Not Modern + Not Traddy = Wedding Dress Misery

[blazeingstar]

Apparently, the only thing that extremely secular, leftist, me-me-me people and super traddy cover your head God's watching people can agree on is that for a wedding a white dress that touches the floor is the only thing one should wear.  (with the given acceptation that sometimes a truly modern, really extrentic tattooed and dyed bride can wear something other than that).

 

Yes, I'm frustrated.

 

I do not feel as if I want to be a modern, "All about me, look at my pretty dress" nor do I feel "I must cover every inch in virginal fabric to fully commit to my spouse with God's permission"

 

We have some different personalities here. 

 

FOR THE LADIES

What are you doing for your dress?

Why did you follow that route?

Do you feel society's pressure over conforming?

Did you feel the church's pressure over conforming?

 

 

FOR THE MEN

Did/do you imagine your bride in a traditional dress?

Would you not only support her but defend her wearing something different? (to family/friends)

Do you feel traditions are more important than feelings?

 

 

As for me my FI and I came to our nontraditional decision but every guest except for one of his college buddies, have gone out of their way to say that it's a terrible idea that we will regret, that we're not being respectful of our impending vows, we are out of touch with culture, we're being naive....and then end with a the loaded sigh "well its youuurrrr wedding, do what you want"  

[josephine]

maybe it would help to point out that many customs are just that. cultural customs. and you can choose not to follow them.

 

for example, in my country it's not at all common to wear a white dress. but hey, there are more things different:

engagement rings or asking for the brides hand are nonexistent, as is "giving the bride away" etc. adult bridesmaids who wear the same dress etc.

 

i think the bride is supposed to wear something pretty in which she feels confident and beautiful. this might be a white dress.

however, i can totaly understand why you would choose something different. maybe you never wear dresses so suddenly wearing a big dress feels weird.

maybe the color white simply doesn't suit you. maybe you find a better dress that's different but makes you feel awesome when you wear it.

don't worry about regretting it or that it will look dated. in 50 years, your weddingpictures will look dated anyway.

better have them look totaly beginning of the 21th century in an awesome dress  than in a dress you wear only because others told you to do so.

 

long story short: haters gonna hate. ignore them. if that doesn't work, i propose asking them about their outfit and ridiculising their choice.

i mean, is that even faithful to their vows, promises and principles in life? and are they sure they want to look that way? i mean, there are gonna be a lot of pictures...

 

 

 

[CrossCuT]

:unsure:

I say get whatever makes you feel beautiful on your special day. I dont think anyone has to conform to a tradition...Im not sure the Church has specific rules on if your dress is white or not? Maybe someone can confirm that.

 

Western and Easter cultures on weddings are slightly different but hey, do whatever you want. I think a lot of the culture surrounding weddings these days has more to do with marketing and $$$. Just look at the engagement ring stuff. That diamond is not worth a darn thing...yet the price is jacked up because we have turned it into a tradition.

 

Personally, if I went to a wedding where the bride did something non traditional...I wouldnt care. In fact I probably think it was  neato! If youre happy with your decision then dont stress about it. Who cares what other people think. 

[oremus1]

Apparently, the only thing that extremely secular, leftist, me-me-me people and super traddy cover your head God's watching people can agree on is that for a wedding a white dress that touches the floor is the only thing one should wear.  (with the given acceptation that sometimes a truly modern, really extrentic tattooed and dyed bride can wear something other than that).

 

Yes, I'm frustrated.

 

I do not feel as if I want to be a modern, "All about me, look at my pretty dress" nor do I feel "I must cover every inch in virginal fabric to fully commit to my spouse with God's permission"

 

We have some different personalities here. 

 

FOR THE LADIES

What are you doing for your dress?

Why did you follow that route?

Do you feel society's pressure over conforming?

Did you feel the church's pressure over conforming?

 

 

FOR THE MEN

Did/do you imagine your bride in a traditional dress?

Would you not only support her but defend her wearing something different? (to family/friends)

Do you feel traditions are more important than feelings?

 

 

As for me my FI and I came to our nontraditional decision but every guest except for one of his college buddies, have gone out of their way to say that it's a terrible idea that we will regret, that we're not being respectful of our impending vows, we are out of touch with culture, we're being naive....and then end with a the loaded sigh "well its youuurrrr wedding, do what you want"  

I used to sing at Novus Ordo weddings in a fairly orthodox and traditional church, so I saw many brides. Most of them had strapless dresses or sleeveless ones (that cover the shoulders), one with a short cap sleeved shrug. All of them had a normal wedding veil.  They were cleavage baring with sweetheart or scoop neck.

 

Then I moved to a traditional extraordinary form parish. there was one with a high neck and elbow length sleeves, and another with a low sweetheart neckline, strapless, who wore a long sleeved shrug. both were veiled in the normal bridal veil

  

how non traditional are you going?

[PhuturePriest]

Applying to the seminary, I'm obviously not thinking much about my wedding day, but when I used to, I always imagined "the one" with a traditional wedding dress with a ton of lace. This is because that's simply the style I grew up with. The most gorgeous dress I've ever seen is the one my sister wore at her wedding last year, and it's about as traditional as you can possibly get.

 

 

 

 

 

Having been a large part of my sister's wedding, I can tell you that fights over the wedding dress are as common as rice in China. It's just something that's part of the process. Would I be disappointed if my bride wanted something different than a traditional wedding dress? That would depend, really. If it was a nice dress, then no. If it looked something like this, however, I would not be shy in telling her that it's the ugliest dress I've ever laid eyes on:

 

 

 

Wear what you want. Listen to your fiance's input. If you both like it, screw everybody else. It's you and your fiance's wedding, and you shouldn't wear a dress you both hate because everyone else wanted you to.

[CatherineM]

I went Celtic. Only problem with those LOTR type sleeves is I kept sitting on them.

[AugustineA]

Going to be honest. I have never considered the differences between wedding dresses. The few times I imagined my future (aka nonexistent) wife in a wedding dress, I just sort of... you know.. inserted generic white dress and veil. 

 

Here, the duchess nailed it. Lace looks amesome on women. 

 

Edited April 17, 2014 by AugustineA

[Slappo]

it's about as traditional as you can possibly get.

 

The train obviously isn't nearly long enough! ;-)

 

 

 

The history of the white wedding dress extends way back when it was a sign of money. Basically it was a way of saying "I have so much money I can buy an expensive dress that I will only wear once". At least that's what I remember reading when my wife and I were talking about wedding dresses. She did choose to go with the decked out white wedding dress, but her's was not sleeveless, low cut, or anything like that. It was full length with a super long train, full sleeves, and about a collarbone neckline if I recall correctly.

[mcts]

My "cheap, simple dress" ended up being rather expensive after all of the things it "needed" (accessories, alterations, etc). If my grandma hadn't paid for it, I probably would have just found a simple dress from a regular store. I didn't think at the time that I would have been happy with it, but now that I'm married, the details of the wedding don't matter nearly as much as I thought they would. The things that stick out to me that I like the most are the things we did that were a bit nontraditional.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

When I worked for the Church and did marriage prep, the priest and I would always remind everybody that you had to prepare for the marriage, not necessarily the wedding (although your parents might get v concerned about the wedding part)

 

As far as dresses went, we had everything because we were an "everybody-and-all-types" kind of parish. Really, it's what you feel most comfortable in. One woman and her husband got married during a regular Sunday Mass and she wore a white cocktail dress. It ended up being one of the best weddings I ever worked, since the entire community was there and most of the church knew the couple for years! 

 

Other brides who wanted more modest but not trad dresses bought them from Jewish shops online since some synagogues have more stringent requirements.

 

Go with what you feel comfortable with--it's your wedding and your marriage, no one else's. And you are going to have to be in that dress for a whole day and so make sure it is actually ~comfortable~!

[AugustineA]

Lol a cocktail dress? Are you trying to be provocative? C'mon now be honest.. Pretty sure the Vatican has some sort of modesty rules in church.

[beatitude]

I'm not getting married, but if I were, I wouldn't wear pure white - I don't look good in it. I would go for a cream or an ivory instead. I also wouldn't want a full-length dress; I'd trip over it constantly and bathroom breaks would be a nightmare.

 

My advice would be to look in shops that aren't geared specifically at brides. For a graduation ball I attended, I stumbled on a tiny cramped boutique in London and found some gorgeous and quite distinctive dresses that would have been ideal for a wedding. I also like this shop. I think they have a few nice dresses there now that would work as a wedding dress if you don't want a full-length gown.

Edited April 19, 2014 by beatitude

[4LoveofJMJ]

You know what, no matter how many times we tell you to not think about what your friends and family are going to say, you will. No one can really help it. We will give you all of the love and support needed but there will always be that little voice inside of your head wondering what the others will think.

 

To help with that, always remind yourself that most of those people haven't seen you in the dress yet (if you've already bought it) so who knows! They may change their minds when they see how radiant you look.

 

If you get a dress that you don't like just to make others happy, you won't feel beautiful or confident which might affect the way that others see you. Only when you feel confident and beautiful on the inside will it show on the outside.

 

Plus you will regret not choosing what you like whenever you see pictures of the wedding. Your memory of the day will not be as sweet.

 

As long as it is modest enough to wear in the church, I am sure it will be fine.

 

I once saw pictures of a wedding in which the bride wore an almost floor length three tiered dress that was purple on the bottom layer, an almost lavender in the middle, and a purple that was so light that it was almost white on the top. And when they got to the reception, the bottom layer was removable so that it could be turned into a cocktail dress. That way it was easier to dance in. It was a beautiful dress that fit her very nicely.

 

Even though I never would pick that type of a dress, I understand why others would. I would hate wearing a modern, non-traditional wedding dress just as you would hate wearing whatever would please your family.

 

By the way Fp, I love Love LOVE your sisters wedding dress!!!! That is EXACTLY the type of dress that I want to get married in. (God willing!)

Edited April 19, 2014 by 4LoveofJMJ

[Archaeology cat]

I wore an ivory dress with flowers embroidered on it. If I were to do it again, though, I'd wear blue. It honours. Mary and looks better on me. Point? Wear what you want and forget what others think.

[HisChildForever]

I'll show you two particular gowns that I really, really like.

 

 

I would never wear a wedding gown that is long-sleeved and goes up to my throat. That's just me.