Am I Supposed To Feel God's Love If Called?

[Blue.Rose]

So here I am, 1 year into my conversion and no longer feel the intense love from God like I did at baptism. It went away after a few months, if you don't know what I mean by feeling God's love well then I can't really explain it.
But maybe I do feel a tiny bit of love in prayer or after communion from time to time, but it's more of a feeling of comfort I get more than anything. Jesus comforts me.

But anyway, my point is - am I, if I am called to religious life supposed to feel in love with God or feel his love back?
See because I haven't felt his love for so long I'm struggling with my discernment now . It's like, if you were going to get married but felt no love from your fiancé, you really might not want to marry them after all.

I might also mention I've had a few hardships in life recently since discerning such as a car accident, family problems and unhappiness in my job which is causing me to feel really down.
I just want to be loved.
I feel my heart slipping away from a religious vocation due to not feeling loved by God.

Anyone understand? Any ideas?

[Spem in alium]

I'm sorry to hear you've been experiencing these hardships. I understand where you're coming from, and I'm sure someone can provide a much better answer than I, but I just want to advise you to not lose heart. Even if you cannot feel God in a particular time or place, be confident in the belief that He is always there waiting. I don't believe Jesus ever stops loving us. No one loves us more than Jesus does, and his love is unique, eternal and deeper than anything we can ever know ourselves. 

 

Of course, there will always be times of trouble and of feeling alone, because no relationship is perfect. Is there anything you do (besides prayer or receiving Communion) that gives you a sense of God's love or presence, no matter how small? If so, I'd suggest you try and nurture that part of your life.

In regards to feeling God's love and being called to religious life, someone told me the other day that for a great deal of her life Mother Teresa struggled with feelings of being abandoned and unloved by God, yet even though she felt these doubts she was confident that He was existing and present. I was just reminded of that when I saw your post.

 

I'll be praying for you.

[maximillion]

I think our relationship with God is no different from any other relationship, it has its intensities and its times of being a little dull and flat feeling.

This is not because God changes but because we do. We are human, we are in the 21C encouraged to imagine our feelings are everything, we are taught to view them as the main or only source of information. This is erroneous.

 

So, you have passed the 'honeymoon' period following Baptism and are trying to settle down into a regular relationship now. I wonder how many times in the day your mind, attention, spirit and mood turns to Him? My guess is not many, and you would not be alone in that. I would suggest you make little acts of faith and love all day long. Talk to Him in your heart as if he was your best friend stood by your side.

"Look, traffic snarl again, so here I am with a few moments Lord to turn my attention to You, Guide me this day....."

"Oh, I don't find this person/situation at all easy Lord, help me."

Or whatever. Bring Him consciously into your daily life - He loves that and will be unable to resist such an invitation.

Once a week sit down quietly in the Presence and talk to him about your week, not in a formal set out way with a set devotion, but just in secret whispers. Your challenges, your joys, what has been hard, what has gone well......

 

Try to understand that we know Him as much by faith as by any other means. You may feel nothing, but that's okay, He is there anyway. Your best human friend is not within your sight all day every day, yet you believe he or she is still present and will be there when you can meet up. One of the things I have noticed now that we all have mobile phones is how often people keep in touch with little messages etc throughout their day. If we do this with our human friends how much more worthy is it to do with the Lover of your soul? You have Him, right there in your heart. Maybe He has gone a little quiet in the hope you will notice Him more?

Our relationship with Him is like any relationship, we get out of it what we put in.

 

In addition, there are times when He does things for reasons we don't know, it encourage our growth in faith, to spur us on. Have you a Spiritual Director or a priest or Sister you know you can talk to about this.

 

one thing is for sure, if He has called you, it will take a great deal of hardness of heart on your part to deny that call.

Stay faithful, think of and talk to Him often.....

[Blue.Rose]

Thanks Spem and Maximillion
I will try to think of Jesus more, I do think of him at times in the day especially when I'm struggling with work or feeling things are hard, or when I'm taking a walk alone.
But still it's just comfort for me, not love.

[Benedictus]

Like any relationship it ebbs and flows. The key, in my experience, is perseverance and trust. As with any relationship it needs the cooperation of all involved to work, even during those mundane and challenging moments. God always loves us and we have those memories of the 'up times' of experiencing those graces to carry us through the times when it feels less.
I would say to take all your feelings, thoughts, desires, pains and frustrations and take them to God. Glimpses of grace will still break through, even at the lowest moments, but it may be in a different way than before. I have had times when I would pray or attend mass and have tears, for no apparent reason. This then went and then I had other feelings or experiences (and sometimes a lot of not very much). These come when I didn't necessarily expect it, and how or when it happens will be different for each person. We all have different experiences and are at different moments on our journey.

In terms of your religious discernment my SD refers to your experience, or a similar feeling, as the desert experience. There are biblical accounts of similar experiences, and among the saints.  It's a time when we may feel we are left searching and wandering in the wilderness, being tested and needing to live on our trust and graces from God to continue moving forward. It can feel like a tough road, but serves to help us test our true intentions for the things we do. It also helps us come to the centre of ourselves - we may discover things we don't like about ourselves or our desires but it can help clarify our long term direction.
If you're not already then I'd say try and attend mass daily (and say the rosary if you can), or develop some other good spiritual practice and devotion-  it helps me a lot. When I have taken things to God, and honestly wanted to know the answer (and sometimes I've pretended i want to hear but I know I really didn't), then I usually find it there.
I'd advise talking to a priest or spiritual director after some time aside with yourself in prayer, be it during Eucharistic adoration or otherwise. Prayers ascending for you! :pope2:

[thepiaheart]

Consider it a gift. He is strengthening your will, strengthening your faith, so as to allow you to go out and meet him in the nakedness of faith. You should discuss with your director or a confessor, because it could mean any number of things--a call to greater, more intensive detachment and virtue, for example, which would be in some ways "your fault," or it could be a deeper purification that God is offering more passively. Could be neither. Depending on the signs, which your director ought to know & recognize, your temperament, your lifestyle, etc., this could mean taking a break from discernment, or it could mean wrestling with God in even greater surrender--or both.

 

Be patient. He lives. He sees you, he loves you, with the greatest passion, always. :) Keep your gaze on him + the Cross.

Edited April 2, 2014 by thepiaheart

[ChristinaTherese]

It's been a year since I became properly Catholic too, so I think I might know what you're talking about. What I've really been thinking about lately as I look at how my relationship with God has changed over the last year, is some particularly beautiful rhododendrons I admired last spring. (No, I'm not crazy. I think this is actually going to make sense.) They started out with a gorgeous, tender pink hue. But over time, the pink faded and matured into another color (red or white or something, I forget). I think our love for God can be the same way. It comes out beautiful and tender, and then it changes into something else. But that something else isn't worse than the first. It's just different, and we need to learn how to live with it, because life with the second is different from life with the first. Maybe you can't just sit for hours in front of the Eucharist like you could at first, or whatever it is for you. That's okay. I dare say God likes the acts of love and faith we give Him without any feelings just as much, if not more, than the ones with feelings. That doesn't mean we have to force ourselves to do the same things we used to do, but that we should find some things (like what Maximillian said above, for instance) that work for us as we are. The same thing happens, I suspect, after entrance, investiture, or vows. The first love fades, and is replaced by something that might look less beautiful on the outset but is much more capable of endurance.

[domenica_therese]

Don't worry, this is a natural part of one's growth in their spiritual life. We have to pass from an adolescent love to an adult love as God asks us if we love Him for himself, or for what we feel when we pray. Now more than ever it is important to cultivate a regular, faithful prayer life and schedule God into your day. There are few things we can selflessly give to God to show true love to him: prayer in times of dryness is one of them. :)

[marigold]

I think our relationship with God is no different from any other relationship, it has its intensities and its times of being a little dull and flat feeling.
This is not because God changes but because we do. We are human, we are in the 21C encouraged to imagine our feelings are everything, we are taught to view them as the main or only source of information. This is erroneous.

So, you have passed the 'honeymoon' period following Baptism and are trying to settle down into a regular relationship now. I wonder how many times in the day your mind, attention, spirit and mood turns to Him? My guess is not many, and you would not be alone in that. I would suggest you make little acts of faith and love all day long. Talk to Him in your heart as if he was your best friend stood by your side.
"Look, traffic snarl again, so here I am with a few moments Lord to turn my attention to You, Guide me this day....."
"Oh, I don't find this person/situation at all easy Lord, help me."
Or whatever. Bring Him consciously into your daily life - He loves that and will be unable to resist such an invitation.
Once a week sit down quietly in the Presence and talk to him about your week, not in a formal set out way with a set devotion, but just in secret whispers. Your challenges, your joys, what has been hard, what has gone well......

Try to understand that we know Him as much by faith as by any other means. You may feel nothing, but that's okay, He is there anyway. Your best human friend is not within your sight all day every day, yet you believe he or she is still present and will be there when you can meet up. One of the things I have noticed now that we all have mobile phones is how often people keep in touch with little messages etc throughout their day. If we do this with our human friends how much more worthy is it to do with the Lover of your soul? You have Him, right there in your heart. Maybe He has gone a little quiet in the hope you will notice Him more?
Our relationship with Him is like any relationship, we get out of it what we put in.

In addition, there are times when He does things for reasons we don't know, it encourage our growth in faith, to spur us on. Have you a Spiritual Director or a priest or Sister you know you can talk to about this.

one thing is for sure, if He has called you, it will take a great deal of hardness of heart on your part to deny that call.
Stay faithful, think of and talk to Him often.....

This is very moving, Max, thank you.

[NotreDame]

Blue Rose,

 

Some of these hardships you mention are life's trials that we must be patient with, but mixed with these are also times of spiritual dryness called "desolation" by St Ignatius.  There are some free podcasts on desolation/consolation here:

 

http://www.discerninghearts.com/?page_id=1146

 

(I'm like a broken record recommending these books/podcasts, but the latter are free on the website and wholly applicable to many of our situations)

 

Personally, before discernment, I would focus on getting a stable spiritual life first that can withstand these ups and downs.  If you don't trust yourself enough to make that decision on your own, get a spiritual director and talk through them with it. 

[bardegaulois]

Notredame, you beat me to it. It seems, Bluerose, that you are experiencing a state of desolation. You are not alone, though; this is something we all must go through from time to time. Consolation and desolation are like the inhalation and exhalation of the spiritual life, and our greatest spiritual masters have written extensively about this. You can read a brief abstract about these here (if you'll pardon the annoying page design): http://copiosa.org/aridity/consolation_desolation.htm.

 

We can consider it like winter, when plants go dormant in order that they might grow all the better in the spring and summer. The Lord has planted a seed in your soul, but it must overwinter before it can grow. Maintain your life of prayer and your sacramental life in this time, out of love for God even though he seems absent, and be very straightforward with your spiritual director about this issue.

 

God bless.

[Nunsuch]

On a slightly lighter note (although I'm a big believer in reading about spiritual impasse, dark night of the soul (St. John of the Cross), and so on--let's not forget this anecdote about St. Theresa of Avila. Once, when she was having a particularly difficult moment, she said to God: "Lord, if this is how you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few of them!"  The point is, someimes we just have to see the humor in it all.  And know that God is with us through it all.  Meanwhile, St. Theresa never lost her faith, did she?  Perhaps a prayer to her might be in order?  

[Blue.Rose]

But I'm still wondering if it's a sign from God that I'm not called? I mean it's happening this early in my conversion.
The only religious community I'm interested in barely keeps in contact and as mentioned in my previous thread I feel they don't want me.
Could these feelings I'm having mean Religious life is not for me?
How could I possibly be a Sister or nun feeling like this?

[maximillion]

Blue Rose, you are making the assumption that you will always feel like this. Since the feelings have already changed the one thing you have evidence of is that feelings change......why do you imagine you will feel like this forever? Do your feelings about other things not change? I think the one thing you can be sure about in terms of feelings is that they do change. We change how we feel from moment to moment.

 

Also, as I and I think others have said, try not to base your actions on feelings, the ones you want or the ones you don't want.. Feelings are an extremely unreliable guide to action. Stopping discerning because of things you are not feeling would be a mistake, IMO.

 

Can I also offer the advice that you are mixing up your feelings with your situation.

Do you feel ambivalent because of the lack of feelings you want or because the Sisters have not been in touch. Be careful not to confuse the evidence (ask what actual tangible evidence you have that the Sisters don't want you). You say you feel they may not want you, but again, your feelings are not a good indication of what is really happening.

How do you KNOW they don't want you - have you asked them?

 

You are also saying 'how can I go on discerning feeling like this'. Others have mentioned the trials we all have in our faith, with others I think this is one of them. However long it lasts, the important thing is to keep faith.......do you truly believe in God, in Jesus the Saviour, or is your belief based on a set of feelings?

Also, can I ask, how were you feeling before your Baptism? Did you have feelings of intense love before then or did they arrive with Baptism?

 

No one lives on the mountain all the time. We have to go back to living in the valley or on the plateau.......the intensity of emotion you experienced at the time of Baptism is understandable, but probably not sustainable. I do wonder if you are mistaking 'comfort' for the every(work)aday feeling of closeness with Him we all experience. None of us is euphoric with love all the time - and some of us never feel this way! 

 

Do you have a Spiritual Director. It would be good for you to talk to someone experienced in all of this. Perhaps you can chat with the priest who Baptised you?

 

My prayers, and for what it is worth, my reassurance. God loves you, He loves you no differently now than He did when you were baptised, and if in response to that love you experience a call to the religious life, I would go ahead as if nothing had disturbed your peace. Remember also, the evil one prowls round us constantly, trying to get us back into doubt and lose our way. Don't let feelings, or lack of specific feelings, get you off track.

[SilentJoy]

Hi Blue Rose! I don't experience a lot of the feelings that I think I *should* or *ought* to (its just my nature). It can be discouraging to read vocation stories about happy-happy Sisters (I'm happy-ish, but not happy-happy) who seemed to have all the right feelings, especially if they saw the community they knew was home, entered quickly, and stayed forever. It can seem too good to be true. Last year I was feeling more desolation than peace about the possibility of applying to a community, and someone told me, "You wouldn't enter into MARRIAGE feeling like this, would you?? It might be grounds for an annulment!" But guess what? I think they were wrong. Sometimes you can trust your feelings, and sometimes you have to learn to step beyond them and make a rational decision despite them. If you're reasonably sure that you have the right motivation for entering religious life (you're not just trying to escape stuff), you're healthy, and you have the desire to live it, maybe you should try it (assuming, of course, that the community can accept you). If it works out, guess what? Happily-ever-after (with crosses, of course). If it doesn't work out, you might have a better understanding of yourself and your vocation (maybe you'll apply to a different community, or find another path of life), and it can still be happily-ever-after (with different crosses).

 

(Ha ha ha, I'm giving advice and I'm still a newish convert myself who has never entered religious life...its the caffeine...)