My Spiritual Director Is Amazing

[PhuturePriest]

I made a thread like this in Open Mic, and I intended to make one here as well since a lot of people here don't go anywhere else, but I've been procrastinating. :P

Have I ever mentioned how amazing my spiritual director is? Because he is. And even if you've heard about it, you're about to have your mind blown by how much he upstaged his previous kindness yesterday.

 

So we were having a meeting at this restaurant, and he asked me about my discernment. I told him I was planning to go ahead and apply for seminary this Fall, and he was thrilled, and he told me he would send a letter of recommendation to the seminary and (I assume) the Bishop, and he told me he would buy me a cassock since they're mandatory. He also said he would get me a private meeting with the Bishop if I wanted him to, since they were classmates in seminary. Furthermore, he gave me tons of advice about seminary life, told me not to worry about anything, and then later we discussed how he wanted to sell me his 2002 Ford Mustang for a low price so I could have a car to drive to seminary.

 

Must I go on? This man is amazing. My advice: get a spiritual director. My experiences have told me they are good for advice, letters of recommendation, and getting nice sports cars at discount prices.

[SilentJoy]

Very cool.

I had to shovel poo at a horse ranch for 7 years before somebody offered to sell me a vehicle cheap - and it was a rusty pickup. (And I loved it!)

[marigold]

That's wonderful, FP! I'm tearing up a little :blush:  I almost think buying you a cassock is more moving than selling you his car - but I wouldn't say no if someone offered me a car for a discount either...

 

When I was in the monastery my Birkenstocks broke (because I didn't believe that getting them wet would make them break, and blithely watered them as well as all the flowers every day) and I was going around with them flapping open. A visiting sister happened to notice and without hesitating, gave me the sandals off her own feet. I still have them and wear them to this day, but I make sure to never, ever get them wet!

[Carson]

He sounds fantastic! How do I find a spiritual director? I've been wanting one for some time, but I don't know what to do.  :nun2:

[PhuturePriest]

He sounds fantastic! How do I find a spiritual director? I've been wanting one for some time, but I don't know what to do.  :nun2:

 

It's quite easy, really. This priest was a family friend, so when I asked him two years ago, he was quite open and said yes. Most people might not be friends with priests, but finding one to be your spiritual director is still quite easy. If you like your parish priest or a nearby priest, simply go up and ask him. He'll either say yes, or he'll say no but give you the names of other people who have the time to be spiritual directors. Sisters and brothers can also be spiritual directors, if you are near a community.

[SilentJoy]

I knew that my priest was probably too busy to offer spiritual direction (with 1500+ families in the parish!) so I just asked at the parish office if there was someone that they could recommend as a Spiritual Director. The secretary got back with me later with a name and number provided by the priest. If cost is an issue, counselors/directors may offer to charge less per visit.

[PhuturePriest]

I knew that my priest was probably too busy to offer spiritual direction (with 1500+ families in the parish!) so I just asked at the parish office if there was someone that they could recommend as a Spiritual Director. The secretary got back with me later with a name and number provided by the priest. If cost is an issue, counselors/directors may offer to charge less per visit.

 

Is it seriously normal to pay spiritual directors? This is a completely foreign idea to me. I've had two, and my sister had one, and we've never had to pay.

[SilentJoy]

Is it seriously normal to pay spiritual directors? This is a completely foreign idea to me. I've had two, and my sister had one, and we've never had to pay.

 

Yep.

 

I have heard that priests might not charge for their services, and sometimes direction is given within the context of Confession anyway. Laypersons usually charge, though, because they've got their own expenses to take care of. Sometimes the fee is minimal ($20-$40), but I've heard that it can cost as much as psychological counseling ($100+ an hour).

[Anselm]

I've never heard of paying either, though I've only ever been to see priests.

[Carson]

Do you think it would be okay to ask my RCIC teacher? 

[PhuturePriest]

Do you think it would be okay to ask my RCIC teacher? 

 

As long as the person is grounded in the faith and has good advice, your spiritual director can be anybody.

[NotreDame]

Do you think it would be okay to ask my RCIC teacher? 

 

Having and being an actual Spiritual Director are very large responsibilities.  A poor SD can be a very dangerous thing. If someone is not already a spiritual director, do not ask them to be one.  Even if they are a practicing SD, practice by itself does not make one qualified. 

 

There's no easy answer to choosing/finding an SD.  You have to be very, very discerning.  Fortunately, it's a topic covered by the doctors of the Church and we can turn to them for guidance.

 

St Avila says only one in a thousand is qualified, but St Francis De Sales says only one amongst ten thousand. 

 

JPII's mentor, Garrigou-Lagrange, addresses this issue in his "Three Ages of Interior Life":

 

 

THE QUALITIES OF THE DIRECTOR AND THE DUTIES OF THE ONE BEING DIRECTED

St. Francis de Sales says on the subject of a director: "He must be a man of charity, learning, and prudence; if anyone of these three qualities be wanting in him, there is danger." (22) St. Teresa expresses the same opinion.(23)

His charity ought to be disinterested and to incline him, not to draw hearts to himself but to lead them to God. On this point, Tauler is exacting and says that certain directors who draw souls to themselves are like hunting dogs that eat the hare instead of bringing it back to their master. Whereupon the hunter whips them soundly. The director's charitable kindness should not be weakness; it should be firm and fearless in speaking the truth in order to lead souls effectively to goodness. Neither should he lose his time in useless conversations or letters, but go straight to the point for the good of the soul.

In addition, he should have a knowledge of the spiritual life, be penetrated with the teachings of the great masters of the interior life, and be a good psychologist. (24)

That the director may be the instrument of the Holy Ghost, he ought prudently to discern in souls the dominant defect to be avoided and the supernatural attraction to be followed. For this purpose, he must pray for light, especially in difficult cases, and, if he is humble, he will receive the graces of state. He will see that he must stimulate some and moderate the ardor of others, teaching the latter not to confound sentimentality with love, which proves itself by works.

When he directs generous souls, his prudence must avoid two dangers: that of wishing to lead all pious souls indiscriminately and rapidly to give themselves to contemplative prayer, and that of imagining that it is useless to concern oneself with this question. Here a person must advance neither too slowly nor too rapidly, but must examine whether there exist in the soul the three signs which we have pointed out, following the teaching of St. John of the Cross and several other great masters, in order to pass from discursive meditation to contemplation. Before these appear, it is well and sufficient to remind souls that they must be docile to the inspirations of the interior Master, as they are manifestly conformable to their vocation.

The duties of the directed soul spring obviously from what we have just said; the person who is being directed ought to respect his director as the representative of God, and to avoid two extremes opposed to respect for a director: sharp criticisms and excessive familiarity. This respect should be accompanied by a simple yet entirelyspiritual filial affection, which excludes petty jealousy and the desire to be specially loved.(25)

The person who is being directed should also have filial confidence in his director and great openness of heart towards him. As St. Francis de Sales so well explains it: "Open your heart to him with all sincerity and fidelity, manifesting clearly and explicitly the state of your conscience without fiction or dissimulation." (26)

Lastly, he must be very docile in following the counsel given;
otherwise he would be following his own will rather than that of God. It is not forbidden to explain that there is serious difficulty in putting such or such advice into practice; but after such explanation, he must subordinate his judgment to that of the director. Strictly speaking, the director may be mistaken; but the person under his direction will not be mistaken in obeying him, unless he advises something contrary to faith and morals. In that event a change of director is imperative.

Not without grave reason, however, should anyone change his director or confessor. The change should certainly not be made because of inconstancy, pride, false shame, or curiosity. But this may be done if a person perceives that his director's views are too natural and that his affection is excessively sensible, and that he has not the requisite learning, prudence, and discretion.

Except in these cases, a person should keep as far as possible a certain continuity in direction that there may truly be continuity in it and perseverance on the right road. We should not give up a good guide because he reproves us for our good. It may be well to recall what St. Louis used to say to his son: "Go to confession frequently; choose virtuous and learned confessors who know how to instruct you in what you ought to do or avoid, and give your confessors leave to reprove and admonish you freely." Such a statement gives evidence of good, holy, and strong affection without any admixture of sentimentality, which is an affectation of sentiment.

Under these conditions, the director will be able to be the instrument of the Holy Ghost to control His action in us, and to make us ever more docile to divine inspirations. Thus we will truly advance along the narrow way, which becomes broader and broader as we draw near to the infinite goodness of God to which it leads.

[PhuturePriest]

Having and being an actual Spiritual Director are very large responsibilities.  A poor SD can be a very dangerous thing. If someone is not already a spiritual director, do not ask them to be one.  Even if they are a practicing SD, practice by itself does not make one qualified. 

 

There's no easy answer to choosing/finding an SD.  You have to be very, very discerning.  Fortunately, it's a topic covered by the doctors of the Church and we can turn to them for guidance.

 

St Avila says only one in a thousand is qualified, but St Francis De Sales says only one amongst ten thousand. 

 

JPII's mentor, Garrigou-Lagrange, addresses this issue in his "Three Ages of Interior Life":

 

 

THE QUALITIES OF THE DIRECTOR AND THE DUTIES OF THE ONE BEING DIRECTED

St. Francis de Sales says on the subject of a director: "He must be a man of charity, learning, and prudence; if anyone of these three qualities be wanting in him, there is danger." (22) St. Teresa expresses the same opinion.(23)

His charity ought to be disinterested and to incline him, not to draw hearts to himself but to lead them to God. On this point, Tauler is exacting and says that certain directors who draw souls to themselves are like hunting dogs that eat the hare instead of bringing it back to their master. Whereupon the hunter whips them soundly. The director's charitable kindness should not be weakness; it should be firm and fearless in speaking the truth in order to lead souls effectively to goodness. Neither should he lose his time in useless conversations or letters, but go straight to the point for the good of the soul.

In addition, he should have a knowledge of the spiritual life, be penetrated with the teachings of the great masters of the interior life, and be a good psychologist. (24)

That the director may be the instrument of the Holy Ghost, he ought prudently to discern in souls the dominant defect to be avoided and the supernatural attraction to be followed. For this purpose, he must pray for light, especially in difficult cases, and, if he is humble, he will receive the graces of state. He will see that he must stimulate some and moderate the ardor of others, teaching the latter not to confound sentimentality with love, which proves itself by works.

When he directs generous souls, his prudence must avoid two dangers: that of wishing to lead all pious souls indiscriminately and rapidly to give themselves to contemplative prayer, and that of imagining that it is useless to concern oneself with this question. Here a person must advance neither too slowly nor too rapidly, but must examine whether there exist in the soul the three signs which we have pointed out, following the teaching of St. John of the Cross and several other great masters, in order to pass from discursive meditation to contemplation. Before these appear, it is well and sufficient to remind souls that they must be docile to the inspirations of the interior Master, as they are manifestly conformable to their vocation.

The duties of the directed soul spring obviously from what we have just said; the person who is being directed ought to respect his director as the representative of God, and to avoid two extremes opposed to respect for a director: sharp criticisms and excessive familiarity. This respect should be accompanied by a simple yet entirelyspiritual filial affection, which excludes petty jealousy and the desire to be specially loved.(25)

The person who is being directed should also have filial confidence in his director and great openness of heart towards him. As St. Francis de Sales so well explains it: "Open your heart to him with all sincerity and fidelity, manifesting clearly and explicitly the state of your conscience without fiction or dissimulation." (26)

Lastly, he must be very docile in following the counsel given;
otherwise he would be following his own will rather than that of God. It is not forbidden to explain that there is serious difficulty in putting such or such advice into practice; but after such explanation, he must subordinate his judgment to that of the director. Strictly speaking, the director may be mistaken; but the person under his direction will not be mistaken in obeying him, unless he advises something contrary to faith and morals. In that event a change of director is imperative.

Not without grave reason, however, should anyone change his director or confessor. The change should certainly not be made because of inconstancy, pride, false shame, or curiosity. But this may be done if a person perceives that his director's views are too natural and that his affection is excessively sensible, and that he has not the requisite learning, prudence, and discretion.

Except in these cases, a person should keep as far as possible a certain continuity in direction that there may truly be continuity in it and perseverance on the right road. We should not give up a good guide because he reproves us for our good. It may be well to recall what St. Louis used to say to his son: "Go to confession frequently; choose virtuous and learned confessors who know how to instruct you in what you ought to do or avoid, and give your confessors leave to reprove and admonish you freely." Such a statement gives evidence of good, holy, and strong affection without any admixture of sentimentality, which is an affectation of sentiment.

Under these conditions, the director will be able to be the instrument of the Holy Ghost to control His action in us, and to make us ever more docile to divine inspirations. Thus we will truly advance along the narrow way, which becomes broader and broader as we draw near to the infinite goodness of God to which it leads.

 

This is all nice and good, but again, I'm the first person I know of that my spiritual director has ever advised, and he's fantastic. I may have gotten lucky, but I think if you know someone well enough and know they won't steer you the wrong way, then go for it. If you don't know them that well, then it's pretty risky. I don't think we should make black and white statements, though.

[NotreDame]

This is all nice and good, but again, I'm the first person I know of that my spiritual director has ever advised, and he's fantastic. I may have gotten lucky, but I think if you know someone well enough and know they won't steer you the wrong way, then go for it. If you don't know them that well, then it's pretty risky. I don't think we should make black and white statements, though.

 

Sorry bro, wasn't referencing your situation at all.  The portion that was my opinion was directed towards the 15yo that I quoted. 

[PhuturePriest]

Sorry bro, wasn't referencing your situation at all.  The portion that was my opinion was directed towards the 15yo that I quoted. 

 

I know who you were speaking to; I was simply disagreeing with your advice. :P