How Often Should A Community Keep In Touch With A Discerner?

[Blue.Rose]

Maybe it's just because it's been Lent but I haven't heard a word for 2 months from the community I'm discerning with.
I don't want to phone or email because the Sister says she is busy or gives brief answers in emails which makes me feel like I'm bothering her.

I did have a previous thread where I thought they didn't want me but this might be hard to accept because I still have desires to join that order and feel no attraction to any other community.

Is it normal to not be in touch for so long? Or is this a bad sign? Or maybe it's just because I can't even be considered yet since I've only been Catholic 1 year and they are cautious?

[Spem in alium]

To be honest, I think the level of contact with discerners varies across orders. I try and contact the communities I visit at least once a month and find that fairly easy to maintain. Some orders have minimal contact during Lent, so it can be difficult to reach them during that time.

 

I would probably send them an email or try and call, even if you're a bit hesitant to do so. You never know - they may be thinking you aren't interested in them, and so don't want to push you or annoy you. If you are serious about them, make sure you show them you are - otherwise, there can be a whole heap of misunderstanding. :)

[nikita92]

Corny saying but.."Squeaky wheel gets the grease" what is the worst that can happen?

Edited April 24, 2014 by nikita92

[SilentJoy]

If you're interested, you will probably need to contact them first. They might send a little non-personalized newsletter now and then just to touch base, but may not communicate with you directly. 

 

When I began to discern, I didn't realize this; a community that I loved had said that I would need to wait a few years to apply, and I assumed that this meant I couldn't discern with them during that time. I didn't know what to do so I didn't do much of anything; I ended up discerning with another community, and I didn't hear from them again for a year.

[TIWW]

This is a good article about discerning a religious vocation. It is by a Dominican, but is timely for anyone seeking God's will in their life.

http://www.domlife.org/vocation/DiscerningProcess.html

 

Prayer and patience are two valuable tools in one's personal spiritual life kit. Also it is so important to understand that finding one's best

fit in religious life is truly a two way street. The interest, compatibility and spiritual dynamic must be a good match for both. The smaller and more enclosed a community is, the more important for them to be very cautious and sure about accepting someone into their very ordered life. I was interested in a Poor Clare community and they were interested in me. I participated in Mass, Feasts and as many events and  liturgies as I could with them for a couple of years. They were getting to know me and I them. At the invitation of their vocation Mistress, I met with the archdiocesan vocation team, followed by a series of psychological and personality tests.  I was then invited inside the Monastery for a long weekend, then for a 3 month period, Though this process seems daunting, it seemed right to me. This is a huge step for me and for them. Finding one's place in God's plan for us involved 3 essential components, the Community, God and me.

[SilentJoy]

Wow, TIWW...that was a lengthy process! I see that it varies dramatically between communities. Most that I've contacted suggested a longer discernment period (not necessarily as long as yours, but if it is helpful, then however long it takes!) but others feel that the best way to discern (after an initial "getting-to-know-you" period) is to apply and enter as a Postulant and try to stay for at least a year.

[TIWW]

I think the process was longer because it is such a strictly enclosed community. The Poor Clares, Carmelites and Trappistines are more likely to have a different screening and discerning process. I think it also has to do with the fact that these communities are usually small and it is a definite disruption into the rhythm and flow of the contemplative life. Active orders do not have the same kinds of structures or issues and I think can be way more relaxed about how interested candidates and community interact .

[Blue.Rose]

This is a good article about discerning a religious vocation. It is by a Dominican, but is timely for anyone seeking God's will in their life.
http://www.domlife.org/vocation/DiscerningProcess.html

Yes the stuff on that website is similar to discernment techniques in a book that was given to me by my spiritual director which I'm finding useful.

[TIWW]

Blue Rose, I am sure your Parish Priest has mentioned this to you, but you might want to find a Spiritual Director to help you in your new walk as a Catholic and to help and support your prayer life. Often, a Parish priest is willing to do this or can  make recommendations for you.

 

Woops, we posted at the same time. May many Blessings and joys be yours on this amazing journey.

Edited April 24, 2014 by TIWW

[Blue.Rose]

Blue Rose, I am sure your Parish Priest has mentioned this to you, but you might want to find a Spiritual Director to help you in your new walk as a Catholic and to help and support your prayer life. Often, a Parish priest is willing to do this or can make recommendations for you.

Woops, we posted at the same time. May many Blessings and joys be yours on this amazing journey.

Haha thanks :) Edited April 24, 2014 by Blue.Rose

[young_and_faithful_]

This happened to me as well, when I first contacted the order I'm discerning with, everything changed after visiting them a few times and being constant with my emails and phone calls. I think you should show youre very interested because not everyone that contacts an order is going to enter with them or even have a formal discernment experience with them, so this helps them know you feel called :)


I felt the same way at first! PM me if you need any other advice because the same thing happened to me during the visit, I felt as if they didn't want me there, but everything was just a misunderstanding :)

[Blue.Rose]

I will contact them and see how it goes. Thanks everyone