Right Reasons For Wanting Religious Life?

[Blue.Rose]

So I thought I had a call to religious life based on:
Feeling drawn to a particular community
Desire to help others
Desire to give my entire life to God
Bring others to Jesus or inspire them somehow
Do what I thought would be the holiest thing for me to do

But now I'm wondering if my motivations are purely just based on what I want or out of pride and not what God wants.

Should the reasons I should NOT be a Sister be taken into account such as:
I'm a new convert
I'm prone to feeling depressed
I'm incredibly sensitive and feel hurt, rejected and unwanted easily by others
I've never had a boyfriend so I can't properly discern if married life is for me
I come from a broken, non-Christian home
I now and then have desires for a boyfriend and to loved in that way

As you can see I'm pretty confused right now. Do I have the right or wrong reasons for wanting religious life? Or is this another I need to take time, pray, consult a priest/spiritual director thing?

[Lilllabettt]

I'm incredibly sensitive and feel hurt, rejected and unwanted easily by others
 

 

This is the one that gives me pause. 

In religious life you give up the idea of ever being explicitly "chosen" or "wanted" by people.

In fact if you seek that out in the convent it won't be a healthy way of living the life.

It is not necessarily the best place for healing for those who feel they are unloved, or unwanted, etc.

Whereas in marriage you have very concrete evidence that you have been chosen and wanted.

 

But it is not in fact a sign in either direction - because obviously God wants to heal this whether you become a Sister or not. But it is something to consider.

 

A spiritual director can help you with this.

 

And I wouldn't beat yourself up if you don't have an absolutely pure intention. God purifies the intentions of people who enter.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

My attitude is - why not spend some time with a community and see what you think? Talk to the sisters, be open with them, and also be open to God's will (whether that's religious life or otherwise). You can learn so much more by being with a community than you can from the outside looking in. If there's one you think you want to visit, see if they have a come and see or will let you stay a weekend (or even just a day). Visiting doesn't mean you're going to enter, but you'll learn a lot. It's worth it to try. Prayers for you!

[bardegaulois]

"Or is this another I need to take time, pray, consult a priest/spiritual director thing?"

 

In the end, it always is. However, certain things can be rationally advised now. It's clear that you're drawn to a more pious life, but it's at the same time also clear that you have a lot of past hurt that needs to be healed. I see that you're a recent convert, so you shouldn't be in any haste; most orders won't begin formation until two years or so after formal reception. This gives you more time to work with your spiritual director on the matter of healing. It takes letting go of a lot in order to follow the call of the Lord the best way possible. I can speak of this from my own experience. In a rather terrible inner struggle a few years ago, I just came to accept all my psychological pain as penance, and I offered it up. Yes, it's cliché, but it's never until we accept the desolations of life as our penance and our offering, never until we take up our own cross, does the consolation come and lead us along the straight path. So long as frequent recourse is had to the sacraments, the life of grace can then transform one in a manner that we don't even truly recognize until after the fact.

 

So, pray, of course. A good prayer model to use here would be this prayer of Thomas Merton:

 

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

 

Also excellent models are the Acts of Resignation of St. Gertrude: http://www.catholictradition.org/Gertrude/act-resignation.htm. And lastly, take Padre Pio's famous saying to heart: pray, hope, and don't worry.

 

God bless.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

I come from a broken, non-Christian home
I now and then have desires for a boyfriend and to loved in that way

 

 

There is nothing wrong with being from a non-Christian home, or one that is not ~traditional~. I've known sisters whose parents are divorced, who were raised by single parents. Other sisters were raised in Protestant traditions, were Jewish, or were raised as nothing at all! Most religious orders have a preferred time period, I think it is 3-5 years, from Confirmation that they like to see, just to be sure that you are not "rushing into things."

 

It is completely normal to want to have a boyfriend and to want to be loved in that way. In fact, it would be concerning if you didn't! I heard a very funny Little Sister of the Poor speak at a nun conference a few weeks ago and she left her boyfriend the day before she entered the convent. Many sisters have similar stories. One of the sisters in the community i work with was married and has two grown children (and some very precious grandchildren who are doted on by the many older sisters). Romantic love and the desire for it is not something to be afraid of. Many sisters know it and experienced it. 

[Benedictus]

Love is at the core of the religious life. It is the human response to a specific calling by God. All other factors that draw someone towards that way of life maybe justified and good, but are always secondary (or are fruit of this root). The same applies to other states of live, including marriage, where the core of the relationship should be love and its cultivation within that sacred bond. 
You are asking the right questions, which I think is one of the important things. Ignoring these things and making reckless decisions wouldn't be helpful, so I think you're wise to review where you are at. Spiritual direction, a good priest (if not your SD), and maybe some professional counseling in the mix would maybe help to work through any problems the first two aren't necessarily qualified to deal with. I don't think anyone here can really tell you the answers you ask though, and even a counselor won't really tell you what to do. It takes time and needs to be something you work through, so you can recognize and live with your choices. It may take time though, working on the self is hard going.  Once the head and heart are in the right place it will be easier to walk through the doorway of the soul to know Gods will for you

Edited April 3, 2014 by Benedictus

[maximillion]

Rose, I think you are being very honest with yourself and confiding in us, and thank you for the privilage of sharing.......

 

I agree with the above poster, you are being thoughtful and sincere in your thinking and search, and whatever the outcome, I know He will bless and richly reward you.

 

If you are destined for the convent then there will be a way of working though whatever the difficulties ( and many joys) ahead of you, and if you are destined by Him for another form of life, one in which you continue your sincere search for a genuine relationship with Him, then blessings will surely follow.

[petitpèlerin]

I've been asking myself the same questions lately and I've been at this discernment for a long time already. I think the answer is always simple but not always easy to get to. (A priest told me that, too.) Above all, be patient with yourself, be open, and trust that God will lead you and place the people and events in your life that you will need to discern it. This sounds like cheesy advice but it's worked for me: follow your heart. Keep your head and follow your heart. It will lead you along paths no one else could tell you to go and allow God to give you what you personally and uniquely need.

None of the things you said clearly indicates a religious vocation or not, they're all normal and could go either way. Be careful of that last one, doing "what I think would be the holiest thing for me to do". That's rarely what God wants us to do. (A friend who is a religious brother set me straight on that!) You have to do what you most deeply desire, but sometimes it's hard to know what that is and it takes a while to sort it out.

As far as your sensitivity, that's okay, many people are, including me, including many saints. Like Saint Therese, for example. God gave her the grace to overcome her excessive sensitivity and live her vocation. Pray that he does the same for you, heals yours wounds and strengthens you in your fears so that your weaknesses will not prevent you from living your vocation, whether in community or marriage. Many of us nowawadays, because of the times we live in, come from broken homes, atheistic cultures, and have been battered and bruised by the world. My own fear of rejection and being unwanted comes from my experiences growing up in the world and I know I'm not an exceptional case. Those wounds need to heal, though, and as they do it gets easier to overcome the fear and feel at ease. Overall you sound very normal to me.

[PhuturePriest]

Generally right reasons:

 

You want to give your life to God and the Church

You want to live a life of prayer and reflection

You feel peace and a call towards it.

 

Ill-advised reasons:

 

You feel it's the only way for a person to get to heaven

Your favorite movie is Sister Act (this in itself merits excommunication. Talk about an awful movie!)

You want to feel superior and above others

You want to get rich.

 

Evaluate this list and discern accordingly.

Edited April 7, 2014 by FuturePriest387

[Blue.Rose]

Generally right reasons:

You want to give your life to God and the Church
You want to live a life of prayer and reflection
You feel peace and a call towards it.

Ill-advised reasons:

You feel it's the only way for a person to get to heaven
Your favorite movie is Sister Act (this in itself merits excommunication. Talk about an awful movie!)
You want to feel superior and above others
You want to get rich.

Evaluate this list and discern accordingly.

Lol no Sister Act is not on my top film list!

I have heard now a few times about a feeling of peace when thinking about religious life if we are called to that, but I don't get that.

At first I admired nuns when I saw them but I really never thought I could be one until I felt strongly about one community, but then after a few months I felt uneasy about the community, full of doubt and now I really don't think I belong there.

I'm going to see what my Spiritual Director has to say. I think honestly I just need time and a lot of prayer to work out what is right.

And following my heart has never failed me before so I think I will do that!

[PhuturePriest]

Lol no Sister Act is not on my top film list!

I have heard now a few times about a feeling of peace when thinking about religious life if we are called to that, but I don't get that.

At first I admired nuns when I saw them but I really never thought I could be one until I felt strongly about one community, but then after a few months I felt uneasy about the community, full of doubt and now I really don't think I belong there.

I'm going to see what my Spiritual Director has to say. I think honestly I just need time and a lot of prayer to work out what is right.

And following my heart has never failed me before so I think I will do that!

 

The "feeling of peace" is different for everyone. However, it is not a feeling of happiness or joy. You can feel completely dreadful about doing something, but still have a peaceful feeling towards it. One seminarian I know said that he was in adoration one day imagining being a husband and father, imagining his wife and kids, and he felt joyful and happy. Then he thought about the priesthood, and he didn't feel happy or overjoyed in any senses of the words whatsoever, but he did feel a peace that he never felt when thinking about marriage.

[MarysLittleFlower]

So I thought I had a call to religious life based on:
Feeling drawn to a particular community
Desire to help others
Desire to give my entire life to God
Bring others to Jesus or inspire them somehow
Do what I thought would be the holiest thing for me to do

But now I'm wondering if my motivations are purely just based on what I want or out of pride and not what God wants.

Should the reasons I should NOT be a Sister be taken into account such as:
I'm a new convert
I'm prone to feeling depressed
I'm incredibly sensitive and feel hurt, rejected and unwanted easily by others
I've never had a boyfriend so I can't properly discern if married life is for me
I come from a broken, non-Christian home
I now and then have desires for a boyfriend and to loved in that way

As you can see I'm pretty confused right now. Do I have the right or wrong reasons for wanting religious life? Or is this another I need to take time, pray, consult a priest/spiritual director thing?

Hi Blue Rose, I don't have an answer for you if you are called to religious life or not... God knows :) maybe this is something to pray about, trust God to show His Will in time, and speak to a spiritual director...

 

I just wanted to say a couple things. I'm a convert too and I felt drawn to religious life since even before entering the Church. The Church gives a typical 'rule' of waiting 2 years after conversion before entering an order. I became Catholic in 2009, but as of now, I'm still discerning... so it's not necessarily something that is there just while you're a "new convert": give it time and see :) I'm not saying that I have a religious vocation, I don't know, but my whole point is that it didn't go away when I was no longer a "brand new convert".

 

With being prone to being depressed, being sensitive, coming from a broken, non-Christian home - I think it's important to trust God that He knows our brokenness and any wounds we might have, and He could work despite that if He wants. He told a few nuns, in revelations (such as Sr Josefa Menendez) - that He chose them precisely *because* of their misery. God has compassion on us because of our misery, and the greater it is, the greater is His compassion. If we are very little and struggle in ways, God can be glorified  by acting through us anyway, so that everyone sees it's Him, and not us. He can also work powerfully in a person this way because if they feel unable to do certain things, they're not pretending that they're able to live without grace, and God can do everything with them and for them, instead of them just by themselves.

 

You might be interested in a book by TAN publishers called "Words of Love" :) they also recently came out with "Words of Faith" and "Words of Hope", if I remember correctly.
 

Regarding your comment on not having had a boyfriend.. I don't really think that matters? I mean, a person can not have a boyfriend because they know from the start that they are called to religious life, or maybe they never had a boyfriend because God never wanted them to form an attachment to anyone else, - in any case, I don't think that this by itself means that you "cant' be called". I never had a boyfriend either.

 

If you have desires to be loved in that way, again - I think that most people do and it doesn't mean that you're not called to a religious or consecrated vocation... also, it can lead you closer to Christ, because you can turn to Him for everything and for all the love that your heart needs - He loves you more than any man could, and I think in religious vocations, God becomes everything to the soul because they give up everything for Him. It doesn't mean you won't be loved, quite the opposite :)

 

God loves you in any vocation that He is willing for you, and I think what might help with the fears about pride, is to try and surrender to God's Will no matter what it is. Try to give Him your will in prayer and ask for His, ask to always do His Will and to be open to it with your vocation. Ask Mother Mary to make you ready to say 'yes' to Him no matter what He asks, and to prepare you so that you will be open to anything that might be God's Will. Remember that He would give you the grace to do what He asks :) it won't just be through your power.

 

God bless you!

[Spem in alium]

Just to echo what has been said already, I think it's great that you're asking these questions of yourself. It shows you are considering this wisely and rationally in identifying possible difficulties you may face. I don't think these reasons should really be any cause for you to feel you're doing something wrong.

 

I was speaking to my Spiritual Director the other day, and she mentioned that God doesn't call perfect people to religious life, because if He did there would be no religious :) Each person has their own imperfections, hesitations, flaws and fears, and living in community requires an acceptance of these within others, but also within ourselves. No vocation is a walk in the park. 

 

In terms of the point you make about rejection and feeling easily unwanted, I would say from observation that this is quite a common fear or worry. People are afraid of being ignored, of being alone, of being lonely. But the fear of loneliness and loneliness itself occurs in all areas of life and is experienced by all kinds of people. Entering religious life requires a person to face this fear. And remember, even if you do feel rejected, unloved or unwanted, you are deeply and eternally accepted, loved and wanted by He who was first rejected.