Am I Supposed To Feel God's Love If Called?

[Maggyie]

But I'm still wondering if it's a sign from God that I'm not called? I mean it's happening this early in my conversion.
The only religious community I'm interested in barely keeps in contact and as mentioned in my previous thread I feel they don't want me.
Could these feelings I'm having mean Religious life is not for me?
How could I possibly be a Sister or nun feeling like this?

Blue Rose, what you are experiencing is very VERY common in converts/reverts. So common in fact that most communities require people wait a couple years after converting so that the initial glow has time to fade away.

To be honest I've never met a single person who converted who didn't believe they might have a vocation. The good feelings the Holy Spirit gives us to lead us into his arms are so intense and all-encompassing. However because it is almost impossible for the feelings to last, true discernment must wait it out so that decisions are made when you are less "intoxicated by love."

You are now in the stage where true, serious investigation can begin. Don't be discouraged, simply realize what happens to everyone has happened to you right on schedule. You may or may not have a religious vocation, but what has gone before (both the intoxication and the disconcerting experience of "sobering up") has little bearing on discovering your call. The task lies completely before you.

[Lil'Nun]

Hai.

 

Blue Rose. I know where you are coming from and it can be very confusing and a bit tough. I go through periods of feeling swept up in love and periods of feeling a "silence" from God and sometimes even thinking I am disconnected from God. 

I know now that I do suffer from feelings of aridity. At first it was quite hard and I found reading a book called "When the Well Runs Dry" was very helpful, for me at least.

I have since learned that, often, it is during these "dry" periods that I am closer to God. I believe that it is during these times that God is working deep in my soul, on a level I might not be aware of consciously. I also believe these times offer me an opportunity to grow in faith and show a level of faith that is pleasing to God. it is easy to love God and believe when you are swept up in a tidal wave of two-way love and consolation. When you experience aridity you have to hang on your faith, it gives you the chance to say to God, "I may not be able to feel you, but I still trust in you, believe in you and love you".

I can also recommend the books on discernment by Father Timothy Gallagher. But the bit of advice I have always found most useful is not to make any decision about my spiritual life while in a period of desolation or aridity. I also have found it useful to consciously store up memories during periods of consolation and feelings of closeness to God. Then I can consciously raid this "store cupboard" of memories when I am feeling detached.

I hope this helps a bit. I think everybody has experiences like these, convert or not. 

 

Edited to add: Just because you are feeling like this now does not mean you do not have a religious vocation, Active discernment will help you figure that out. So don't rule it out if you are experiencing aridity right now.  :)

Edited April 3, 2014 by Lil'Nun

[GraceUk]

A really good little book you could read is by Ruth Burrows called 'Before the Living God'. I got it a month or two ago but haven't read it all yet.  Ruth is a Carmelite nun in the UK.  And she discuses this very topic that she doesn't even feel the presence of God.  it's really quite moving because you'd think a Carmelite nun would always feel very close to God and prayer easy.  There's a few reviews of it on Amazon.  

[Blue.Rose]

Thanks for the helpful responses.
Maybe it's best for now just to put my discernment on hold until I sort some things out in my life so I don't make any desisions based on my current feelings, which will change.
I was even told by the Sister of the community I'm discerning with that they were slow and cautious with converts because very often they think they are called to religious life while in the "honeymoon period" and then that desire fades.

[marigold]

Hai.

 

Blue Rose. I know where you are coming from and it can be very confusing and a bit tough. I go through periods of feeling swept up in love and periods of feeling a "silence" from God and sometimes even thinking I am disconnected from God. 

I know now that I do suffer from feelings of aridity. At first it was quite hard and I found reading a book called "When the Well Runs Dry" was very helpful, for me at least.

I have since learned that, often, it is during these "dry" periods that I am closer to God. I believe that it is during these times that God is working deep in my soul, on a level I might not be aware of consciously. I also believe these times offer me an opportunity to grow in faith and show a level of faith that is pleasing to God. it is easy to love God and believe when you are swept up in a tidal wave of two-way love and consolation. When you experience aridity you have to hang on your faith, it gives you the chance to say to God, "I may not be able to feel you, but I still trust in you, believe in you and love you".

I can also recommend the books on discernment by Father Timothy Gallagher. But the bit of advice I have always found most useful is not to make any decision about my spiritual life while in a period of desolation or aridity. I also have found it useful to consciously store up memories during periods of consolation and feelings of closeness to God. Then I can consciously raid this "store cupboard" of memories when I am feeling detached.

I hope this helps a bit. I think everybody has experiences like these, convert or not. 

 

Edited to add: Just because you are feeling like this now does not mean you do not have a religious vocation, Active discernment will help you figure that out. So don't rule it out if you are experiencing aridity right now.   :)

 

Yes.

[Golden Years]

Big props to all the posts on this thread!  Blue Rose, I read somewhere once that when we are in total darkness and cannot find the Lord, to remember that it's because He has put us in His pocket.  Blessings to you on your wonderful journey!  :heart:

[SilentJoy]

Sometimes you can trust your feelings, and sometimes you have to learn to step beyond them and make a rational decision despite them. If you're reasonably sure that you have the right motivation for entering religious life (you're not just trying to escape stuff), you're healthy, and you have the desire to live it, maybe you should try it (assuming, of course, that the community can accept you).

 

I'm concerned that I should have added more clarification...it is natural to have doubts, to be nervous, and to feel like you're going through a stagnant time spiritually (sometimes you're actually growing more, but you just can't see it!). I wonder, though, if I suggested a sense of urgency in a situation where more time and searching might be necessary. I didn't mean to! You shouldn't feel like you're making a rushed decision in a time of spiritual upheaval.

 

I'm mostly worried 'cause, in my case, there is a very fine line between encouragement and manipulation - certainly not because people actually try to manipulate me, but because I'm such a people-pleaser that I might do what they think I ought to do (or what I think they think...), even when I'm not too sure about it. This was happening with a community last year; I was hesitating (for better or worse), and one of the Sisters sent a gentle note because she didn't want me to feel discouraged. I ended up applying earlier than I otherwise would have, and I wasn't even positive that I belonged there. I did genuinely like the community, and I was attracted to their spirituality, but I kept feeling like I was "only" doing it for Sister M-----!! I'm not sure how this would have played out if I hadn't withdrawn the application. I imagine that I would have ended up resenting the community, especially that very gentle Sister who was only trying to encourage me.

[MarysLittleFlower]

So here I am, 1 year into my conversion and no longer feel the intense love from God like I did at baptism. It went away after a few months, if you don't know what I mean by feeling God's love well then I can't really explain it.
But maybe I do feel a tiny bit of love in prayer or after communion from time to time, but it's more of a feeling of comfort I get more than anything. Jesus comforts me.

But anyway, my point is - am I, if I am called to religious life supposed to feel in love with God or feel his love back?
See because I haven't felt his love for so long I'm struggling with my discernment now . It's like, if you were going to get married but felt no love from your fiancé, you really might not want to marry them after all.

I might also mention I've had a few hardships in life recently since discerning such as a car accident, family problems and unhappiness in my job which is causing me to feel really down.
I just want to be loved.
I feel my heart slipping away from a religious vocation due to not feeling loved by God.

Anyone understand? Any ideas?

I understand what you mean...

 

As for if you're supposed to feel God's love.... you're supposed to love God :) it's not a feeling, but a choice, which goes deeper. Try to see it that way: it's not lesser, if it's a choice, in your will - it's actually more, because then you're loving God Himself and not the feeling that you get. Sometimes you will feel His love, sometimes not. That's normal! Sometimes it can be through our failing that we feel dryness, and sometimes it's a trial - St John of the Cross gave some tips on how to discern between them - if you feel distant from God and the world satisfies you and makes you feel better, than maybe see if there's anything unrepented of, or try to increase your prayer time, trust, etc. If you feel distant and nothing in the world makes you feel better, then it might be more of a trial... and then, keep up all your observances: Mass, prayers, spiritual reading, etc, - don't stop just because of the lack of feeling.

 

Think of Jesus on the Cross... His suffering is His greatest proof of love for us. Yes the consolations are also proof of His love... but the suffering, is the greatest one. Think of how it was for Jesus to go through the Passion - for you. Was it easy? or comfortable? He did it though He felt such pain, and He focused on love instead, - on the continual and perfect will to love. He lived with and in the Divine Will of God, of the Father, - and this was continuous for Him regardless of what He endured.

 

Try to relate this to your life... if Jesus is calling you to suffer with Him, - even in little things, or in big things, - if you have to go through feeling far from Him, - use this as an opportunity to make a choice to love Him, as He willed to love you, despite His sufferings. In this way, you will be proving your love for Him more than if you were experiencing consolations. If God doesn't give consolations, it's for a reason, and to show us something, to teach... it's to help you *advance* in holiness :) everything God does for us is for us to grow in holiness.

 

Also, these times of feeling further from Him can bring you closer to Him if your longing for God increases, so try to aim for that and pray for it, perhaps, instead of being discouraged :) look at Jesus crucified, instead of the world. Remember that Jesus DOES love you, and much - infinitely more, than someone else could. This is something that we must trust in, regardless of how we feel.

 

If I can use an example of human marriage... at first, there's the "honeymoon" where the couple are so happy and feeling 'in love'. Then, after a few years together, they have to live through the everyday sort of things together, go through troubles, etc, They can love each other but not always feel 'in love', but this doesn't mean they love each other less. With spiritual life, - often converts have a "honeymoon" sort of phase at the beginning where they're given many consolations, and then when God decides is the right time, He begins helping us to grow. It's like if you had milk before, and now you are getting bread, grown-up food :) that's suffering, trials, lack of consolations, etc. This is the great proof of love for the bride of Jesus, because we need to be like Him, like our Beloved who was crucified. In Heaven, we would see Him and rejoice with Him. Here on earth, we prove our love through suffering. But it doesn't mean that we would be unhappy! Don't reject religious life, if you're called there, because it might be more difficult than having a visible companion on earth... because even though there are sacrifices, spiritual joys are greater than earthly joys. This goes for all vocations. There might be times like these, but there would also be times when you will feel God's love again, but it's good to not be attached to this, and just seek to do God's Holy Will always.

 

I know it might be difficult because a part of our human nature might say in response - "this is just very hard, I can't find strength to love God without feeling His love". God knows your heart perfectly and what you need. Seek Him in prayer, go to Adoration and Mass whenever you can, try to spend a good amount of time praying every day, and pray with as much trust and confidence as you can.. ask Mother Mary for more confidence. God might give you consolations if you need them, or He might give you the grace to love Him in desolation, or He might use this time to help you increase your longing for Him. St Therese is a great example of enduring spiritual dryness for love of God. She suffered much, had many temptations while she was ill with TB.. I read a quote from her, saying that she doesn't care if she doesn't feel anything in prayer (I think this was after the Eucharist, or in Adoration?) - she only cares if Jesus is happy then. I'm really paraphrasing here cause I can't remember the exact quote. Have you read her book, Story of a Soul? :) it's really amazing. But I love this concept - thinking more of how Jesus feels, then how we feel. Think of how much joy you can give Him, if you love Him while feeling distance from Him. It would be a new proof of your love for Jesus.  There's another book called 'He and I' that is very good, it has beautiful revelations from Jesus to a lady named Gabrielle Bossis who lived last century. (It has an Imprimatur too if you're wondering). In one of them, Jesus talks about allowing trials, if I remember correctly - they're like a flower sent to someone from their fiancée. And He is wondering, as He's allowing the suffering - how will the soul respond? will she use this to love Him more? etc. :)

 

God bless! :)