Blue.Rose]

As others have put it, you have simply been instructed to speak with them, not join them. Yes, you're right that God does not want us to be happy, however, you forget that only God knows what will truly make us happy. We do not always know what will make us happy, even if we think we do. Following the instruction of your Spiritual Director (key word there, DIRECTOR) is the way you find out God's will for you. Plus you're not going to do good in any religious community if you cannot follow the directions given by your Spiritual Director.

Yes, I agree with you.

[OnlySunshine]

Thanks Nunsense & Matermisericordiae.

I'm going to have a look into the orders and yes, it's just to talk.

My SD already knows I'm discerning with a particular community but I think he just wants me to see what other orders are out there.

I just hope I'm not wasting their time if I talk with them.

 

Believe me.  Any good community will not see it as a "waste of time."  Most communities are glad to help anyone discerning - even if it's not to their community.  They can provide insight into your discernment and give helpful suggestions.  :)
 

[krissylou]

I just hope I'm not wasting their time if I talk with them.

 

I think most good Vocations people recognize it as their job to be journeying with people in the discernment process.  And TONS of people will contact a vocations director and end up entering another community.  So I really wouldn't worry about wasting their time.

 

Also.  I am not at all saying you should enter these sisters, I don't know them or you and I'm on the other side of the world.  BUT.  I'm just throwing it out there.  Do you follow the Whitesville Passionists blog at all?  If you look at Sister Blogger's story when she entered she was the youngest sister by a significant margin.  Maybe not as big of a margin as you're talking about, but a lot.  But this was her vocation and she persevered and made her perpetual profession and it was very possible that she'd end up being the one turning out the lights after everyone else had gone on to glory.

 

And then more vocations started coming.  Another sister made her perpetual profession recently.  There are two in temporary vows (including NunMother's daughter!) and a postulant.  And they've had a lot of aspirants come through in the last couple years.  (For them an "aspirancy" is a three-month live-in visit and at the end you decide to enter or not, and if you decide to enter you go home to tie up loose ends but enter as a postulant quite soon.  So an aspirancy is serious business.)  Will everyone now in formation end up making perpetual vows?  Probably not.  But still it's a whole different situation than it was when Sister Blogger entered.

 

And I will bet that the presence and perseverance of Sister Blogger made it much easier for the generation that came after her.  But she was called to persevere not knowing whether there would be a generation after her.

 

Now that's her vocation.  Of course that doesn't mean it's yours.  But maybe ....

[Blue.Rose]

I think most good Vocations people recognize it as their job to be journeying with people in the discernment process. And TONS of people will contact a vocations director and end up entering another community. So I really wouldn't worry about wasting their time.

Also. I am not at all saying you should enter these sisters, I don't know them or you and I'm on the other side of the world. BUT. I'm just throwing it out there. Do you follow the Whitesville Passionists blog at all? If you look at Sister Blogger's story when she entered she was the youngest sister by a significant margin. Maybe not as big of a margin as you're talking about, but a lot. But this was her vocation and she persevered and made her perpetual profession and it was very possible that she'd end up being the one turning out the lights after everyone else had gone on to glory.

And then more vocations started coming. Another sister made her perpetual profession recently. There are two in temporary vows (including NunMother's daughter!) and a postulant. And they've had a lot of aspirants come through in the last couple years. (For them an "aspirancy" is a three-month live-in visit and at the end you decide to enter or not, and if you decide to enter you go home to tie up loose ends but enter as a postulant quite soon. So an aspirancy is serious business.) Will everyone now in formation end up making perpetual vows? Probably not. But still it's a whole different situation than it was when Sister Blogger entered.

And I will bet that the presence and perseverance of Sister Blogger made it much easier for the generation that came after her. But she was called to persevere not knowing whether there would be a generation after her.

Now that's her vocation. Of course that doesn't mean it's yours. But maybe ....

Were the other sisters in their 70's though?
I have not read that blog but I will now! It's good to hear stories like that.

In my situation, my community I want to join is not properly established in my country so by me entering I will be the first Australian and other Australians might join me too. I hope :) Although this order has many younger foreign Sisters. This is the one I'm wanting to join but the other orders that are around my Spiritual Director just wants me to talk with them about what they do and what they are about.

[Sister Marie]

Dear BlueRose,

 

I think I might have felt similarly when I was first discerning religious life ten years ago.  The word "I" was often found on my lips when describing the type of community I wanted to join.  It would have made a lot of practical sense for "me" to look around for the community most likely to live into the future.  Fortunately, God started to replace what "I" wanted with what "God" wanted as I continued to discern.  

 

Now though, as a very young member of a community with a median age in the 70s I cannot thank God enough for bringing me to this community.  i don't know if it can be completely explained how God has truly provided me with the means for my salvation through these amazing women I call sister.  My life has been blessed beyond measure and their wisdom, courage, and perseverance have provided me with a lifetime of hopes and dreams for the continuation of our congregation.  

 

You didn't offend with your post but I would advise you not to count these 70 (gasp!) year old women out...  They still have a lot to say and do and their deaths will also speak to something greater than we can imagine.  After all, death is the gateway we will all have to pass through to get to eternal life which is our goal anyway.  Watching sisters whom I love die has been one of the greatest gifts to my vocation because I would like at the end of my life to peacefully go to God as they have knowing that I have imperfectly given my whole self to God in this congregation.  It gives me strength and their examples give me hope.  After all, our lives are not long and it is good to be reminded of what we are doing all this for.    

 

Besides that, I live with a sister who is 85 who is still in full-time ministry and a joy to live with.  I am surrounded by grace-filled and adventurous women religious. Sharing my life with them is a gift I cannot repay God for.  Yes, they will die in your (and my) lifetime (provided you live as long as they do) and it will be painful but you will have inherited the spiritual treasures they have stored up throughout their lives in community.  I find myself often just wishing to breathe in the experience, wisdom, and grit that these women around me have amassed in their religious lives before I don't have a chance to do so anymore.  

 

One day an older sister and I were talking about the future of the community and she asked me if I ever worried about it.  Truthfully, I don't because it is in God's loving hands, but I told her that I don't worry about ministry or about having a place to live the only thing I think of is how much I will miss the women with whom I live and work now.  I want them to be there to see the future with me but they won't be.  That is not a reality that crushes me though - its a reality that inspires me to learn from them, to give myself completely to community, and to allow God to give me the gift of these women for as long as God wills it.  And then after their time is over, I give them back to Him, knowing they were not mine to keep, and thanking Him that I was able to know and love them here.  That older sister, a product of the bands of 100, told me, laughingly, that she was almost jealous that she would not be able to see what happens after this time where we will depend so much on the providence of God for our future.  What a gift!  

 

No one is asking you to join this congregation but I hope that maybe you reread some of your posts and see all the "I"s in there and rethink your approach to include some more "we"s.  It's about you AND God.  You won't be wasting anyone's time whether you enter or not because you can still learn from those sisters even if they are not meant to be your sisters.  They will be happy to share part of their life with you.

 

God bless you.    

[MargaretTeresa]

I wouldn't worry about "older" nunnies. Most of the nunnies that I go on retreat with and for the order I'm discerning with-ish are older.

 

There could be tons of younger sisters tucked away somewhere. Plus, the older ones always have the best stories and great insight. 

[Nunsuch]

I know several former novice directors who say that one of the best criteria for judging the fitness of a woman in formation is how she is with the older--REALLY older--sisters. If they resist or are reluctant, she says experience has led her to question the seriousness of their vocations. I am not saying this is universally true, but I've heard this from several sisters....

 

[Cherie]

Sister Marie! What a beautiful and inspiring post!