Do You Tell Strangers About Wanting To Enter Religious Life?

[Blue.Rose]

I had a funny experience with this.

I have a little lawn care business; a couple of my customers needed to know that I might be out of town for a few days, because it meant that their mowing schedules would be changed. Of course they asked where I was going, and when I got back they needed to know why I went. I said I was just visiting some friends.

One lady wasn't satisfied with that answer.

Lady: "Oh? How do you know these friends?"
Me: "We've been penpals for a little while."
Lady: "But how did you meet them?"
Me: "Online."
Lady: "And you just...went up by yourself and visited people you met online?"
Me: "They're really nice."

Later I began the application process and when it was really going well I had to mention to my customers that I might not be around in the spring (I felt like they needed to know in the fall so they didn't have to scramble to find someone at the last minute).

The lady was disapproving.

Lady: "Why??? Where are you going?...does this have anything to do with those friends?"
Me: "Well...ya, I was thinking of moving up by them, actually."
Lady: "YOU MET PEOPLE ONLINE AND NOW YOU'RE MOVING IN WITH THEM??"
Me: "They're really, really nice. And the scenery is amazing."
Lady: "How many ARE there anyway?"
Me: "Well, its kind of a big family."
Lady: "You do realize that this is...just...stupid and dangerous and I won't allow you to do it?"
Me: Its a Monastery."
Lady: "...its a...like...with nuns? YOU KNEW I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING UP THERE WITH POT-SMOKERS TO LIVE IN A VW VAN!!"

Lol!! :D

[Antigonos]

I had a funny experience with this.

 

I have a little lawn care business; a couple of my customers needed to know that I might be out of town for a few days, because it meant that their mowing schedules would be changed. Of course they asked where I was going, and when I got back they needed to know why I went. I said I was just visiting some friends.

 

One lady wasn't satisfied with that answer.

 

Lady: "Oh? How do you know these friends?"

Me: "We've been penpals for a little while."

Lady: "But how did you meet them?"

Me: "Online."

Lady: "And you just...went up by yourself and visited people you met online?"

Me: "They're really nice."

 

Later I began the application process and when it was really going well I had to mention to my customers that I might not be around in the spring (I felt like they needed to know in the fall so they didn't have to scramble to find someone at the last minute).

 

The lady was disapproving.

 

Lady: "Why??? Where are you going?...does this have anything to do with those friends?"

Me: "Well...ya, I was thinking of moving up by them, actually."

Lady: "YOU MET PEOPLE ONLINE AND NOW YOU'RE MOVING IN WITH THEM??"

Me: "They're really, really nice. And the scenery is amazing."

Lady: "How many ARE there anyway?"

Me: "Well, its kind of a big family."

Lady: "You do realize that this is...just...stupid and dangerous and I won't allow you to do it?"

Me: Its a Monastery."

Lady: "...its a...like...with nuns? YOU KNEW I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING UP THERE WITH POT-SMOKERS TO LIVE IN A VW VAN!!"

 

This lady seems a bit too nosy, IMHO.  Even if you were going off to a hippie commune [boy, that shows my age -- do any still exist?], what business is it of hers?

 

If asked about future plans, what's wrong with "I'm working on something, but my plans aren't yet finalized, so it would be premature to describe them" and leave it at that.
 

[ChristinaTherese]

What a priest suggested one day was that I simply say something like: "And why do you need to know?" (I wasn't going to see the people again anyway, and I'd burst out laughing after they asked something about two different orders, the one I was visiting and the one I'm thinking of more (which I had not mentioned once and had not particularly seriously mentioned in prayer that if He really wanted me to consider it God should have someone else mention it without them knowing anything, hence my laughter), so I kind of felt that I owed them an explanation for laughing in their faces and didn't care one way of the other what they knew. He apparently didn't think it very wise.) I still don't know if I care one way or another if I'm free answering people I'm likely to never see again in my life, but it seems like a good plan of action.

[Spem in alium]

If I feel comfortable enough with the person, even if they are a stranger, I don't see why there's any harm in telling them I'm discerning if they have asked me about my future plans. Some strangers I've told have actually been incredibly supportive to the point that they've really helped me on my journey.

 

 My five-year school reunion is coming up in a few months, and I have no idea how I'll handle that. I went to a Catholic girl's school, but the majority of girls in my year will likely not be receptive - they would likely openly ask a person if they were dating anyone, and pity them if they were single, so I struggle to imagine how they would take the idea of someone entering a convent. Plus, I've not seen most of these girls since graduation day.

 

Some of my good friends don't yet know I'm discerning, and most of them don't know how serious I am. At the moment, that part is still between me and Jesus. When people who know ask me if I'm still discerning, I tell them yes and give them space to ask any additional questions. I'm open to talking about it, but I don't go shouting it from the rooftops (well...only rarely). :)

 

 

[BarbTherese]

Telling others if they ask might be a good means of evangelising.  Sometimes the response to a statement that one is considering say religious life is silence.  Other times it leads to all sorts of questions and discussions.  Sometimes of course a discerner may not be comfortable with stating their discerning and this is fair enough, I think.  We each travel as we are called.

 

Being in the discernment stage only could be an opportunity to educate others about what discernment is all about - and again, providing one is comfortable with this situation.  If one is going to be upset by others trying to rescue them from such a 'dreadful fate' as religious life etc., then it might be best to refrain from telling others.

 

Most all people never ask me why I have not married, they take it for granted that there is some ordinary negative type of life situation type reason why I have not.  To quite a few amongst my family and my friends, the Home Mass for renewal and receiving of private vows has come as a really big surprise but also as a positive explanation as to why I have not married as a quite positive choice by me unhindered by any negative reason(s) and just how I do live my life.  It is also an education for them in Catholic vocational theology since none had ever heard of private vows in the single celibate state - and no innovation either since Vatican II.  Pope Pius XII mentioned us and favourably *** see below.

 

My long time spiritual director (priest religious and theologian) said to me before he died : "Go through life merrily casting your seeds and don't hang around to see what happens"  And this is very often what does happen, in that one plants a small seed and moves on.  Sometimes, one later might discover that that seed germinated and bore fruit - most of the time we don't know outcome if any.  I see this in the Parable of the Sower.  Seeds are sown in all sorts of soil types, but the sower does not hang around to see what happens but moves on sowing his seeds as he goes and in all kinds of soil not being carefully discerning to sow only in the productive and fertile soil.

 

Ours is to labour in the vineyard - The Lord alone grants success as He May Will and "The Spirit blows where it will".

 

______________________

***

Sacra Virginitas (Pope Pius XII) 1954

http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/pius_xii/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-xii_enc_25031954_sacra-virginitas_en.html

"6. And while this perfect chastity is the subject of one of the three vows which constitute the religious state,[9] and is also required by the Latin Church of clerics in major orders[10] and demanded from members of Secular Institutes,[11] it also flourishes among many who are lay people in the full sense: men and women who are not constituted in a public state of perfection and yet by private promise or vow completely abstain from marriage and sexual pleasures, in order to serve their neighbor more freely and to be united with God more easily and more closely."
 

[OnlySunshine]

If I could provide another perspective, it's that I wished I didn't tell as many people as I did when I was discerning religious life.  Now that I know that vocation is probably not going to happen for me without a miracle (hey, it could happen), I hate it when people ask me how it's going.  Even people from Church, like my former EMHC coordinator, asked me all the time how it was going.  I hated having to provide an answer.  The worst person, though, was my doctor.  She's Catholic and was taught in school by nuns and she always goes on and on about how she doesn't think it's fair that I can't enter simply because of a medical issue (however, it's more complicated than that).  I've tried to explain the reason but she just does it again the next time she sees me or my mom.  :rolleyes:

 

I'm not saying you shouldn't tell anyone but I really wish I had been more private about my discernment.  It's no one's business but my own and God's.  I felt like each person I told took a bit of the journey and it wasn't mine anymore.  That may be a strange way to describe it, but it's the truth.  I think being zealous about discernment can be a problem at times because it makes us think we are certain about things.  I thought, for a long time, that I was certain God was calling me to religious life but now I have to be practical and say that I was mistaken.  I've learned a lot from my previous ways.  ;)

[SilentJoy]

  The worst person, though, was my doctor.  She's Catholic and was taught in school by nuns and she always goes on and on about how she doesn't think it's fair that I can't enter simply because of a medical issue (however, it's more complicated than that).

 

 

 

I get told this a lot. I wasn't going to tell people but I kind of had to (at least it seemed that way at the time). When I sought a diagnosis of Asperger's after a religious community hinted that I might struggle with something like that, the psychologist assured me that the Monastery was practicing illegal discrimination against someone with a disability and that there might be legal action available to me if I needed it.  :paperbag: I said, "Its a family, not a factory. Families don't HAVE to adopt anyone."
 

[maximillion]

I know that we all benefited from nunsnse's experiences and she was so very open about her journey.....I don't know hoe she feels now but I got the impression she felt similarly MaterM.

 

 

There's sharing, and there's sharing too much.

 

We often only learn this in retrospect. There's a few projects I had as possibilities in my life I wish I had been a little more discrete over too!

 

It's a case of discerning who to share the discernment with. :hehe:

[OnlySunshine]

I get told this a lot. I wasn't going to tell people but I kind of had to (at least it seemed that way at the time). When I sought a diagnosis of Asperger's after a religious community hinted that I might struggle with something like that, the psychologist assured me that the Monastery was practicing illegal discrimination against someone with a disability and that there might be legal action available to me if I needed it.  :paperbag: I said, "Its a family, not a factory. Families don't HAVE to adopt anyone."
 

 

YES!  It's not that the Sisters who "denied" my entrance were stigmatized or anything - it's that they really and truly cared about me SO much that they didn't want to have me slide back while in the convent.  Not many religious communities have their own health insurance so it would have been really difficult for me to get the care I needed unless I was able to pay for it myself (which I cannot afford).  I love all the communities I discerned with - especially the last one because we have a great relationship.  Even though I may not be called there, I developed friendships that will last a lifetime.  :)

 

I know that we all benefited from nunsnse's experiences and she was so very open about her journey.....I don't know hoe she feels now but I got the impression she felt similarly MaterM.

 

 

There's sharing, and there's sharing too much.

 

It can be really embarrassing, too!  I remember how awful I felt when I had to tell someone that part of my discernment journey didn't work out.  Some people made me feel like I failed somehow - especially those who don't really understand discernment and the process you have to go through.  Not everybody who discerns religious life will actually enter and that's OK.  What's most important is that you discerned God's will effectively and you realize that it's not the path He is calling you to.  I'm not a failure.  No one who didn't enter religious life is a failure.  Those that entered and left are not failures.  It's all a part of the process.  I'd say that sometimes (more often than not, actually) it's a process of trial and error.  We have to be open, but we also have to be practical. :)

Edited May 3, 2014 by MaterMisericordiae

[Sister Marie]

Mater, I hope you know that even though you wish you had done things differently for yourself God has certainly brought a lot of good out of your experiences so that you can share here.  You have a lot of wisdom to share now.  I'm sure it would have been easier for you in the end if you hadn't shared about your discernment but God is using that experience to really help a lot of other people as they journey through discernment.

[OnlySunshine]

Mater, I hope you know that even though you wish you had done things differently for yourself God has certainly brought a lot of good out of your experiences so that you can share here.  You have a lot of wisdom to share now.  I'm sure it would have been easier for you in the end if you hadn't shared about your discernment but God is using that experience to really help a lot of other people as they journey through discernment.

 

Thank you, Sr. Marie.  I try my hardest to encourage vocations and help people in ways that God has blessed me with.  Even if I cannot enter religious life, I don't regret my discernment for one second.  But sometimes you have to know what to share and with whom.  My mom was my biggest cheerleader because she supported me through the good times and bad.  Even though it ended up not going the way both of us expected, we are closer now because I've shared my trials and tribulations with her.  It made me stronger and more confident that God has something awesome planned for me, even if I don't know what that is right now.  :)
 

[Canonistwannabe]

I tell people because this is not something I'm shy about. If one of my former parish priests introduced me to someone the first thing he'd say is that I want to be a sister.

[Blue.Rose]

I tell people now but people react quite differently about it.

[1054]

...

 

My long time spiritual director (priest religious and theologian) said to me before he died : "Go through life merrily casting your seeds and don't hang around to see what happens"  And this is very often what does happen, in that one plants a small seed and moves on.  Sometimes, one later might discover that that seed germinated and bore fruit - most of the time we don't know outcome if any.  I see this in the Parable of the Sower.  Seeds are sown in all sorts of soil types, but the sower does not hang around to see what happens but moves on sowing his seeds as he goes and in all kinds of soil not being carefully discerning to sow only in the productive and fertile soil.

 

Ours is to labour in the vineyard - The Lord alone grants success as He May Will and "The Spirit blows where it will".

 

...

 

Read this thread for the first time and I loved this story!  Thanks for sharing! 
 

[oremus1]

Tell them you've got a steady, he's just not here in town.

You have a steady, and he is a King