Why Get Married

[AugustineA]

Video is on point.

 

Except I don't know any guys who want their fiance having extensive sexual experience. Also that image of the guy being lazy videogaming lol.. Guys can play xbox and be climbing the corporate ladder and go to the gym, all in the same day, surprise. 

[MithLuin]

As I said, I don't necessarily agree with the arguments being made, though I do find them relevant to this discussion of current views of marriage.  

[add]

What arguments do you agree with
What arguments do you disagree with

[MithLuin]

Here's my issue with looking at marriage through a utilitarian economic lens - it goes back to the analogy of 'Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?'  Really?  I'm looking for someone to propose to me so he can, what?  Stake his claim?  Buy me?  Not actually something I'm interested in, thank you.  I feel like the decision to get married implies way too much trust and vulnerability to be treated as a simple economic exchange.  As has already been said in this thread:

 

Because women are livestock, and men have no precious gift? I mean, just think through that line of reasoning. It basically implies that men want sex more than anything else, and that women should withhold sex in order to trap them in marriage before giving up the one thing that makes them valuable. Really I just hate that whole metaphor, but that's my own personal ax to grind. :)

 

 

While it is true that people want to have sex (strong biological drive we're talking about here) and that women have more of a biological clock ticking away than men do (hey, I get this  - I'm 33 and single), it is not the full story.  Men are also rather conscious of their mortality, and the reality that if you don't want to be 60 year old parents of teens, you have to have kids before 45.  

 

Here's my issue with the concept of a 'marriage market' - I don't need to find a demographic of guys who will value what I value.  I only have to find one man who wants to marry me as much as I want to marry him.  Yeah, sure, it's not unusual for men to expect sex upfront on dates these days.  But do I ever end up on dates with such men?  No.  People aren't stupid.  I have a Catholic school girl vibe that sends a message loud and clear.  I don't even have to explain that no, actually, we're not going to have the 'your place or mine?' conversation.  I've never been stuck in such an uncomfortable and unpleasant situation.  Why?  Because it's not really a market place....it's something very human.

 

Relationships.  

 

The reasons people do or don't get married can of course be explained by economics and society and all of that.  But, each of those decisions are made by people for highly personal reasons.  

 

Why am I not married at my age?  Well, I know the answer to that, and it has nothing to do with anything in that video. 

[polskieserce]

This seems relevant to this conversation:.  

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cO1ifNaNABY

 

I do not necessarily agree with their approach to this conversation, focusing on the 'marriage market' as an economic exchange, but there is some food for thought in there.  

 

That video basically echoes some of the things I have been saying across multiple threads.  I agree with it 100%.

Edited April 29, 2014 by polskieserce

[add]

That video basically echoes some of the things I have been saying across multiple threads. I agree with it 100%.

Not all man and woman are selfcentered as the video suggest. A happy healthy Marriage is selfless

[polskieserce]

Not all man and woman are selfcentered as the video suggest. A happy healthy Marriage is selfless

 

I agree that certain religious niches, like that of practicing catholics, are exceptions to some of the laws of economics.  However, economics is dictated by the behavior of the majority, not the minority.  Most people do look at what the relationship will cost them (not just financially, but across the board) and what they will get out of it.  If you put more into it than you get out of it, a lot of people won't see the point of such a relationship.

[CatherineM]

If you do relationships based on some kind of accounting ledger, that isn't the basis of a sacramental marriage.

[HisChildForever]

I agree that certain religious niches, like that of practicing catholics, are exceptions to some of the laws of economics.  However, economics is dictated by the behavior of the majority, not the minority.  Most people do look at what the relationship will cost them (not just financially, but across the board) and what they will get out of it.  If you put more into it than you get out of it, a lot of people won't see the point of such a relationship.

 

Then don't date the majority. CatholicMatch or something. You've already made it extremely clear that you'll only marry a Catholic virgin. So go do that and say to Hell with the majority. And don't worry about it.

[add]

I agree that certain religious niches, like that of practicing catholics, are exceptions to some of the laws of economics. However, economics is dictated by the behavior of the majority, not the minority. Most people do look at what the relationship will cost them (not just financially, but across the board) and what they will get out of it. If you put more into it than you get out of it, a lot of people won't see the point of such a relationship.

What about true romance? Courting? Commitment to your one and only? Edited May 4, 2014 by add

[Guest]

Do y'all know that giving birth is equivalent in pain to getting 20 bones fractured at once. Why did eve have to eat the fruit?!?! She couldn't have been THAT hungry!!!

that allegory tho Edited May 4, 2014 by Guest

[polskieserce]

If you do relationships based on some kind of accounting ledger, that isn't the basis of a sacramental marriage.

 

I agree with your statement about it not being in accordance with catholic teaching, but my comment was more focused on what the majority do, not sacramental requirements.  I am somewhat skeptical myself that even I would meet the church's requirements for a "valid marriage" if I do ever get married (which is also up in the air).

 

Then don't date the majority. CatholicMatch or something. You've already made it extremely clear that you'll only marry a Catholic virgin. So go do that and say to Hell with the majority. And don't worry about it.

 

LOL, I'm glad I came across clear on my first infamous thread  :hehe2:   And that is precisely what I plan to do  :)  But even with me, many of the points made in the video still apply.  As you already know from  that first thread, I said straight up that I had to be getting something out of the relationship, like a fair and equal v-card trade and good mental health.

 

I'm not trying to hijack the thread and turn this one into a 20 pager, just making this comment.

[Norseman82]

I am somewhat skeptical myself that even I would meet the church's requirements for a "valid marriage" if I do ever get married (which is also up in the air).

 

 

 

Why are you skeptical of it?  From what you have posted about yourself so far, you don't have any known canonical impediments.

[arfink]

I see the difference between the economic vs. sacrificial nature of marriage, but I do not think they need to be completely exclusive from each other. However, I do think that the sacrificial nature of marriage should probably be prior, as total self sacrifice has to come first in order for a sacramental marriage to remain healthy. Without it, it doesn't matter what kind of fair exchange you work out, the marriage will simply not work. At the same time, it would be imprudent to give all to someone who doesn't plan on reciprocating, but that should be patently obvious to anyone.

 

Looking for an incentive to marry is nice, and I would be concerned for someone who completely ignored that stuff, but it's not nearly as important as other considerations.

[add]

The birth control pill destroyed the selfless act of marriage and procreation and turned this sacred covenant into a convenient living arrangement for two separate people.

Edited May 11, 2014 by add