Lucia Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Hi All, I am writing to a community for the first time. I know some sisters from this community well. But I have never met the VD because she is in another convent outside of where I live. I also happen to have a manageable health issue which may or may not be a problem. The sisters I spend time with haven't been upfront in telling me if it is an impediment and have encouraged me to attend a come and see despite knowing of my health issue. I dont know if the sisters are just being nice about it because they like me and dont want to be the ones to tell me. They think its an issue but havent been clear about whether its an absolute impediment. I have feeling that my health issue and current need for medication will be a bar to entrance into the community but I don't know this for a fact. My health issue is not a mental health issue and with medication I can lead an absolutely normal life without complications. So the question is....should I reveal my health issue to the VD in this first letter or wait until I attend the come and see? Part of me feels that I shouldn't waste my time going to a come and see if its going to be an impediment so I should be upfront. But part of me also feels that since some of the sisters know me already and I know quite a bit about their way of life maybe it makes sense to let the VD get to know me first because maybe they wont be so strict about my health issue being an impediment (unless of course its in their constitutions or something like that which I am afraid might be the case although again I don't know this for a fact)? Your thoughts would be much appreciated! Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrysostom Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Personally, I would just write, say I'm interested and have some questions, and perhaps try to get them answered before the come and see - no need to mention them in the very first letter though. I thought about writing the VD of the community I'm interested in with a longish letter but I decided on a pretty short one to establish communication at first. I guess it depends on whether you're using physical letters or e-mail though. I'm no authority on this though, I'm a little too new to it all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eowyn Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Just a side note - I really hate writing those first letters. I never know what (or maybe how much) to say. Sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Hard to say. I typically established contact first and exchanged a couple of emails/letters before I mentioned that I was on medication. My first email just was a little about me (where I lived, went to school etc. What really helped I think was I explained why I was on the medication, how I functioned with the meds the cost of the medication etc. That gives them a full picture because medications for the same condition affect people differently and can vary widely in cost. Some communities are more open to people on medication and others aren't. You just have to see. (I found that it was helpful when I first started discerning and was contacting different communities to have a short bio/base letter written up in advance. It helped me to not procrastinate on writing communities! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
young_and_faithful_ Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 One of my friends had a similar problem and she visited and the sisters had her do the evaluation before the application and everything turned out fine :) she was sincere and told them about it the first day she met them! I guess it depends how comfortable you are with the sisters :) I say you go write and still go to the come and see Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Hi All, I am writing to a community for the first time. I know some sisters from this community well. But I have never met the VD because she is in another convent outside of where I live. I also happen to have a manageable health issue which may or may not be a problem. The sisters I spend time with haven't been upfront in telling me if it is an impediment and have encouraged me to attend a come and see despite knowing of my health issue. I dont know if the sisters are just being nice about it because they like me and dont want to be the ones to tell me. They think its an issue but havent been clear about whether its an absolute impediment. I have feeling that my health issue and current need for medication will be a bar to entrance into the community but I don't know this for a fact. My health issue is not a mental health issue and with medication I can lead an absolutely normal life without complications. So the question is....should I reveal my health issue to the VD in this first letter or wait until I attend the come and see? Part of me feels that I shouldn't waste my time going to a come and see if its going to be an impediment so I should be upfront. But part of me also feels that since some of the sisters know me already and I know quite a bit about their way of life maybe it makes sense to let the VD get to know me first because maybe they wont be so strict about my health issue being an impediment (unless of course its in their constitutions or something like that which I am afraid might be the case although again I don't know this for a fact)? Your thoughts would be much appreciated! Thanks. Having been in a similar situation MANY times, I encourage you to proceed with the Come and See before telling the Vocation Director. Once you meet her in person and she is able to gauge your personality, she will be more equipped to give you an answer rather than a spur of the moment sort of thing. I learned that telling a community upfront is only necessary if they ask you but if the Sisters you've been spending time with know of your situation and are still giving you the "go ahead," I would do what they suggest. Hope this helps and that everything works out well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentJoy Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 I was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. Initially I panicked and thought, "AAA! A community is going to see it right away anyhow so I might as well tell them before I even show up so I won't waste a trip!" So I certainly didn't have to waste a trip, because the "A" word scared a few communities too much for them to suggest meeting with me in person. The next time I thought about discerning with a community, I went to a parlor visit first. Towards the end of the conversation, I brought out the "A" word, and they looked surprised and said I must be coping very well because they wouldn't have guessed. If you're interested in the community, I'd meet with them first, and bring up the "impediment" after they know a little more about you, as others have suggested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentJoy Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Perhaps the Sisters don't seem to be very up-front about whether or not your health issue is an impediment because it will be a decision that the whole community would need to make, and if you're not actually discerning with them yet, they can't vote on it. They wouldn't just look at health issues (though that might be a big deal); they'll want to know more about you as a person, why you're attracted to religious life, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 (edited) I think it would depend, for most communities, on the type of illness you have and the severity. If it's just something simple like hypothyroidism or mild arthritis, it tends to pose less of a problem. Something that could be life threatening like out-of-control diabetes, depression (if it's not well controlled), or severe asthma could cause a problem because illnesses like this mean regular doctors visits, regular medication, AND a change of lifestyle. If you say that your illness is well controlled and you are able to live normally - and have been for a number of years - the community has less cause to worry and will understand that you are stable. There are a number of factors for the community to consider and it always helps to volunteer regularly at Church and other organizations so you have a reference from someone who can vouch for the fact that you are living normally. The Sisters want to make sure you are healthy and taken care of. It was hard for me to realize this when dealing with discernment and my medical problems but I came to see that those that were truly honest only wanted the best for me. If they could make it so they could afford my medical care AND I had a vocation to their order, I know there would have been nothing standing in my way, but the reality is that it's impractical and unfair for a community to take someone on who needs intensive care. Obviously, your illness is much less severe than mine so I don't think you'll have the same problems I did. ;) Edited April 25, 2014 by MaterMisericordiae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marigold Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Such good advice from everybody! I, too, wouldn't mention it right off the bat. It's not the primary or most important thing about you. If you charge in saying 'I'm Lucia with x condition, can I come in?' they might be forgiven for thinking you were looking for somewhere that would take you... :) Good luck and keep us posted! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
salveregina10 Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Everyone so far has given wonderful advice. I agree with those who said that it is better to let the community meet and appreciate you as a person rather than know you only as a diagnosis. I know that every community has different policies about illnesses and challenges in candidates. It may help you to find out all you can about them and just ask the Lord for the grace to enter into the process with an open mind and courage. I did discern with a community while taking medication for a minor illness. Once they found that out, they didn't want to discern with me anymore. I was almost entirely through the process, had gotten out of my apartment and resigned from work...so that was very painful. So, I encourage you to be honest when you believe it is right for you. I had a friend who unfortunately gave up on her discernment after finding out she had a mental illness. This saddened me, so I encourage you, don't give up. As our new St. John Paul the II said all the time, do not be afraid. If it is helpful to you, I know that this community is vibrant but accepts candidates with illnesses and disabilities. It's a beautiful charism they live. Here is their site: http://www.benedictinesjc.org/aboutUs.html The Benedictine Sisters of Jesus Crucified. You may want to learn more about them too. Know you'll be in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucia Posted April 25, 2014 Author Share Posted April 25, 2014 Thank you so much for your responses!This has been really helpful and reassuring. I've decided to write the VD a simple letter introducing myself now and tell her later on (whether in a follow up letter if she asks or at the come and see) about my health issues. I am afraid of being told it is a bar and it being a painful situation but I have to be more trusting in the Lord, especially that if it is indeed a bar that it's just not God's will that I enter there. Thanks for your prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Thank you so much for your responses!This has been really helpful and reassuring. I've decided to write the VD a simple letter introducing myself now and tell her later on (whether in a follow up letter if she asks or at the come and see) about my health issues. I am afraid of being told it is a bar and it being a painful situation but I have to be more trusting in the Lord, especially that if it is indeed a bar that it's just not God's will that I enter there. Thanks for your prayers. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. - Proverbs 3:5-7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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