Another Spiritual Direction Question

[Guest Whitney]

This question may sound odd, but I don't intend it to be.

What is the proper relationship between a spiritual director and his directee? Are there different types? (i.e. should it always be a relationship of priest to penitent as in Confession?) I have heard the term "soul friend" used in most of my readings on spiritual direction, but I am not sure how to understand that.

My own spiritual director is usually informal and quite frank when we meet for spiritual direction (which I like, and have read that it is good for a spiritual director to be very honest with his directee). However, there are also times when he is either very angry/emotional with me, or else overly gentle and caring. Is it normal for a spiritual director to be that "involved" (I'm not sure if that's the right word) with his directee... i.e., his emotions usually reflect my actions-- if I'm quiet and uncooperative or argumentative about something, he's angry and yelling or sternly lecturing me. If I'm quiet and depressed, he's overly gentle and cares more than anyone else in my life. At one point, regarding something taking place outside of spiritual direction (though something we often discussed) he told me he couldn't tell me what to do as he felt he "sypathized too much" with me. However, I have a tendency to be overly scrupulous about things and tend to shy away from personal relationships-- which only makes his job all the more harder. So perhaps I am being too sensitive to my spiritual director's responses towards me?

I realize without more proper information it's hard to judge my situation exactly, so I was hoping that perhaps someone (preferably a priest who does spiritual direction) could describe what the proper relationship between a spiritual director and his directee is.

Thanks,
"Whitney"

[Laudate_Dominum]

the main distinction I am aware of is that of a spiritual director proper, and a confessor. It is not uncommon for a person to have a priest as a confessor and another priest as a spiritual director.

The confessor is obviously the priest you go to confession with regularly and who you may discuss you struggles with sin with and who helps you with resolutions and things.

The spiritual director is more general. You may discuss discernment, your prayer life, interior struggles, work, whatever. Of course your struggles with sin may enter into this, but its not the focus. Many people recommend having a seperate SD and confessor. I know of religious orders that insist upon this. I personally prefer having one spiritual director who is also my confessor.

God bless.