What To Do With Life Until Entering Religious Life?

[Blue.Rose]

I'm in this waiting period of 1.5 - 2 years before I can start the entry process or whatever it is that is happening with me, if I get accepted that is.

Originally it was only 1 year but have to wait longer, so I'm studying and was working but left my job due to stressful working conditions.
Now I'm just lost because now what?

If I wasn't considering Religious life I would go to University and study something along the lines of Social Work but am not doing that with a Vocation in mind due to not wanting to wait years to pay off debts.

I'm in college and just studying at a Diploma level which I was told is good enough for my order and it's all paid off.
But my classes are only 2 evenings a week and I'm not qualified enough to get a good job anywhere yet so I think I will just study some more (do another qualification) just so I have more skills for the order I want to join.
But then there's always the problem that I might get rejected and I don't want to waste time.

Anyone else waiting to enter or explore religious life?
What do you do or think is best? Work or study? Volunteer?

I'm lost!

[SilentJoy]

Well, you're not alone, anyway... :cry3:

 

I know the debt is scary (very scary), but when you said that you would study Social Work *if* you weren't discerning religious life, I wondered what your gut might be telling you about that pursuit. Discernment can be a very long and complicated process and I think its important, in the meantime, to focus on becoming more and more who you are as a person. Wherever you go in life, its going to be harder to be content if you can't be yourself or if you felt like a vocational decision forced you out of what you really wanted to do,

 

I'm learning that I have to learn to listen and trust myself because, apart from God, I'm the only one who knows me. Even people who seemed to have omniscient understanding of every thought in my little heart didn't actually know me as well as I thought they did, and when I tried to follow their suggestions instead of listening to myself when I kind of knew better, it turned out to be the wrong path for me.

 

When you're quiet and thinking about where you could picture yourself being fulfilled as a person, does one path seem to stand out more? Is one thing more "Blue Rose" than the other? Does one make you feel sad or trapped?

 

(Paper psych hat is now off.)

 

[maximillion]

I agree with SJ, what would help you feel a little more fulfilled? 

 

Doing something to help others, like volunteering? Is there something at your parish you can help out with?

 

Perhaps make your prayer life a little more formalised/systematic. Do you use the LOTH? There are a couple of good online versions, which you would have time for at the moment and it would be good preparation.

 

http://catholicexchange.com/divine-office

 

Can you already knit/sew/crochet/embroider? These are really useful skills to have for convent life, if you don't have them already take some time to learn.

I also use my knitting skills in various ways to help others. I knit Beanies for women who have breast cancer and are having chemo. Each Beanie is different and I attach a hand made label telling the woman who receives it someone is thinking of her and praying for her.

I make  tiny versions of the same Beanie for the Prem Baby unit at the hospital, they love getting a batch, and I love thinking ( and praying ) about all those tiny tiny infants......

 

Also think of taking some online courses, anything that might fit with your future.......

 

 

[Catherine Therese]

Whatever you do, don't chalk this time of waiting down to simply being time of waiting.

Our lives are short. 2 years is a substantial period of time, in many ways. If you need to wait to enter, it is because HE has allowed or even planned it this way.

It's safe to say that He wants you both to give and to gain during this time.

Up to 2 years... thats a lot of moments in which one can choose good, can do good, can show Our Lord in little or big ways that one loves Him!

Live the next year or two with a sense of urgency - an urgent desire to please Him. Whether you're working, volunteering, praying or playing, do ALL things with great love for Him, and as an expression of love for Him, with great love for every single person than you encounter.

Learn to love in a sacrificial way. Learn to pour yourself out.

Religious life, at its core, no matter what its specific charism, is a school of love, and it is making you ready for an eternity of love in Heaven. You spend every waking minute praying in love, working in love or recreating in love. It needs to grow into a love that pours itself out. Just like His. At the end of the day you will feel absolutely EXHAUSTED... from loving with everything you are.

Its a beautiful, beautiful life. An exciting life.
Many are called - few are chosen. You have my prayers!

[ChristinaTherese]

As recently as a year ago, I thought I was just whiling away my time here in college until I graduated and could enter somewhere. But things have fallen together into a picture that makes sense. Sort of makes sense, anyway. Just this quarter, I've begun to realize how the classes I've been taking for the last two and a half years fit together and are going to have a very positive effect on my life, no matter what I do. I'm realizing just how good it could be for me to have a year out of college working to pay off debts. (It helps that I've been watching my brother and how his discernment has changed after his graduation.) I'm honestly excited for what I have coming up in this next year, and not just in an impatient way. I'm not saying that you're me, or that my life is the same as yours. But I think these things will make sense in time. Sometime, although probably not right away, things will likely start falling into place. Although I will admit that it's more in hindsight that I see things in place, and in foresight I'm just going along doing what I think is the best and not having much solid idea how things will turn out.

[ClemensBruno]

Blue.Rose,

There's already plenty of great advice offered. Just wanted to emphasise key points.

Prepare yourself spiritually, physically, mentally, and intellectually to endure consecrated life.

1) Organise and faithfully execute a daily schedule of prayer and devotional activities. If available, tailor the rule of your target religious order to your current secular life. Or, you could adopt another practice, such as the guidance provided by St. Louis de Montfort in his work, True Devotion to Mary. You could also try to piece together your own schedule to include daily Mass, lectio divina, major hours of the divine office, etc.

2) Exercise daily. Adopt a healthy and simple diet. Develop your stamina or cardiovascular fitness.

3) Learn to control your emotions. Seek daily opportunities to be charitable. Determine what will be mentally challenging for you as a religious, and find solutions to eliminate or at least alleviate those potential challenges.

4) Study the teachings of the fathers, mothers, and doctors of the church, many of which are invaluable resources for religious life. Here's part of my must-read short list:
- On Loving God, by St. Bernard of Clairvaux
- The Ladder of Monks, by Guigo II The Carthusian
- The Interior Castle, or The Mansions, by St. Teresa of Avila
- The Imitation of Christ, by Thomas à Kempis
(This list is just the tip of a rich library of valuable resources handed down to us.)

Above all, you MUST keep yourself busy. Avoid idleness. You have a lot of work to do.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Your brother in Christ,
ClemensBruno

[marigold]

Blue.Rose,

There's already plenty of great advice offered. Just wanted to emphasise key points.

Prepare yourself spiritually, physically, mentally, and intellectually to endure consecrated life.

1) Organise and faithfully execute a daily schedule of prayer and devotional activities. If available, tailor the rule of your target religious order to your current secular life. Or, you could adopt another practice, such as the guidance provided by St. Louis de Montfort in his work, True Devotion to Mary. You could also try to piece together your own schedule to include daily Mass, lectio divina, major hours of the divine office, etc.

2) Exercise daily. Adopt a healthy and simple diet. Develop your stamina or cardiovascular fitness.

3) Learn to control your emotions. Seek daily opportunities to be charitable. Determine what will be mentally challenging for you as a religious, and find solutions to eliminate or at least alleviate those potential challenges.

4) Study the teachings of the fathers, mothers, and doctors of the church, many of which are invaluable resources for religious life. Here's part of my must-read short list:
- On Loving God, by St. Bernard of Clairvaux
- The Ladder of Monks, by Guigo II The Carthusian
- The Interior Castle, or The Mansions, by St. Teresa of Avila
- The Imitation of Christ, by Thomas à Kempis
(This list is just the tip of a rich library of valuable resources handed down to us.)

Above all, you MUST keep yourself busy. Avoid idleness. You have a lot of work to do.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Your brother in Christ,
ClemensBruno

 

ClemensBruno, all of those ideas are good taken individually, but I think there needs to be caution in doing several, or all, of them as a kind of 'all-round' bootcamp preparation. I know from personal experience that I suffered a certain amount of burn-out by trying (with the best intentions) to live the life of a nun 'as much as possible' in the world before I entered. I seem to remember even being encouraged to... It was very lonely for me, very alienating for everyone else, and it turned into a cycle of zeal, followed by exhaustion, followed by a rampage through all the shiny lovely things the world was offering me. There's a reason religious and monastic life are done in community and with certain funny rules about things.

 

"The best preparation for the monastic life is a God-pleasing life in the world." St. Ignatius Brianchaninov

[SilentJoy]

Also, from my own experience, some of the books recommended could potentially be dangerous without a proper grounding and even some personal guidance. (This was also reiterated by a couple of communities that I was interested in -- one in particular was very concerned). There is a reason religious life has a postulancy and a novitiate. Formation can be destructive if done by yourself.

 

When I was a teen, I was a free-range spiritual reader, and it would have been great if I'd found St. Francis de Sales, with his gentle encouragement to just be patient with yourself and trust God even if you sin; instead I found Thomas a Kempis and Charles Spurgeon. I know that sounds like a bad mix anyway (Catholic and Reformed), but it was especially a bad mix for someone with Asperger's; when you're already going to struggle to maintain normal relationships, you reeeeeally shouldn't be told to withdraw from creatures and befriend God alone, and you especially don't need to be instructed that, IF you're predestined to Heaven, God will assure you of this if you pray for it...there are healthier points in both authors, but this was what I picked up on my own, and it was a dark several years. 

[Blue.Rose]

Well, you're not alone, anyway... :cry3:

I know the debt is scary (very scary), but when you said that you would study Social Work *if* you weren't discerning religious life, I wondered what your gut might be telling you about that pursuit. Discernment can be a very long and complicated process and I think its important, in the meantime, to focus on becoming more and more who you are as a person. Wherever you go in life, its going to be harder to be content if you can't be yourself or if you felt like a vocational decision forced you out of what you really wanted to do,

I'm learning that I have to learn to listen and trust myself because, apart from God, I'm the only one who knows me. Even people who seemed to have omniscient understanding of every thought in my little heart didn't actually know me as well as I thought they did, and when I tried to follow their suggestions instead of listening to myself when I kind of knew better, it turned out to be the wrong path for me.

When you're quiet and thinking about where you could picture yourself being fulfilled as a person, does one path seem to stand out more? Is one thing more "Blue Rose" than the other? Does one make you feel sad or trapped?

(Paper psych hat is now off.)

The thought of being a Sister makes me happy. The ultimate thing I would like to do is bring Jesus to people.
Being a layperson forever makes me feel trapped. Edited April 28, 2014 by Blue.Rose

[Blue.Rose]

I agree with SJ, what would help you feel a little more fulfilled?

Doing something to help others, like volunteering? Is there something at your parish you can help out with?

Perhaps make your prayer life a little more formalised/systematic. Do you use the LOTH? There are a couple of good online versions, which you would have time for at the moment and it would be good preparation.

http://catholicexchange.com/divine-office

Can you already knit/sew/crochet/embroider? These are really useful skills to have for convent life, if you don't have them already take some time to learn.
I also use my knitting skills in various ways to help others. I knit Beanies for women who have breast cancer and are having chemo. Each Beanie is different and I attach a hand made label telling the woman who receives it someone is thinking of her and praying for her.
I make tiny versions of the same Beanie for the Prem Baby unit at the hospital, they love getting a batch, and I love thinking ( and praying ) about all those tiny tiny infants......

Also think of taking some online courses, anything that might fit with your future.......

That is very nice you do that! :) very sweet
I'm not going to a cloistered community so I think helping out in the community might be good for me.

[OnlySunshine]

The thought of being a Sister makes me happy. The ultimate thing I would like to do is bring Jesus to people.
Being a layperson forever makes me feel trapped.

 

I'm a little confused by your statement.  Christians, in all vocations, are called to bring Jesus to others.  Why does being a layperson make you feel trapped?

[Blue.Rose]

I'm a little confused by your statement. Christians, in all vocations, are called to bring Jesus to others. Why does being a layperson make you feel trapped?

Maybe I should have explained more, just my current life situation makes me feel trapped.

I don't exactly have the opportunity to bring Jesus to others now in my life in the way that I meant. Edited April 28, 2014 by Blue.Rose

[Lucia]

Blue.Rose, I've been struggling with the same thing too but because I have a lot of school loans to pay.  Waiting around is not easy and often times we want things to happen now but the Lord's timing is always perfect.  Only He knows why he has you waiting and it may make sense later on even though right now you feel lost.  I think that one of the best things you can do is volunteer your time, especially if you want to join an active community. Spend as much time as possible with sisters.  

 

 

Personally, I spend a lot my time volunteering with a religious community and involved in different ministries at my parish.    It helps me because otherwise I'd find myself being upset over having to wait more often.

 

[ClemensBruno]

ClemensBruno, all of those ideas are good taken individually, but I think there needs to be caution in doing several, or all, of them as a kind of 'all-round' bootcamp preparation. I know from personal experience that I suffered a certain amount of burn-out by trying (with the best intentions) to live the life of a nun 'as much as possible' in the world before I entered. I seem to remember even being encouraged to... It was very lonely for me, very alienating for everyone else, and it turned into a cycle of zeal, followed by exhaustion, followed by a rampage through all the shiny lovely things the world was offering me.

Yes, you are right, of course. Forgive me for not being clear. In the zeal to be comprehensive, I neglected to note that my suggested to-do list consisted of MERE EXAMPLES ONLY.

My main points were:
1) to keep busy (i.e., live a focused, purpose-driven life, and avoid aimlessness) and
2) to take great care of all facets of your being. By this I mean that you should be sensible to avoid burnout. To endure, you must pace yourself. After all, there is no shortcut in the lifelong journey toward our Lord.

Most certainly you should not attempt to live a solitary life. Regardless of aspirations, one should always strive to share experiences. Prayer, physical exercise, spiritual readings, etc., typically become much more regular activities when shared with a friend or more.



The list of books I provided were hastily mentioned examples from my own reading list. ALWAYS consult with your spiritual director on all matters, most especially on what to read and study.

Also, from my own experience, some of the books recommended could potentially be dangerous without a proper grounding and even some personal guidance.

Calling it dangerous is a bit much. When lacking the means to sufficiently tackle original sources, most would drift into sheer boredom on the first page given the declining attention span required for current media.

I think it is more dangerous NOT to challenge one's reading and comprehension skills with what the saints what given to us. Their writings were intended to be accessible by the average educated Christian. It is our own deficiencies that would prevent us in benefitting directly from their insight, and hence we are all obligated to overcome such unnecessary deficiencies and raise our skills through practice.

I hope this post reads more sensibly than my last.

[Credo in Deum]

Try submitting your will to do another's. Also pray for the grace to accept God's decision. I'm discerning the priesthood and like my priest told me; "Chris, live simply and as you normally would. Put money in the bank, date, take that job promotion, and most of all pray for the grace to accept whatever God wills. Until the Bishop ordains you, you will never truly know for sure whether or not you have a vocation the priesthood." This was sobering to hear, but important. Too many people leave seminaries, monasteries and convents upset because they thought they had a vocation. I've personally seen people become bitter about it. Pray to be open to God's will. He knows what will make us truly happy.